Snarky Brides

BYOB? Facebook groups are dangerous

So I'm part of a Wedding Resale Group on Facebook. I joined because, you never know, right? 
Well, mostly I find a lot of burlap and bad advice. 

Most recently, I saw a post about a Bride who wanted to do her reception as BYOB, and wanted to know how she could include that in her invitations. -twitches-. 
Her reasoning was that she doesn't like to drink (not for any religious or sobriety reasons, just doesn't like it), but knows her guests would like to drink. The only solution? Host her guests properly. Make them bring their own booze! 

I was shocked that only a handful of people (myself included) warned her against that. (Most of those people called it 'tacky', but I think having your guests bring anything to the reception other than themselves is 'rude'). She said that isn't comfortable paying for alcohol for her guests. Most people echoed the "It's your day, do whatever you want!" 
One person went as far as to say that guests should "register" their alcohol with the venue's bartender, and have those persons wear wristbands, and only those people who brought alcohol would be allowed to drink, and may only drink what they brought. 

Of course, a couple people said that she just needs to do a cash bar. Luckily, a couple people piped up and said that cash bars are just as bad.  

Sounds like a disaster in the making to me.

What do you guys think? Would you mind a BYOB reception? I know I'd give some serious side-eye to it. It makes me think of potlucks, and that is just a big no no. But if something were like a casual backyard BBQ type of reception, I might side-eye it a little less. 

Have you guys seen any of this malarkey on Facebook or any other boards? Any good stories? (I'm bored). 
drid

Re: BYOB? Facebook groups are dangerous

  • The logistics nightmare that "alcohol registry" would be is nuts. Any bartender would have to think this bride was out of her mind before telling her that he/she wouldn't be tending their bar under those conditions.
    SP29
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So I'm part of a Wedding Resale Group on Facebook. I joined because, you never know, right? 
    Well, mostly I find a lot of burlap and bad advice. 

    Most recently, I saw a post about a Bride who wanted to do her reception as BYOB, and wanted to know how she could include that in her invitations. -twitches-. 
    Her reasoning was that she doesn't like to drink (not for any religious or sobriety reasons, just doesn't like it), but knows her guests would like to drink. The only solution? Host her guests properly. Make them bring their own booze! 

    I was shocked that only a handful of people (myself included) warned her against that. (Most of those people called it 'tacky', but I think having your guests bring anything to the reception other than themselves is 'rude'). She said that isn't comfortable paying for alcohol for her guests. Most people echoed the "It's your day, do whatever you want!" 
    One person went as far as to say that guests should "register" their alcohol with the venue's bartender, and have those persons wear wristbands, and only those people who brought alcohol would be allowed to drink, and may only drink what they brought. 

    Of course, a couple people said that she just needs to do a cash bar. Luckily, a couple people piped up and said that cash bars are just as bad.  

    Sounds like a disaster in the making to me.

    What do you guys think? Would you mind a BYOB reception? I know I'd give some serious side-eye to it. It makes me think of potlucks, and that is just a big no no. But if something were like a casual backyard BBQ type of reception, I might side-eye it a little less. 

    Have you guys seen any of this malarkey on Facebook or any other boards? Any good stories? (I'm bored). 
    Um, yes. I don't see how this is any different than a potluck reception. It's tacky and rude. 

    Even when I have a casual backyard BBQ, I don't ask people to bring anything. If I'm hosting a party, that means I host everything - food, drinks, alcohol. I don't tell people to bring beer or wine or liquor. 
    OurWildKingdomernursejlyndausviei34
  • Funny thing is, I've talked about this to a friend who doesn't drink anymore. I asked if she would just do dry bar, and her words "Just because I don't drink, doesn't mean others shouldn't. Open bar."
    You have a good friend! lol. 
    I even feel the same about limited bars. Like, just because I'm okay with beer and wine, doesn't mean everyone is. A lot of people don't like wine, and beer makes me stuffy. To me, it's open or nothing. 

