Guest list conundrums....I'll try getting help again.

Knottie1472228451 · September 2016

I can't beleive I'm trying this again but I do believe that the info you gather the better...so it goes. The guest list is extremely tight. We can only afford around 80 guests. Several friends have been cut from the list to accomadate family members. I know that you have to invite family, blah blah blah. this isnt about that. Please dont go there.

My question is the plus one drama. This wedding is basically family. If you take the 2 girls in my wedding party + the 3 close friends on my side and the 6 friends on the grooms side, it is literally all family. I have 2 Groomside family members who have been making a very large stink about not being able to bring a plus one.

One has been in a "relationship" for a small amount of time and no on ehas met this person. The other is in a very young, unstable relationship and really probably wont be together come wedding time.

Plus there is an aunt creating even more drama by dragging the MOG into a "so-so may not come if you dont invite their person" dialogue.

So please, here i am, i have already taken people off the list that have meant a very good deal to me to accomadate family i dont even know. To let a college kid threathening to throw a fit and not come control any more of my list seems COMPLETELY unfair.

have at it ladies and gents.

TrixieJess · September 2016

Knottie1472228451 said:

I can't beleive I'm trying this again but I do believe that the info you gather the better...so it goes. The guest list is extremely tight. We can only afford around 80 guests. Several friends have been cut from the list to accomadate family members. I know that you have to invite family, blah blah blah. this isnt about that. Please dont go there.
My question is the plus one drama. This wedding is basically family. If you take the 2 girls in my wedding party + the 3 close friends on my side and the 6 friends on the grooms side, it is literally all family. I have 2 Groomside family members who have been making a very large stink about not being able to bring a plus one.
One has been in a "relationship" for a small amount of time and no on ehas met this person. The other is in a very young, unstable relationship and really probably wont be together come wedding time.
Plus there is an aunt creating even more drama by dragging the MOG into a "so-so may not come if you dont invite their person" dialogue.
So please, here i am, i have already taken people off the list that have meant a very good deal to me to accomadate family i dont even know. To let a college kid threathening to throw a fit and not come control any more of my list seems COMPLETELY unfair.

have at it ladies and gents.

It doesn't matter how long the groomsman has been in a relationship, if he is in a relationship, it is not a "plus one" it is a "significant other". Significant others MUST be invited by name on the invitation. You must invite everyone's significant other no matter the time that they have been in a relationship. A "plus one" is for truly single people.

ThisShamanluvsaMage · September 2016

Well, no, you DON'T have to invite family. Especially ones neither of you know or are close to (assuming you are paying. If not, whomever is paying has say). BUT, you DO have to invite the SOs of ANYONE in a relationship, regardless of how you feel about that relationship.

SaintPaulGal · September 2016

TrixieJess said:

Knottie1472228451 said:

I can't beleive I'm trying this again but I do believe that the info you gather the better...so it goes. The guest list is extremely tight. We can only afford around 80 guests. Several friends have been cut from the list to accomadate family members. I know that you have to invite family, blah blah blah. this isnt about that. Please dont go there.
My question is the plus one drama. This wedding is basically family. If you take the 2 girls in my wedding party + the 3 close friends on my side and the 6 friends on the grooms side, it is literally all family. I have 2 Groomside family members who have been making a very large stink about not being able to bring a plus one.
One has been in a "relationship" for a small amount of time and no on ehas met this person. The other is in a very young, unstable relationship and really probably wont be together come wedding time.
Plus there is an aunt creating even more drama by dragging the MOG into a "so-so may not come if you dont invite their person" dialogue.
So please, here i am, i have already taken people off the list that have meant a very good deal to me to accomadate family i dont even know. To let a college kid threathening to throw a fit and not come control any more of my list seems COMPLETELY unfair.

have at it ladies and gents.

It doesn't matter how long the groomsman has been in a relationship, if he is in a relationship, it is not a "plus one" it is a "significant other". Significant others MUST be invited by name on the invitation. You must invite everyone's significant other no matter the time that they have been in a relationship. A "plus one" is for truly single people.

Precisely.

"Plus ones" are for single people. People in relationships should be invited by name with their significant other. There is no other acceptable option.

And no, family does not have to be invited. You could choose to only invite friends if that is your preference. But anyone who gets an invitation has to be allowed to bring their significant other if they are in a relationship.

kylexo · September 2016

Knottie1472228451 said:

I can't beleive I'm trying this again but I do believe that the info you gather the better...so it goes. The guest list is extremely tight. We can only afford around 80 guests. Several friends have been cut from the list to accomadate family members. I know that you have to invite family, blah blah blah. this isnt about that. Please dont go there.
My question is the plus one drama. This wedding is basically family. If you take the 2 girls in my wedding party + the 3 close friends on my side and the 6 friends on the grooms side, it is literally all family. I have 2 Groomside family members who have been making a very large stink about not being able to bring a plus one.
One has been in a "relationship" for a small amount of time and no on ehas met this person. The other is in a very young, unstable relationship and really probably wont be together come wedding time.
Plus there is an aunt creating even more drama by dragging the MOG into a "so-so may not come if you dont invite their person" dialogue.
So please, here i am, i have already taken people off the list that have meant a very good deal to me to accomadate family i dont even know. To let a college kid threathening to throw a fit and not come control any more of my list seems COMPLETELY unfair.

have at it ladies and gents.

to the bolded, it's not up to you to judge the seriousness of their relationships. it's rude as hell to call it a "relationship" with quotes. a wedding is a great time to meet new SOs! to the second, if it's so unstable, invite them! if they break up, then no more guest, which should be no big deal since you're so sure they won't be together come the wedding day.

both of these guests should be invited BY NAME (because they are true SOs) but also so that the family members don't think it gives them free reign to invite someone else should the relationship actually end before the wedding.

also, this is 2 guests. 2 extra people shouldn't be a hill to die on, especially since they are part of a social unit that should have been invited in the first place. not inviting them just makes you look petty.

Knottie1472228451 · September 2016

this isnt being petty. I swear people. the tables are at there max. so in this one small rare case, yes adding 2 people means adding a whole other table, creating another centerpiece, more linens, rearranging the whole seating chart so these 2 people are not sitting by themselves because there is no room at the tables where there singificant others are, adding people to the food total...I'm not trying to be petty in anyway.

for those who want to not invite the family members that i do not know, I'll send them here and you can tell them. All the stuff i read outside of here said u can try to not invite certain family but it is up to you to deal with the backlash. I was trying to avoid said backlash all to get some for the above issue.

I just cant seem to win and the thing is...I'm not enjoying this part of the wedding planning. the planning, for me, is the fun part. It's the creative part, the moment part. I dont want people arguing over anything if i could have it that way but that is unrealistic, i know. but would it really hurt anyone to maybe cut the couple some slack and maybe lay off the drama.

for the record, we are paying for everything.

MairePoppy · September 2016

The MOG is right; please listen to her. If you invite only half of a social unit, there's a good chance he won't come if you don't invite his gf/bf. It doesn't matter if YOU'VE never met the person or if YOU think their relationship may not last till your wedding. What would you do if you found out one of your guests eloped? Thankfully, etiquette prevents us from judging other people's relationships.

There are usually ways to cut back wedding expenses to make room in your budget for those few guests - less expensive flowers, no favors, skip the champagne toast etc....If you want suggestions, let us know.

LtPowers · September 2016

Contrary to popular consensus on these boards, the etiquette mavens require couples to be invited together socially only if said couples have made it clear that they wish to be so invited. (This can be done a number of ways, most explicitly by getting married, but also by moving in together, getting engaged, or even asking that they be treated as a social unit.)

Unfortunately for the OP, the individuals in question have essentially done the latter. By insisting that their current dates be invited, they've essentially declared themselves to be social units, which does obligate you to invite them.

If these relationships are not particularly serious (which isn't your place to judge, but we have to acknowledge it's a possibility), it's rather rude of them to insist on being able to bring a date, but if they're willing to pose as a committed couple (i.e., as a social unit), then polite society requires us to go along with it.

