I'd definitely let it slip to the BM that the wedding didn't take place two weeks ago, but rather 8 months prior. I'm sure that will spread via word of mouth a whole lot quicker than the cancelation did.
Oh, petty me would be tempted to send the BM a screenshot of the whole conversation.
If I was the MIL I would be super pissed!! I would demand to be repaid any money I had spent on that fiasco! I would think the couple has alienated themselves from many family and friends.
The title of your post is perfect because I am literally speechless. That is so unbelievably rude and inconsiderate not to contact each guest and let them know it's been cancelled. Lots of my friends and family don't have Facebook and to think that would suffice seems crazy to me.
Not to mention the fact that due to Facebook's algorithms, no one sees everything that is shared and it would be easy for something like this to just not pop up in someone's feed.
A few months ago, I saw a single photo from a trip my sister took in my news feed. It popped up because another sister had commented on it. I was surprised I hadn't seen it, clicked through to her page, and found that she had shared a whole album of photos from her trip a couple weeks prior and it had never showed up in my feed. And my sister is one of the top five people I interact with on Facebook, plus these were photos, which typically have a higher visibility rating in the algorithm. It was really weird.
I'd take a picture of the gift and text it to her and tell her that you wanted her to know that you cared enough to buy it and now it's going back, followed with a middle finger emoji.
I'd take a picture of the gift and text it to her and tell her that you wanted her to know that you cared enough to buy it and now it's going back, followed with a middle finger emoji.
Yes! Or if you like it enough, keep it, and take a picture of yourself using it and send it to her LOL
I'd definitely let it slip to the BM that the wedding didn't take place two weeks ago, but rather 8 months prior. I'm sure that will spread via word of mouth a whole lot quicker than the cancelation did.
Oh, petty me would be tempted to send the BM a screenshot of the whole conversation.
I called the bride this morning, coming from a place of concern, as @ernursej suggested. She did not answer, but texted me immediately. I told her we had gone to the wedding and were surprised when no wedding took place, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay and congratulate her on her marriage. She said she was sorry I missed the announcement (which is a very half-hearted apology if you ask me), and eventually admitted they got married 8 months ago and had cancelled their contracts shortly after, but only announced their marriage and wedding cancellation two weeks ago. It's just lies on top of lies covered in lies. She also said she felt as though the cancellation should have spread through word-of-mouth, and accepts no fault for guests not being informed. She's acting very defensive and I just don't see the point in any further contact with her.
Just want to point out that they never intended to go through with this PPD. Not only did they get married 8 months ago, they cancelled all their vendors right after. To keep the charade going when you have absolutely no intention of going through with it is mind-boggling.
Wow. . . this is one of the shitiest things I have heard being done to someone on this board.
1st of all, I would have definitely called my friend, but not from a place of concern at all. Pfft, forget that! I would have very directly called her ass out. She was being selfish, lazy, and frankly a total moron at that point.
Then when she admitted she got married 8 months ago and let everyone order and send out invitations, buy dresses, rent tuxes, etc. . . I would have ended the friendship right then and told her why in no uncertain terms. And you best believe I would have told the BM why I am no longer friends with the Bride- that's not petty, it's called Karma and it's a bitch!
My fuck budget is at a zero balance when it comes to dealing with assholes.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I'd definitely let it slip to the BM that the wedding didn't take place two weeks ago, but rather 8 months prior. I'm sure that will spread via word of mouth a whole lot quicker than the cancelation did.
I'd create a damn Facebook account and share the news on her post from 2 weeks ago
After going over the whole thing with FI, I got all fired up again and sent a screenshot to BM to let her know about the wedding timeline. I'm not super proud of it, but I do feel like she deserves the full story. Apparently she's not upset about the dress, because bride said they could wear any LBD, so that's good. She is very angry about the amount of money she spent on the shower and OOT bachelorette party. Which apparently wasn't actually a bachelorette party, but whatever. I'm not sure what she plans to do as far as her friendship with the bride. Sorry, wife.
As far as the gift, we were going to give money, so we can definitely hold on to that and put it to good use!
