BYOB? Facebook groups are dangerous

mandypants90

So I'm part of a Wedding Resale Group on Facebook. I joined because, you never know, right? 
Well, mostly I find a lot of burlap and bad advice. 

Most recently, I saw a post about a Bride who wanted to do her reception as BYOB, and wanted to know how she could include that in her invitations. -twitches-. 
Her reasoning was that she doesn't like to drink (not for any religious or sobriety reasons, just doesn't like it), but knows her guests would like to drink. The only solution? Host her guests properly. Make them bring their own booze! 

I was shocked that only a handful of people (myself included) warned her against that. (Most of those people called it 'tacky', but I think having your guests bring anything to the reception other than themselves is 'rude'). She said that isn't comfortable paying for alcohol for her guests. Most people echoed the "It's your day, do whatever you want!" 
One person went as far as to say that guests should "register" their alcohol with the venue's bartender, and have those persons wear wristbands, and only those people who brought alcohol would be allowed to drink, and may only drink what they brought. 

Of course, a couple people said that she just needs to do a cash bar. Luckily, a couple people piped up and said that cash bars are just as bad.  

Sounds like a disaster in the making to me.

What do you guys think? Would you mind a BYOB reception? I know I'd give some serious side-eye to it. It makes me think of potlucks, and that is just a big no no. But if something were like a casual backyard BBQ type of reception, I might side-eye it a little less. 

Have you guys seen any of this malarkey on Facebook or any other boards? Any good stories? (I'm bored). 

thefanciestbeckler

WHAT!!!!!! No way. I'd even go so far as to not attend a BYOB wedding. That is incredibly tacky and rude. I don't care if it's a backyard BBQ reception or not, guests should be hosted properly. Alcohol is not a requirement at a wedding. The bride and groom would be better off having sweet tea, soft drinks, and water rather than BYOB.

Ugh. Some people.

mandypants90

thefanciestbeckler said:

WHAT!!!!!! No way. I'd even go so far as to not attend a BYOB wedding. That is incredibly tacky and rude. I don't care if it's a backyard BBQ reception or not, guests should be hosted properly. Alcohol is not a requirement at a wedding. The bride and groom would be better off having sweet tea, soft drinks, and water rather than BYOB.

Ugh. Some people.

My comment was "Have a dry wedding, or pay for a bar. Your reception is to thank your guests for coming. If you have a dry wedding, and people choose to drink any ways, then they are the rude ones, not you."

I was just really blown away by the 'registering your alcohol thing'...like what? 

geebee908

The logistics nightmare that "alcohol registry" would be is nuts. Any bartender would have to think this bride was out of her mind before telling her that he/she wouldn't be tending their bar under those conditions.

climbingsingle

mandypants90 said:

So I'm part of a Wedding Resale Group on Facebook. I joined because, you never know, right? 
Well, mostly I find a lot of burlap and bad advice. 

Most recently, I saw a post about a Bride who wanted to do her reception as BYOB, and wanted to know how she could include that in her invitations. -twitches-. 
Her reasoning was that she doesn't like to drink (not for any religious or sobriety reasons, just doesn't like it), but knows her guests would like to drink. The only solution? Host her guests properly. Make them bring their own booze! 

I was shocked that only a handful of people (myself included) warned her against that. (Most of those people called it 'tacky', but I think having your guests bring anything to the reception other than themselves is 'rude'). She said that isn't comfortable paying for alcohol for her guests. Most people echoed the "It's your day, do whatever you want!" 
One person went as far as to say that guests should "register" their alcohol with the venue's bartender, and have those persons wear wristbands, and only those people who brought alcohol would be allowed to drink, and may only drink what they brought. 

Of course, a couple people said that she just needs to do a cash bar. Luckily, a couple people piped up and said that cash bars are just as bad.  

Sounds like a disaster in the making to me.

What do you guys think? Would you mind a BYOB reception? I know I'd give some serious side-eye to it. It makes me think of potlucks, and that is just a big no no. But if something were like a casual backyard BBQ type of reception, I might side-eye it a little less. 

Have you guys seen any of this malarkey on Facebook or any other boards? Any good stories? (I'm bored). 

Um, yes. I don't see how this is any different than a potluck reception. It's tacky and rude. 

Even when I have a casual backyard BBQ, I don't ask people to bring anything. If I'm hosting a party, that means I host everything - food, drinks, alcohol. I don't tell people to bring beer or wine or liquor. 

MissKittyDanger

Funny thing is, I've talked about this to a friend who doesn't drink anymore. I asked if she would just do dry bar, and her words "Just because I don't drink, doesn't mean others shouldn't. Open bar."

mandypants90

MissKittyDanger said:

Funny thing is, I've talked about this to a friend who doesn't drink anymore. I asked if she would just do dry bar, and her words "Just because I don't drink, doesn't mean others shouldn't. Open bar."