    Though I did have a friend who did beer, wine, and well drinks. If you wanted something fancy, say a shot of Johnny Walker, you had to pay for it. I don't know per say how appropriate that is etiquette-wise, but as a 21 year old, I didn't mind. 
    MissKittyDanger
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ok, this is my most recent "favorite" request for advice/responses I have come across lately:

    Poster: I am having a small wedding and a bigger reception later on that day 2018. I have no flower girls and no ring barrier (by choice). My fiancé and I both have 4 members on each bridal party but I can't seem to find a role in my wedding for my best friend/mother role model. My mother is ordaining us, and my uncle is walking me down. But I can't think of a good role for her. Any ideas??? We've been friends for years and been through the worst and greatest of times. I don't want to not include her but I'm stumped!? Help!???

    Horrible Response #1: Can she be your personal attendant?

    Horrible Response #2: I would tell her you have always been my go to person. Will you be that person for me the days before and day of wedding. Will you call and check that I have everything. On day of will you make sure everyone is where they are suppose to be and just make sure everything is running smoothly. Then make sure you give her a small gift after. Even a thank you card would mean so much.

    Me: Please don't do anything that you would hire a professional to do (being your personal attendant or your day of coordinator). This might be a big insult to her. If you don't like the idea of doing a reading during the ceremony, ask her to give a toast at the reception.

    Horrible Response #3:  having her handle all of the details leading up and day of is a tremendous help she could basically be your wedding planner. I did this for my neice, she had a list of time tables and who should be doing what etc so instead of everyone coming to her i could come to her only if her decision was needed on things that cropped up. otherwise i ran interference so she could enjoy herself

    Horrible Response #4:  Have her help coordinate! Need one on that day to make sure things run smoothly

    Sigh.

    SP29InLoveInQueenscowgirl8238ei34
  • I went to a friend's wedding where they didn't serve alcohol. Since they knew some of their friends liked to drink, they told us privately that it was a dry wedding but we could keep alcohol in our cars and go out to the parking lot to drink if we wanted. I didn't see anything wrong with this, nor did anyone else. We didn't bring any alcohol into the wedding or reception area. Might've been an etiquette no no, but I didn't see a problem with it since the bride said it was okay and she was also pretty drunk herself. Was a smaller wedding out on a farm and the reception was only about 2 hours or so. 
  • I went to a friend's wedding where they didn't serve alcohol. Since they knew some of their friends liked to drink, they told us privately that it was a dry wedding but we could keep alcohol in our cars and go out to the parking lot to drink if we wanted. I didn't see anything wrong with this, nor did anyone else. We didn't bring any alcohol into the wedding or reception area. Might've been an etiquette no no, but I didn't see a problem with it since the bride said it was okay and she was also pretty drunk herself. Was a smaller wedding out on a farm and the reception was only about 2 hours or so. 
    So, the B&G didn't serve alcohol, but the bride herself was drunk? That's pretty tacky to not serve your guests and then be drinking out in the parking lot. 
    The bride didn't go out to the parking lot but I think she had gotten drunk before the ceremony. 
  • So I guess from an etiquette standpoint--I'm curious who y'all think is more in the wrong in my example-- is it more rude of the bride to tell her friends to drink in the parking lot and get drunk herself although she was not serving alcohol at the wedding OR is it more rude to be one of the guests who was drinking in the parking lot? 

    This wedding was was years ago and I was much younger then. Although I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time, I guess I could see now where others might disagree with that. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2017
    So I guess from an etiquette standpoint--I'm curious who y'all think is more in the wrong in my example-- is it more rude of the bride to tell her friends to drink in the parking lot and get drunk herself although she was not serving alcohol at the wedding OR is it more rude to be one of the guests who was drinking in the parking lot? 

    Rude is an absolute.  There is no such thing as "more rude" or "less rude".

    A bride who gets drunk before her own wedding is not rude; she is a thoughtless fool who is not considering her guests.  If she is really drunk, she may likely do something that is rude while under the influence.

    A bride who tells guests to bring their own booze, regardless of where they will keep it, is rude.

