Wedding Etiquette Forum

What do we say?

2

Re: What do we say?

  • If I was the MIL I would be super pissed!! I would demand to be repaid any money I had spent on that fiasco! I would think the couple has alienated themselves from many family and friends.
  • I'd take a picture of the gift and text it to her and tell her that you wanted her to know that you cared enough to buy it and now it's going back, followed with a middle finger emoji.
    Yes! Or if you like it enough, keep it, and take a picture of yourself using it and send it to her LOL
  • If MIL has any sense, she's never going to trust that woman.  This will not work in past-bride's favor at family gatherings, if they even invite her.
  • levioosa said:
    I'd definitely let it slip to the BM that the wedding didn't take place two weeks ago, but rather 8 months prior. I'm sure that will spread via word of mouth a whole lot quicker than the cancelation did. 
    Oh, petty me would be tempted to send the BM a screenshot of the whole conversation. 
    I would do this. 
  • I called the bride this morning, coming from a place of concern, as @ernursej suggested. She did not answer, but texted me immediately. I told her we had gone to the wedding and were surprised when no wedding took place, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay and congratulate her on her marriage. She said she was sorry I missed the announcement (which is a very half-hearted apology if you ask me), and eventually admitted they got married 8 months ago and had cancelled their contracts shortly after, but only announced their marriage and wedding cancellation two weeks ago. It's just lies on top of lies covered in lies. She also said she felt as though the cancellation should have spread through word-of-mouth, and accepts no fault for guests not being informed. She's acting very defensive and I just don't see the point in any further contact with her. 
    Just want to point out that they never intended to go through with this PPD. Not only did they get married 8 months ago, they cancelled all their vendors right after. To keep the charade going when you have absolutely no intention of going through with it is mind-boggling. 
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2017
    After going over the whole thing with FI, I got all fired up again and sent a screenshot to BM to let her know about the wedding timeline. I'm not super proud of it, but I do feel like she deserves the full story. Apparently she's not upset about the dress, because bride said they could wear any LBD, so that's good. She is very angry about the amount of money she spent on the shower and OOT bachelorette party. Which apparently wasn't actually a bachelorette party, but whatever. I'm not sure what she plans to do as far as her friendship with the bride. Sorry, wife. 

    As far as the gift, we were going to give money, so we can definitely hold on to that and put it to good use!

    Not only would I let her have it, I would demand recompense for money lost on travel costs as well as return of any shower gift. 

    With your initial story, I was not even willing to give a show of concern.  With this updated information, all bets are off. 
  • I called the bride this morning, coming from a place of concern, as @ernursej suggested. She did not answer, but texted me immediately. I told her we had gone to the wedding and were surprised when no wedding took place, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay and congratulate her on her marriage. She said she was sorry I missed the announcement (which is a very half-hearted apology if you ask me), and eventually admitted they got married 8 months ago and had cancelled their contracts shortly after, but only announced their marriage and wedding cancellation two weeks ago. It's just lies on top of lies covered in lies. She also said she felt as though the cancellation should have spread through word-of-mouth, and accepts no fault for guests not being informed. She's acting very defensive and I just don't see the point in any further contact with her. 

    WOW! I agree with posters saying send her a picture of you using the gift. Things happen but for all those lies ... just no.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2017
    A written invitation to a wedding can only be cancelled with a written cancellation.  Facebook doesn't cut it.  I only suggested the bride should have telephoned her guests out of courtesy to them, but since she is a self centered, uncaring, thoughtless witch (Did I misspell that?), then I would absolutely cut off all communication with her.  You are entitled to publicly "cut" her (as in snub without speaking) if you see her in future.
    I have done this exactly once in my entire life.  It was to a woman who was this thoughtless and hurtful to my young daughter.  Don't mess with Mama Bear.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • After going over the whole thing with FI, I got all fired up again and sent a screenshot to BM to let her know about the wedding timeline. I'm not super proud of it, but I do feel like she deserves the full story. Apparently she's not upset about the dress, because bride said they could wear any LBD, so that's good. She is very angry about the amount of money she spent on the shower and OOT bachelorette party. Which apparently wasn't actually a bachelorette party, but whatever. I'm not sure what she plans to do as far as her friendship with the bride. Sorry, wife. 

    As far as the gift, we were going to give money, so we can definitely hold on to that and put it to good use!
    I can't even.  She let people throw her parties, accepted a bunch of gifts (that she obviously has no intention of returning even though she absolutely should) and just carried on like all was well.  Horrifying.  I've seen some pretty terrible etiquette fails in WeddingLand lately, but this lady wins the prize of Worst "Bride" Ever.  I would definitely not be her friend, and I'm not typically a gossip, but if other guests ever asked me, I would tell them the facts of the matter without feeling an ounce of guilt.
  • I keep coming back here because I am just stunned that something like this would happen and that there really are people in the world who are this thoughtless and selfish. I've seen some pretty awful stories on The Knot, but I think this is the worst one yet.
    image
  • I really like the facebook suggestion. I'd sign up, make a group called "X's wedding guests", add as many people as you know were invited to the wedding, and tell them all what you know. 
  • ????????????

    What a horrible thing to do to people who were supposed to be family and friends.

    Yup -- the friendship is dead.
  • edited March 2017
    huh a strange situation. what was the problem to let everyone know about their decision before the day X? posting it only on fb i s a shame. found a nice piece of art for cases when one wants to cancel the wedding whatsever. i thinks it's fun 

    **Removed for TOS violation**
  • @knotriley vendor alert!

    Man, I'm late to this party but holy hell!  I can't even begin to process this one. I mean who does that and why?!  I bet the next family dinner with ex friend and her inlaws will be fun!
    image
  • auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2017
    I'm trying to remember if I can think of anything on this board that has ever made me so mad.

    I'm trying hard here to see if any benefit of the doubt can be given to this couple at all.
    But I just can't stop thinking it played out almost exactly like this:

    • They decided to get married early for tax reasons / benefits / insurance / sex / whatever.
    • But the still wanted the presents and parties and attention...
    • So they figured PPD
    • But then they decided they didn't want to have to pay for a reception and/or plan additional stuff, so they cancelled.
    And this plan was formed.

    Hell... while they probably would have just done the FB post anyway because they sound awful, another reason to explain why they didn't call individuals is they probably didn't even bother to keep an RSVP list. They probably didn't even know who was planning on showing up.

    Just so... so... AGHH!!

    While a lot can be said for be the better person / take the high road / do unto others as... etc. Part of me really, really, really wants you to let as many people know as possible how these people played them. BLECK.



  • OP.... Did you ever ask her things like "If you cancelled the contracts 8 months ago, why did you send out invitations 8 weeks ago?"

    Or since you don't want to keep the friendship going, any chance you can ask her these leading questions? They'll really piss her off but I'm just so curious what she could possibly say to try to explain it.

    Sorry I'm being insensitive and turning your lost friendship into entertainment. But inquiring minds want to know.
  • aurianna said:
    OP.... Did you ever ask her things like "If you cancelled the contracts 8 months ago, why did you send out invitations 8 weeks ago?"

    Or since you don't want to keep the friendship going, any chance you can ask her these leading questions? They'll really piss her off but I'm just so curious what she could possibly say to try to explain it.

    Sorry I'm being insensitive and turning your lost friendship into entertainment. But inquiring minds want to know.
    Or ask the MIL??  Because at this point, if MIL sent the invitations knowing nothing was going to happen then I'd think that the MIL was also a greedy.....person. 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards