Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
DrillSergeantCat
member
Is it rude?
When I sent my invitations 6 weeks ago, I sent one to my friend, his wife, and her daughter. He was deployed at the time and as soon as he got back in the states she left him and started telling people that he abused her and was stalking her. Because he's my friend and she made it clear to everyone at her bridal shower that I am his friend and not hers, I called him to be sure he knew he was invited. He said he'd love to come.
Now, he has told a mutual friend that he is bringing his wife who he RSVPd no for. Our friend told me this morning that she told him that he needed to talk to me before he just starts bringing people. I've already turned in my numbers to the caterer. I haven't heard from him yet, but if he does contact me, is it rude to tell him that it's too late?
Now, he has told a mutual friend that he is bringing his wife who he RSVPd no for. Our friend told me this morning that she told him that he needed to talk to me before he just starts bringing people. I've already turned in my numbers to the caterer. I haven't heard from him yet, but if he does contact me, is it rude to tell him that it's too late?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is it rude?
The caterer will often do a final quest count the day of in case more people show up than you originally booked for and have a plan if that happens.
Regardless of his reasoning, if you invited them and you can make it work you should. For me this wouldn't be a hill to die on and kind of sounds like you're being petty because it's after the deadline.
It does piss me off though, that he complained to our friend when she said he needed to talk to me about the 20 extra people that showed up and cost him $2,000 (I don't believe that for a second btw). I just don't understand if someone does something to you that you didn't like, why would you want to do that to someone else?
Yay for four days out though!
And our caterer let us do a hard SUPER FINAL THIS IS IT count 72 hours out, we did buffet as well. I can't imagine why they wouldn't be OK with an adjustment of a few people last minute.
Stop. Breathe. You're okay and you'll be married soon!
I also understand given her previous actions why she's not someone you want to go the extra mile for, but as you say it's better he comes with her than not at all, and he might be pretty upset if you say she can't go.
Good luck for four days' time!! Exciting!!
Edited because it didn't make sense
However, they seem to trying to make this work. They are still together. I'm not sure rude is the right word, but again, I get the annoyance.
You are having a buffet. It's rare a caterer will not accommodate an extra person more than 72 hours out. Most places will not start prepping until 72 hours out anyway. Most places add 5-10% food.
Do yourself a favor, add her and then let it go. There are way more important things to occupy your time than a couple who are trying to safe their marriage.
I'm guessing that your caterer can accommodate one extra guest.
Of course, as noted, the separation could end at any time, so such situations require understanding and flexibility on both sides.