    A guest who does not accept the refreshments that are offered (without adding alcohol) is being rude.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdomSP29
  • I went to a friend's wedding where they didn't serve alcohol. Since they knew some of their friends liked to drink, they told us privately that it was a dry wedding but we could keep alcohol in our cars and go out to the parking lot to drink if we wanted. I didn't see anything wrong with this, nor did anyone else. We didn't bring any alcohol into the wedding or reception area. Might've been an etiquette no no, but I didn't see a problem with it since the bride said it was okay and she was also pretty drunk herself. Was a smaller wedding out on a farm and the reception was only about 2 hours or so. 
    I was at a wedding like this. One of the couple's parents was a recovering alcoholic, so they didn't serve any alcohol at the reception.

    Almost everyone in our generation (including the groom, but excluding the bride) went up to the groomsmen's rooms in the hotel and drank in turns. The groom got really drunk, and the bride got really upset about it. 

    That was just one of quite a few issues with that one.
  • So I guess from an etiquette standpoint--I'm curious who y'all think is more in the wrong in my example-- is it more rude of the bride to tell her friends to drink in the parking lot and get drunk herself although she was not serving alcohol at the wedding OR is it more rude to be one of the guests who was drinking in the parking lot? 

    This wedding was was years ago and I was much younger then. Although I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time, I guess I could see now where others might disagree with that. 
    So for me the bride is the rude one. Imagine that you are not besties with the bride and so you didn't get the memo about the dry wedding car booze exception, you're sitting there, sober, watching other people get obviously drunk. I would be so pissed, it is so fucking rude. It is very important to host all of your (royal you) guest equally. 
    SP29
  • Ughhh I had a friend who got married a few years ago at a park in the middle of the afternoon and the invitations said to BYOB. The park was a couple hours from any decent sized city and I was out of state so I didn't go. I don't know why they didn't provide alcohol. On the flip side, FI is in AA and HE was the one who suggested we have beer & wine at our wedding. He said he knows that's the norm at events with our friends and family, and if we didn't have alcohol, everyone would think it was because he didn't want it. 
  • banana468 said:
    I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

    There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  


    Now I'm trying to remember if I had anything to drink before my ceremony, lol.  I don't think I did.

    I see the bride as being especially rude.  Essentially, she's providing alcohol for just herself or, even worse, bumming off the people she told could keep alcohol in their cars and drink in the parking lot.  I'm with @Heffalump.  There's just something juvenile about sneaking swigs of liquor in a parking lot.*

    *Exception for tailgate parties before a game.  But then, that's a totally different event.

    It's no different than the bride/groom toasting with Dom, while all their guests are toasting with Andre.  Or surf and turf dinners for them, while everyone else has chicken.  Hosts, of all people, don't get "better" or "more" things than their guests do.  Period.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    I'll admit, it was a tough pill for me to swallow in one respect.  I love champagne.  For any occasion or no occasion.  My mom planned my wedding and that was one of the few things I asked for.  Champagne.  Lots of it.  Unfortunately, I found out after the two cases had been bought, that she'd chosen some pink/sweet version of champagne.  I'm a brut girl.  I was thinking, "OMG, this cannot be happening.  I'm not that picky.  But pink?  And sweet?  (Gag!)."  I was SORELY tempted to buy a couple bruts just for me.  Not that it was better champagne, just more to my taste.  But I knew what y'all over here on TK would say and I didn't, lol. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    thisismynickname2SP29
  • banana468 said:
    I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

    There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  


    Now I'm trying to remember if I had anything to drink before my ceremony, lol.  I don't think I did.

    I see the bride as being especially rude.  Essentially, she's providing alcohol for just herself or, even worse, bumming off the people she told could keep alcohol in their cars and drink in the parking lot.  I'm with @Heffalump.  There's just something juvenile about sneaking swigs of liquor in a parking lot.*

    *Exception for tailgate parties before a game.  But then, that's a totally different event.

    It's no different than the bride/groom toasting with Dom, while all their guests are toasting with Andre.  Or surf and turf dinners for them, while everyone else has chicken.  Hosts, of all people, don't get "better" or "more" things than their guests do.  Period.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    I'll admit, it was a tough pill for me to swallow in one respect.  I love champagne.  For any occasion or no occasion.  My mom planned my wedding and that was one of the few things I asked for.  Champagne.  Lots of it.  Unfortunately, I found out after the two cases had been bought, that she'd chosen some pink/sweet version of champagne.  I'm a brut girl.  I was thinking, "OMG, this cannot be happening.  I'm not that picky.  But pink?  And sweet?  (Gag!)."  I was SORELY tempted to buy a couple bruts just for me.  Not that it was better champagne, just more to my taste.  But I knew what y'all over here on TK would say and I didn't, lol. 

