Paper everything else, online RSVP's

MCmeow · August 2016

Sorry if this has been asked before. We are sending postcard STD's, paper invites, the wedding is semi-formal, suits and all, so not casual in the slightest. We just want to be sure everything is fine and jolly etiquette-wise. My fiancé wants RSVP's to be done online instead of mailed back. Our wedding website is on Appycouple which is pretty smart and easy to use with its rsvp system. I would trust it for this purpose. The older relatives in my family actually love technology for the most part, most have tablets and Facebook. So yay or nay on the online RSVP's? Or traditional mail-in RSVP's for older people, and online for our age-group?

DrillSergeantCat · August 2016

I did all of my RSVPs online through my wedding website. So far, my mom is the only one who's had any trouble and that's because she was putting her name in wrong. That said, my mom and FMIL are the oldest people we're inviting and are on the same level tech wise.

CMGragain · August 2016

There is nothing wrong with online RSVPs. Do give your guests a choice, though. Provide a telephone number that they can call if they are not internet savy.

Traditionally, pre-printed RSVPs that are popular today were considered rude. This didn't change until the 1970's.

[Deleted User] · August 2016

Our rsvps had an option of our wedding website and my email address. So far there's been one person who hasn't been able to figure out the website and she just called my FMIL to give her RSVP over the phone. But they are close friends so I have a feeling she would have rsvped that way regardless.

kylexo · August 2016

We did the same exact thing - postcard STDs, paper invites and appycouple RSVPs. We sent hard copy RSVPs to a couple of the older invitees (i think we only did 2-3 of these, I handwrote them), but otherwise had very few issues (and the issues were easily resolved by the guest contacting either DH, me or one of our moms.) Appycouple was great for the most part, but can be a little wonky with logins if you have it access protected.

MCmeow · August 2016

CMGragain said:

There is nothing wrong with online RSVPs. Do give your guests a choice, though. Provide a telephone number that they can call if they are not internet savy.

Traditionally, pre-printed RSVPs that are popular today were considered rude. This didn't change until the 1970's.

That's interesting. What did people used to do then? I'm guessing they would write their response back by hand?

MCmeow · August 2016

kylexo said:

We did the same exact thing - postcard STDs, paper invites and appycouple RSVPs. We sent hard copy RSVPs to a couple of the older invitees (i think we only did 2-3 of these, I handwrote them), but otherwise had very few issues (and the issues were easily resolved by the guest contacting either DH, me or one of our moms.) Appycouple was great for the most part, but can be a little wonky with logins if you have it access protected.

Awesome! Ok good to know about appycouple. Did you still have a separate RSVP card just to let them know where to RSVP and other info?

ILoveBeachMusic · August 2016

MCmeow said:

CMGragain said:

There is nothing wrong with online RSVPs. Do give your guests a choice, though. Provide a telephone number that they can call if they are not internet savy.

Traditionally, pre-printed RSVPs that are popular today were considered rude. This didn't change until the 1970's.

That's interesting. What did people used to do then? I'm guessing they would write their response back by hand?

Yes. There was a formula that you wrote you response back mimicking the invitation. The first wedding I was invited to as an adult (18 years old) was in 1979. I was working in a department store at the time. The ladies in the Bridal Dept. showed me how to respond to the invitation correctly. Four years later when I got married the RSVP card was becoming more accepted etiquette wise.

kylexo · August 2016

MCmeow said:

kylexo said:

We did the same exact thing - postcard STDs, paper invites and appycouple RSVPs. We sent hard copy RSVPs to a couple of the older invitees (i think we only did 2-3 of these, I handwrote them), but otherwise had very few issues (and the issues were easily resolved by the guest contacting either DH, me or one of our moms.) Appycouple was great for the most part, but can be a little wonky with logins if you have it access protected.

Awesome! Ok good to know about appycouple. Did you still have a separate RSVP card just to let them know where to RSVP and other info?

it may not be etiquette kosher, but we had the website (we bought a domain), access code and an email address to contact us printed on the back of the invite

redwoodoriginal · August 2016

I did online rsvps and had no issues. We didn't have a separate RSVP info cars, at the bottom of our invite we said something like "RSVP by June X at www.weddingwebsite.com/ourpagelink"

no one had issues that they let us know about. I don't think his grand parents used it but they just called him and said we are coming!

Easy peasy

LtPowers · August 2016

MCmeow said:

Sorry if this has been asked before. We are sending postcard STD's, paper invites, the wedding is semi-formal, suits and all, so not casual in the slightest. We just want to be sure everything is fine and jolly etiquette-wise. My fiancé wants RSVP's to be done online instead of mailed back. Our wedding website is on Appycouple which is pretty smart and easy to use with its rsvp system. I would trust it for this purpose. The older relatives in my family actually love technology for the most part, most have tablets and Facebook. So yay or nay on the online RSVP's? Or traditional mail-in RSVP's for older people, and online for our age-group?