ThisShamanluvsaMage · September 2016

You still have to invite all significant others. If you weren't going to take suggestions on ways to make that happen, why did you even bother asking?

kylexo · September 2016

Knottie1472228451 said:

this isnt being petty. I swear people. the tables are at there max. so in this one small rare case, yes adding 2 people means adding a whole other table, creating another centerpiece, more linens, rearranging the whole seating chart so these 2 people are not sitting by themselves because there is no room at the tables where there singificant others are, adding people to the food total...I'm not trying to be petty in anyway.
for those who want to not invite the family members that i do not know, I'll send them here and you can tell them. All the stuff i read outside of here said u can try to not invite certain family but it is up to you to deal with the backlash. I was trying to avoid said backlash all to get some for the above issue.

I just cant seem to win and the thing is...I'm not enjoying this part of the wedding planning. the planning, for me, is the fun part. It's the creative part, the moment part. I dont want people arguing over anything if i could have it that way but that is unrealistic, i know. but would it really hurt anyone to maybe cut the couple some slack and maybe lay off the drama.

for the record, we are paying for everything.

here's the thing though - just because you're not trying to be petty, you are being petty. yeah it's a hassle to get more linens and set up another table and get another centerpiece and etc etc etc, but guess what! your life isn't going to be perfect all of the time and oftentimes you're going to have to juggle things. i found wedding planning to be great practice for lots of conflicts that could arise in the future with my DH and ILs, as well as my own family.

but also i think it's weird as hell that you're feeling obligated to invite family members you've never met, unless you mean family on your FHs side. like, you're inviting your 3rd aunt twice removed that you've never met but mom says you should? WHY. i would rather invite cousin and her SO who you know and have a relationship with than some stranger you wouldn't know if they bumped into you on the street. that is truly weird.

SaintPaulGal · September 2016

Knottie1472228451 said:

this isnt being petty. I swear people. the tables are at there max. so in this one small rare case, yes adding 2 people means adding a whole other table, creating another centerpiece, more linens, rearranging the whole seating chart so these 2 people are not sitting by themselves because there is no room at the tables where there singificant others are, adding people to the food total...I'm not trying to be petty in anyway.
for those who want to not invite the family members that i do not know, I'll send them here and you can tell them. All the stuff i read outside of here said u can try to not invite certain family but it is up to you to deal with the backlash. I was trying to avoid said backlash all to get some for the above issue.

I just cant seem to win and the thing is...I'm not enjoying this part of the wedding planning. the planning, for me, is the fun part. It's the creative part, the moment part. I dont want people arguing over anything if i could have it that way but that is unrealistic, i know. but would it really hurt anyone to maybe cut the couple some slack and maybe lay off the drama.

for the record, we are paying for everything.

There is no such thing as "[you] can try to not invite" someone. You either invite them or you don't. The invitations aren't going to leap into the mail of their own accord. If you aren't close to a certain family member you are under no obligation to invite them. But you don't get to play judge on other people's relationships while asking them to honor your own.

thisismynickname2 · September 2016

Knottie1472228451 said:

this isnt being petty. I swear people. the tables are at there max. so in this one small rare case, yes adding 2 people means adding a whole other table, creating another centerpiece, more linens, rearranging the whole seating chart so these 2 people are not sitting by themselves because there is no room at the tables where there singificant others are, adding people to the food total...I'm not trying to be petty in anyway.
for those who want to not invite the family members that i do not know, I'll send them here and you can tell them. All the stuff i read outside of here said u can try to not invite certain family but it is up to you to deal with the backlash. I was trying to avoid said backlash all to get some for the above issue.

I just cant seem to win and the thing is...I'm not enjoying this part of the wedding planning. the planning, for me, is the fun part. It's the creative part, the moment part. I dont want people arguing over anything if i could have it that way but that is unrealistic, i know. but would it really hurt anyone to maybe cut the couple some slack and maybe lay off the drama.

for the record, we are paying for everything.

You're paying for everything. This means you CAN choose to not invite family members you don't know, or don't even like. But is it that you don't know them or even your FI doesn't?

Try to have a more positive attitude about new relationships. There was a friend on my list that hadn't had a girlfriend in 10 years. I budgeted for him to have a +1 anyway, even being 100% sure he wouldn't bring anyone. About 3 months before my wedding he got a girlfriend and now they're married. She's lovely.

Every one of us has a story like that. If you care about your friends, invite them with their significant other. As a PP said, we can help you with ideas to cut costs if you have one more table and food to add.