    Oh I drank before I got married.   But I wasn't in a state of inebriation that's grounds for an annulment.


  • banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

    There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  


    Now I'm trying to remember if I had anything to drink before my ceremony, lol.  I don't think I did.

    I see the bride as being especially rude.  Essentially, she's providing alcohol for just herself or, even worse, bumming off the people she told could keep alcohol in their cars and drink in the parking lot.  I'm with @Heffalump.  There's just something juvenile about sneaking swigs of liquor in a parking lot.*

    *Exception for tailgate parties before a game.  But then, that's a totally different event.

    It's no different than the bride/groom toasting with Dom, while all their guests are toasting with Andre.  Or surf and turf dinners for them, while everyone else has chicken.  Hosts, of all people, don't get "better" or "more" things than their guests do.  Period.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    I'll admit, it was a tough pill for me to swallow in one respect.  I love champagne.  For any occasion or no occasion.  My mom planned my wedding and that was one of the few things I asked for.  Champagne.  Lots of it.  Unfortunately, I found out after the two cases had been bought, that she'd chosen some pink/sweet version of champagne.  I'm a brut girl.  I was thinking, "OMG, this cannot be happening.  I'm not that picky.  But pink?  And sweet?  (Gag!)."  I was SORELY tempted to buy a couple bruts just for me.  Not that it was better champagne, just more to my taste.  But I knew what y'all over here on TK would say and I didn't, lol. 

    Oh I drank before I got married.   But I wasn't in a state of inebriation that's grounds for an annulment.



    Oh, totally!  No judgments here.  Big difference between a few drinks and noticeably intoxicated.  I remember I was planning to have a couple glasses of champagne throughout the day/getting ready.  But I was trying to remember if I actually did and I don't think so.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

    There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  


    Now I'm trying to remember if I had anything to drink before my ceremony, lol.  I don't think I did.

    I see the bride as being especially rude.  Essentially, she's providing alcohol for just herself or, even worse, bumming off the people she told could keep alcohol in their cars and drink in the parking lot.  I'm with @Heffalump.  There's just something juvenile about sneaking swigs of liquor in a parking lot.*

    *Exception for tailgate parties before a game.  But then, that's a totally different event.

    It's no different than the bride/groom toasting with Dom, while all their guests are toasting with Andre.  Or surf and turf dinners for them, while everyone else has chicken.  Hosts, of all people, don't get "better" or "more" things than their guests do.  Period.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    I'll admit, it was a tough pill for me to swallow in one respect.  I love champagne.  For any occasion or no occasion.  My mom planned my wedding and that was one of the few things I asked for.  Champagne.  Lots of it.  Unfortunately, I found out after the two cases had been bought, that she'd chosen some pink/sweet version of champagne.  I'm a brut girl.  I was thinking, "OMG, this cannot be happening.  I'm not that picky.  But pink?  And sweet?  (Gag!)."  I was SORELY tempted to buy a couple bruts just for me.  Not that it was better champagne, just more to my taste.  But I knew what y'all over here on TK would say and I didn't, lol. 

    Oh I drank before I got married.   But I wasn't in a state of inebriation that's grounds for an annulment.



    Oh, totally!  No judgments here.  Big difference between a few drinks and noticeably intoxicated.  I remember I was planning to have a couple glasses of champagne throughout the day/getting ready.  But I was trying to remember if I actually did and I don't think so.
    Only reason I'm probably not going to have any champagne or anything while getting ready is because I'm sure I'll have to pee every 5 minutes. 
    OurWildKingdomthisismynickname2SP29ei34
  • banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

    There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  


    Now I'm trying to remember if I had anything to drink before my ceremony, lol.  I don't think I did.

