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Wedding Etiquette Forum
RSVP card wording etiquette
I would like an opinion. For our reception we are having an Italian buffet which is $40 per person and way more that a child of 11 and under could eat. For this reason we are opting to provide children 11 and under a kids meal of which they will have three options to choose from as those will be $18 per kid. The kids plated meals will be served right upon seating so that they do not have to wait long. I would like to indicated on my RSVP cards politely that for children 11 and under a kids meal will be what is being provided. Of course if they want to nibble off their parents plate and or their parents go up for seconds to share a bit with the kids that is fine as well.
On my reception RSVP card under dinner selection I was thinking of putting the following verbiage:
Dinner Selection (children 11 and under will be served a special plated meal)
#______ Adults
#______ Children 11 and under (select from options below)
#______ Option 1
#______ Option 2
#______ Option 3
+Indicate any special dietary restrictions or allergies________________
Does this provide clear expectations for any parents bringing children 11 and under that their children will be given special attention to make sure they have good food right away but that the adult buffet is for the adults only without being rude?
On my reception RSVP card under dinner selection I was thinking of putting the following verbiage:
Dinner Selection (children 11 and under will be served a special plated meal)
#______ Adults
#______ Children 11 and under (select from options below)
#______ Option 1
#______ Option 2
#______ Option 3
+Indicate any special dietary restrictions or allergies________________
Does this provide clear expectations for any parents bringing children 11 and under that their children will be given special attention to make sure they have good food right away but that the adult buffet is for the adults only without being rude?
Best Answers
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MesmrEwe
member
Choose a cheaper buffet option than $40/pp and the problem is solved...
Really OP - this comes across as a bit rude. I say a bit because I'm looking at the situation from an in the trenches with kids that age perspective "If I were to get an invitation like this..." My DH would probably like one of the kids' meal options instead of the buffet because he's not a "sauce" kind of guy. OTOH, dietary restrictions might make one of those kid meal options more functional to some of your guests. Those are the challenges you're presenting here.
___ Italian Buffet (Sell the sizzle not the steak)
___ (kids) Meal A
___ (kids) Meal B
___ (kids) Meal C
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lovesclimbing member
First, I don't think having kids served separately is a good idea. Depending on the age of the child, many parents won't want to leave their kids eating while they go get a plate. They want to be able to wipe a blob before it falls on their outfit, shove the plate further up on the table as it works its way toward the edge, tell them to slow down and chew with their mouth closed, etc. So you'll probably have parents eating significantly later than everyone else and potentially altering your schedule for dances, cake cutting, toasts, etc. because they're still eating.
Is there any way to ask the venue to just reduce the price for kids at the buffet? I think that would be a lot easier. Additionally, not all kids eat less than adults. I know and have known plenty of young boys who eat more than I do! -
charlotte989875
member
Fair enough I may not have it read it that closely. I guess I don't see the problem with offering a children's meal, but also providing the buffet if that's what they prefer. I do think making it expressly clear children aren't welcome to the buffet would be rude.AddieCake said:Exactly. @charlotte989875 , she is looking to make sure that her wording conveys that the kids are not welcome to the buffet and that it's adults only b/c it's $40 a person.
I agree with someone above in asking if there is a reduced price option for children's buffet.
Re: RSVP card wording etiquette
TBH, the buffet and prices sounds weird to me. IME, a buffet is a buffet- you pay a price per person and with a buffet having so many options, everyone ideally has SOMETHING they like and can take as much or as little as they want. I can't say I've seen a kids meal offered when there is a buffet (usually it is when there are plated meals). I can understand why you'd like to pay a lesser cost for a kids meal vs. an adult, but I'm surprised your venue offers separate kids meals and doesn't just charge less per kid- how does your venue know parents aren't going to pile their plate up high and then given a portion to their children?
I think the best option on your RSVP is to let your guests know that 3 kids meal options are available. Something like:
Dinner Selections- an Italian Buffet will be served. Children 11 and under have the option to choose from 3 plated meal choices.
______ # of Adults
______ Kids Meal A
______ Kids Meal B
______ Kids Meal C
I was hoping for thoughts and possible options I could create that would be appealing and not confusing, as well as other avenues I had not thought of. I didn't realize maybe I should push back on my venue to see if they can grant me the option of discounted buffet pricing for the kids. The $40 for buffet is the true price as there is going to be 3 appetizers, 3 main courses, 3 sides, 2 desserts, in addition to the cake. It's about staying within my budget and being fiscally responsible, not cheap. I was honestly looking for suggestions and others perspectives not to be personally berated and/or made to feel shamed (STARMOON44 and AddieCake).
Thank you SP29 for the other wording layout. I do like that format much better and will be using on my RSVP, much appreciated! Also thank you to those who have children for providing your perspective as a guest bringing their child. We don't have children so it absolutely helps to have this info. We are for sure going to find a way to get those kids activity packs to keep the little ones entertained and give the parents a breather too!
Thank you all!
We only had a few kids, and they did all order a kids meal, but they were 2-8 years old. I do agree that as an 11 year old, I would have wanted the adult food, and I would have wanted to be like my cousin who is 2 years older.
Activity packs are nice, but not necessary. I agree that if they are your budget hold up- don't do them. Your priorities need to be hosting your guests appropriately and equally. Extras are nice but not necessary- if you are cutting from your "appropriate and equal" budget (i.e. the meal) to do these extras, then don't do them.
I appreciate those who provided alternate options, and shared their perspectives on my brainstorming wedding plans! I like the activity table idea too! Perhaps I will just have the kids directed to the table and have them choose if they would like one for themselves.
Thank you!
It drives me bonkers when people use this as a comeback when their ideas aren't well received. Tons of us paid for our own weddings, and I'd gather to say that many of us only have the experience of one wedding too. Why can't we just learn to accept criticism without trying to excuse why we do things?
Now, with that being said. . . . . what are these kid meal options? Are we talking chicken nuggets and fries? Not all parents want their children to eat fried foods. Some parents prefer their children to get more fruits and veggies. I'd like to know more about the meal options for the kids.
I can tell you, already at 11 months, my son would much rather eat what the grownups at the table are having then something different and separate. If adults have different plates, a lot of kids will want that over what has been plated separately for them.
Forget it I will seek any addition answers from another form. I appreciate those that helped.
Topic closed
Oh, and to the bolded, that is against TOS, and really an overreaction to something that was not meant to be an insult. Calm down.
ETA: Here's how I picture the conversation:
Bride: Some women on The Knot who I don't even know and will probably never meet said they didn't like my idea and what I said about it. Someone even called me cheap!
Groom: They WHAT?! Oh, no. Here. I will give them a talking to, and they'll be sorry they ever messed with US!
If I said that to my H, he would laugh and tell me to grow up and get over myself. He would not log in to my account to "defend" me. Sometimes I seriously wonder how people like this are able to function in daily life.