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Food and Cakes

BYO food and beverage?

Is it too tacky? Im a young bride with lots of friends. We aren't too formal to begin with.

I want to have a small outdoor wedding and short reception for close friends, out if town guests and family. Then a big fun party for all of our friends. I intend to have a snack bar and entree for every one and beverages but I want people to bring their own, potluck style. 

Re: BYO food and beverage?

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    redoryx said:
    Yes, it is tacky. Very tacky. You can't ask your guests to subsidize your wedding reception. 
    QFT. I originally had the same idea, but fortunately the ladies here steered me away from it.
    ernursej
  • If you invite guests to witness your ceremony, you must thank them after with a reception that includes you hosting food and drink appropriate to the time of day. THIS is your wedding.

    The reception is to thank your guests for witnessing your ceremony. You are hosting your friends and family for this event- thus you are responsible for hosting it, which includes all the food and drink.

    Potluck anything is a no.

    Any additional parties are just that, parties. They are not part of your wedding. Which is fine- you are free to host a party for any reason. However, it sounds like you're talking about having 2 parties in your OP, in which case, if money is an issue- don't do that! Host one party you can afford (aka your wedding reception).

    When planning your wedding you need to first determine your budget, then determine who you'd like to invite (who are your VIPs? Who would you *like* to invite, but would be OK if you didn't?). THEN you decide what kind of reception you can host. Receptions can range from cake and punch that lasts about 2 hours to backyard BBQ to lunch/dinner at a restaurant to brunch/lunch/full dinner at a venue with DJ and dancing.

    Another option for you, is to have your smaller ceremony and reception (which it sounds like you were planning on doing- good!) and then host an open house "Meet the Newlyweds" a few weeks to a month or two after your wedding. Here is where you can invite your numerous friends. It's more casual, cheaper, requires less planning and is not traditionally a gift giving event. You would still be offering food and drink at this open house you are hosting, but the food can be simpler, like snacks/apps since you aren't formally holding an event over meal time. If you want to do a meal food, you can easily do BBQ hotdogs/hamburgers or pizza.


    OurWildKingdomkimmiinthemittenCMGragainInLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited January 2017
    Yes. Any expectation that guests pay any of the costs of entertaining them, including BYOs, potlucks, cash bars, parking fees, etc. is rude.
    cowgirl8238MesmrEwe
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Are your parties on the same day?
    image
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @cowgirl8238 has great advice. I suggest spending time on the budget board to learn more tips on how to host everyone you want appropriately on whatever your budget is. 

    As long as a meal is appropriate for the time of day, you'll be good. One of the most fun weddings I ever attended was very low budget, with fried chicken and sandwich rolls and pasta salad from the grocery store. 

    Good luck! 
    ________________________________


    cowgirl8238
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Is it too tacky? Im a young bride with lots of friends. We aren't too formal to begin with.

    I want to have a small outdoor wedding and short reception for close friends, out if town guests and family. Then a big fun party for all of our friends. I intend to have a snack bar and entree for every one and beverages but I want people to bring their own, potluck style. 
    Nooooooooo. Don't do this. It is so so so tacky. You need to host everyone who attends properly. And the reception should not be tiered in any way. Everyone invited must be invited to the whole event. It doesn't matter if you are young or relatively informal--you can't ask people to
    subsidize an event you decided to have. This isn't a Friday night hang out. 


    image
    ei34OurWildKingdomsparklepants41InLoveInQueens
  • If you're mature enough to get married, you're mature enough to figure out how to pay for either meals & drinks at a full reception or an afternoon or late evening cake & punch reception for everyone invited.  Your wedding and reception are the same day.  Any form of potluck is unacceptable even if you have a PPD/Celebration of Marriage party.  You can do a simple reception with Subway, KFC, Dominos, Pizza Hut, Famous Dave's, doing the catering at the local KC, Lion's Club, or Community Hall without breaking the bank.  Sam's, Super Target, HyVee, BJ's, and many supermarkets make wedding cakes without breaking the bank or serving guests a different portion/quality of cake and still keeping to a budget as well as a deli that will have a basic sandwich lunch meal that all you need to do is pick it up.  No separate parties for separate guests.
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    CMGragainsparklepants41DrillSergeantCatInLoveInQueens
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