This person sounds mid-40's/50's going on 22

Re: This person sounds mid-40's/50's going on 22

• sparklepants41 member

  

  February 2017

  I am confused as to what "I'm not allowed yet based on the agreement." Does that mean LW is not allowed to spend time with the BF when the son is around?

  

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• NOLABridesmaid member

  

  February 2017

  Ha. I think you're right. Do people in their mid-40's move in together. The ones I know either get married or stay in their own home and just boo up in the evenings or weekends.

  I get the feeling he may not be ready for her living together idea since his divorce just went through. A talk needs to be had.

  

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• bleve0821 member

  

  February 2017

  Um... be an adult?  Have a conversation about what you both want?
  
  Actually, I'm confused by this: "The divorce was recently finalized, and his teenage kid spends most weekends with him (I’m not allowed yet based on the agreement)."  Because she says not two sentences earlier, "But when I head out the door on Monday, I miss him terribly for the rest of the week."  As in, she spends the weekend with him, too.  So IDK WTF is going on here.  
  
  And what kind of "agreement" is in place?  Is it something relating to the divorce, or something like the "Relationship Agreement" Sheldon and Amy have?
  

  
  

  "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
  

  --Philip Pullman

  
  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  February 2017

  Divorce was recently finalized and there is an agreement in place saying you can't be in the house? Yah, moving in together likely isn't in the near future. 

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• GBCK member

  

  February 2017

  If the custody agreement says no cohabitating w/ GF, it's kinda a moot discussion, isn't it? (is that normal? )
  You have to suck it up and wait until kid is old enough to not be that challenge or you have to have the discussion and decide it's worth trying to change the custody agreement over--so you better be damn sure.
  

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• thefanciestbeckler member

  

  February 2017

  This is weird. Especially the use of the term "the boyfriend". If the agreement LW is referring to is his divorce decree, she can kiss the idea of living together goodbye for a long time.

  
  

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• short+sassy member

  

  February 2017

  It also sounds like maybe they live too far away from each other to get together during the week?  This letter needed to be longer.  I'm confused by a lot of it, lol.

  

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• Heffalump member

  

  February 2017

  So he's never lived alone...they've been together for a year and a half...but his divorce was only recently finalized?  Who thinks these two were together well before the divorce?  Maybe the XW was cool with it...or maybe the LW was the other woman.
  
  At any rate, I think it's pretty standard for divorce decrees to address how soon the kids can be introduced to the BF/GF, living arrangements, etc., so I'm not sure what the LW wants Prudie to do about it.  I would start with the BF, and then if he's on board, he can talk to his lawyer. 
  
  
  
  
  

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• VarunaTT member

  

  February 2017 edited February 2017

  I suspect he has kids every other weekend and he doesn't want kids to meet her yet (and that can be for all sorts of reasons).  So he stays with her on kids-free weekend and stays at his house on kids weekend.
  
  Dude, divorce can take FOREVER.  People were FLOORED when mine took basically 6 weeks (my attorney knew I wanted to move, it was a simple divorce, and since it was simple ex-DH signed the waiver for court appearance).  To even get to court here takes 3 months from the point of filing for an amicable divorce and if your attorney was fast on the job you probably had a month or so leading into that  You add kids, perhaps multiple trials, and all the things you have to do to get a divorce with kids and he could've been out of his marital home for 2+ years and still not divorced.
  
  I still think it's time for a chat.  Either seeing each other more during the week or asking timeline for meeting kids.

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• *Barbie* member

  

  February 2017

  My older SIL has been trying to get divorced for 19+ months, now. She and her husband both work (although there's a big income disparity), have 3 kids, 2 dogs, and own a home. They both still live in the house because SIL can't afford to buy a McMansion and move out. Both are being selfish assholes, and nobody is considering the kids, so while slightly entertaining (as in, "we may as well sit back and watch the world burn" sort of way) it's been ugly. 
  

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• kimmiinthemitten member

  

  February 2017

  JFC with these people!  How do they get through life if they can't even sit down with their SO's for these basic, next step conversations.
  
  I bet LW has paid twice for the same produce at the grocery store because she was too afraid to speak up when it was accidentally scanned a second time.

  
  

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• short+sassy member

  

  February 2017

  Ugh, my poor friend had her divorce last many times longer than the marriage.  She found out he was cheating, six months after the wedding.  She moved out and filed for divorce.  No kids, but a  lot of assets and debts.  They were in court for years over the settlement terms (though I think the actual divorce part took 1-2 years) because her ex was purposely trying to drag it out.

  

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