After going over the whole thing with FI, I got all fired up again and sent a screenshot to BM to let her know about the wedding timeline. I'm not super proud of it, but I do feel like she deserves the full story. Apparently she's not upset about the dress, because bride said they could wear any LBD, so that's good. She is very angry about the amount of money she spent on the shower and OOT bachelorette party. Which apparently wasn't actually a bachelorette party, but whatever. I'm not sure what she plans to do as far as her friendship with the bride. Sorry, wife.
As far as the gift, we were going to give money, so we can definitely hold on to that and put it to good use!
Not only would I let her have it, I would demand recompense for money lost on travel costs as well as return of any shower gift.
With your initial story, I was not even willing to give a show of concern. With this updated information, all bets are off.
I almost cancelled my own wedding and eloped. If I had, I would have been on the telephone day and night until I reached every single one of my invited guests to explain and apologize for inconveniencing them. I would have done it the day I made the decision! The following day, I would have printed and mailed out formal wedding cancellation notices. I stuck it out, and I'm really glad I had my small church wedding. I cannot imagine how self-centered and rude this couple is! Beyond belief! ...but, wait! It wasn't going to be a wedding, was it? It was going to be their PPD! That explains a lot.
Even worse, they weren't even planning to go through with a PPD after they let their family and friends spend money and time on things like invitations, postage, a shower, a bachelorette party, and possibly, accommodations and travel for those who didn't get the cancellation notice.
I called the bride this morning, coming from a place of concern, as @ernursej suggested. She did not answer, but texted me immediately. I told her we had gone to the wedding and were surprised when no wedding took place, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay and congratulate her on her marriage. She said she was sorry I missed the announcement (which is a very half-hearted apology if you ask me), and eventually admitted they got married 8 months ago and had cancelled their contracts shortly after, but only announced their marriage and wedding cancellation two weeks ago. It's just lies on top of lies covered in lies. She also said she felt as though the cancellation should have spread through word-of-mouth, and accepts no fault for guests not being informed. She's acting very defensive and I just don't see the point in any further contact with her.
WOW! I agree with posters saying send her a picture of you using the gift. Things happen but for all those lies ... just no.
A written invitation to a wedding can only be cancelled with a written cancellation. Facebook doesn't cut it. I only suggested the bride should have telephoned her guests out of courtesy to them, but since she is a self centered, uncaring, thoughtless witch (Did I misspell that?), then I would absolutely cut off all communication with her. You are entitled to publicly "cut" her (as in snub without speaking) if you see her in future. I have done this exactly once in my entire life. It was to a woman who was this thoughtless and hurtful to my young daughter. Don't mess with Mama Bear.
I'd definitely let it slip to the BM that the wedding didn't take place two weeks ago, but rather 8 months prior. I'm sure that will spread via word of mouth a whole lot quicker than the cancelation did.
I'd create a damn Facebook account and share the news on her post from 2 weeks ago
Lol I was gonna suggest signing up for fb in four months to write her a "happy anniversary" post.
This is one of the more disgusting wedding stories I've heard.
After going over the whole thing with FI, I got all fired up again and sent a screenshot to BM to let her know about the wedding timeline. I'm not super proud of it, but I do feel like she deserves the full story. Apparently she's not upset about the dress, because bride said they could wear any LBD, so that's good. She is very angry about the amount of money she spent on the shower and OOT bachelorette party. Which apparently wasn't actually a bachelorette party, but whatever. I'm not sure what she plans to do as far as her friendship with the bride. Sorry, wife.
As far as the gift, we were going to give money, so we can definitely hold on to that and put it to good use!
I can't even. She let people throw her parties, accepted a bunch of gifts (that she obviously has no intention of returning even though she absolutely should) and just carried on like all was well. Horrifying. I've seen some pretty terrible etiquette fails in WeddingLand lately, but this lady wins the prize of Worst "Bride" Ever. I would definitely not be her friend, and I'm not typically a gossip, but if other guests ever asked me, I would tell them the facts of the matter without feeling an ounce of guilt.
I keep coming back here because I am just stunned that something like this would happen and that there really are people in the world who are this thoughtless and selfish. I've seen some pretty awful stories on The Knot, but I think this is the worst one yet.