People who are old enough to be uncomfortable with online RSVPs are old enough to know how to write a proper invitation response. They don't need to be sent cards and envelopes for that express purpose; they have their own personal stationery.

Jen4948 · August 2016

LtPowers said:

MCmeow said:

Sorry if this has been asked before. We are sending postcard STD's, paper invites, the wedding is semi-formal, suits and all, so not casual in the slightest. We just want to be sure everything is fine and jolly etiquette-wise. My fiancé wants RSVP's to be done online instead of mailed back. Our wedding website is on Appycouple which is pretty smart and easy to use with its rsvp system. I would trust it for this purpose. The older relatives in my family actually love technology for the most part, most have tablets and Facebook. So yay or nay on the online RSVP's? Or traditional mail-in RSVP's for older people, and online for our age-group?

People who are old enough to be uncomfortable with online RSVPs are old enough to know how to write a proper invitation response. They don't need to be sent cards and envelopes for that express purpose; they have their own personal stationery.

Unfortunately, being what you term "old enough to know how" doesn't mean they actually do know how to write and send in RSVPs; nor do they necessarily have their own personal stationery. Many have become dependent on mail-in RSVPs included in invitations. It may not be traditional or strictly correct etiquette, but it's harmless.

ILoveBeachMusic · August 2016

Jen4948 said:

LtPowers said:

MCmeow said:

Sorry if this has been asked before. We are sending postcard STD's, paper invites, the wedding is semi-formal, suits and all, so not casual in the slightest. We just want to be sure everything is fine and jolly etiquette-wise. My fiancé wants RSVP's to be done online instead of mailed back. Our wedding website is on Appycouple which is pretty smart and easy to use with its rsvp system. I would trust it for this purpose. The older relatives in my family actually love technology for the most part, most have tablets and Facebook. So yay or nay on the online RSVP's? Or traditional mail-in RSVP's for older people, and online for our age-group?

People who are old enough to be uncomfortable with online RSVPs are old enough to know how to write a proper invitation response. They don't need to be sent cards and envelopes for that express purpose; they have their own personal stationery.

Unfortunately, being what you term "old enough to know how" doesn't mean they actually do know how to write and send in RSVPs; nor do they necessarily have their own personal stationery. Many have become dependent on mail-in RSVPs included in invitations. It may not be traditional or strictly correct etiquette, but it's harmless.

LOL I'm old enough to know how and do RSVP to many events; however, I don't have personalized stationary. I do have notecards.

charlotte989875 · August 2016

I'm young (if 31 is young) and don't love online-only RSVPs. If you send me a paper invite, I'd rather just return the card as soon as I get it. Instead I'll have to log-in to an app or website (even more frustrating if I have to make an account) in order to RSVP. Maybe this is nit-picky, but having to log-in to then RSVP just seems cumbersome to me.

I like the idea of giving guests the option, either mail back the RSVP card or call/text/email your response.

redwoodoriginal · August 2016

charlotte989875 said:

I'm young (if 31 is young) and don't love online-only RSVPs. If you send me a paper invite, I'd rather just return the card as soon as I get it. Instead I'll have to log-in to an app or website (even more frustrating if I have to make an account) in order to RSVP. Maybe this is nit-picky, but having to log-in to then RSVP just seems cumbersome to me.

I like the idea of giving guests the option, either mail back the RSVP card or call/text/email your response.

Except you rarely have to log in. For the knot you don't. For my wedding website you didn't. I have never had to create an account on any website for any RSVP for a wedding. And I've done plenty of weddings. This is like an excuse when you've never dealt with it.

CMGragain · August 2016

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Jen4948 said:

LtPowers said:

MCmeow said:

Sorry if this has been asked before. We are sending postcard STD's, paper invites, the wedding is semi-formal, suits and all, so not casual in the slightest. We just want to be sure everything is fine and jolly etiquette-wise. My fiancé wants RSVP's to be done online instead of mailed back. Our wedding website is on Appycouple which is pretty smart and easy to use with its rsvp system. I would trust it for this purpose. The older relatives in my family actually love technology for the most part, most have tablets and Facebook. So yay or nay on the online RSVP's? Or traditional mail-in RSVP's for older people, and online for our age-group?

People who are old enough to be uncomfortable with online RSVPs are old enough to know how to write a proper invitation response. They don't need to be sent cards and envelopes for that express purpose; they have their own personal stationery.

Unfortunately, being what you term "old enough to know how" doesn't mean they actually do know how to write and send in RSVPs; nor do they necessarily have their own personal stationery. Many have become dependent on mail-in RSVPs included in invitations. It may not be traditional or strictly correct etiquette, but it's harmless.

