Snarky Brides

The Speeches That Never Ended

So, I recently attended my cousins wedding, and guys, it was soooooo poorly hosted.

FIRST she sent 2 drink tickets (one per adult) IN THE INVITATIONS!  Like I am going to remember to bring that with me the day of?  Almost everyone I talked to forgot theirs or threw them out accidentally beforehand.  Also way to spell out "cash bar".  Her invitations also said "adults only" even though my kids and my aunts kids were invited?  So we looked like the jerks who ignored the kid-free wedding and brought ours anyway.  Awkward.

Then they booked a block of rooms at a hotel that was relatively near the ceremony/reception but it was pretty pricey for many of the guests.  The brides father ended up paying for several of my aunts and uncles rooms, just so they could afford to come.  Also, a February wedding in these parts is a gamble.  We had to drive 3 hours to attend and the roads between here and there can become dangerously icy.  Why did they want a Feb wedding?  The bride thinks she's too "sweaty" to have a wedding any other time.  Nevermind that the entire thing was indoors and temperature controlled, but I digress.

The ceremony and reception were in the same room, but obviously had to be reset between.  The ceremony was fine, nothing to write home about, and it was of course followed by a gap.  We went back to our hotel to drop off our vehicle and then took a cab back.  Cocktail hour was like 150 people jammed into a tiny room, with very very limited seating.  Also it was open-bar for their 2 signature drinks but you had to pay for anything else? The line was so ridiculous that we literally got drinks and then just went back to the end of the line, since there was no place to sit anyway.  Also that was only for cocktail hour, after that it was all cash bar. There were passed app, but it was difficult for the servers to get through the crowd and the apps were kind of meh (mini hotdogs that were not delicious stand out).

Finally we got into the room and sat down, and that's when ALL THE SPEECHES FOR DAYS started.  Like, we learned the life story of each person in the 8-person wedding party.  The MC was really into talking.  The supper wasn't even served until 8 PM y'all.  I am not sure if there was some delay with the kitchen (we were never told or apologized to) but it was family style, in courses, and by the time everyone was done eating it was legit 10pm.  Also the food was pretty bad.  The beef was super overcooked and tough, one of the other tables got chicken that was raw inside.  We just ate the vegetables, which were the best part.  After that, nobody really felt like dancing, which was fine, because we all had to sit through a 15 minute video-to-music projection of childhood and couples photos of the B&G, who plunked down on the dance floor to watch it.

The DJ was not great at reading the crowd, and the dance floor remained mostly empty.  At 11 pm they rolled out a buffet of McDonald's fries and cheeseburgers?  Nobody ate because we had just finished dinner.  FI and I left around 11:15 but apparently the night ended up with the police being called because some of the brides friends tried to fight some of my cousins.  I'm almost sad I missed that, it would have been a highlight.
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Re: The Speeches That Never Ended

  • Wow that's pretty bad. The drink tickets especially. I love speeches and slideshows but believe they should all take place at the rehearsal dinner. Especially for a large wedding of 150 people.
  • Oh dear gods. At least you got a good story and examples of what not to do out of it.
  • Train wreck. At least it gave you a good story to share here.
  • The ceremony and reception were in the same room, but obviously had to be reset between.  The ceremony was fine, nothing to write home about, and it was of course followed by a gap.

    Like why?!?!  Out of all the crappiness you posted this just baffles me.  You were at the same location but had a gap???? A gap long enough for you to go back to your hotel and drop off your car before returning? WTF!

    I have been to weddings with some flaws/faux pas but damn if this doesn't take the cake.  As others have said, at lest you know what NOT to do!

  • The ceremony and reception were in the same room, but obviously had to be reset between.  The ceremony was fine, nothing to write home about, and it was of course followed by a gap.

    Like why?!?!  Out of all the crappiness you posted this just baffles me.  You were at the same location but had a gap???? A gap long enough for you to go back to your hotel and drop off your car before returning? WTF!

    I have been to weddings with some flaws/faux pas but damn if this doesn't take the cake.  As others have said, at lest you know what NOT to do!

    Right?  I mean I get they had to flip the room, which apparently takes ages *eye roll* Maybe they were short staffed and that's why the meal was so late as well.  Who knows, nobody bothered to explain.  The gap was long so that the B&G could run off and take photos I think.  Regardless, I am almost thankful for the gap because staying crammed in the "cocktail hour" space, which was essentially the lobby of the banquet room, for all that time would have been god awful!
  • The ceremony and reception were in the same room, but obviously had to be reset between.  The ceremony was fine, nothing to write home about, and it was of course followed by a gap.  We went back to our hotel to drop off our vehicle and then took a cab back.
    That's ridiculous! H's cousin's wedding was in same room as the wedding and they did a cocktail hour, but that was legit an hour for them to reset the room.
    The fact you had time to go back to the hotel and drop your car AND get a cab back is crazy! Even if the hotel was close.

    Whole thing sounds like a nightmare ...
  • The ceremony and reception were in the same room, but obviously had to be reset between.  The ceremony was fine, nothing to write home about, and it was of course followed by a gap.

    Like why?!?!  Out of all the crappiness you posted this just baffles me.  You were at the same location but had a gap???? A gap long enough for you to go back to your hotel and drop off your car before returning? WTF!

    I have been to weddings with some flaws/faux pas but damn if this doesn't take the cake.  As others have said, at lest you know what NOT to do!

    Right?  I mean I get they had to flip the room, which apparently takes ages *eye roll* Maybe they were short staffed and that's why the meal was so late as well.  Who knows, nobody bothered to explain.  The gap was long so that the B&G could run off and take photos I think.  Regardless, I am almost thankful for the gap because staying crammed in the "cocktail hour" space, which was essentially the lobby of the banquet room, for all that time would have been god awful!
    I will have the joy of attending a wedding this spring with "the catholic gap".  Ceremony is at a small church at 2pm, cocktails are at 5pm.  The reception venue is a solid 40 minutes away (seriously they picked a church on the South shore of LI in Suffolk County and a venue at the Nassau/Queens border near-ish the North Shore).  It's DHs family so I will go, but I am not looking forward to being all dressed up from 1:30-Midnight.  I do have some hope that this is the only "issue" as his family typically hosts very good "top shelf" weddings with open bars and tons of food, but I don't know for sure.  (First wedding from this set of cousins).
  • Gap in the same room?  That is odd.

    The late dinner might have been a result of all the speeches.  Were I work we are not "allowed" to serve during speeches.  I can't tell you how many times my chef husband and team is ready to go, but has to hold back because of those damn speeches.   Seriously, he will be told dinner is to be served at 7pm. He is ready, but speeches last 30-45 minutes.  You can imagine the food isn't as fresh as it would have been had the dinner started when they told the kitchen they would be ready.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    Gap in the same room?  That is odd.

    The late dinner might have been a result of all the speeches.  Were I work we are not "allowed" to serve during speeches.  I can't tell you how many times my chef husband and team is ready to go, but has to hold back because of those damn speeches.   Seriously, he will be told dinner is to be served at 7pm. He is ready, but speeches last 30-45 minutes.  You can imagine the food isn't as fresh as it would have been had the dinner started when they told the kitchen they would be ready.
    Oh absolutely. There was way way too many speeches. My FI originally wanted quite a few toasts at our wedding, but after that I was like "see how much people hate that?  Just no" so we are only having a few now. 

    I feel your husbands pain.  I can just imagine how frustrating that is
  • lyndausvi said:
    Gap in the same room?  That is odd.

    The late dinner might have been a result of all the speeches.  Were I work we are not "allowed" to serve during speeches.  I can't tell you how many times my chef husband and team is ready to go, but has to hold back because of those damn speeches.   Seriously, he will be told dinner is to be served at 7pm. He is ready, but speeches last 30-45 minutes.  You can imagine the food isn't as fresh as it would have been had the dinner started when they told the kitchen they would be ready.
    Oh absolutely. There was way way too many speeches. My FI originally wanted quite a few toasts at our wedding, but after that I was like "see how much people hate that?  Just no" so we are only having a few now. 

