What's the etiquette on multiple family homes?

Re: What's the etiquette on multiple family homes?

• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  March 2017

  I do not agree with the general etiquette technicalities on this board with regards to splitting families, here's my take on it:
  
  If you are inviting Joe and Sharon, and their 4 children that live with them, then I would also invite the married child and SO that doesn't live with them.  Otherwise you are inviting 6 out of 7 ppl in that family, which is splitting up that family.
  
  If you are inviting Joe and Sharon, who live with all 5 of their children, one of whom happens to be married and the spouse lives under the same roof too, I would absolutely invite all 5 kids and the spouse.  Otherwise you are inviting 6 out of 8 ppl that live in the same house.  Awkward.
  
  Inviting in circles is often less tricky in these situations.  Joe and Sharon would be a circle, separate from any of their kids.  In that case you could just invite them.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• levioosa member

  

  March 2017

  The splitting up rule is more for minors.  Ex: you can't invite the parents, plus 14 year old Suzie, but not her 6 year old brother Sam.  Once everyone is legally an adult, the only rule is that you have to invite SO's, and each adult unit's invitation should be separate.  So, if you only want to invite the parents, just send them an invite with their names.  Any adult children plus SO's that you want to invite get their own separate invitations.  If you aren't inviting the whole family I would definitely avoid writing "The Smith Family" on the invitation because that could easily be seen as an invitation for everyone. Hope that helps.  

  
  

  
  

  

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• ei34 member

  

  March 2017

  NiceKindaSpice said:

  Well, I know that families shouldn't be split up, but how far does that extend? 
  For instance, let's say that a couple has five children. Four live with them, one doesnt. That one is married. 
  In that case, I would imagine that calling the couple and their four coresiding children without calling their offspring and offspring-in-law residing elsewhere would be a-okay.
  But what happens when the married offspring lives with the parents too?? Is it breaking up the family then, since they live in the same vicinity?? 
  I'm so confused. 
  (Unrelated: The word offspring looks so awkward but "married child" looked so much worse.) 

  By "calling" do you mean "sending an invitation"?  Ditto PP that splitting a family usually has to do minor children- specifically inviting one minor child but not another.  
  If all of the children in your scenario are over 18, they should receive their own invitation regardless of where they live.  Married children and their spouse living at home should also receive their own invite.  To specifically answer your question, it's not breaking etiquette to not invite the one sibling who is married and living outside the home.  If you're only considering not inviting him/her because of where he/she lives, and your relationship with him/her is the same as it is with the rest of the siblings, you can expect some hurt feelings though.
  
  

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  March 2017

  eileenrob said:

  By "calling" do you mean "sending an invitation"?  Ditto PP that splitting a family usually has to do minor children- specifically inviting one minor child but not another.  
  If all of the children in your scenario are over 18, they should receive their own invitation regardless of where they live.  Married children and their spouse living at home should also receive their own invite.  To specifically answer your question, it's not breaking etiquette to not invite the one sibling who is married and living outside the home.  If you're only considering not inviting him/her because of where he/she lives, and your relationship with him/her is the same as it is with the rest of the siblings, you can expect some hurt feelings though.
  
  

  No, but it's splitting up the family, which is awkward regardless of ages and where ppl live.  In that situation you are inviting 6 out of 7 ppl in the family.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2017

  I think that parents and their minor children constitute a social unit that should not be split up, but their adult children are not part of that social unit, regardless of where they live.  Each adult child is in a social unit of his/her own with his/her SO and minor children.

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2017

  I agree with all the PPs actually. Etiquette dictates that you must not split up families and social units; so if you invite 14 y/o Suzie with her parents you must also invite 6 y/o Sam (or neither Suzie nor Sam). But, I also agree with @PrettyGirlLost that even though etiquette says you can invite one adult sibling and not the others, depending on the family dynamics (and if they're all living under the same roof its reasons they are fairly close) it will likely hurt feelings if all but one is included. 

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• ei34 member

  

  March 2017

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  eileenrob said:

  By "calling" do you mean "sending an invitation"?  Ditto PP that splitting a family usually has to do minor children- specifically inviting one minor child but not another.  
  If all of the children in your scenario are over 18, they should receive their own invitation regardless of where they live.  Married children and their spouse living at home should also receive their own invite.  To specifically answer your question, it's not breaking etiquette to not invite the one sibling who is married and living outside the home.  If you're only considering not inviting him/her because of where he/she lives, and your relationship with him/her is the same as it is with the rest of the siblings, you can expect some hurt feelings though.
  
  

  No, but it's splitting up the family, which is awkward regardless of ages and where ppl live.  In that situation you are inviting 6 out of 7 ppl in the family.
  

  Agreed! Hence my sentence about hurt feelings.

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• mollybarker11 member

  

  March 2017

  I'm with @charlotte989875. If the four unmarried children are all minors who you want at your wedding, you are within etiquette to invite only the parents & those four children. Any children over 18 (+their SOs if applicable) are a separate social unit.
  
  However, depending on family dynamics/your relationship with them all, the married offspring's feelings may be hurt. I think this could potentially be the case even if the married offspring didn't live with their parents and younger siblings. The fact that they all live under one roof does not make them one social unit.

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