LOL I'm old enough to know how and do RSVP to many events; however, I don't have personalized stationary. I do have notecards.

The wonderful thing about computer laser printers is that they can easily print your own personalized writing paper from blank sheets of plain white paper.

SP29 · August 2016

I would give options- more than just an online RSVP.

We provided a response card and also listed our wedding website where guests could RSVP. Most of our guests (including the young people) returned the paper response card.

charlotte989875 · August 2016

redwoodoriginal said:

charlotte989875 said:

I'm young (if 31 is young) and don't love online-only RSVPs. If you send me a paper invite, I'd rather just return the card as soon as I get it. Instead I'll have to log-in to an app or website (even more frustrating if I have to make an account) in order to RSVP. Maybe this is nit-picky, but having to log-in to then RSVP just seems cumbersome to me.

I like the idea of giving guests the option, either mail back the RSVP card or call/text/email your response.

Except you rarely have to log in. For the knot you don't. For my wedding website you didn't. I have never had to create an account on any website for any RSVP for a wedding. And I've done plenty of weddings. This is like an excuse when you've never dealt with it.

My sister used appy couple and you did have to log in to RSVP and to see the private details. Many couples put passwords to protect their private information and guest lists (which is also just good advice about Internet privacy). So, yah I have dealt with it and I find it a little annoying.

poodledoodleooo · August 2016

I think etiquette-wise you're in the clear, but I hate hate hate online RSVPs and almost always forget to send them. It's a major hassle for me to RSVP online vs. checking a box and dropping a pre-printed RSVP in the mail. Even without a required login, I still find it to be incredibly cumbersome, time consuming and inconvenient vs. mailing RSVPs. Even more so if there's a password or a very specific/detailed URL.

I'm 29, btw, and spend all day on the internet- so I'm not some technologically incompetent person - and still find online RSVPs incredibly inconvenient.

This is 100% personally preference though, and just my $0.02!

MCmeow · August 2016

PoodleDoodleOoo said:

I think etiquette-wise you're in the clear, but I hate hate hate online RSVPs and almost always forget to send them. It's a major hassle for me to RSVP online vs. checking a box and dropping a pre-printed RSVP in the mail. Even without a required login, I still find it to be incredibly cumbersome, time consuming and inconvenient vs. mailing RSVPs. Even more so if there's a password or a very specific/detailed URL.

I'm 29, btw, and spend all day on the internet- so I'm not some technologically incompetent person - and still find online RSVPs incredibly inconvenient.

This is 100% personally preference though, and just my $0.02!

Yeah I understand this point of view. I personally would like to mail mine back too. I guess with my FH he doesn't want us to spend that extra money on postage. Because we're supposed to add stamps to the rsvp cards too right? It's more of an extra expense thing he wants to avoid. And I want to let him own this one :P I'll definitely add an RSVP info card and give them a phone number to call in addition to RSVPing online.

Knottie1467290041 · August 2016

We are also doing online RSVPs, though we are using a different provider for the wedding website and app: invitesandco.com Judging from my friends' experience, it is much better to do online RSVPs - less hassle for the guests and you will have everything in one place. I would suggest to send a few reminders by email though, to ensure that everyone replies!

charlotte989875 · August 2016

Knottie1467290041 said:

We are also doing online RSVPs, though we are using a different provider for the wedding website and app: invitesandco.com Judging from my friends' experience, it is much better to do online RSVPs - less hassle for the guests and you will have everything in one place. I would suggest to send a few reminders by email though, to ensure that everyone replies!

Please don't do this. Your guests are adults and do not need repeated emailed reminders to respond to an event. Set a date by which to reply and follow up with anyone who does not respond after the date has passed.

poodledoodleooo · August 2016

Knottie1467290041 said:

We are also doing online RSVPs, though we are using a different provider for the wedding website and app: invitesandco.com Judging from my friends' experience, it is much better to do online RSVPs - less hassle for the guests and you will have everything in one place. I would suggest to send a few reminders by email though, to ensure that everyone replies!

Heads up - not all guests think it's 'less hassle.' I certainly don't. Checking a box and walking to the mailbox when I drop off my other mail, which is regularly, is generally less of a hassle than trying to remember to take care of it during the work day (when I'm on the computer most), finding your specific website, and rspving, forgetting what dish my husband wants halfway through the process, emailing him to find out what it is, waiting, forgetting again, etc. It always seems to be more of a "process" when it's online vs paper. It's really just less hassle for the B&G, IMHO.

And generally, I think it's less of hassle when correspondence is done in ONE form, for all occasions, not just weddings. If you're snail-mailing me an invite it's easier for me to snail-mail a response back. If you're inviting me to something via Facebook, it's easiest to click "going" rather than emailing you. If you're emailing me, it's easiest to hit "reply" rather then sending a text or giving you a call, etc. As a guest, keeping correspondence in one form is really the neatest and most organized way to go about it, I think.

