My fiance and I just booked our wedding venue. We've sat down and really hashed out our budget and arrived at a number we're comfortable with. I'm actually paying for everything -- my fiance is in school right now, and I have a pretty well-paying job. But I do have student loans, and I have absolutely 100% sworn to myself that I refuse to put my monthly student loan payments behind the wedding in importance. I have a dollar amount per month I'm saving for the wedding, and a dollar amount per month I'm putting to my student loans, and that's that, and that's all I can afford, sorry 'bout it. Because of our budget, we can invite about 130 people to the wedding.
Last weekend, we visited SO's family. He and his mom got into a little kerfluffle because he's not planning on inviting more (emotionally) distant members of his family. He has a big family (VERY big), and certain of his cousins he isn't planning to invite because if he did, he'd have to cut out some of his closest friends. He also has beef with one of his aunts/uncles, and so they aren't being invited.
SO stood firm, and I thought the conversation ended well. Guess not. Today, FMIL (who I really do adore!!!!) sent him an email saying,
Here is the list of who in the family should be invited, and they should be invited since they're family and we were invited to all of their past weddings. If you don't invite them it'll cause hard/hurt feelings, so count them in.
I don't know if she realizes I'm paying for the entire wedding, but regardless, she knows that we aren't planning on inviting some folks because simply can't afford it. I won't put my student loans on forbearance to invite these guests, and we've already planned on not having flowers, centerpieces, etc. so that we can invite the folks we've already planned to.
At the same time, I feel kind of horrible. Since I'm paying for the whole shebang, it's kind of indirectly my fault that these family members aren't being invited. We booked a venue we love but could afford (and got discounts for being off season and because my SO's friend works at the venue), but at the same time, I'm sure if we'd booked a cheaper venue, we could have invited more people. I feel weirdly selfish.
I don't even know what kind of advice I can ask for on this. My SO agrees and is gonna talk to his mom, which I guess is all we CAN do. If anyone's been in a similar situation (a FMIL insisting on more guests than you can afford), I'd appreciate hearing how you dealt with it. Mostly, I think I needed to vent.
(Hope everyone's Wednesdays are lovely so far.)