Last minute Plus 1

lyndausvi · November 2016

Knottie1455560017 said:

haha that is too funny. yep, you all are right, I don't have any kind of business being here. I wouldn't call someone a "douchecanoe" in real life much less behind a keyboard to someone I don't even know. I do like the blunt advice, just think some of it comes off really bad. sometimes you need a new perspective to point out things you have become accustomed to. you all have fun, i'll be getting my advice from friends and family and people who actually know me from now on. thanks

The thing is family and friends often do not tell you how they really feel. Especially towards a bride. Many people have a "your the bride, it's YOUR day. Do whatever you want" attitude. Sometimes you need a true outsider to put things back into perspective.

We are very much about treating your guest properly. Many of us have been there, done there. Some of us have also been treated poorly by our "friends/family" at weddings before. We want to guide future couples not to do the same.

You should stick around. We have a lot of good advice. We are also fun, like to get to know other posters. Every Thursday on Wedding Woes we read a bunch of Dear Prudie letters and analyze them. Sometimes we have difference in opinions, but for the most part we are respectful to each other.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2016

Knottie1455560017 said:

@prettygirllost I was just trying to spread some positivity and encourage the OP, not saying that it would have been okay to reject the SO. I'm new here, but I sure can't figure out why everyone comes off so mean all the time. Maybe I'm reading the tone incorrectly, but assuming we are all brides-to-be shouldn't everyone be happy and positive? I know that for me personally, this is the most happy I have ever been in my life and I literally couldn't ask for anything more. I want to spread that happiness with rational opinions and comments instead of projecting a negative connotation.

And we're here trying to spread good manners and reality.

We want brides and grooms to understand that 1st and foremost their responsibilities are to be good hosts to their guests. Contrary to what the wedding industry feeds you, your wedding is not YOUR day, and therefore you can do whatever you want in the name of your own selfishness and your vision.

When someone posts that they are doing something rude, they are going to be told, in no uncertain terms, that what they are doing is rude. That's in no way irrational or negative, it's just the cold hard truth.

And most of us have been in scores of weddings and been subjected to rude treatment by supposed friends and family members, so we know rude shit when we see it written here and we have very little tolerance for it anymore.

Knottie0b3f6f4e2e61f5fe said:

haha that is too funny. yep, you all are right, I don't have any kind of business being here. I wouldn't call someone a "douchecanoe" in real life much less behind a keyboard to someone I don't even know. I do like the blunt advice, just think some of it comes off really bad. sometimes you need a new perspective to point out things you have become accustomed to. you all have fun, i'll be getting my advice from friends and family and people who actually know me from now on. thanks

AKA I'll be receiving validation from people who likely won't tell me how they really feel and allow me to walk all over them for the sake of my Most Beautiful, Perfect, Special Day.

That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .

Heffalump · November 2016

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1455560017 said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1455560017 said:

haha that is too funny. yep, you all are right, I don't have any kind of business being here. I wouldn't call someone a "douchecanoe" in real life much less behind a keyboard to someone I don't even know. I do like the blunt advice, just think some of it comes off really bad. sometimes you need a new perspective to point out things you have become accustomed to. you all have fun, i'll be getting my advice from friends and family and people who actually know me from now on. thanks

Any chance one of those friends, family or people who actually know you can teach you how to capitalise letters properly?

**capitalize

Read a book. American spelling isn't universal. I am not American. In fact, most of the English Speaking World uses -ise insead of -ize. Add that to the list the things your friends, family and people that know you can hopefully teach you.

@LondonLisa,

Also, if you say yes then it can be the happiest time of my life all over again and I won't be such a bitter, married old hag. Then I will be better equipped to vomit rainbows all over people's bad ideas, which is apparently the whole point of these boards.