MCmeow · August 2016

charlotte989875 said:

Knottie1467290041 said:

We are also doing online RSVPs, though we are using a different provider for the wedding website and app: invitesandco.com Judging from my friends' experience, it is much better to do online RSVPs - less hassle for the guests and you will have everything in one place. I would suggest to send a few reminders by email though, to ensure that everyone replies!

Please don't do this. Your guests are adults and do not need repeated emailed reminders to respond to an event. Set a date by which to reply and follow up with anyone who does not respond after the date has passed.

Yeah I can't imagine bothering my people that much for a one day event. Blech.

I think this all started because of my FH talking to his friends about the wedding lol, one of them said "don't waste your money sending an invite to me! Just tell me where it is", yo don't worry about the money we spend, we're still sending an invite because we want to, so I think now they're giving him more ideas to cut costs out of concern for us. I don't know, in their circle they've never been to an American wedding so they're not used to stuff like this I guess. I get it though, if our guests are comfortable with online RSVP's, why not, I do like the traditional aspect of mailing them in though.

Knottie1458661404 · September 2016

I am doing the same thing! My friend did it for her wedding last year and said she had no issues at all. Any family member that is not computer savvy will either contact you as they choose, or have someone help them.

CMGragain · September 2016

MCmeow said:

Sorry if this has been asked before. We are sending postcard STD's, paper invites, the wedding is semi-formal, suits and all, so not casual in the slightest. We just want to be sure everything is fine and jolly etiquette-wise. My fiancé wants RSVP's to be done online instead of mailed back. Our wedding website is on Appycouple which is pretty smart and easy to use with its rsvp system. I would trust it for this purpose. The older relatives in my family actually love technology for the most part, most have tablets and Facebook. So yay or nay on the online RSVP's? Or traditional mail-in RSVP's for older people, and online for our age-group?

SIB

Pre-printed RSVPs are not traditional at all. They have only existed since the 1970s, and they are still side-eyed by Miss Manners. (I disagree with her on this one.) Traditionally, guests were supposed to write their own reply to an invitation.

MCmeow · September 2016

Oh one more thing. Is it fine to put the wedding website on our save the date? Currently the website has all of the event info (location, time, directions) which I think would make more sense to spread with the invites... But I'm able to hide certain pages, so maybe I can hide tabs that contain specific details. I wonder if it would be redundant?

LtPowers · September 2016

A "save-the-date" has no etiquette approved form. You can put whatever you want on it as long as it's generally acceptable in any normal correspondence. Most people put the web site address on them for convenience, especially if people will need to book hotels or transportation before the invitations go out.

ILoveBeachMusic · September 2016

MCmeow said:

Oh one more thing. Is it fine to put the wedding website on our save the date? Currently the website has all of the event info (location, time, directions) which I think would make more sense to spread with the invites... But I'm able to hide certain pages, so maybe I can hide tabs that contain specific details. I wonder if it would be redundant?

I think putting the website on the save the date is common and quite helpful. As @LtPowers said, people can make early travel arrangements if necessary. If you put your registry info on a tab, people can also look at that - I know some people don't think that is a good idea though.

kylexo · September 2016

ILoveBeachMusic said:

MCmeow said:

Oh one more thing. Is it fine to put the wedding website on our save the date? Currently the website has all of the event info (location, time, directions) which I think would make more sense to spread with the invites... But I'm able to hide certain pages, so maybe I can hide tabs that contain specific details. I wonder if it would be redundant?

I think putting the website on the save the date is common and quite helpful. As @LtPowers said, people can make early travel arrangements if necessary. If you put your registry info on a tab, people can also look at that - I know some people don't think that is a good idea though.

I've seen in a few places (including here) that a separate tab is a good place for a registry, that way people have to make a conscious effort to open and look at it rather than it being right in their face.

ILoveBeachMusic · September 2016

kylexo said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

MCmeow said:

Oh one more thing. Is it fine to put the wedding website on our save the date? Currently the website has all of the event info (location, time, directions) which I think would make more sense to spread with the invites... But I'm able to hide certain pages, so maybe I can hide tabs that contain specific details. I wonder if it would be redundant?

I think putting the website on the save the date is common and quite helpful. As @LtPowers said, people can make early travel arrangements if necessary. If you put your registry info on a tab, people can also look at that - I know some people don't think that is a good idea though.

I've seen in a few places (including here) that a separate tab is a good place for a registry, that way people have to make a conscious effort to open and look at it rather than it being right in their face.

Definitely! I've never seen it done any other way. Some posters though don't think it should be any where on the website.

Paper everything else, online RSVP's

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