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Etiquette

Do you ladies write thank you notes for people you exchange gifts with?

For Christmas I received a number of gifts and gave a number of gifts to the same people (BF, BF's family, my family, a few friends, etc). Since gifts were exchanged should I be writing thank you notes? I have never done this in the past, and I have also never received thank you notes from people I gave holiday gifts to. I was hosted at my BF's parents home for a few days and sent a handwritten thank you note as well as a hostess gift (in addition to xmas gifts).

Just curious. This falls into the category of "etiquette I've never thought about". Personally I feel it's overkill, I don't think anyone is fuming about the lack of thankyou note for the xmas gift when I thanked them in person and also gave them a gift.

What are others' thoughts?

Re: Do you ladies write thank you notes for people you exchange gifts with?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you thanked them in person when you exchanged gifts, then you don't need to send them thank-you notes. 

    If anyone sent you a gift, you need to write them a graciously worded thank-you note, even if you also gave them a gift and they did not sent you one or thank you in person.
    MairePoppyshort+sassy
  • This always confuses me too. I always say "Thank You" but was never raised to formally send TY notes.

    For Christmas gifts, I have not.

    But what I take from what you are saying Jen, is if the gift is received in person, a verbal TY suffices, TY notes are only sent for gifts received other ways. But gifts at a shower are received and thanked for in person, yet etiquette states to send TY notes??
  • SP29 said:
    This always confuses me too. I always say "Thank You" but was never raised to formally send TY notes.

    For Christmas gifts, I have not.

    But what I take from what you are saying Jen, is if the gift is received in person, a verbal TY suffices, TY notes are only sent for gifts received other ways. But gifts at a shower are received and thanked for in person, yet etiquette states to send TY notes??
    I usually send TY notes for all occasions. Christmas I guess could be an exception since exchanges are happening. Even though I thank the person at the time for a birthday gift, I write a note.
  • i always send a written note.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We exchange gifts, in person, with my parents, our kids and their s/os. Thank you notes aren't expected.
                
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    SP29 said:
    This always confuses me too. I always say "Thank You" but was never raised to formally send TY notes.

    For Christmas gifts, I have not.

    But what I take from what you are saying Jen, is if the gift is received in person, a verbal TY suffices, TY notes are only sent for gifts received other ways. But gifts at a shower are received and thanked for in person, yet etiquette states to send TY notes??
    I think shower gifts would be an exception that requires written thank-you notes because they're given on an occasion with a gift-giving expectation. But showers are about the only occasions where that's the case. The rest of the time, a verbal thank-you should suffice.
  • Christmas is the one occasion when we don't send thank you notes, since both parties are giving and receiving. That's how my mom explained it growing up.  Birthdays, showers, or anything one-sided, definitely send a thank you.
    SP29
  • Can I ask another thank you note related question on this thread so as not to start a whole new one for a similar topic? Two questions actually:

    1. My H and I both received a number of gifts both as individuals and as a couple from both of our grandparents and I don't know how to handle doing thank you notes for them. My instinct is for the person whose family it is (so me for my grandparents, him for his) to write a joint thank you note, but I've only done that in the past when we received only gifts as a couple so IDK if the individual gifts change the equation. It seems awkward to me though for both of us to send individual notes to both sets of grandparents.

    2. In both of our families H and I have always been taught to send notes to everyone (regardless of whether gifts were mutually exchanged) except our own parents, because that feels overly fussy for the relationships we have with them. The wrinkle comes in with each of us receiving gifts from each other's parents, since obviously there isn't that same closeness and tradition of foregoing notes in that instance... do I need to send a note to his parents (and him to mine) or should I treat them like I do my own parents and follow his lead in not sending a note in this case? If it matters, we have never received thank you notes from our parents for gifts given by us to them, Christmas or otherwise.
  • Can I ask another thank you note related question on this thread so as not to start a whole new one for a similar topic? Two questions actually:

    1. My H and I both received a number of gifts both as individuals and as a couple from both of our grandparents and I don't know how to handle doing thank you notes for them. My instinct is for the person whose family it is (so me for my grandparents, him for his) to write a joint thank you note, but I've only done that in the past when we received only gifts as a couple so IDK if the individual gifts change the equation. It seems awkward to me though for both of us to send individual notes to both sets of grandparents.

    2. In both of our families H and I have always been taught to send notes to everyone (regardless of whether gifts were mutually exchanged) except our own parents, because that feels overly fussy for the relationships we have with them. The wrinkle comes in with each of us receiving gifts from each other's parents, since obviously there isn't that same closeness and tradition of foregoing notes in that instance... do I need to send a note to his parents (and him to mine) or should I treat them like I do my own parents and follow his lead in not sending a note in this case? If it matters, we have never received thank you notes from our parents for gifts given by us to them, Christmas or otherwise.
    I would write a joint thank you note mentioning all presents - individual and couple- to the grandparents. Both of you should sign them. If you haven't ever written thank you notes to parents, I think you are ok not to send them to the others parents. I will say, though, my SIL writes the best thank you notes ever. Since they have been married, he doesn't write actual notes but sends an email thanking us for whatever we have given him (birthday or Christmas). While I don't think it is really necessary, I love reading what he has written. 
    MobKazTheMostHappy15OurWildKingdom
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    No, I just thank at the time of the exchange, or I contact them by call or text to thank them if it says mailed. Pictures and thanks posted in the group for the Knotties I'm off-site friends and do SS exchange with. 

    @TheMostHappy15 I agree with @ILoveBeachMusic for your situation.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    TheMostHappy15
  • Here's how I think of it:
    • In-person gift exchange: never a thank you note
    • In-person one-sided gift received: always a thank-you note for a shower or wedding, otherwise use your discretion
    • Not in-person gift exchange: always a thank you--either verbal or a thank you note is up to your discretion
    • Not in-person one-sided gift received: always a thank-you note
    For these purposes, "in person" means the gift is physically opened in front of the person and you thank them in person at that time. If you received a gift in person but did not open it then, I'd consider that a "not in-person" gift. 

    SP29short+sassy
  • Yes, send thank you notes! My rule is you send thank you notes for gifts that came from anyone not living in your house (i don't write one to my H, and in the past didn't write one for parents and siblings). 
    We send one note for joint gifts and both sign it, but if we recieve individual gifts from ceratin people, they will get two notes.
    sparklepants41
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