Oh, and re:

Knottie0b3f6f4e2e61f5fe said:

**capitalize

LondonLisa · November 2016

Heffalump said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1455560017 said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1455560017 said:

haha that is too funny. yep, you all are right, I don't have any kind of business being here. I wouldn't call someone a "douchecanoe" in real life much less behind a keyboard to someone I don't even know. I do like the blunt advice, just think some of it comes off really bad. sometimes you need a new perspective to point out things you have become accustomed to. you all have fun, i'll be getting my advice from friends and family and people who actually know me from now on. thanks

Any chance one of those friends, family or people who actually know you can teach you how to capitalise letters properly?

**capitalize

Read a book. American spelling isn't universal. I am not American. In fact, most of the English Speaking World uses -ise insead of -ize. Add that to the list the things your friends, family and people that know you can hopefully teach you.

@LondonLisa,
Also, if you say yes then it can be the happiest time of my life all over again and I won't be such a bitter, married old hag. Then I will be better equipped to vomit rainbows all over people's bad ideas, which is apparently the whole point of these boards.
Oh, and re:

Knottie0b3f6f4e2e61f5fe said:

**capitalize

**Actual wedding photo**

[Deleted User] · November 2016

PrettyGirlLost said:

Knottie1455560017 said:

@prettygirllost I was just trying to spread some positivity and encourage the OP, not saying that it would have been okay to reject the SO. I'm new here, but I sure can't figure out why everyone comes off so mean all the time. Maybe I'm reading the tone incorrectly, but assuming we are all brides-to-be shouldn't everyone be happy and positive? I know that for me personally, this is the most happy I have ever been in my life and I literally couldn't ask for anything more. I want to spread that happiness with rational opinions and comments instead of projecting a negative connotation.

And we're here trying to spread good manners and reality.

We want brides and grooms to understand that 1st and foremost their responsibilities are to be good hosts to their guests. Contrary to what the wedding industry feeds you, your wedding is not YOUR day, and therefore you can do whatever you want in the name of your own selfishness and your vision.

When someone posts that they are doing something rude, they are going to be told, in no uncertain terms, that what they are doing is rude. That's in no way irrational or negative, it's just the cold hard truth.

And most of us have been in scores of weddings and been subjected to rude treatment by supposed friends and family members, so we know rude shit when we see it written here and we have very little tolerance for it anymore.

Knottie0b3f6f4e2e61f5fe said:

haha that is too funny. yep, you all are right, I don't have any kind of business being here. I wouldn't call someone a "douchecanoe" in real life much less behind a keyboard to someone I don't even know. I do like the blunt advice, just think some of it comes off really bad. sometimes you need a new perspective to point out things you have become accustomed to. you all have fun, i'll be getting my advice from friends and family and people who actually know me from now on. thanks

AKA I'll be receiving validation from people who likely won't tell me how they really feel and allow me to walk all over them for the sake of my Most Beautiful, Perfect, Special Day.

That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .

This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

kimmiinthemitten · November 2016

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:.
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Profanity does not equal rudeness. Calling someone stupid on the other hand....

[Deleted User] · November 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:.
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Profanity does not equal rudeness. Calling someone stupid on the other hand....

Profanity does not equal rudeness!?! That's why I love this site. Random points on politeness that make not sense. Swearing at someone's ideas is rude. Calling someone stupid is rude - I'm not trying to hide from my actions, unlike some. Like I said, for many on this site, the only people they care about are wedding guests apparently.

kimmiinthemitten · November 2016

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:.
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Profanity does not equal rudeness. Calling someone stupid on the other hand....

Profanity does not equal rudeness!?! That's why I love this site. Random points on politeness that make not sense. Swearing at someone's ideas is rude. Calling someone stupid is rude - I'm not trying to hide from my actions, unlike some.

No, why is the word shit rude when describing poor behavior?

I'm glad you own your own rudeness though, while condemning it in others.

[Deleted User] · November 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:.
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Profanity does not equal rudeness. Calling someone stupid on the other hand....

Profanity does not equal rudeness!?! That's why I love this site. Random points on politeness that make not sense. Swearing at someone's ideas is rude. Calling someone stupid is rude - I'm not trying to hide from my actions, unlike some.

No, why is the word shit rude when describing poor behavior?