Planning the guest list, I'd say, is indeed probably the suckiest part of wedding planning. It is stressful. I feel your pain; I went through it. FI took charge of his mom (who was footing a big part of the bill) to ensure she was respectful of which family he did and didn't want at his wedding. Thank God I didn't have to deal with that. He stood up for himself, and it sounds like you might need to do the same.

TrixieJess · September 2016

Knottie1472228451 said:

this isnt being petty. I swear people. the tables are at there max. so in this one small rare case, yes adding 2 people means adding a whole other table, creating another centerpiece, more linens, rearranging the whole seating chart so these 2 people are not sitting by themselves because there is no room at the tables where there singificant others are, adding people to the food total...I'm not trying to be petty in anyway.
for those who want to not invite the family members that i do not know, I'll send them here and you can tell them. All the stuff i read outside of here said u can try to not invite certain family but it is up to you to deal with the backlash. I was trying to avoid said backlash all to get some for the above issue.

I just cant seem to win and the thing is...I'm not enjoying this part of the wedding planning. the planning, for me, is the fun part. It's the creative part, the moment part. I dont want people arguing over anything if i could have it that way but that is unrealistic, i know. but would it really hurt anyone to maybe cut the couple some slack and maybe lay off the drama.

for the record, we are paying for everything.

Boo-Freaking-Hoo! Guess what so am I! So are the majority of people on here! This is not an excuse. When I made up a preliminary guest list after getting engaged, anyone who was not in a relationship got a soft one, guess what? Three of those people are in relationships now and my wedding isn't for another year. Those three people could be married and/or pushed out a baby by then. Circumstances change, you have to keep that in mind.

You either invite people's significant others and cut the family that you don't want, or you will be considered rude. Here's the thing, I come from a huge family. Do you know how many aunts, uncles, cousins I'm inviting to my wedding? 0. We are having a small, intimate wedding. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for what you want and can afford.

aurianna · September 2016

Knottie1472228451 said:

this isnt being petty. I swear people. the tables are at there max. so in this one small rare case, yes adding 2 people means adding a whole other table, creating another centerpiece, more linens, rearranging the whole seating chart so these 2 people are not sitting by themselves because there is no room at the tables where there singificant others are, adding people to the food total...I'm not trying to be petty in anyway.
for those who want to not invite the family members that i do not know, I'll send them here and you can tell them. All the stuff i read outside of here said u can try to not invite certain family but it is up to you to deal with the backlash. I was trying to avoid said backlash all to get some for the above issue.

I just cant seem to win and the thing is...I'm not enjoying this part of the wedding planning. the planning, for me, is the fun part. It's the creative part, the moment part. I dont want people arguing over anything if i could have it that way but that is unrealistic, i know. but would it really hurt anyone to maybe cut the couple some slack and maybe lay off the drama.

for the record, we are paying for everything.

Ok, if I'm reading this as your sticking all the SOs of the bridal party at a table by themselves [so I assume the bridal party can sit at the head table], you need to rework your seating chart regardless. Significant others need to be seated with their dates. You can't separate the bridal party from their SOs for dinner. That's really rude.
The bridal party needs to be seated with their dates.

So your options are...
-If you want a head table, get one big enough for dates.
-You can do a sweetheart table with just bride and groom and let bridal party sit throughout the rooms with their date, friends, and family.
-You can do a king's table with bride, groom, best man, made of honor, and their dates.
-You can sit at a normal, non-featured table, with your family and let your bridal party sit with their dates at other tables.

Those are the only polite options.
Etiquette is about making your guests comfortable.
The dates of the bridal party will be waaaay more comfortable with their dates, not at the randoms table.
Your bridal party will be way more comfortable seated with the current most important person in their life.

It sucks that you might have to change some things up to include two more people... but that's the way it is. You picked a venue that didn't work for your guest list and now you have to deal with it. Sorry.

madamerwin · September 2016

LtPowers said:

Contrary to popular consensus on these boards, the etiquette mavens require couples to be invited together socially only if said couples have made it clear that they wish to be so invited. (This can be done a number of ways, most explicitly by getting married, but also by moving in together, getting engaged, or even asking that they be treated as a social unit.)

