Last minute Plus 1
I need help with the etiquette regarding adding last minute plus 1's to our guest list. My bridesmaid (also my sister) was offered a plus 1 for our wedding and she had declined it several weeks ago. We had asked for everyone to rsvp by Oct 18 because we needed to turn in all of our guest info by Nov 4 and I knew that there would be some people who would forget to rsvp and that I might need time to track everyone down. She texted me on Nov 5 saying that she would now be bringing a plus one because he was able to take off work. I didn't even know she was dating anyone until that moment and she was trying to guilt trip me saying that she wanted to introduce him to the family. I understand that she is spending a lot of money to be a part of my wedding (flying in from out of state, dress costs, etc) but I feel that a deadline is a deadline and I didn't want to make an exception. She has also been very flaky about her plans from the get-go and it has been hard trying to schedule wedding/ bridal party events because of that. I would have been more open to the idea of the last minute addition had she let me know back several weeks ago that her potential plus one was trying to take off work, but she waited several weeks after the rsvp deadline and the day after all of my info was due to say something to me. My parents are now extremely upset with me and have called me a bridezilla for telling my sister/ bridesmaid no to her plus 1 and so to avoid any more fighting over this I caved, even though it is against what both me and my fiancé want. Am I wrong to think that if she is well past the deadline I provided and that she already declined a plus 1 invite that she shouldn't be allowed one now?
Re: Last minute Plus 1
Also, why is scheduling anything with your sister your problem- you shouldn't have been involved in scheduling any pre wedding events other than saying which dates you were few if asked by the host.
Just let her bring her date! JFC get a margarita and loosen up- is it really worth fighting with your parents and sister on your wedding day.
To any lurkers- if your numbers are due by Nov 4th, October 18th is too early to require an answer. Nov 1st is more appropriate. You don't know what may change in your guests' lives in a couple of weeks.
The only reasonable response here is, "Sister/bridesmaid, I am so excited to meet the new man in your life! Of course he is welcome!"
ETF apostrophe
To answer your question: YES, you were wrong to tell your sister that she couldn't bring a date to your wedding. I'm sure it was no big deal to your caterer to add in one more guest.
Why was your RSVP deadline "several weeks" before your numbers were actually due?
Sorry, this is a self-inflicted wound. Apologize to your sister and be gracious at the wedding.
Your parents are right. You are wrong. Apologize profusely to your sister, and your parents for creating unnecessary drama.
is absolutely no logistical way to squeeze an extra person (fire code, whatever). Your post just makes it sound like a personal preference. Your sister was already given a plus one originally, so this person should've been included in your original budget/space considerations. I don't know why you and your FI have a "personal preference" to not allow him to come but you need to get over that. I honestly don't understand why you even care. Just include the boyfriend and get over this stupid drama with your sister.
ETA: FWIW, we had a last minute plus one addition request the NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING and made it work and everything was totally fine as far as tables and food. If we could figure that out with about 12 hrs notice, I think you can figure this out.
I get that it's annoying to not find out about his existence until this close to your wedding, but it's really in everyone's best interest to do whatever you can to fit him into the guest list.
I understand the slight annoyance with having to change things the day after the number were due, but if it was my sister (well I don't have a sister but I do have a brother) I would do whatever I could to accommodate her BF (therefore not a plus 1!). And she's a BM? When one of my BM called me a week before the wedding asking if she could bring a date I said yes and made it happen.
When is the wedding itself?
I get the feeling your numbers being due so early is at least partially the problem here. When I worked retail I didn't know my schedule until a week out, and if I requested time off too early, they would often forget/ignore/or wait until the last minute to tell me if the time was approved or not. Meaning I usually didn't get notice until two (maybe three) weeks ahead of time and it wasn't always guaranteed.
The OP deserved all the heat she got. She was the one being irrational, petty, and immature.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
This is not a blow smoke up your bum forum. This is a blunt, straight-talking one where if you ask "Am I wrong?" You will be told in no uncertain terms if you are or not.
Look, I totally get wanting to stay positive. But there is no happiness and positivity when one is being a complete and utter wanker to one's sister who is also a bridesmaid! I am all for encouraging her- encourage her to be less of a total dick.
How would you nicely phrase "no, no you cannot spitefully disinvite you sister's boyfriend who has moved hell and high water to celebrate you". Compliment sandwich style?
'I bet your November wedding is going to be beautiful. However, try not to be a total douchecanoe bridezilla to your sister who is spending a lot of time and money to make you happy. But I bet those autumn colours are really going to pop against the leaves changing...'
We are not mean. It is not 'projecting a negative connotation' to advise people to treat their family and loved ones with kindness, manners, and proper etiquette. Nor is it mean to offer a reality check should someone need it. If you are looking to blow smoke and rainbows or have it done for you, IMO this is not the right forum.
haha that is too funny. yep, you all are right, I don't have any kind of business being here. I wouldn't call someone a "douchecanoe" in real life much less behind a keyboard to someone I don't even know. I do like the blunt advice, just think some of it comes off really bad. sometimes you need a new perspective to point out things you have become accustomed to. you all have fun, i'll be getting my advice from friends and family and people who actually know me from now on. thanks
Any chance one of those friends, family or people who actually know you can teach you how to capitalise letters properly?
**capitalize