I'm glad you own your own rudeness though, while condemning it in others.

Maybe people just use more swearing in everyday speech where you live. I condemn others who purport to lecture on the topic. Would your say your boss's idea was 'shit?' Would you say that to work colleagues, people you don't know well etc. If the answer is no, then you know why - BECAUSE IT'S RUDE.

kimmiinthemitten · November 2016

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:.
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Profanity does not equal rudeness. Calling someone stupid on the other hand....

Profanity does not equal rudeness!?! That's why I love this site. Random points on politeness that make not sense. Swearing at someone's ideas is rude. Calling someone stupid is rude - I'm not trying to hide from my actions, unlike some.

No, why is the word shit rude when describing poor behavior?

I'm glad you own your own rudeness though, while condemning it in others.

Maybe people just use more swearing in everyday speech where you live. I condemn others who purport to lecture on the topic. Would your say your boss's idea was 'shit?' Would you say that to work colleagues, people you don't know well etc. If the answer is no, then you know why - BECAUSE IT'S RUDE.

We swear at my work all the time, and yes my boss has had some really shitty ideas.

[Deleted User] · November 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:.
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Profanity does not equal rudeness. Calling someone stupid on the other hand....

Profanity does not equal rudeness!?! That's why I love this site. Random points on politeness that make not sense. Swearing at someone's ideas is rude. Calling someone stupid is rude - I'm not trying to hide from my actions, unlike some.

No, why is the word shit rude when describing poor behavior?

I'm glad you own your own rudeness though, while condemning it in others.

Maybe people just use more swearing in everyday speech where you live. I condemn others who purport to lecture on the topic. Would your say your boss's idea was 'shit?' Would you say that to work colleagues, people you don't know well etc. If the answer is no, then you know why - BECAUSE IT'S RUDE.

We swear at my work all the time, and yes my boss has had some really shitty ideas.

I think americans where you are have different standards of politeness compared to people in the UK (where I am).

glasgowtolondon · November 2016

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:.
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Profanity does not equal rudeness. Calling someone stupid on the other hand....

Profanity does not equal rudeness!?! That's why I love this site. Random points on politeness that make not sense. Swearing at someone's ideas is rude. Calling someone stupid is rude - I'm not trying to hide from my actions, unlike some.

No, why is the word shit rude when describing poor behavior?

I'm glad you own your own rudeness though, while condemning it in others.

Maybe people just use more swearing in everyday speech where you live. I condemn others who purport to lecture on the topic. Would your say your boss's idea was 'shit?' Would you say that to work colleagues, people you don't know well etc. If the answer is no, then you know why - BECAUSE IT'S RUDE.

We swear at my work all the time, and yes my boss has had some really shitty ideas.

I think americans where you are have different standards of politeness compared to people in the UK (where I am).

Lol! I am in the UK and can confirm that this is not true at all. Brits love to swear, maybe it's just where you are?!

[Deleted User] · November 2016

glasgowtolondon said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:.
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Profanity does not equal rudeness. Calling someone stupid on the other hand....

Profanity does not equal rudeness!?! That's why I love this site. Random points on politeness that make not sense. Swearing at someone's ideas is rude. Calling someone stupid is rude - I'm not trying to hide from my actions, unlike some.

No, why is the word shit rude when describing poor behavior?

I'm glad you own your own rudeness though, while condemning it in others.

Maybe people just use more swearing in everyday speech where you live. I condemn others who purport to lecture on the topic. Would your say your boss's idea was 'shit?' Would you say that to work colleagues, people you don't know well etc. If the answer is no, then you know why - BECAUSE IT'S RUDE.

We swear at my work all the time, and yes my boss has had some really shitty ideas.

I think americans where you are have different standards of politeness compared to people in the UK (where I am).

Lol! I am in the UK and can confirm that this is not true at all. Brits love to swear, maybe it's just where you are?!

You swear at your boss? Yeah, maybe it's my region, but we don't normally swear at the boss.

