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Etiquette

Wedding invitation Do's & Dont's...why are there Dont's?

2

Re: Wedding invitation Do's & Dont's...why are there Dont's?

  • once again thank you for all your info. Ia m trying to figure out how to delete my post. I got all the feedback i needed on this issue.
    knottie9fb034263c3540ec
  • once again thank you for all your info. Ia m trying to figure out how to delete my post. I got all the feedback i needed on this issue.
    No point in deleting your posts, you've been quoted. Sorry sweetcheeks!
                 
  • the post can stay then. no skin of my nose. i was warned not to come here. That was info i should have listen to lol.

    knottie9fb034263c3540ec
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    OP, just elope.
    MesmrEwe
  • No no - I just want to shake those who did the bad job with the OP and "all the young people who think rules are dumb".

    I'm the child of two boomers.    They told me which end was up. 
    OurWildKingdomMairePoppyOliveOilsMomMobKaz
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yeah, I'm pretty sure Knottie # is just a shit disturber in her own mind. When you come on an Etiquette board, ask about Etiquette and then say, Naw, I'm not going to do that, it's not for me. You're just an asshole at that point. 
    Indeed. What is with all the trolls lately? Is Mercury retrograde or something?
    ei34MesmrEwe
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2016
    banana468 said:
    No no - I just want to shake those who did the bad job with the OP and "all the young people who think rules are dumb".

    I'm the child of two boomers.    They told me which end was up. 
    From a Baby Boomer Mom, I knew that you were referring to the other Baby Boomer Mom who told her kid she could invite all the kids in class, except one, to her B'day party because it was her day and she could do whatever she wanted. 

    and banana - your Donald Trump reference gave me good belly laugh.
                       
  • Yeah, I'm pretty sure Knottie # is just a shit disturber in her own mind. When you come on an Etiquette board, ask about Etiquette and then say, Naw, I'm not going to do that, it's not for me. You're just an asshole at that point. 
    Indeed. What is with all the trolls lately? Is Mercury retrograde or something?
    School is still out in some parts, maybe we should wait until Frosh is over?
    MairePoppyInLoveInQueens
  • Yeah i get that  you don't want to "ask for gifts" but even if that isn't your intention, by putting your registry info on there it can very well come across that way....

    What is acceptable or not isn't just your opinion in the end. It's also the opinion of the receiver of the invite. Sure, your friends might go "oh how helpful" but others might go "wow, what jerks, they think they're owed gifts!" Including your registry info in your invite suite conveys information that is open to interpretation by the person who receives the invite. It doesn't matter what you intend to communicate, it matters how that information is received, and you can't know who will receive that information kindly or who will think it's rude, so it's best to just leave it off all together than risk making yourself look like a snooty gift grabby jerk (which I know is NOT your intention...)

    Personally, I give 0 shits about your plans or what goes on your invites, because I'm not receiving one. Your aunt Betty, however, might not feel the same way and most folks' advice here is to help you ensure you communicate with your guests properly, clearly and in a manner that cannot be taken impolitely or offensively.

    To the OP, like yourself, I also like it when registry info is in the invitation.  I do think it is helpful.  However, as you can see from this board, we are in the minority with that opinion.  It is perfectly fine for us to not be offended by someone else including registry info in their invite.

    However, it is an etiquette faux pas for all the reasons the PPs stated above.  More people than not will side-eye it and possibly be offended.  For that reason alone, it is not appropriate.

    In a nutshell, etiquette boils down to treating people well and not making them feel uncomfortable or put-upon.  They are generally not arbitrary rules just thrown together for no reason.

    Though, unrelated to this specific issue, I do see a 25-piece silverware setting... so I have the proper spoon to stir my coffee/tea with...as leading down the path of arbitrary, lol.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    knottie9fb034263c3540ec
  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2016

    all this for "right/wrong" over a wedding invite. My gosh, you ladies should for run president. Mary poppy is right, i shouldnt have posted because i am honesty tired of everyone thinking that the bride shouldnt have an opinion or a suggestion or even an out of the box thought. Knot ladies, stand true to your "facts". weddings are about the moment betweeen 2 people and honestly, all this crap is reason why younger generations elope.....because if they even try to do domething out of the norm......you offend people.


    Knottie, yes, they are about that (the moment between two people). And therefore, doesn't it make sense that the invitation just tells the guest they are invited to that moment, when that moment is, and where that moment is?
    What on earth do gifts have to do with that moment? Nothing.

    IF people decide they want to celebrate that moment by buying you a gift, they will either write you a check or take an extra 20 seconds of their life to figure out where you are registered.
    I know you think putting the registry info is a convenience for your guests, and maybe some of your guests genuinely appreciate it. However saving 20 seconds of one guest's time does not make up for potentially offending or making another guest feel bad.


    Here are just some examples...

    What if you had a guest that has a very small budget and can't afford wedding gifts right now? Seeing a registry card might make that guest feel guilty.

    What if you had a guest that loves to give a heart felt, hand made gift for weddings and then she sees the Crate & Barrel registry card? Seeing that registry card might make her feel pressured to buy a gift instead, or that her gift might not be as appreciated.

