Include +1s in Save the Date address labels

Knottie1450828272 · February 2017

Hi, my fiancée and I are getting ready to ship off our Save the Dates and we're trying to figure out etiquette and protocol for addressing the envelopes. We only have the outer envelope, no inner envelope, and there's no personalization on our actual save the dates. We live pretty far away from all of our friends and family, so pretty much everyone would need to travel and we want to make sure they have adequate time to make arrangements.
The question we have is how to deal with plus ones. For married/engaged couples or people in long term relationships who live together we know to address the envelopes to both of them. But for single friends in short-medium relationships we aren't sure how to make clear that they're welcome to bring their significant other or a date.
one idea is to address the envelopes to "Jane Doe and John Smith" if Jane and John have been dating for a while, but that seems odd to send to Jane's address where she lives without John, and could cause confusion if Jane and John break up before the wedding. It also doesn't solve the problem of how to inform guests that they'll be able to bring a plus one if they aren't currently dating anyone.
The other option we're considering is some sort of insert in the envelopes that make clear who we would be inviting, either with the name of the significant other or "Jane Doe + Guest", but that seems like it might be tacky.
Or should we not even be thinking too much about Plus Ones at this point, and just address the Save the Date to "Jane Doe" and wait until we send the invitations to worry about Plus Ones?
Looking for any advice we could get here. Thank you!

Jen4948 · February 2017

I would wait until you sent invitations to worry about plus-ones.

Save-the-dates need not be sent to every guest, BTW - just to VIPs and those who would need extra advance time to be able to make time off and travel arrangements in order to attend.

greeninspring · February 2017

I sent my STDs out using a less formal address to the younger crowd. So for the older, more traditional people, we addressed "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith". For the younger crowd and our friends, we addressed "John and Jane Smith" or "John Smith and Jane Doe" if they aren't married yet. For the invitations, we are using the more formal Mr., Mrs., Ms. for everyone.

As for the plus ones of the singles, I just addressed the STDs to "John Smith" and I addressed the invitations to "John Smith and Guest".

There were a few dating couples where I put both names on the STD even though they weren't living together and just sent to one address because if they broke up, the invite is extended for the person that I am close with. We did invite one couple where we are good friends with both of them and they don't live together so I sent 2 separate STDs and invitations to each address as a single invite and only labeled "Mr. John Smith" and Ms. Jane Doe" with no and guest at the end since they are a couple.

Hope this helps! I found the naming part to be one of the hardest things about finalizing all the addresses!

JediElizabeth · February 2017

We put all significant others on the envelopes for our STDs.

2 couples have since broken up - one in a messy divorce, one more amicably.

We only invited the person we knew well from the divorce, since the other wife wasn't close to either of us and we have no relationship or even contact with her now that they're separated. We gave the wife we were close to a +1 instead of her original wife.

From the amicable break-up, we invited our long-term friend with a +1, and the other guy (not a close friend by any means but someone whose company we enjoy when we see him) without a date (because of budget).

I wouldn't put "and guest" on anything if the person has an SO (even short or long-term), because it passes judgment on their relationships. I treated every couple as if they were in it for the long term.

SP29 · February 2017

If anyone is in a relationship, their SO must be invited by name, regardless of whether they live together, or how long they have been dating.

I think you can send the invitation with both names to the person who is your friend/family member. If the couple breaks up before your wedding, then only your friend/family member would attend. You could of course then tell that person they are welcome to bring a date.

The exception to this, is if the couple doesn't live together and you are friends with both people- send them their own invitations, as if they were to break up, you would still invite both people to your wedding.

As for true plus ones, you do not address these until your invitations are sent.

banana468 · February 2017

If the STD is designed for people to make travel arrangements then I think you need to make it clear from the start to the 'main' recipient that the SO is welcome. If you don't want to do that on the envelope follow up with a phone call or other form of communication. Just make sure that by doing this, you're open to anyone as the 'and guest'.

I feel like not telling people that they can bring a guest when they could get the benefit of cost savings in flights or hotels does the entire STD a disservice.

MyNameIsNot · February 2017

banana468 said:

If the STD is designed for people to make travel arrangements then I think you need to make it clear from the start to the 'main' recipient that the SO is welcome. If you don't want to do that on the envelope follow up with a phone call or other form of communication. Just make sure that by doing this, you're open to anyone as the 'and guest'.

I feel like not telling people that they can bring a guest when they could get the benefit of cost savings in flights or hotels does the entire STD a disservice.

This. The whole point of the STD is to enable people to make arrangements early. Leaving them in the dark about whether they'll be able to bring a date undermines this.

Also, it is very rude to address a known significant other as "& guest". It doesn't matter if they've been dating for 2 months or 20 years. If the "main" guest is in a relationship, you address the envelope to both members of the couple by name. The "& guest" designation is only to indicate that single guests can bring a guest of their choosing. You have no idea who may or may not break up between STDs and invitations; it's rude and hurtful to imply that their relationship is unsteady.

CMGragain · February 2017

I caution you to be very careful about sending out STDs. Send them to your VIPs and out-of-town guests. You do not need to send them to everyone on your list.
We have seen so many posts from brides who have changed their minds about inviting a guest whom they have already sent an STD. Once you send them you absolutely MUST send them an invitation regardless of changing circumstances.

ahoywedding · February 2017

We sent STDs to OOT family and friends only, so that they could make travel arrangements. Anyone in a relationship at the time STDs went out had their partner's name on the envelope. If they weren't living together, we sent it to the home of the person we were closest to. We didn't put "and guest" on the STD envelope for truly single guests. If you know ahead of time you're going to allow those single guests to bring someone, you could just spread that info via word of mouth (and honestly I think most people assume?).

When we sent invites, we double checked the status of any relationships we were unsure of and then added names of new SO's or removed any that had split up. Anyone who considers themselves in a relationship (of any length) should be invited with their SO (by name). Giving truly single guests a plus one is up to you.

Include +1s in Save the Date address labels

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