LondonLisa · November 2016

Are you having a laugh?! That people on the UK don't swear?! We are the country of Gordon Ramsay, Ricky Gervais, Malcolm Tucker and Guy Richie films. Get a ruddy grip.

[Deleted User] · November 2016

LondonLisa said:

Are you having a laugh?! That people on the UK don't swear?! We are the country of Gordon Ramsay, Ricky Gervais, Malcolm Tucker and Guy Richie films. Get a ruddy grip.

I never said people in the UK don't swear. There are rude people everywhere. I was making the point that if you want to tell people about politeness and manners, maybe don't swear at the person you are supposedly helping.

glasgowtolondon · November 2016

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

glasgowtolondon said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:.
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Profanity does not equal rudeness. Calling someone stupid on the other hand....

Profanity does not equal rudeness!?! That's why I love this site. Random points on politeness that make not sense. Swearing at someone's ideas is rude. Calling someone stupid is rude - I'm not trying to hide from my actions, unlike some.

No, why is the word shit rude when describing poor behavior?

I'm glad you own your own rudeness though, while condemning it in others.

Maybe people just use more swearing in everyday speech where you live. I condemn others who purport to lecture on the topic. Would your say your boss's idea was 'shit?' Would you say that to work colleagues, people you don't know well etc. If the answer is no, then you know why - BECAUSE IT'S RUDE.

We swear at my work all the time, and yes my boss has had some really shitty ideas.

I think americans where you are have different standards of politeness compared to people in the UK (where I am).

Lol! I am in the UK and can confirm that this is not true at all. Brits love to swear, maybe it's just where you are?!

You swear at your boss? Yeah, maybe it's my region, but we don't normally swear at the boss.

Swearing at someone and swearing in their presence are two very different things. And while I'm in this convo, no one here is your subordinate so I don't really think its the same situation. This site can be tough for some more sensitive types, but generally speaking if you are open to blunt opinion this place will help you plan a better wedding. If not, this isn't going to be a good place for you. Take your pick.

kimmiinthemitten · November 2016

LondonLisa said:

Are you having a laugh?! That people on the UK don't swear?! We are the country of Gordon Ramsay, Ricky Gervais, Malcolm Tucker and Guy Richie films. Get a ruddy grip.

Oh she has one, it's planted firmly on her pearls.

[Deleted User] · November 2016

glasgowtolondon said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

glasgowtolondon said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:.
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Profanity does not equal rudeness. Calling someone stupid on the other hand....

Profanity does not equal rudeness!?! That's why I love this site. Random points on politeness that make not sense. Swearing at someone's ideas is rude. Calling someone stupid is rude - I'm not trying to hide from my actions, unlike some.

No, why is the word shit rude when describing poor behavior?

I'm glad you own your own rudeness though, while condemning it in others.

Maybe people just use more swearing in everyday speech where you live. I condemn others who purport to lecture on the topic. Would your say your boss's idea was 'shit?' Would you say that to work colleagues, people you don't know well etc. If the answer is no, then you know why - BECAUSE IT'S RUDE.

We swear at my work all the time, and yes my boss has had some really shitty ideas.

I think americans where you are have different standards of politeness compared to people in the UK (where I am).

Lol! I am in the UK and can confirm that this is not true at all. Brits love to swear, maybe it's just where you are?!

You swear at your boss? Yeah, maybe it's my region, but we don't normally swear at the boss.

Swearing at someone and swearing in their presence are two very different things. And while I'm in this convo, no one here is your subordinate so I don't really think its the same situation. This site can be tough for some more sensitive types, but generally speaking if you are open to blunt opinion this place will help you plan a better wedding. If not, this isn't going to be a good place for you. Take your pick.

Never said I was superior, please point to where I called someone my surbordinate. I was just pointing out the contradictory nature of 'helping' people on manner whilst simultaneously giving advice in the most rude way possible. This happens a lot on this site. People who use logic like yours this, 'I say it how it is approach' are often rude. It's like women who say 'I'm a b***h, I don't care what people' like it is somehow a good quality.

