Etiquette

Only wedding party to rehearsal dinner?

edited December 2016 in Etiquette
I have seen in previous posts that proper etiquette is to invite anyone that had to travel to the rehearsal dinner. However, everyone has to travel for our wedding as it is a destination wedding. It is in the state we live in, but requires most people to drive for 2-4 hours. We have been planning to just do a cookout at a house our parents are renting - very laid back and casual. Our wedding party and their significant others are invited, and then our immediate families of course (our parents & our siblings). We are paying for the wedding ourselves and are not really in the position to throw a huge party to cover food and booze the night before the wedding in addition to the reception. We have been to a couple of these casual cookout rehearsal dinners and love the idea of just doing a small cookout with the wedding party and our immediate family. Our plan after the cookout is to let everyone know we'll be at a bar at the resort and people can come join us if they wish.
Are we totally breaking protocol by not inviting everyone who traveled (which is literally everybody)? 

Re: Only wedding party to rehearsal dinner?

  • I have seen in previous posts that proper etiquette is to invite anyone that had to travel to the rehearsal dinner. However, everyone has to travel for our wedding as it is a destination wedding. It is in the state we live in, but requires most people to drive for 2-4 hours. We have been planning to just do a cookout at a house our parents are renting - very laid back and casual. Our wedding party and their significant others are invited, and then our immediate families of course (our parents & our siblings). We are paying for the wedding ourselves and are not really in the position to throw a huge party to cover food and booze the night before the wedding in addition to the reception. We have been to a couple of these casual cookout rehearsal dinners and love the idea of just doing a small cookout with the wedding party and our immediate family. Our plan after the cookout is to let everyone know we'll be at a bar at the resort and people can come join us if they wish.
    Are we totally breaking protocol by not inviting everyone who traveled (which is literally everybody)? 
    The only people the need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner are the people that are involved in the rehearsal and their SOs. Anything above and beyond that is optional. 
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassySP29cowgirl8238
  • Nope, you're fine. H and I hosted 12 people at our home for pizza, pasta and wine for our RD.  As long as you've invited immediate family, WP members, and the SOs of any of them, and you provide enough food appropriate to the time of day, you're fine.  
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    No, the only people who need to be invited to a rehearsal dinner are the immediate family members, wedding party members, and their SOs-even for a destination wedding. You're fine.
    SP29
  • I think the etiquette most places is to just include WP, SOs (and family if anyone in your WP is a minor). Make sure those people are invited and you're good!

    My FILs are including all OOT family for our RD because I guess that's maybe an old-timey Southern thing? I was confused at first because I'd only ever attended the RD previously as part of the WP.
  • I would say that it is tradition to invite OOT guests to the RD (for the reasons lyndausvi stated above). But the purpose of the RD is to thank those who attended your rehearsal, thus etiquette states only those involved in the rehearsal need to be invited (with their SOs, as the RD is a social event).

    And different than etiquette, traditions change. Where once OOT guests were very seldom, now they are much more common, thus inviting OOT guests to the RD may be unreasonable (i.e. where you are inviting your entire guest list to the RD). Not that you couldn't, if you wanted to, but then you're getting into the realm of a welcome dinner/party.

    A casual RD is just fine. You must thank those who participated with food and drink appropriate to the time of day- what you actually serve and where, is up to you. We had our RD at my grandparent's apartment. My parents + SOs (divorced parents) and grandparents provided the meal. We invited WP + SOs, immediate family and two OOT guests who were staying at my mom's house at the time.
    charlotte989875
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
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    Some people like to and can afford to invite all their OOT guests, but it's not a requirement, as PPs have said. We invited all of ours because it was only a few people. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Keep in mind also that, if you don't have a rehearsal, you don't need a rehearsal dinner anyway.  Most couples and their WP don't need a rehearsal.  I usually think of the R and following RD as a fun way to get together with a smaller, closer group of people the day or two before the wedding.

    But if finances are tight and you all would prefer to just ixnay the whole rehearsal, that's fine.

    Caveat:  If you do have a rehearsal, than you do need a rehearsal dinner for the WP.  You can't just ixnay the dinner part. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited December 2016
    Beyond the wedding party, you should invite anyone else who participated in the rehearsal. Readers and singers if you have them. Potentially the officiant (although they may decline, and I tend to think you don't have to if they're a paid vendor as opposed to, say, your pastor or a friend). Also grandparents and parents if they rehearse being part of the procession. 

    Knottie10724897short+sassycowgirl8238
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