    I feel your husbands pain.  I can just imagine how frustrating that is

    Yeah less is totally more at weddings.  The toasts should be brief, a couple sentences maybe.  Speeches belong on paper as a letter, in private, or at most at the rehearsal dinner.
  • We used the same room for ceremony and reception and our room change over was 15 mins!

    Yeesh!

    Definitely a "what not to do".
  • lyndausvi said:
    Gap in the same room?  That is odd.

    The late dinner might have been a result of all the speeches.  Were I work we are not "allowed" to serve during speeches.  I can't tell you how many times my chef husband and team is ready to go, but has to hold back because of those damn speeches.   Seriously, he will be told dinner is to be served at 7pm. He is ready, but speeches last 30-45 minutes.  You can imagine the food isn't as fresh as it would have been had the dinner started when they told the kitchen they would be ready.
    Oh absolutely. There was way way too many speeches. My FI originally wanted quite a few toasts at our wedding, but after that I was like "see how much people hate that?  Just no" so we are only having a few now. 

    I feel your husbands pain.  I can just imagine how frustrating that is

    Yeah less is totally more at weddings.  The toasts should be brief, a couple sentences maybe.  Speeches belong on paper as a letter, in private, or at most at the rehearsal dinner.
    What if you're not having a rehearsal dinner? We're not having anything like bouquet tossing, first dance, or cake cutting at the reception. Just dinner and dancing, so I figure the least we could give people is a few speeches. I would hate for it to boil down to a couple of sentences - I think speeches are the highlight of the reception!
  • While most of this is horrible - I sort of love the idea of late night McDonald's.  That is, if it arrives hot and dinner is timed properly.  

    I am dreading speeches at my own wedding - my FI is British, and we're getting married in London.  The Brits have only 3 max, but they can be looooonnnngggg.  I am going to tell the servers to keep the booze flowing and maybe make bingo cards to keep people entertained.
  • lyndausvi said:
    Gap in the same room?  That is odd.

    The late dinner might have been a result of all the speeches.  Were I work we are not "allowed" to serve during speeches.  I can't tell you how many times my chef husband and team is ready to go, but has to hold back because of those damn speeches.   Seriously, he will be told dinner is to be served at 7pm. He is ready, but speeches last 30-45 minutes.  You can imagine the food isn't as fresh as it would have been had the dinner started when they told the kitchen they would be ready.
    Oh absolutely. There was way way too many speeches. My FI originally wanted quite a few toasts at our wedding, but after that I was like "see how much people hate that?  Just no" so we are only having a few now. 

    I feel your husbands pain.  I can just imagine how frustrating that is

    Yeah less is totally more at weddings.  The toasts should be brief, a couple sentences maybe.  Speeches belong on paper as a letter, in private, or at most at the rehearsal dinner.
    What if you're not having a rehearsal dinner? We're not having anything like bouquet tossing, first dance, or cake cutting at the reception. Just dinner and dancing, so I figure the least we could give people is a few speeches. I would hate for it to boil down to a couple of sentences - I think speeches are the highlight of the reception!


    If you don't have a RD, then you just say these things privately at some other time.  I am not against people making a short (like 2 mins max) speech, but at a number of weddings I have been to these "speeches" are too many, too long, too personal, contain too many inside jokes, and require a captive audience.  give people 2 minutes to say their peace and get on to the party!

    While you enjoy the long speeches, most people do not (as was one of the main points in the thread ;)

    SwissMs said:
    While most of this is horrible - I sort of love the idea of late night McDonald's.  That is, if it arrives hot and dinner is timed properly.  

    I am dreading speeches at my own wedding - my FI is British, and we're getting married in London.  The Brits have only 3 max, but they can be looooonnnngggg.  I am going to tell the servers to keep the booze flowing and maybe make bingo cards to keep people entertained.
    If you are worried about long speeches could you either have these people speak at a RD (if having one), or give them a heads up that they will only have a few minutes on the microphone before they get cut off? Also, while the bingo cards sound funny, I would be like "seriously WTF" if I actually saw them at a wedding.
  • I think speeches really depend on your audience.

    If you're having a 150+ person wedding, people don't want to listen to long, drawn out, boring speeches with inside jokes, stories of growing up together, etc. At a wedding that size, not everyone knows the bride and groom on that level and it's also harder to keep that number of people's attention. 

    At a smaller wedding, say 50 people, I think speeches are more appropriate and entertaining to all the guests since likely most people there have a very close relationship with the bride and groom. 
  • I think speeches really depend on your audience.

    If you're having a 150+ person wedding, people don't want to listen to long, drawn out, boring speeches with inside jokes, stories of growing up together, etc. At a wedding that size, not everyone knows the bride and groom on that level and it's also harder to keep that number of people's attention. 

    At a smaller wedding, say 50 people, I think speeches are more appropriate and entertaining to all the guests since likely most people there have a very close relationship with the bride and groom. 
    Agree, and while a lot of people here don't love speeches, a lot of the friends I attend weddings with (and who will form about 30% of my guests) love them. They get teary, and laugh along, and all the rest of it, so I'm not fussed about having quite a few. 
  • I think speeches really depend on your audience.

    If you're having a 150+ person wedding, people don't want to listen to long, drawn out, boring speeches with inside jokes, stories of growing up together, etc. At a wedding that size, not everyone knows the bride and groom on that level and it's also harder to keep that number of people's attention. 

    At a smaller wedding, say 50 people, I think speeches are more appropriate and entertaining to all the guests since likely most people there have a very close relationship with the bride and groom. 
    Agree, and while a lot of people here don't love speeches, a lot of the friends I attend weddings with (and who will form about 30% of my guests) love them. They get teary, and laugh along, and all the rest of it, so I'm not fussed about having quite a few. 
    Just pointing out that there are 70% of your guests then are likely not to share this love of speeches. So you're planning to do something only a small percentage of your guests will find entertaining, and among the rest there will be a number of people that share the views of people on this thread. 

    I'd recommend a compromise; have a few, short, toasts from your closest friends. But the whole thing shouldn't last more than 5-10 minutes. If there are things you want to say to your wedding party or family/friends find a private moment to do that; when you're taking pictures, in between the ceremony, and reception, or take a private minute at the reception. 
  • I think speeches really depend on your audience.

    If you're having a 150+ person wedding, people don't want to listen to long, drawn out, boring speeches with inside jokes, stories of growing up together, etc. At a wedding that size, not everyone knows the bride and groom on that level and it's also harder to keep that number of people's attention. 

    At a smaller wedding, say 50 people, I think speeches are more appropriate and entertaining to all the guests since likely most people there have a very close relationship with the bride and groom. 
    Agree, and while a lot of people here don't love speeches, a lot of the friends I attend weddings with (and who will form about 30% of my guests) love them. They get teary, and laugh along, and all the rest of it, so I'm not fussed about having quite a few. 
    Just pointing out that there are 70% of your guests then are likely not to share this love of speeches. So you're planning to do something only a small percentage of your guests will find entertaining, and among the rest there will be a number of people that share the views of people on this thread. 

    I'd recommend a compromise; have a few, short, toasts from your closest friends. But the whole thing shouldn't last more than 5-10 minutes. If there are things you want to say to your wedding party or family/friends find a private moment to do that; when you're taking pictures, in between the ceremony, and reception, or take a private minute at the reception. 
    Not necessarily. I know 30 people who love speeches, that doesn't mean 70% are not likely to share the love. 

    My partner and I love speeches also, and this is probably the most important thing to us (besides food, drink and music). We're also not US based, so there is a slight difference in cultural standards here. 

    We'll have about 6 in total of 5 mins each - one from my friends, one from his, one from each of our parents and then us each to thanks guests, etc. I don't think that's too many - half an hour spread out over the night. 
  • I think speeches really depend on your audience.