For example, if someone said do I look good in this dress and they actually do look bad, there are different approaches:

The Knot approach: Yeah you look fat, it's gross, why did you even consider that dress.

A more polite approach: That dress doesn't quite suit, I would advise something that flatters your figure.
I'm not sensitive, just felt sorry for the OP and I don't like people being treated badly online. But someone people don't care.

[Deleted User] · November 2016

Blunt in many respects can be another way of being unduly mean. It's another word to describe something entirely different. Like calling something a real wedding when it is a PPD. You guys hate that, right?

glasgowtolondon · November 2016

I think americans where you are have different standards of politeness compared to people in the UK (where I am).

Lol! I am in the UK and can confirm that this is not true at all. Brits love to swear, maybe it's just where you are?!

You swear at your boss? Yeah, maybe it's my region, but we don't normally swear at the boss.

Swearing at someone and swearing in their presence are two very different things. And while I'm in this convo, no one here is your subordinate so I don't really think its the same situation. This site can be tough for some more sensitive types, but generally speaking if you are open to blunt opinion this place will help you plan a better wedding. If not, this isn't going to be a good place for you. Take your pick.

Never said I was superior, please point to where I called someone my surbordinate. I was just pointing out the contradictory nature of 'helping' people on manner whilst simultaneously giving advice in the most rude way possible. This happens a lot on this site. People who use logic like yours this, 'I say it how it is approach' are often rude. It's like women who say 'I'm a b***h, I don't care what people' like it is somehow a good quality.

For example, if someone said do I look good in this dress and they actually do look badthere are different approaches:

The Knot approach: Yeah you look fat, it's gross, why did you even consider that dress.

A more polite approach: That dress doesn't suit you, I would advise something that flatters your figure.

You asked if any of the posters would swear at their boss. This is the exact quote from you:

"Would your say your boss's idea was 'shit?' "

Hence why I said noone here is your subordinate. What you might have said was "Would you say your friends idea was 'shit'?.

I don't agree that telling someone their idea - that they can totally change - is the same as telling someone they look fat. The scenarios you are coming up with are not equal.

Eta: quote tree is out of control

SP29 · November 2016

Big difference between saying "You are stupid" and "That idea is stupid". You did the former, Knottie.

artbyallie · November 2016

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

glasgowtolondon said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

glasgowtolondon said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:.
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Profanity does not equal rudeness. Calling someone stupid on the other hand....

Profanity does not equal rudeness!?! That's why I love this site. Random points on politeness that make not sense. Swearing at someone's ideas is rude. Calling someone stupid is rude - I'm not trying to hide from my actions, unlike some.

No, why is the word shit rude when describing poor behavior?

I'm glad you own your own rudeness though, while condemning it in others.

Maybe people just use more swearing in everyday speech where you live. I condemn others who purport to lecture on the topic. Would your say your boss's idea was 'shit?' Would you say that to work colleagues, people you don't know well etc. If the answer is no, then you know why - BECAUSE IT'S RUDE.

We swear at my work all the time, and yes my boss has had some really shitty ideas.

I think americans where you are have different standards of politeness compared to people in the UK (where I am).

Lol! I am in the UK and can confirm that this is not true at all. Brits love to swear, maybe it's just where you are?!

You swear at your boss? Yeah, maybe it's my region, but we don't normally swear at the boss.

Swearing at someone and swearing in their presence are two very different things. And while I'm in this convo, no one here is your subordinate so I don't really think its the same situation. This site can be tough for some more sensitive types, but generally speaking if you are open to blunt opinion this place will help you plan a better wedding. If not, this isn't going to be a good place for you. Take your pick.

Never said I was superior, please point to where I called someone my surbordinate. I was just pointing out the contradictory nature of 'helping' people on manner whilst simultaneously giving advice in the most rude way possible. This happens a lot on this site. People who use logic like yours this, 'I say it how it is approach' are often rude. It's like women who say 'I'm a b***h, I don't care what people' like it is somehow a good quality.