    What if you have a guest that hasn't been to many weddings before and they see your invitation and get excited and decide "Hey! I'm so happy for them. I'm going to get them a gift!" only for them to open the invite and find the registry card. Perhaps they'll think "Great! I know where to get them a gift." Or maybe they'll think, "Huh. I guess my idea to get them a gift wasn't that special. It looks like they're expecting them, and they're expecting them from Pottery Barn." Then you have a guest who's deflated, if not outright offended.


    You were talking about opinions. Well in my opinion, possibly saving a few guests 20 seconds of time is not worth possibly making some guests feel guilty/pressured/sad/mad, etc.

    So as the gift has nothing to do with your moment, don't mention it.



    OurWildKingdomSP29RedSolo34cowgirl8238
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    what i think is utterly hilarious is that some of you think that it was to ask for gifts. Nope, i could care less if gifts are given. Personally, gifts are not wanted. I asked because i was getting 9 different people with both side opinions and not a single person could tell me why it was rude other than it isnt polite. I'm sure those who have  answered, scour the web  on how to answer these posts "correctly" so thanx for your time and effort. But what is acceptable and not for the invite is my opinion in the end. Weddings bring out the absolute worse in people i have found. TOO many do's & donts. Imagine if you can, inviting only those that are present in your life at a venue that they will respect and knew the bride & groom enough to know that the info on the invite was for there convenience and not to offend. with soo many other crapping things going on lately, my invititation options are minor. I'm free balling this invite and if those offended say something, BRING IT!

     
    Touche, I call troll.

    image
    MairePoppy
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yeah, I'm pretty sure Knottie # is just a shit disturber in her own mind. When you come on an Etiquette board, ask about Etiquette and then say, Naw, I'm not going to do that, it's not for me. You're just an asshole at that point. 
    Indeed. What is with all the trolls lately? Is Mercury retrograde or something?
    Well a pro-boards link came up yesterday (and has since been deleted) so maybe a friendly former Knottie-reg decided to give us some entertainment.
    If so, thanks for that, my week has been rather dull :)  
    ________________________________


    missJeanLouiseMesmrEwe


  • I'm confused.  Was there a point?  Why do some people think that etiquette changes just b/c their super special selves don't like something?  Why do some people have to make this so hard?
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    ILoveBeachMusicOurWildKingdom
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited August 2016
    OP, I don't understand your problem.  There are only a few basic rules about invitations:
    The invitation is a simple note from the host to the guest, informing them of who, what, when, and where.  No gift information should be included with the invitation, and the bride and groom do not directly invite guests to an event where they, themselves, are honored.  That is all.
    There are also a lot of traditions associated with wedding invitations, but they are not absolutely necessary.  Most traditional wording is very short.  Modern wordings are always acceptable, but often, they tend to be longer, and can be confusing.
    If you would like to post your wording over in the Invitations board, I will be happy to try and help you, but given your attitude, I doubt you really want any help.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29OurWildKingdom
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OP, I've got nothing substantial to add except that you sure as hell don't type like you spend all day on something other than instagram/twitter/facebook. You type like a texting teenager.

    And I believe you meant to say you could NOT care less about gifts. That's how the phrase is used, you see. To indicate that one cares so very little that they cannot possibly care less if they try. See, there are rules to grammar just as there are to etiquette so we can all understand each other and treat one another as fellow human beings.
    This was the beginning of my point.  @Knottie1472228451, I will spare you all things etiquette, because you have bigger things to worry about if you are indeed "making your invitations."

    I strongly urge you to hire a ghostwriter.  An invitation needs to present the who, what, where, and when details of the wedding in a clear and organized manner.  If you misspell one word, guests could find themselves at a different venue, or in a different town. If you heed no other advice, hire a proofreader.
    100yroldblinddog
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    People always act like getting registry info to people is such a huge, cumbersome deal. It's really not. You send invites. Recipient receives invite. Recipient decides to attend festivities. Recipient returns RSVP card or calls to RSVP. If they call, they might say, "By the way, are you registered somewhere?" If they send a card, they still might call and say, "I'm so excited to attend your wedding. Did you register somewhere?" OR they think, "Hmmm Bed Bath & Beyond and Target are really popular here, I think I'll look to see if Knottie has a registry there."
    OurWildKingdomSP29cowgirl8238
  • word of mouth, yeah. I'm thinking that the easier the info is to obtain the more people will retain the info provided. I have received several invites with registry/venue restrictions/etc on it and never once did i find it rude at all. I'm simply thankful the bride/grooom didnt assume i had the time to hunt someone down to ge the info. I'm

     not a facebook person, i dont tweet or instagram. I am on a pc all day and i honestly dont know y i asked here. If you get offended by basic needed info, you should maybe not have been invited. Plain n simple.

    I haven't read the rest of the responses...but registry info is NOT needed info, as gifts are not required at a wedding. If your guests cannot use google or ask around, they will get you cash/another gift not on your registry, or won't get you a gift at all. All of those are fine options. It's rude to ask for gifts.


    InLoveInQueensOurWildKingdom
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