After going over the whole thing with FI, I got all fired up again and sent a screenshot to BM to let her know about the wedding timeline. I'm not super proud of it, but I do feel like she deserves the full story. Apparently she's not upset about the dress, because bride said they could wear any LBD, so that's good. She is very angry about the amount of money she spent on the shower and OOT bachelorette party. Which apparently wasn't actually a bachelorette party, but whatever. I'm not sure what she plans to do as far as her friendship with the bride. Sorry, wife.
As far as the gift, we were going to give money, so we can definitely hold on to that and put it to good use!
You and your H should get dressed up and go have a fancy dinner with the money. Take a pic of the two of you at the candlelit table and send it to bride with a note that says, "Thanks! My H and I enjoyed a scrumptious, romantic dinner with the money we were going to give you as a wedding gift."
I really like the facebook suggestion. I'd sign up, make a group called "X's wedding guests", add as many people as you know were invited to the wedding, and tell them all what you know.
huh a strange situation. what was the problem to let everyone know about their decision before the day X? posting it only on fb i s a shame. found a nice piece of art for cases when one wants to cancel the wedding whatsever. i thinks it's fun
Man, I'm late to this party but holy hell! I can't even begin to process this one. I mean who does that and why?! I bet the next family dinner with ex friend and her inlaws will be fun!
I'm trying to remember if I can think of anything on this board that has ever made me so mad.
I'm trying hard here to see if any benefit of the doubt can be given to this couple at all. But I just can't stop thinking it played out almost exactly like this:
They decided to get married early for tax reasons / benefits / insurance / sex / whatever.
But the still wanted the presents and parties and attention...
So they figured PPD
But then they decided they didn't want to have to pay for a reception and/or plan additional stuff, so they cancelled.
And this plan was formed.
Hell... while they probably would have just done the FB post anyway because they sound awful, another reason to explain why they didn't call individuals is they probably didn't even bother to keep an RSVP list. They probably didn't even know who was planning on showing up.
Just so... so... AGHH!!
While a lot can be said for be the better person / take the high road / do unto others as... etc. Part of me really, really, really wants you to let as many people know as possible how these people played them. BLECK.
OP.... Did you ever ask her things like "If you cancelled the contracts 8 months ago, why did you send out invitations 8 weeks ago?"
Or since you don't want to keep the friendship going, any chance you can ask her these leading questions? They'll really piss her off but I'm just so curious what she could possibly say to try to explain it.
Sorry I'm being insensitive and turning your lost friendship into entertainment. But inquiring minds want to know.
OP.... Did you ever ask her things like "If you cancelled the contracts 8 months ago, why did you send out invitations 8 weeks ago?"
Or since you don't want to keep the friendship going, any chance you can ask her these leading questions? They'll really piss her off but I'm just so curious what she could possibly say to try to explain it.
Sorry I'm being insensitive and turning your lost friendship into entertainment. But inquiring minds want to know.
Or ask the MIL?? Because at this point, if MIL sent the invitations knowing nothing was going to happen then I'd think that the MIL was also a greedy.....person.
OP.... Did you ever ask her things like "If you cancelled the contracts 8 months ago, why did you send out invitations 8 weeks ago?"
Or since you don't want to keep the friendship going, any chance you can ask her these leading questions? They'll really piss her off but I'm just so curious what she could possibly say to try to explain it.
Sorry I'm being insensitive and turning your lost friendship into entertainment. But inquiring minds want to know.
Or ask the MIL?? Because at this point, if MIL sent the invitations knowing nothing was going to happen then I'd think that the MIL was also a greedy.....person.
This is an interesting point. Part of me hopes as few people were in on this deception as possible (and that MIL wouldn't be scamming her own friends and family like this. Especially the elderly)... but then I also think if they weren't in on it... how could the bride & groom do that to their parents?
If they lied to their parents how far did it go? If parents asked to see the dress or what the flowers looked like or what the menu was, did they send fake pictures? Did parents make suggestions for father/daughter mother/son dance songs and get told "sure! that sounds great!" Did dads get fitted for tuxes and moms go out and find that special outfit feeling excited and proud about wearing it when their children got married? Did they ask their kids to go with them on those trips and they did and stood by and let them do it without saying anything?