For example, if someone said do I look good in this dress and they actually do look bad, there are different approaches:

The Knot approach: Yeah you look fat, it's gross, why did you even consider that dress.

A more polite approach: That dress doesn't quite suit, I would advise something that flatters your figure.
I'm not sensitive, just felt sorry for the OP and I don't like people being treated badly online. But someone people don't care.

Okay, now this would actually be rude and against TOS. But guess what? We don't say shit like that. Saying someone's behavior/ideas are shitty and gross =/= saying they are shitty and gross, which is not acceptable. Reading comprehension is a wonderful thing.

drunkenwitch · November 2016

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

Blunt in many respects can be another way of being unduly mean. It's another word to describe something entirely different. Like calling something a real wedding when it is a PPD. You guys hate that, right?

Oh my, did we hit a nerve? funny you should mention that out of nowhere .

drunkenwitch · November 2016

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:.
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Profanity does not equal rudeness. Calling someone stupid on the other hand....

Profanity does not equal rudeness!?! That's why I love this site. Random points on politeness that make not sense. Swearing at someone's ideas is rude. Calling someone stupid is rude - I'm not trying to hide from my actions, unlike some.

No, why is the word shit rude when describing poor behavior?

I'm glad you own your own rudeness though, while condemning it in others.

Maybe people just use more swearing in everyday speech where you live. I condemn others who purport to lecture on the topic. Would your say your boss's idea was 'shit?' Would you say that to work colleagues, people you don't know well etc. If the answer is no, then you know why - BECAUSE IT'S RUDE.

Not to his face persay, but I have said to him " you are the reason I drink". does that count?

DrillSergeantCat · November 2016

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:
This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

So what I'm taking away from this is that the word "shit" offends you because no one said her idea was shit. Replace it with stuff or leave it out. The sentiment is the same. Usually (this means not always but quite frequently) people who say "I'll be getting my advice from my friends and family from now on" really are saying " I'll be receiving validation from people who likely won't tell me how they really feel and allow me to walk all over them for the sake of my Most Beautiful, Perfect, Special Day." Because your friends and family won't tell you, usually, that having a cash bar, tiered reception, separating your WP from their date, refusing invitations to SO's, etc are bad ideas that could hurt feelings.

In this particular instance, the bride is probably just venting. I did the same the week before my wedding. I had a very similar situation with a friend who insisted she wasn't bringing anyone, then the week before changed her mind. I came here and said how frustrating it was, but I knew I couldn't say no since it was her husband.

With this particular question, refusing her sister a date who also happens to be her boyfriend could cause long term hurt feelings and since it's family, those hurts are likely to be felt frequently. I'd much rather offend a stranger on the internet with my bluntness than that stranger go off and offend her loved one.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2016

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Knottie1455560017 said:

@prettygirllost I was just trying to spread some positivity and encourage the OP, not saying that it would have been okay to reject the SO. I'm new here, but I sure can't figure out why everyone comes off so mean all the time. Maybe I'm reading the tone incorrectly, but assuming we are all brides-to-be shouldn't everyone be happy and positive? I know that for me personally, this is the most happy I have ever been in my life and I literally couldn't ask for anything more. I want to spread that happiness with rational opinions and comments instead of projecting a negative connotation.

And we're here trying to spread good manners and reality.

We want brides and grooms to understand that 1st and foremost their responsibilities are to be good hosts to their guests. Contrary to what the wedding industry feeds you, your wedding is not YOUR day, and therefore you can do whatever you want in the name of your own selfishness and your vision.

When someone posts that they are doing something rude, they are going to be told, in no uncertain terms, that what they are doing is rude. That's in no way irrational or negative, it's just the cold hard truth.

And most of us have been in scores of weddings and been subjected to rude treatment by supposed friends and family members, so we know rude shit when we see it written here and we have very little tolerance for it anymore.