Unfortunately for the OP, the individuals in question have essentially done the latter. By insisting that their current dates be invited, they've essentially declared themselves to be social units, which does obligate you to invite them.

If these relationships are not particularly serious (which isn't your place to judge, but we have to acknowledge it's a possibility), it's rather rude of them to insist on being able to bring a date, but if they're willing to pose as a committed couple (i.e., as a social unit), then polite society requires us to go along with it.

To the first bolded: If any two people decide they are in a relationship, whether or not they have explicitly told you, they are in a relationship - period. If it's FB official, it's been declared a relationship. If they tell you, in any way, shape or form they are in a relationship, or if they go out in public presenting as a couple, it's been declared. So basically, unless a couple is in a secret relationship, then they have publicly declared, in some way, shape or form, that they are a couple. Maybe you (general) personally didn't know, but that is not an excuse not to invite someone's SO.

Obviously, if the couple is secretly dating, then no, of course you would not think to invite a SO, because the guest in question has not publicly informed anyone that they have an SO.

But there is a huge difference between you just not knowing they are in a relationship and it not being public; not knowing about it is not an excuse not to invite a SO. You don't get to judge the seriousness of a relationship.

To the second bolded: When you say "pose as a committed couple" are you insinuating that they would be faking it for the sake of bringing a date to a wedding? Again, super judgy.

levioosa · September 2016

You have made this situation difficult, OP. You planned all wrong. You should have made your budget, and then your guest list. Anyone with a SO must be invited. It doesn't matter how long they have been together, if they live together, or if they are engaged or married. They are a social unit and must be invited together. It's super rude to make arbitrary rules about what constitutes a relationship in your eyes. You don't have to invite family members, and it's up to you to decide if the backlash is worth it. Grandma wants Great Aunt Mary to be invited? Nope. Cousins I never talk to? Nope. If hosting properly is going to break your budget, you need to rethink your centerpieces and decorations. Basically, your vision is trumping treating your guests well, and that's pretty shitty.

MairePoppy · September 2016

The wedding guest list is difficult for many of us. The fact that you are paying for your own wedding doesn't change the etiquette aspect.

From your op, it sounds like you've sent out the invitations and are getting push back from a few guests- who are in the right. How close are you to your RSVP date? Although you must be prepared for 100% acceptance, there is a chance that a few may decline. That's what I would hope for. In the meantime, make a plan for that extra table. Downgrade the centerpieces and table linens so that won't be an issue, just in case. Most of us would rather have our so s at our side than look at a beautiful centerpiece.

Those other forums that are telling you to take your chances on offending your guests are wrong. They aren't concerned with etiquette.

DrillSergeantCat · September 2016

Knottie1472228451 said:

I can't beleive I'm trying this again but I do believe that the info you gather the better...so it goes. The guest list is extremely tight. We can only afford around 80 guests. Several friends have been cut from the list to accomadate family members. I know that you have to invite family, blah blah blah. this isnt about that. Please dont go there.
My question is the plus one drama. This wedding is basically family. If you take the 2 girls in my wedding party + the 3 close friends on my side and the 6 friends on the grooms side, it is literally all family. I have 2 Groomside family members who have been making a very large stink about not being able to bring a plus one.
One has been in a "relationship" for a small amount of time and no on ehas met this person. The other is in a very young, unstable relationship and really probably wont be together come wedding time.
Plus there is an aunt creating even more drama by dragging the MOG into a "so-so may not come if you dont invite their person" dialogue.
So please, here i am, i have already taken people off the list that have meant a very good deal to me to accomadate family i dont even know. To let a college kid threathening to throw a fit and not come control any more of my list seems COMPLETELY unfair.

have at it ladies and gents.

If they're in a relationship when the invitations are sent, you are rude to exclude their SO. Invite them.

ei34 · September 2016

It's annoying that you've had to cut friends, but you'll see on the boards that a lot of us have also had to make cuts, because weddings are really expensive. Sit down with your FI and prioritize what's most important- if your wedding won't be the same without the friends you cut, maybe drop the centerpieces/favors/programs, or host a dry wedding, or buy a dress from David's bridal for a couple hundred dollars instead of something more expensive. The budgeting board has even better ideas- and I only bring this up since you seemed bummed to have cut the guest list.

