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Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Kids' Table
Maybe I'm overthinking this, but a BM recently asked me if I planned on having activities for the kids at the kids' table (i.e. crafts, games), and it got me thinking. No, not about activities, but the whole idea of a kids' table. In your opinion, is better to sit kids with their parents, or have a table just for the kids? There will be a total of eight children at our wedding (not including toddlers and babies) ranging from ages five to ten. The babies and toddlers will obviously sit with their parents, but what about the other kids? Not sure this matters, but FI and I are doing a sweetheart table and seating the WP with their SOs. Should I include the WP's kids at their tables too? Is there a kids' table etiquette I should be following?
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Re: Kids' Table
If you have older kids (middle/high school) who are friends or are family that might be a fun kids table though. I love any opportunity (when I was younger and even now) to sit with my cousins without our parents there listening.
I also don't think it's your responsibility to provide activities for kids. If you can and want to do it that's really nice, but if it's not in your budget, it is perfectly reasonable to expect parents to bring things to entertain their own children. I have children and would never expect someone to provide crafts or games for my children at their wedding. I know you didn't specifically ask about that but I thought I'd give my opinion.
Growing up we were always put at a "kids" table with our first cousins. Never had an issue either. This is way before computers and tablets. We again, ate, danced and socialized.
OP - This is very much a know your crowd thing. I would never put a bunch of kids who do not know each other together. I wouldn't put kids who have known behavior issues at a table by themselves.
However, there are some situations it works well. Like with my nieces and nephews. Actually my siblings are the ones who requested the kids sit together. That way they could hang out with adults and the kids can hang out together. All the kids go to school and not know how to behave at a meal table without mom and dad.
Note - my siblings were at a table close by to the kids. I wouldn't put the kids at a table across the room. "The look" from their parents is enough for my nieces/nephews to shape up. Not that they needed any looks from their parents at the wedding. Or at least I didn't notice if there were "looks" thrown their way.
To answer your question, I'd had crayons, coloring books, and small toys out for the kids, all of which was completely ignored since they had their tablets out when they weren't tearing up the dance floor.
ETA grammar
I'd definitely seat 5-10 year-olds with their parents, but if you have the space, you could always have an extra table with crafts and games they can use.
We wanted a seating plan that would allow their parents to have more adult conversations at their tables AND be fun for the nieces and nephews. They'll all be near each other in any case, and I wouldn't mix it up like this if it wasn't comfortable for everyone.
There will also be friends' kids invited who will be toddlers. Don't know if they're coming yet but if they are they'll be seated with their parents, since they're little/won't know anyone else there. I'll ask their parents at the time what kind of activities they might like.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
My nieces/nephews eat at kids tables at family gatherings all the time. At my parent's house (and sister's for that matter) they played in the game room unsupervised together without issues. The girls all slept in the game room together without their parents (started when they were 4 or so years old.) Boys shared another room.
Just because this event is a wedding doesn't mean they all the sudden become heathens. They know how to act without their parents sitting next to them.
It's not a one size fits all situation. Know your crowd.
I agree with the PP's who say this is a know your crowd situation. When it comes to my in-laws many of the children learn at a young age to sit and behave themselves at such events. They can eat on their own and generally won't get into too much trouble. However on my side, the children would do much better with their parents their helping them cut up their food, watching for potential allergens etc...no way is right or wrong, it just depends on the group.
If you're unsure, I would ask anyone that responded with their children if they have a preference. You can also set up a place for them to play if you have the room, but again it isn't required.
I agree it's a know your crowd, I'm just agreeing with Heffa, in my crowd it would be Lord of the Flies.
Know your crowd is the best answer, IMO, but without knowing specifics I guess I err on the side of caution.
It's a "read your crowd" thing, but if they're a family that everyone is together all the time with "Central sorting" taking place at GM's house each night, then go ahead and have the kiddos sit together for dinner. Otherwise yes, by their parents!!!
What she might have been referring to is a table that just has some "kid things" put on it... DH's cousin did this at her wedding recently, coloring books, crayons (super cheap right now with the back to school sales), scissors, craft stuff, and glow sticks/necklaces (which adults love just as much as the kids TBH as just a fun thing... For $20-30 it's something for the kids to "occupy themselves" with instead of just chasing eachother around the room... Plus, with the glow sticks (can be activated by the guests so nothing needs to be done by you/anyone else other than setting them on the table), they're something people just had fun with since the rooms are usually dimmed for the reception anyway...
Growing up, I was very close to my cousins. As an adult, one was my best friend. That said, I HATED being sat at the kids' table at family gathering. Maybe I liked it / didn't mind when I was younger, but prob around 10-13 (I'm 36, I don't remember when I "graduated" to the grown up table). I felt it was so juvenile and condescending to be seated at a kids' table. Part of it might have been because I was the second oldest, but I hated it with a passion. I never spoke up about it, as I didn't like to rock the boat, but always felt humiliated by it. Not that all kids feel this way, but I did, so it is more than simply knowing your crowd, because they wouldn't have known how I really felt.
In my Mom's family, there were five of us in a five-year span, so it was less of a big deal. Plus those cousins lived six hours away, so it was just good to see them. The only real issue was my youngest cousin being an extremely picky eater and being a PITA about it.
I like PPs' idea of an activity table (or two) for kids.