How did you propose to bridesmaids? *Location wise*

Re: How did you propose to bridesmaids? *Location wise*

• LondonLisa member

  

  January 2017 edited January 2017

  Knottie1463276970 said:

  So I've read all about HOW to propose but what about the location and whereabouts? Did you bring everyone to a certain spot and pop the question all together? Or did you do it individually and privately? Or did you mail it to them?? I need answers because I'm very indecisive and need lots of tips! Thanks

  You are MASSIVELY overthinking this. Firstly, it is not a 'proposal'. Don't make it into a large performance that requires a special location or gift.  Definitely do not ask them together. 
  
  I gave my bridesmaids a card and individually asked them, telling them how much their friendship meant to me. One was in a cafe when we were having a coffee and the other at her house when I was over for dinner. 
  
  But ask individually, as some friends may not have the time/money to participate and may need to decline. You don't want to pressure someone into saying yes. 

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  January 2017

  This is once again a wedding industry and Pinterest thing. You don't have to do a big "proposal" thing because as @LondonLisa pointed out, this isn't a proposal. If you can ask in person, do so individually. I asked mine on the phone (many years ago) because we were all in different cities. The idea of giving a gift to them as part of asking may put pressure on the person to say yes even though they can't or don't want to be a BM (not saying you were going to do a big gift or anything).

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• missfrodo member

  

  January 2017

  I have to admit I was sucked into the whole Pinterest thing when I got engaged.  I bought my friend a little ring from Claire's, added a little note "Will you be my MOH?" and asked her pretty much as soon as I announced my engagement (better advice is to wait until about 6-8 months from your wedding, in case your relationships change).  In retrospect, the whole ring thing was pretty ridiculous and unnecessary.  I also agree w/ PPs that it puts pressure on someone to say yes, even if they aren't comfortable with it.  Just ask each girl individually without any gimmicks.  If you can't see them in person because of distance, call them up.  
  
  Also make sure, once you have your BP, to ask each person in private for their dress budget so that you make sure to stay within the lowest person's range (or just tell each girl to get x color dress and let them do their own thing).  Don't ask them for their budget as a group, where someone may be embarrassed about how little they can spend compared to someone else.

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• climbingsingle member

  

  January 2017

  You don't need to propose to your bridesmaids. 
  
  First, only ask people about 9 months out. Do not ask too soon. Ask each one privately. You can do it in person or on the phone. The wedding industry has tried to make think into a trend, and it's lame. You don't need special cards and presents. IMO, that puts added pressure on someone. 
  
  Also, as a PP said ask each one separately would their budget for a dress is. 

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  January 2017

  Since I wasn't marrying my bridesmaids I didn't need to propose to them.

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• Knottie1463276970 member

  

  January 2017

  Thanks for all the suggestions!! To clarify, I wasn't doing a real BIG thing. I was just going to have a little sheet that has the duty (MOH, BM, etc) I want each person to do and just ask them! Also, they're all really close ppl in my life: my bff of 20 years and my sisters so I don't think they should feel uncomfortable, but who knows! I just wanted to know if it's best to do it all together or privately but now I know! I overthink too much! lol.. thanks again!!! 

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• geebee908 member

  

  January 2017

  Knottie1463276970 said:

  Thanks for all the suggestions!! To clarify, I wasn't doing a real BIG thing. I was just going to have a little sheet that has the duty (MOH, BM, etc) I want each person to do and just ask them! Also, they're all really close ppl in my life: my bff of 20 years and my sisters so I don't think they should feel uncomfortable, but who knows! I just wanted to know if it's best to do it all together or privately but now I know! I overthink too much! lol.. thanks again!!! 

  Don't get into the "duty" thing. The only expectation should be that they'll show up for your wedding in clothing you've agreed upon within their budget ready to stand by your side.
  

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• knottiej member

  

  January 2017

  I bought a little puzzle, that when put together said, "Will you be my BM/MOH?" I met with them individually to ask. Anything more than that wouldn't have been my style, it would have been too overboard for me.

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• flantastic member

  

  January 2017

  geebee908 said:

  Knottie1463276970 said:

  Thanks for all the suggestions!! To clarify, I wasn't doing a real BIG thing. I was just going to have a little sheet that has the duty (MOH, BM, etc) I want each person to do and just ask them! Also, they're all really close ppl in my life: my bff of 20 years and my sisters so I don't think they should feel uncomfortable, but who knows! I just wanted to know if it's best to do it all together or privately but now I know! I overthink too much! lol.. thanks again!!! 