That said, everyone in a relationship has to be invited with their SO. You don't have to invite every last cousin, or even the aunt that's complained, but only if you're prepared for more family drama.

CMGragain · September 2016

Daughter's MOH asked to bring her new boyfriend. I said OK. It was a new relationship back then. Five years later, they are still a couple and living together. You never know. Let the kid bring his girlfriend.
Tell Auntie. "I'm very sorry, but our guest list is complete."

MairePoppy · September 2016

My daughter and her H's first date was to a wedding. Groom called her last minute and encouraged her to bring a date so she wouldn't have to make the long drive alone at night. She asked the new guy in town so he could meet new people. He accepted. The rest is history.

madamerwin · September 2016

H took me to a good friend's wedding when we had been dating for 2 months. By the time we were "official", the invites had already gone out. But when H called the bride to ask if he could bring someone, she insisted he bring me (and was SUPER excited to meet me the morning of the wedding). Granted, she didn't have to let him bring me, since they sent the invites before we were technically a couple, but she planned ahead and had wiggle room in her budget for new SO's.

Six years later, we're married and the godparents to the B&G's daughter.

ILoveBeachMusic · September 2016

The only thing that could give you an out with one SO is the "young" couple. If the person is under 18 you are not obligated to invite gf/bf. It would be nice to do so though. If you are the poster I'm thinking of, the family you aren't close to are the MOG's siblings and MOG wants them there. I think that close of family trumps friends.

Knottie1472228451 · September 2016

1st off, please stop calling me rude. you people have no idea the details of my total situation. so stop judging like you do. the bridal party has it owns table because no one else has a plus one or the plus one is in the party. I tried again on this horrible website and i got judge again with out full facts. I'm not doing flowers by the way. someone posted about getting cheaper flowers.

if i had posted that if i didnt want to invite memebrs of the grooms side of the family because i had never met them you guys would have ripped into me for that. i'm not talking 1st or 2nd or 3rd cousins. i'm talking aunts and uncles on 2 very large families that arent very close with him anymore. Ugh, doenst matter.

the guest list is stressful, i get it. I have those 3 close friends who arent bringing their husbands because they get the family situation. they understand that i have family i have to invite. I guess i would just like the same reciprocated on the side of the guest list is all.

ILoveBeachMusic · September 2016

Knottie1472228451 said:

1st off, please stop calling me rude. you people have no idea the details of my total situation. so stop judging like you do. the bridal party has it owns table because no one else has a plus one or the plus one is in the party. I tried again on this horrible website and i got judge again with out full facts. I'm not doing flowers by the way. someone posted about getting cheaper flowers.
if i had posted that if i didnt want to invite memebrs of the grooms side of the family because i had never met them you guys would have ripped into me for that. i'm not talking 1st or 2nd or 3rd cousins. i'm talking aunts and uncles on 2 very large families that arent very close with him anymore. Ugh, doenst matter.
the guest list is stressful, i get it. I have those 3 close friends who arent bringing their husbands because they get the family situation. they understand that i have family i have to invite. I guess i would just like the same reciprocated on the side of the guest list is all.

Your FMIL is one of five. I wouldn't call that a very large family (yes large). My Dad was one of ten - that's a large family. Like I said on your other post, you can not invite people but deal with the consequences which will probably be upsetting your FMIL. I think someone said cheaper flowers meaning centerpieces since you mentioned centerpieces. Not inviting SOs is rude. Sorrynotsorry. When you ask for advice, you are not going to get patted on the head and told you can be rude.

geebee908 · September 2016

Knottie1472228451 said:

1st off, please stop calling me rude. you people have no idea the details of my total situation. so stop judging like you do. the bridal party has it owns table because no one else has a plus one or the plus one is in the party. I tried again on this horrible website and i got judge again with out full facts. I'm not doing flowers by the way. someone posted about getting cheaper flowers.
if i had posted that if i didnt want to invite memebrs of the grooms side of the family because i had never met them you guys would have ripped into me for that. i'm not talking 1st or 2nd or 3rd cousins. i'm talking aunts and uncles on 2 very large families that arent very close with him anymore. Ugh, doenst matter.
the guest list is stressful, i get it. I have those 3 close friends who arent bringing their husbands because they get the family situation. they understand that i have family i have to invite. I guess i would just like the same reciprocated on the side of the guest list is all.

