How do you deal with relatives that don't make an effort to come?

*Barbie* · December 2016

i agree with PP that pointed out that you didn't confirm the dates with him before booking - if it was that important, you should have confirmed his schedule in advance.

also, as all of this information has come secondhand, you might want to confer with him directly - or wait for your RSVP date to see his actual response.

also in agreement with PP that it's an invite, not a subpoena. you can feel however you feel, but ultimately your stepbrother needs to make the best choices for himself and his family - if that means not pulling the kids from school for the wedding, or using his vacation time and money at his discretion, you don't really get to say.

GBCK · December 2016

WinstonsGirl said:

Talk to him. Don't rely on second hand information.

I went through something similar. My Uncle doesn't talk much to the rest of the family, due to issues that had nothing to do with us kids years ago. He was still invited to our wedding, which was in Hawaii. They said no. Their reasoning was that they didn't go to my Brother's wedding (due to the fight), so they weren't going to anyone's wedding. *snip*

Can I just say your uncle is a bit of an ass?
Who doesn't understand the difference between fair and equal?
You're dealing w/ it with grace, but, still, an ass.

WinstonsGirl · December 2016

GBCK said:

WinstonsGirl said:

Talk to him. Don't rely on second hand information.

I went through something similar. My Uncle doesn't talk much to the rest of the family, due to issues that had nothing to do with us kids years ago. He was still invited to our wedding, which was in Hawaii. They said no. Their reasoning was that they didn't go to my Brother's wedding (due to the fight), so they weren't going to anyone's wedding. *snip*

Can I just say your uncle is a bit of an ass?
Who doesn't understand the difference between fair and equal?
You're dealing w/ it with grace, but, still, an ass.

Thanks. My main issue is that the fight has nothing to do with us kids, but we're getting dragged into it anyway. Whatever, It's his loss to miss out on family things over stupid stuff

MesmrEwe · December 2016

OP - stop jumping, it'll exhaust you and nothing will come of it that's good. All of this info has come second hand which equals unreliable until you confirm from the source, your brother. Think of this like a good reporter would, trust but verify. No more jumping to conclusions until you have his RSVP back and have personally talked with him. If for some reason it's "no", then you pour yourself your favorite beverage of choice, have a pity party for one, and let it go because your time is valuable. Those who are there the day of your wedding the universe determined are who you needed there. Yes, it sucks when reciprocity isn't returned, or people important in your life aren't there when you need them, but your wedding is one day, schools now are insane when it comes to absent days, and since we live in an amazing time with technology even if he's not physically there, he can still be there via skype or FB Live or LivesStream, Youtube live, or any number of ways. Things will all work out as the universe intends, take a breath and relax for now until you've talked with your brother to see where he's coming from so you can feel better about the situation.

drglitter · December 2016

OP you need to actually talk to your stepbrother, ask him if he and his family are coming, and go from there. But I don't think they owe you their time because you take their kids on trips. Especially if you didn't clear the date with them before booking anything.

Families are weird. H has an uncle who doesn't speak to anyone else in the family, except his mother (H's grandmother). He will fly in for the weekend, spend it with her, and not tell his siblings he's in town. All of his nieces and nephews, including H, got a Christmas card this year. It was a pre-printed picture card and sprawled across the front in his handwriting "Just one last note to say goodbye and wish you well". Apparently we're all dead to him now.

[Deleted User] · December 2016

Thanks everyone. I'm going to wait until the actually RSVP instead of jumping the gun and thinking they're not coming. I've thought it over and yes, it would suck if he doesn't come but it's up to him what he does with this time. My European family will probably be very disappointed in him and will wonder what the heck happened, but that's not my problem.

If they do end up saying no, I will probably talk to them and just let them know gently that I'm sad they will be missing it but I understand.

How do you deal with relatives that don't make an effort to come?

Re: How do you deal with relatives that don't make an effort to come?

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