Knottie0b3f6f4e2e61f5fe said:

haha that is too funny. yep, you all are right, I don't have any kind of business being here. I wouldn't call someone a "douchecanoe" in real life much less behind a keyboard to someone I don't even know. I do like the blunt advice, just think some of it comes off really bad. sometimes you need a new perspective to point out things you have become accustomed to. you all have fun, i'll be getting my advice from friends and family and people who actually know me from now on. thanks

AKA I'll be receiving validation from people who likely won't tell me how they really feel and allow me to walk all over them for the sake of my Most Beautiful, Perfect, Special Day.

That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .

This site is an interesting read and I like seeing what people say, but you can hardly say it's about spreading good manners. A lot of posters are rude, abrasive and aggressive. People who say things like 'I tell it like it is,' or telling the 'cold, hard truth' are actually normally trying to excuse their own rudeness. People on this site seem to think it's only important to be polite to wedding guests and nobody else, that's how it seems to me. I find the contradictory rudeness quite funny!

I think that you are reading an incorrect tone into a lot of the posts on this forum. Other than a single thread where a poster used the word "douchcanoe" none of the other responses in this thread are rude or aggressive. Abrasive? Maybe, that all depends on the tone in which you choose to read the posts. The posts in these thread mostly come across to me as matter of fact and direct.

Do you honestly think saying:
'That's usually what posters mean when they say shit like that. . .' is polite? I actually agree with you, but I wouldn't say that if I was attempting to tell someone how to be polite. Maybe you need advice on how to treat people who aren't wedding guests.

No, it's not exactly meant to be polite. I'm being snarky.

Are you actually stupid enough to believe that good manners and using words like 'shit' to describe someone's thoughts go together? You must hear how ridiculous you sound, as if you could teach anyone about manners.

Honey, the two are not mutually exclusive. No idea why you think they are. But this is a classic logic fallacy we see on these boards all the time when posters get their panties in a wad because we aren't validating them.

This is not a general social etiquette forum, it's specifically a wedding etiquette forum. We are here trying to teach people about proper wedding and reception etiquette.

We're not trying to teach ppl that swearing is bad. . . which personally I don't find it to be rude or pearl clutching in the least, especially a term as mild as "shit" FFS.

BTW, I thought you were leaving?

PrettyGirlLost · November 2016

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

LondonLisa said:

Are you having a laugh?! That people on the UK don't swear?! We are the country of Gordon Ramsay, Ricky Gervais, Malcolm Tucker and Guy Richie films. Get a ruddy grip.

I never said people in the UK don't swear. There are rude people everywhere. I was making the point that if you want to tell people about politeness and manners, maybe don't swear at the person you are supposedly helping.

For the record, I didn't swear at a single person. I used the word "shit" in the context of a sentence as a synonym for the word "stuff."

If I were to have instead written, "That's a shitty idea, what the fuck are you thinking," perhaps then you could consider that me swearing at someone.

Good.Grief ><

climbingsingle · November 2016

Knottie8f6a5db42e0a0a3d said:

Never said I was superior, please point to where I called someone my surbordinate. I was just pointing out the contradictory nature of 'helping' people on manner whilst simultaneously giving advice in the most rude way possible. This happens a lot on this site. People who use logic like yours this, 'I say it how it is approach' are often rude. It's like women who say 'I'm a b***h, I don't care what people' like it is somehow a good quality.

For example, if someone said do I look good in this dress and they actually do look bad, there are different approaches:

The Knot approach: Yeah you look fat, it's gross, why did you even consider that dress.

A more polite approach: That dress doesn't quite suit, I would advise something that flatters your figure.
I'm not sensitive, just felt sorry for the OP and I don't like people being treated badly online. But someone people don't care.

Ok, you need to get a grip. None of us would ever say that about someone's dress, and it's also against the TOS for this website. Why are you so angry?

ILoveBeachMusic · November 2016

I have to laugh at the cursing comments. I hardly ever curse (maybe say "shit" now and again). Since being on these boards I say" Fuck" in my head a lot more. It has not made it to my everyday vocabulary yet LOL!

ernursej · November 2016

Oh my. I missed a fantastic popcorn grabbing thread.

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