  Don't get into the "duty" thing. The only expectation should be that they'll show up for your wedding in clothing you've agreed upon within their budget ready to stand by your side.
  

  Yep. This is a position by which you honor them and your relationship by asking them to stand literally closest to you as you get married. You don't get to ask them to do work for your wedding - that's just bad friendship. Many BMs and MOHs offer to do such things, but you shouldn't expect it.
  

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• Knottie1463276970 member

  

  January 2017

  flantastic said:

  geebee908 said:

  Knottie1463276970 said:

  Thanks for all the suggestions!! To clarify, I wasn't doing a real BIG thing. I was just going to have a little sheet that has the duty (MOH, BM, etc) I want each person to do and just ask them! Also, they're all really close ppl in my life: my bff of 20 years and my sisters so I don't think they should feel uncomfortable, but who knows! I just wanted to know if it's best to do it all together or privately but now I know! I overthink too much! lol.. thanks again!!! 

  Don't get into the "duty" thing. The only expectation should be that they'll show up for your wedding in clothing you've agreed upon within their budget ready to stand by your side.
  

  Yep. This is a position by which you honor them and your relationship by asking them to stand literally closest to you as you get married. You don't get to ask them to do work for your wedding - that's just bad friendship. Many BMs and MOHs offer to do such things, but you shouldn't expect it.
  

  Ok. By duties, I meant whether they would be the MOH or the BM.. Not actual jobs to do. But thanks!!

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• MissKittyDanger member

  

  January 2017

  I think the idea behind the 'bridesmaid proposal' is cute but the wording is awful.
  
  If you're going to do it, maybe think of something that would make them feel honoured. But not necessary.

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• Ro041 member

  

  January 2017

  Am I the only one a little weirded-out at the idea of classifying a question as a "proposal"?

  
  

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• justsie member

  

  January 2017

  I ask my MOH while her and I were out eating at panera when she had her mouth full of bread bowl. She teared up, it was a happy moment, and no big fuss was made. I promise that those near to you will take more meaning from the ask then the show.
  
  Also, when you ask just say will you be my MOH, BM. No need to print it for them. 

  

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• flantastic member

  

  January 2017

  Knottie1463276970 said:

  flantastic said:

  geebee908 said:

  Knottie1463276970 said:

  Thanks for all the suggestions!! To clarify, I wasn't doing a real BIG thing. I was just going to have a little sheet that has the duty (MOH, BM, etc) I want each person to do and just ask them! Also, they're all really close ppl in my life: my bff of 20 years and my sisters so I don't think they should feel uncomfortable, but who knows! I just wanted to know if it's best to do it all together or privately but now I know! I overthink too much! lol.. thanks again!!! 

  Don't get into the "duty" thing. The only expectation should be that they'll show up for your wedding in clothing you've agreed upon within their budget ready to stand by your side.
  

  Yep. This is a position by which you honor them and your relationship by asking them to stand literally closest to you as you get married. You don't get to ask them to do work for your wedding - that's just bad friendship. Many BMs and MOHs offer to do such things, but you shouldn't expect it.
  

  Ok. By duties, I meant whether they would be the MOH or the BM.. Not actual jobs to do. But thanks!!

  Awesome, thanks for clarifying.
  

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• SaintPaulGal member

  

  January 2017

  I asked mine way too early--right away when I got engaged--because I didn't know any better back then.  But I stand by how I asked: in person, with no fuss. Pretty much just "you're awesome, and of course I want you as a bridesmaid if you are interested."  I would have done it on the phone if they weren't local but they are.  I think it's way too much pressure, and honestly a bit creepy if I'm being frank, to make a huge deal of "proposing" to your wedding party.
  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  January 2017

  I called mine.  The only bridesmaid I asked in person was my SIL, and that was because she lived down the street from me & she invited me over to toast with champagne when I called her to tell her the news.
  
  Heck, one of my bridesmaids was out of town for the weekend on a retreat for church and had her phone off, so she didn't find out until 2 days later. 
  
  I seriously don't understand the whole hoopla over asking someone to be in your wedding party.

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• randomslove member

  

  January 2017

  I called each one up separately (I lived in NC and two lived in FL, the other in MN) and talked to them, then asked if she would be my bridesmaid (MOH for my little sister). I didn't make a big deal of it. I was just excited to ask.
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• SP29 member

  

  January 2017

  Why do you need a sheet that says the role you are asking to honour them with? Can't you just ask? I assure you neither you nor they will forget.
  
