Wedding Etiquette Forum

Do I have to invite them?

A woman from church just threw me a wonderful, beautiful shower and I'm so appreciative of all of the work she did for me! That being said, I gave her a list a few months before (after she told me a number) and she sent out the invitations. But at the shower, I realized several people there were not on the list, nor were they invited to the wedding.

Now I feel obligated to invite these people to my wedding, especially since they cared enough to come and bring gifts. But we were trying to keep our numbers low and this is 10+ people that we had not considered. Plus, they will likely come because they live in the area and are church friends.

I know it's not the fault of the people that were accidentally invited, but I can't decide what to do. Should I invite them and eat the cost? Or can I not invite them to the wedding.

Re: Do I have to invite them?

  • Etiquette wise you are in the clear since the hostess added them without consulting you. However, if they are friends, I would consider trying to fit them in the budget. If you can't, you can't though.
    OliveOilsMompoodledoodleooomadamerwin
  • Nothing more to offer here, but I'd change your username to something less identifiable for internet safety reasons.
    ernursejkimmiinthemittenmadamerwin
  • A woman from church just threw me a wonderful, beautiful shower and I'm so appreciative of all of the work she did for me! That being said, I gave her a list a few months before (after she told me a number) and she sent out the invitations. But at the shower, I realized several people there were not on the list, nor were they invited to the wedding.

    Now I feel obligated to invite these people to my wedding, especially since they cared enough to come and bring gifts. But we were trying to keep our numbers low and this is 10+ people that we had not considered. Plus, they will likely come because they live in the area and are church friends.

    I know it's not the fault of the people that were accidentally invited, but I can't decide what to do. Should I invite them and eat the cost? Or can I not invite them to the wedding.
    Sorry this line is confusing to me. Do you mean they will likely come because they will assume they are invited? Or if  you decide to invite them (which as PP's have already mentioned you are free and clear not to) they will likely show up because they are local?

    You have my sympathy OP - nothing like trying to appease the senses of people you didn't even know you were going to have to consider. My only advice is to see if they will fit and if not try not to sweat it too much. You may have a "just in case" conversation with the host of your shower. On the off chance any of the people she invited come questioning her about wedding invites, you may want her to have a canned response so she doesn't say something like "Oh I'm sure you'll be getting one soon." No sense in adding to your headache. 
    OliveOilsMom
  • Was this a church ladies shower?   In some circles, that can be an understood list of exceptions to the rule that you need to invite shower guests.

    I don't think you need to invite them.   This is on the hostess - not you. 
    OliveOilsMomCMGragainSP29short+sassy
  • Thanks, that's a good point. And what I meant to say was if I invite them, they would probably come. Bascially, I can't invite them with the 50/50 chance that they don't show because they live like 5 minutes from the church haha.
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