The problem is what you're doing is rude. If your venue won't accommodate your guest list, then you planned poorly in choosing your venue; you needed the budget and guest list first (with a potential SO for every adult guest) and then you book the venue.

Don't be surprised that not everyone is going to be understanding of your rudeness; they are allowed to feel how they feel about it, and they're justified in being offended because not inviting their SO is rude.

madamerwin · September 2016

Knottie1472228451 said:

1st off, please stop calling me rude. you people have no idea the details of my total situation. so stop judging like you do. the bridal party has it owns table because no one else has a plus one or the plus one is in the party. I tried again on this horrible website and i got judge again with out full facts. I'm not doing flowers by the way. someone posted about getting cheaper flowers.
if i had posted that if i didnt want to invite memebrs of the grooms side of the family because i had never met them you guys would have ripped into me for that. i'm not talking 1st or 2nd or 3rd cousins. i'm talking aunts and uncles on 2 very large families that arent very close with him anymore. Ugh, doenst matter.
the guest list is stressful, i get it. I have those 3 close friends who arent bringing their husbands because they get the family situation. they understand that i have family i have to invite. I guess i would just like the same reciprocated on the side of the guest list is all.

Are you saying you invited three close friends without their husbands???

People are calling you rude because what you are doing is, in fact, rude. And if you came on here saying you didn't want to invite FI's family, then you might get push-back if your FI did want to invite them (as in, you were telling FI he couldn't invite people he wanted there). But no one, including family, is entitled to a wedding invitation. You, with your FI, could very well have decided only to invite aunts and uncles, but not cousins, on both sides. Or hell, you could have decided only to invite immediate family (your parents and siblings), and grandparents but no aunts, uncles, or cousins. However, you decided to invite all family to avoid hurt feelings, but that was a choice.

Not inviting people's SO's (including three close friends???) is not okay. At this point, find some other things to cut - centerpieces, alcohol if you're having it, ditch the DJ and use an iPod, etc. Whatever you need to do to make room in the budget for SO's.

wmam35 · September 2016

If you have to invite all of this family (and listen, I get it, you have family dynamics so even though you don't want to invite Great Aunt Sally you probably have to) you have to find a way to cut costs. You can't not invite these people's significant others, you just can't do it.

And I'm sorry, but up to a certain point, planning a wedding is only as difficult and stressful as you make it. If you invite these two extra people, a whole lot of your stress will be gone. Making an extra centerpiece or having to get extra linens is not the end of the world, I'm sorry, I just don't buy that as an actual problem. Seating chart issue? Add another table, figure out which table has the people that these two extra guests would want to sit next to, split that table in half, add the other two somewhere, and then put those two tables next to each other. It's doesn't have to be that hard.

aurianna · September 2016

Knottie1472228451 said:

1st off, please stop calling me rude. you people have no idea the details of my total situation. so stop judging like you do. the bridal party has it owns table because no one else has a plus one or the plus one is in the party. I tried again on this horrible website and i got judge again with out full facts. I'm not doing flowers by the way. someone posted about getting cheaper flowers.

But before you said this "because there is no room at the tables where there singificant others are"

I'm confused. That makes it sound like you have a table of just SOs. If that's not the case, then good! That also means then you just need to squeeze two more SOs at the head table. Just get a slightly bigger table. Or do a king's table or sweetheart table instead. Easy peasy.

DrillSergeantCat · September 2016

You did say centerpieces so what were we to infer from that? We're only working with information that you gave us. We're not making it up. You asked for advice, you got it, and now you're stomping your feet because you're being told the truth?

This question is literally asked every. other. day. The answer is always. the. same. Always. It never wavers. It is steadfast and resolute.

Geez...you talk about this college kid throwing fit, but it appears to run in the family.

climbingsingle · September 2016

Not even sure why you are posting here. You clearly just want us to tell you it's fine to not invite these people.

Also, it's insanely tacky that you have friends you've invited without their husbands.

Guest list conundrums....I'll try getting help again.

Re: Guest list conundrums....I'll try getting help again.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards