Wedding Party

Groomsman MIA

edited March 2017 in Wedding Party
My fiance and I have been having some problems when keeping in communication with one of his groomsmen. We have been trying to get him to send his measurements for his tux. My fiance has had multiple failed attempts at reaching him throughout this time frame, and even the best man has only heard that he would send his information over. But as we are starting to get closer to the wedding I'm wondering when we need to ask him to consider stepping down. I already had a bridesman step down due to financial issues and we are now even (we previously had 7 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen). So I guess I am just worried about a good idea of when we need to let him know to step down? :(

Re: Groomsman MIA

  • My fiance and I have been having some problems when keeping in communication with one of his groomsmen. We have been trying to get him to send his measurements for his tux. My fiance has had multiple failed attempts at reaching him throughout this time frame, and even the best man has only heard that he would send his information over. But as we are starting to get closer to the wedding I'm wondering when we need to ask him to consider stepping down. I already had a bridesman step down due to financial issues and we are now even (we previously had 7 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen). So I guess I am just worried about a good idea of when we need to let him know to step down? :(
    No, you shouldn't ask him to step down. Is there any reason he can't get the tux himself?

    If you're ordering them, you should send him a last email with "we need your measurements by x date so we can order the tux." Honestly, I'd also add that he can order it himself at x retailer. 

    If if he does not show up in the appropriate attire at the wedding, then he has removed himself.
    All of this.  How far off is the wedding?  He literally has until the day of the wedding to get his tux.  I understand that it's frustrating if you're the ones ordering it, so maybe do as lovesclimbing suggested and just tell him to get it himself a x retailer.  
  • We're about 80 days away from the wedding. We've been trying to get in touch with him for three months on facebook and through his phone, but no luck. All of our groomsmen live out of town, but were able to complete the online form and have their measurements sent it to the shop. I don't want to have to get to that point were we ask him to step down as my fiance really values his opinion and friendship, but his lack of communication is scaring me. Just a simple "ok" would help and were not even getting that. :/
  • We're about 80 days away from the wedding. We've been trying to get in touch with him for three months on facebook and through his phone, but no luck. All of our groomsmen live out of town, but were able to complete the online form and have their measurements sent it to the shop. I don't want to have to get to that point were we ask him to step down as my fiance really values his opinion and friendship, but his lack of communication is scaring me. Just a simple "ok" would help and were not even getting that. :/
    You should not ever get to the point that you "ask him to step down" because it's a friendship ending move.    Unless he does something friendship ending, you do nothing.   

    At 80 days out, you have nearly 2 months for him to get his measurements to the shop.   It's not that difficult to do.   

    Relax on this one.   
  • Most tux shops only need 3 or 4 weeks lead time, and if need be, can get them in a week or less which has an additional rush charge.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2017
    My fiance and I have been having some problems when keeping in communication with one of his groomsmen. We have been trying to get him to send his measurements for his tux. My fiance has had multiple failed attempts at reaching him throughout this time frame, and even the best man has only heard that he would send his information over. But as we are starting to get closer to the wedding I'm wondering when we need to ask him to consider stepping down. I already had a bridesman step down due to financial issues and we are now even (we previously had 7 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen). So I guess I am just worried about a good idea of when we need to let him know to step down? :(
    What does the numbers have to do with anything?    Why would you be so rude as to kick someone out of your wedding party? 
    I planned my wedding in two months!  He can rent his tux in much less time.  Relax.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • While it's odd that he won't respond, leave him be. Either he gets the tux and is in the wedding or he doesn't and isn't. Just carry on as normal. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • We're going through a the same shop I got my dress from. I was hoping to make it more convenient that we could just pick everything up at one place. This is why were doing one order. Honestly I was just wondering when this needs to be considered a more pressing matter and that was answered. So thank you for the advice. :)
  • We are 75ish days away and just ordered tuxes. This is not a hill you want to die on. 
    As PP said, if he doesn't have the tux that day, then he's kind of removed himself. Don't worry about it, he'll figure it out. 
  • We're going through a the same shop I got my dress from. I was hoping to make it more convenient that we could just pick everything up at one place. This is why were doing one order. Honestly I was just wondering when this needs to be considered a more pressing matter and that was answered. So thank you for the advice. :)
    I think what we're trying to tell you that it's not a pressing matter.

    If he gets the tux he's in.   If he doesn't, he's not.
    None of this should make or break any plans.  
  • I have questions:

    Are the GMs having custom tuxes made?
    Are you paying for them? Or are the GMs paying?
         If they're paying, did you ask (privately) for budgets ahead of time?

    You've been trying to get in touch with him about this for 3 months and your wedding is 80 days out. That's almost 6 months. If you're getting custom tuxes made, then I get it. But if you're renting, that seems like an excessive amount of lead time. 
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  • Sounds like he really doesn't want to do it. He's telling you loud and clear what to expect. Adapt accordingly.
  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Find out what the last possible date is that the measurements need to be in by to make the order. Contact the GM once to tell him, "We need your measurements by X date to rent the tuxes" and then leave it at that. He'll either get back to you or he won't.

    Other than that, if this your FI's good friend, I'd be more worried about why his friend hasn't responded to him in 3 months. Take the wedding out of it and make sure everything else is going OK for him.
  • I do have one warning for you.  One of our groomsmen was on a strict weight loss plan.  Between the time he submitted his measurements and the wedding, two months later, he lost more than 30 pounds!  The tuxedo did not fit very well, but nobody really cared.  We were glad that he came.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Wait, is this one of those hire x amount of fixes and get y free shops? Why else would you need his measurements 2 months out? You can say call this number by Z date for measurements and leave it. 

    Also, why are you inserting yourself in a friend issue that is clearly between your fi and him? If your fi is old enough to get married he is old enough to handle his friendships on his own. 

    This is not your issue. Stop making drama for yourself. 

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