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Bridesman

Knottiecec355ab45cf47f0Knottiecec355ab45cf47f0 member
in Wedding Party
I am having one of my very close friends who is a transgender male as a bridesman in my bridal party. I am unsure what his attire should be and how to make it flow nicely with the bridesmaids as well as the groomsmen. Should he have a boutonniere? 
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Re: Bridesman

  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would dress him in the same formality as the groomsmen, but take the colour cues from the bridesmaids. Yes, give him a boutonniere.

    So if the groomsmen are wearing suits, then your bridesman should wear a suit too. Have him wear a tie and/or pocket square that is the same colour the bridesmaids are wearing. If this is already your theme with the groomsmen- that is fine. Your bridesman can look the exact same as the groomsmen and still be on your side- because he'll be standing beside you, not the groom.

    When friends of mine got married, the bride had 3 women on her side and the groom had 2 men and one woman. The MOH/bridesmaids wore purple dresses. The BM/groomsman wore black suits. The groomswoman wore a black dress.
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  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2017
    I'm assuming that you mean "transgender man" and not "transgender male"....the latter confused me at first because male is a more anatomical term that refers to biological sex, and it's none of our business what his parts are as long as he identifies and presents as a man. ;)

    ALWAYS go with the self-identified gender of someone, so definitely get him the information for whatever the groomsmen are wearing.

    I have a trans-woman who is still transitioning in my party, but I wasn't sure where she was in terms of coming out to childhood friends and such. So I sent my entire wedding party an email that included "For ladies, wear X, for dudes wear Y." That let her make her own decisions without any assumptions. 

    Edit: Yes, boutennier and shirt or tie that matches the color of the bridesmaids' flowers, if you don't have the groomsmen in that kind of attire anyway. 
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  • ernursejernursej member
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its

    Agree with above posters. Also, ask your friend what they feel comfortable with.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Make sure your friend has input. We asked our groomswoman what she preferred to wear, and if she preferred a bout or bouquet. She opted to wear a dress suit to match my husband and a bout. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • mandypants90mandypants90 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Ask your friend what they would like to wear, and go from there. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Other than obvious asking what he feels like, I would think same style outfit as the groomsmen but along same colour as other bridesmaids {assuming they're different colours}
    He may feel more comfortable dressed like the guys though, so double check.
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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Ask your friend, and go from there! If he'd rather dress like the guys, put him in the same suit/tux/whatever the GMs are wearing (bout included). It may be an option for him to have a different color shirt/tie/something to match the ladies? I would say be flexible, and make sure you put your friend's comfort first.

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  • BrinkyDink16BrinkyDink16 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    We did not have our Bridesman match our groomsmen because we felt like it might look like a groomsman wandered over to the wrong side.  So we had him wear colors that matched the bridesmaid (which was black so it was pretty simple) and we made him a boutonniere that matched the bouquets.  When my MOH was the Best Woman at another friend's wedding they put her in the same dress as the bridesmaids and apparently people thought she had stood on the wrong side :/

    I would talk to him and ask what his thoughts are and then come up with something that flows and also makes him feel comfortable. 
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