  I did not propose. I asked each person individually and very simply, "I would love for you to be my bridesmaid". My MOH said yes right away, the other two had to get back to me to check their schedules/finances (wedding was OOT for them). One said yes, one of the other BMs had to decline- she was unable to attend the wedding.
  
  Definitely ask privately.
  

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• drid member

  

  January 2017

  Lol I just texted my bridesmaids individually and said "hey, wanna be a bridesmaid?"

  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  January 2017

  This isn't necessarily directed at you OP....more of a rant on this topic.
  
  I am so sick of everything needing to be cute-ified, instagram-ified, pinterest-ified. It's like everything has to pass some perfect test of "if I post this to (insert favorite social media) how many likes/loves/retweets will I get?" As if that's how we're measuring friendship these days.... so twisted.
  
  Have a fucking conversation about it...like normal people. Without Facebook live or recording it to post later. Without taking pics of some cutesy proposal craft. Without ensuring "see and be seen". 

  *********************************************************************************

  
  

  

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• Keisha84 member

  

  January 2017

  OP I too felt the need to propose to my bridesmaids. But I realized I wasn't doing it cause I wanted to but because I thought I had to. If this is the way you and your friends are then cool, but if you are just putting on a show just ask them in a normal conversation. The fact that you are asking them to stand beside you on your big day makes it special enough. 

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• mandypants90 member

  

  January 2017

  At first I felt I need to "propose" to my bridesmaids. But really, when I thought about it, my friends didn't need me to say anything cheesy or buy them something they'll just throw in the back of their closet. I asked everyone in person, just a simple "Hey, I'd love it if you would stand with me, you interested?". I plan on getting them each something really nice and personal as a thank you gift, and I think they'll appreciate that much more than a poem or a monogrammed cup. Not to say you can't do it if that's what you really want and you think your friends will really enjoy it, but don't feel like you have to. Because you don't.

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• Knottie1463276970 member

  

  January 2017

  Thanks everyone. Again, I'm not going all out and I'm not doing this for pics or to show the world. I have that type of connection with my bff and my sisters so asking them in this way, as far giving them a note or small gift is what my preference is. I just really wanted to know if I should do it privately or not. I got my answer and I appreciate it!

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• ernursej member

  

  January 2017

  Knottie1463276970 said:

  Thanks everyone. Again, I'm not going all out and I'm not doing this for pics or to show the world. I have that type of connection with my bff and my sisters so asking them in this way, as far giving them a note or small gift is what my preference is. I just really wanted to know if I should do it privately or not. I got my answer and I appreciate it!

  
  I'm glad you are going to do it privately. I got asked to be in a wedding as part of a group of girls altogether and I found it really awkward as I knew that I couldn't be in it due to conference commitments.

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2017

  Clearly I'm the different one here but I made a little box full of fun things for each of my girls. I asked them all separately and we each had a special moment. I didn't do this because of pictures or Pinterest. I chose to do it this because I wanted to show each girl how much I appreciate them and spoil them a little. I will never forgot the look on their faces and how happy we both were. Definitely wouldn't change how I did it. 

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• Knottie1463276970 member

  

  January 2017

  Knottied24b4de4c6de6ce9 said:

  Clearly I'm the different one here but I made a little box full of fun things for each of my girls. I asked them all separately and we each had a special moment. I didn't do this because of pictures or Pinterest. I chose to do it this because I wanted to show each girl how much I appreciate them and spoil them a little. I will never forgot the look on their faces and how happy we both were. Definitely wouldn't change how I did it. 

  I love this! You so get me Thanks

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• ei34 member

  

  January 2017

  Appropriately on the snarky board 
  
  I asked my sister's to be my co-MOHs in person, and my good friend to be BM via text.  In addition to the box full of trinkets/mini champagne bottle/"proposal" thing not being my style, it's just sooo overdone.  Along with burlap&lace rustic barn weddings and Mumford&Son groomsmen, it's been beaten to death on Pinterest.  If you want it to be special, maybe take your friend out to a nice meal and ask? 

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• MissKittyDanger member

  

  January 2017

  Knottied24b4de4c6de6ce9 said:

  Clearly I'm the different one here but I made a little box full of fun things for each of my girls. I asked them all separately and we each had a special moment. I didn't do this because of pictures or Pinterest. I chose to do it this because I wanted to show each girl how much I appreciate them and spoil them a little. I will never forgot the look on their faces and how happy we both were. Definitely wouldn't change how I did it. 

  This isn't quite the same but if you wanna make it special this would be good.

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