    I see the bride as being especially rude.  Essentially, she's providing alcohol for just herself or, even worse, bumming off the people she told could keep alcohol in their cars and drink in the parking lot.  I'm with @Heffalump.  There's just something juvenile about sneaking swigs of liquor in a parking lot.*

    *Exception for tailgate parties before a game.  But then, that's a totally different event.

    It's no different than the bride/groom toasting with Dom, while all their guests are toasting with Andre.  Or surf and turf dinners for them, while everyone else has chicken.  Hosts, of all people, don't get "better" or "more" things than their guests do.  Period.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    I'll admit, it was a tough pill for me to swallow in one respect.  I love champagne.  For any occasion or no occasion.  My mom planned my wedding and that was one of the few things I asked for.  Champagne.  Lots of it.  Unfortunately, I found out after the two cases had been bought, that she'd chosen some pink/sweet version of champagne.  I'm a brut girl.  I was thinking, "OMG, this cannot be happening.  I'm not that picky.  But pink?  And sweet?  (Gag!)."  I was SORELY tempted to buy a couple bruts just for me.  Not that it was better champagne, just more to my taste.  But I knew what y'all over here on TK would say and I didn't, lol. 

    Oh I drank before I got married.   But I wasn't in a state of inebriation that's grounds for an annulment.


    I had some bubbly while getting ready and my husband was actually a tad hungover that day. {he swears up and down that the hang over wasn't that bad, so it was gone by the ceremony! Downside of beer pong with groomsmen and in finals with your brother I suppose! ;) }
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited March 2017
    banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

    There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  


    Now I'm trying to remember if I had anything to drink before my ceremony, lol.  I don't think I did.

    I see the bride as being especially rude.  Essentially, she's providing alcohol for just herself or, even worse, bumming off the people she told could keep alcohol in their cars and drink in the parking lot.  I'm with @Heffalump.  There's just something juvenile about sneaking swigs of liquor in a parking lot.*

    *Exception for tailgate parties before a game.  But then, that's a totally different event.

    It's no different than the bride/groom toasting with Dom, while all their guests are toasting with Andre.  Or surf and turf dinners for them, while everyone else has chicken.  Hosts, of all people, don't get "better" or "more" things than their guests do.  Period.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    I'll admit, it was a tough pill for me to swallow in one respect.  I love champagne.  For any occasion or no occasion.  My mom planned my wedding and that was one of the few things I asked for.  Champagne.  Lots of it.  Unfortunately, I found out after the two cases had been bought, that she'd chosen some pink/sweet version of champagne.  I'm a brut girl.  I was thinking, "OMG, this cannot be happening.  I'm not that picky.  But pink?  And sweet?  (Gag!)."  I was SORELY tempted to buy a couple bruts just for me.  Not that it was better champagne, just more to my taste.  But I knew what y'all over here on TK would say and I didn't, lol. 

    Oh I drank before I got married.   But I wasn't in a state of inebriation that's grounds for an annulment.



    Oh, totally!  No judgments here.  Big difference between a few drinks and noticeably intoxicated.  I remember I was planning to have a couple glasses of champagne throughout the day/getting ready.  But I was trying to remember if I actually did and I don't think so.
    Only reason I'm probably not going to have any champagne or anything while getting ready is because I'm sure I'll have to pee every 5 minutes. 
    Yep! I can relate.
  • So I guess from an etiquette standpoint--I'm curious who y'all think is more in the wrong in my example-- is it more rude of the bride to tell her friends to drink in the parking lot and get drunk herself although she was not serving alcohol at the wedding OR is it more rude to be one of the guests who was drinking in the parking lot? 

    This wedding was was years ago and I was much younger then. Although I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time, I guess I could see now where others might disagree with that. 
    - The bride was definitely rude for telling her guests to BYOB.
    - I don't see an etiquette issue with the bride drinking before the event begins yet not serving alcohol at the event itself, what hosts do before I get there has no impact on me. I would side-eye a bride who got drunk and was drunk at the event without allowing guests the same opportunity.
    - I guess the guests were rude for taking her up on the BYOB offer, but I think sneaking off for parking lot swigs is mostly just tacky. That's something teenagers do at a dance in the high school gym.
    OurWildKingdomei34short+sassy
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