    If you're having a 150+ person wedding, people don't want to listen to long, drawn out, boring speeches with inside jokes, stories of growing up together, etc. At a wedding that size, not everyone knows the bride and groom on that level and it's also harder to keep that number of people's attention. 

    At a smaller wedding, say 50 people, I think speeches are more appropriate and entertaining to all the guests since likely most people there have a very close relationship with the bride and groom. 
    Agree, and while a lot of people here don't love speeches, a lot of the friends I attend weddings with (and who will form about 30% of my guests) love them. They get teary, and laugh along, and all the rest of it, so I'm not fussed about having quite a few. 
    Just pointing out that there are 70% of your guests then are likely not to share this love of speeches. So you're planning to do something only a small percentage of your guests will find entertaining, and among the rest there will be a number of people that share the views of people on this thread. 

    I'd recommend a compromise; have a few, short, toasts from your closest friends. But the whole thing shouldn't last more than 5-10 minutes. If there are things you want to say to your wedding party or family/friends find a private moment to do that; when you're taking pictures, in between the ceremony, and reception, or take a private minute at the reception. 
    Not necessarily. I know 30 people who love speeches, that doesn't mean 70% are not likely to share the love. 

    My partner and I love speeches also, and this is probably the most important thing to us (besides food, drink and music). We're also not US based, so there is a slight difference in cultural standards here. 

    We'll have about 6 in total of 5 mins each - one from my friends, one from his, one from each of our parents and then us each to thanks guests, etc. I don't think that's too many - half an hour spread out over the night. 
    Yah I still think that's entirely too long. I'm glad you and your FI like speeches, but you should be thinking about what the majority of your guests are likely to enjoy (or not). You said 30% really enjoy speeches, great. That still means that among the remaining 70% you'll likely find many that prefer not to listen to speeches when they could be talking with friends, eating, drinking, or mingling with other guests. Additionally speeches often contain personal stories or inside jokes to the speeches-giver and the B or G. Fun for you guys, but really not so fun for people who aren't in on the joke. 

    If youre not having an RD, find a private time to share these stories or speeches and have a simple toast or two at the reception. 
  • I agree with PPs. 30 minutes is too long for speeches in my opinion. Even if it is a smaller wedding. I would hate to sit through that many speeches at a wedding. But I'm in the US and I do understand things are different in different cultures. 
  • SwissMs said:
    If you are worried about long speeches could you either have these people speak at a RD (if having one), or give them a heads up that they will only have a few minutes on the microphone before they get cut off? Also, while the bingo cards sound funny, I would be like "seriously WTF" if I actually saw them at a wedding.

    Sadly, like glasshalfempty said, it's a cultural thing.  And it's very important to my FH.  This is totally standard at UK weddings, like hats for the ladies.  

    And because 2/3 of our 35 guests have to fly in to London for the wedding (from the US as well as around the world) - we're hosting everyone at a welcome dinner instead of a RD so it doesn't really solve the problem (and is simple "not done" because in the UK there is no RD).  

    I figure we aren't doing spotlight dances or any of the other "sit and watch" events that happen at US weddings, so that will make up for it a little.  And it isn't open mic - the order and speakers are always father of the bride (who is dead, so maybe my American sister who will be quick), best man, groom.     
  • SwissMs said:
    SwissMs said:
    If you are worried about long speeches could you either have these people speak at a RD (if having one), or give them a heads up that they will only have a few minutes on the microphone before they get cut off? Also, while the bingo cards sound funny, I would be like "seriously WTF" if I actually saw them at a wedding.

    Sadly, like glasshalfempty said, it's a cultural thing.  And it's very important to my FH.  This is totally standard at UK weddings, like hats for the ladies.  

    And because 2/3 of our 35 guests have to fly in to London for the wedding (from the US as well as around the world) - we're hosting everyone at a welcome dinner instead of a RD so it doesn't really solve the problem (and is simple "not done" because in the UK there is no RD).  

    I figure we aren't doing spotlight dances or any of the other "sit and watch" events that happen at US weddings, so that will make up for it a little.  And it isn't open mic - the order and speakers are always father of the bride (who is dead, so maybe my American sister who will be quick), best man, groom.     
    Ditto. Very important to my FI, and I don't think it's too much time at all. 30 minutes spread out over 5 hours of dinner and dancing? There is no reception entrance, cake cutting, first dance, mother and son dance, father and daughter dance (as a person outside the US, these 'spotlight' dances would be laughed at here and considered a bit much in comparison to the speeches thing), no bouquet toss, etc. 

    Also not having a Rehearsal Dinner. 

    I don't think it follows just because I know 30% love speeches, 70% are not likely to. I know most of my crowd pretty well and besides the 30% I KNOW love them, I'd venture most others enjoy them. 

    Either way, it boils down to individual preference, and I'm prefer to do what I enjoy at weddings, because you can't really do a poll at the beginning and ask "Who wants lots of speeches tonight? Who wants very few?"

    People may or may not enjoy them, that's fine. They might not enjoy the outdoor wedding, or the vegetarian menu either, but it's not up to me to placate them either.  
  • Oh man, my concentration skills suck enough as it is, I wouldn't be able to keep still while listening to >30min of speeches x_x
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • We had 2 people officially give speeches, and 2 others come up afterwards. BIL had longest speech but it was full of interesting stories and was entertaining, so it wasn't bad type of long. That being said, it was definitely under 10mins - maybe closer to like 6 or 7 mins?

    That being said, it depends on the speech but that was definitely long enough!
  • So the cousin whose wedding I snarked, texted me the other day because she'd seen our wedding was mentioned on FB (I've been keeping it on the DL but my sister was so pumped about being asked to be a BM she put something up about it).  Basically she wanted to know when it was and if she was invited.  Awkward, because, she isn't.  I was polite and just explained how it was small, simple, blah blah blah.  Still, so uncomfortable.  The rudeness just never ends.
  • So the cousin whose wedding I snarked, texted me the other day because she'd seen our wedding was mentioned on FB (I've been keeping it on the DL but my sister was so pumped about being asked to be a BM she put something up about it).  Basically she wanted to know when it was and if she was invited.  Awkward, because, she isn't.  I was polite and just explained how it was small, simple, blah blah blah.  Still, so uncomfortable.  The rudeness just never ends.

    "Unfortunately we were not able to invite everyone we wanted...I like your new facebook pic!"
  • The ceremony and reception were in the same room, but obviously had to be reset between.  The ceremony was fine, nothing to write home about, and it was of course followed by a gap.

    Like why?!?!  Out of all the crappiness you posted this just baffles me.  You were at the same location but had a gap???? A gap long enough for you to go back to your hotel and drop off your car before returning? WTF!

    I have been to weddings with some flaws/faux pas but damn if this doesn't take the cake.  As others have said, at lest you know what NOT to do!

    Right?  I mean I get they had to flip the room, which apparently takes ages *eye roll* Maybe they were short staffed and that's why the meal was so late as well.  Who knows, nobody bothered to explain.  The gap was long so that the B&G could run off and take photos I think.  Regardless, I am almost thankful for the gap because staying crammed in the "cocktail hour" space, which was essentially the lobby of the banquet room, for all that time would have been god awful!
    I will have the joy of attending a wedding this spring with "the catholic gap".  Ceremony is at a small church at 2pm, cocktails are at 5pm.  The reception venue is a solid 40 minutes away (seriously they picked a church on the South shore of LI in Suffolk County and a venue at the Nassau/Queens border near-ish the North Shore).  It's DHs family so I will go, but I am not looking forward to being all dressed up from 1:30-Midnight.  I do have some hope that this is the only "issue" as his family typically hosts very good "top shelf" weddings with open bars and tons of food, but I don't know for sure.  (First wedding from this set of cousins).
    That gap won't be too bad.  If the ceremony is a full mass, you're looking at least an hour for the ceremony, that's 3pm or a little later.  With possible receiving line, any pictures and post-ceremony mingling, you won't leave the church until 330 or so, which means only about 45 minutes of gap.  Still sucks, but it won't be awful.  

     

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