Or were their parents in on it and say "Yeah, invite great-aunt Mildred. She gets so excited about weddings you know; she'll send a great gift." UGH!
Re: What do we say?
Now I demand to see a case like this on Judge Judy, lol.
Plaintiff: Suing former friends for $800 in wasted airfare.
Defendant: But it was OUR day...at least it was 8 months earlier...and they should have checked Facebook.
A few months ago, I saw a single photo from a trip my sister took in my news feed. It popped up because another sister had commented on it. I was surprised I hadn't seen it, clicked through to her page, and found that she had shared a whole album of photos from her trip a couple weeks prior and it had never showed up in my feed. And my sister is one of the top five people I interact with on Facebook, plus these were photos, which typically have a higher visibility rating in the algorithm. It was really weird.
1st of all, I would have definitely called my friend, but not from a place of concern at all. Pfft, forget that! I would have very directly called her ass out. She was being selfish, lazy, and frankly a total moron at that point.
Then when she admitted she got married 8 months ago and let everyone order and send out invitations, buy dresses, rent tuxes, etc. . . I would have ended the friendship right then and told her why in no uncertain terms. And you best believe I would have told the BM why I am no longer friends with the Bride- that's not petty, it's called Karma and it's a bitch!
My fuck budget is at a zero balance when it comes to dealing with assholes.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
As far as the gift, we were going to give money, so we can definitely hold on to that and put it to good use!
Not only would I let her have it, I would demand recompense for money lost on travel costs as well as return of any shower gift.
With your initial story, I was not even willing to give a show of concern. With this updated information, all bets are off.
I stuck it out, and I'm really glad I had my small church wedding.
I cannot imagine how self-centered and rude this couple is! Beyond belief! ...but, wait! It wasn't going to be a wedding, was it? It was going to be their PPD! That explains a lot.
WOW! I agree with posters saying send her a picture of you using the gift. Things happen but for all those lies ... just no.
I have done this exactly once in my entire life. It was to a woman who was this thoughtless and hurtful to my young daughter. Don't mess with Mama Bear.
You and your H should get dressed up and go have a fancy dinner with the money. Take a pic of the two of you at the candlelit table and send it to bride with a note that says, "Thanks! My H and I enjoyed a scrumptious, romantic dinner with the money we were going to give you as a wedding gift."
I wouldn't really. But I'd want to, lol!
What a horrible thing to do to people who were supposed to be family and friends.
Yup -- the friendship is dead.
**Removed for TOS violation**
Man, I'm late to this party but holy hell! I can't even begin to process this one. I mean who does that and why?! I bet the next family dinner with ex friend and her inlaws will be fun!
I'm trying hard here to see if any benefit of the doubt can be given to this couple at all.
But I just can't stop thinking it played out almost exactly like this:
- They decided to get married early for tax reasons / benefits / insurance / sex / whatever.
- But the still wanted the presents and parties and attention...
- So they figured PPD
- But then they decided they didn't want to have to pay for a reception and/or plan additional stuff, so they cancelled.
And this plan was formed.Hell... while they probably would have just done the FB post anyway because they sound awful, another reason to explain why they didn't call individuals is they probably didn't even bother to keep an RSVP list. They probably didn't even know who was planning on showing up.
Just so... so... AGHH!!
While a lot can be said for be the better person / take the high road / do unto others as... etc. Part of me really, really, really wants you to let as many people know as possible how these people played them. BLECK.
Or since you don't want to keep the friendship going, any chance you can ask her these leading questions? They'll really piss her off but I'm just so curious what she could possibly say to try to explain it.
Sorry I'm being insensitive and turning your lost friendship into entertainment. But inquiring minds want to know.
If they lied to their parents how far did it go? If parents asked to see the dress or what the flowers looked like or what the menu was, did they send fake pictures? Did parents make suggestions for father/daughter mother/son dance songs and get told "sure! that sounds great!"
Did dads get fitted for tuxes and moms go out and find that special outfit feeling excited and proud about wearing it when their children got married? Did they ask their kids to go with them on those trips and they did and stood by and let them do it without saying anything?
Or were their parents in on it and say "Yeah, invite great-aunt Mildred. She gets so excited about weddings you know; she'll send a great gift."
UGH!