You have a good friend! lol. 
I even feel the same about limited bars. Like, just because I'm okay with beer and wine, doesn't mean everyone is. A lot of people don't like wine, and beer makes me stuffy. To me, it's open or nothing. 

Though I did have a friend who did beer, wine, and well drinks. If you wanted something fancy, say a shot of Johnny Walker, you had to pay for it. I don't know per say how appropriate that is etiquette-wise, but as a 21 year old, I didn't mind. 

Ro041

Ok, this is my most recent "favorite" request for advice/responses I have come across lately:

Poster: I am having a small wedding and a bigger reception later on that day 2018. I have no flower girls and no ring barrier (by choice). My fiancé and I both have 4 members on each bridal party but I can't seem to find a role in my wedding for my best friend/mother role model. My mother is ordaining us, and my uncle is walking me down. But I can't think of a good role for her. Any ideas??? We've been friends for years and been through the worst and greatest of times. I don't want to not include her but I'm stumped!? Help!???

Horrible Response #1: Can she be your personal attendant?

Horrible Response #2: I would tell her you have always been my go to person. Will you be that person for me the days before and day of wedding. Will you call and check that I have everything. On day of will you make sure everyone is where they are suppose to be and just make sure everything is running smoothly. Then make sure you give her a small gift after. Even a thank you card would mean so much.

Me: Please don't do anything that you would hire a professional to do (being your personal attendant or your day of coordinator). This might be a big insult to her. If you don't like the idea of doing a reading during the ceremony, ask her to give a toast at the reception.

Horrible Response #3:  having her handle all of the details leading up and day of is a tremendous help she could basically be your wedding planner. I did this for my neice, she had a list of time tables and who should be doing what etc so instead of everyone coming to her i could come to her only if her decision was needed on things that cropped up. otherwise i ran interference so she could enjoy herself

Horrible Response #4:  Have her help coordinate! Need one on that day to make sure things run smoothly

Sigh.

greeninspring

I went to a friend's wedding where they didn't serve alcohol. Since they knew some of their friends liked to drink, they told us privately that it was a dry wedding but we could keep alcohol in our cars and go out to the parking lot to drink if we wanted. I didn't see anything wrong with this, nor did anyone else. We didn't bring any alcohol into the wedding or reception area. Might've been an etiquette no no, but I didn't see a problem with it since the bride said it was okay and she was also pretty drunk herself. Was a smaller wedding out on a farm and the reception was only about 2 hours or so. 

thefanciestbeckler

greeninspring said:

I went to a friend's wedding where they didn't serve alcohol. Since they knew some of their friends liked to drink, they told us privately that it was a dry wedding but we could keep alcohol in our cars and go out to the parking lot to drink if we wanted. I didn't see anything wrong with this, nor did anyone else. We didn't bring any alcohol into the wedding or reception area. Might've been an etiquette no no, but I didn't see a problem with it since the bride said it was okay and she was also pretty drunk herself. Was a smaller wedding out on a farm and the reception was only about 2 hours or so. 

I went to a wedding just like this last fall. It was a dry wedding due the bride's family's religious beliefs. The B&G's friends brought whiskey. It was very obvious who was drinking, and it was totally unnecessary. There's no reason why people can't just wait and go out for drinks afterwards. 

climbingsingle

greeninspring said:

I went to a friend's wedding where they didn't serve alcohol. Since they knew some of their friends liked to drink, they told us privately that it was a dry wedding but we could keep alcohol in our cars and go out to the parking lot to drink if we wanted. I didn't see anything wrong with this, nor did anyone else. We didn't bring any alcohol into the wedding or reception area. Might've been an etiquette no no, but I didn't see a problem with it since the bride said it was okay and she was also pretty drunk herself. Was a smaller wedding out on a farm and the reception was only about 2 hours or so. 

So, the B&G didn't serve alcohol, but the bride herself was drunk? That's pretty tacky to not serve your guests and then be drinking out in the parking lot. 

greeninspring

climbingwife said:

greeninspring said:

I went to a friend's wedding where they didn't serve alcohol. Since they knew some of their friends liked to drink, they told us privately that it was a dry wedding but we could keep alcohol in our cars and go out to the parking lot to drink if we wanted. I didn't see anything wrong with this, nor did anyone else. We didn't bring any alcohol into the wedding or reception area. Might've been an etiquette no no, but I didn't see a problem with it since the bride said it was okay and she was also pretty drunk herself. Was a smaller wedding out on a farm and the reception was only about 2 hours or so. 

So, the B&G didn't serve alcohol, but the bride herself was drunk? That's pretty tacky to not serve your guests and then be drinking out in the parking lot. 

The bride didn't go out to the parking lot but I think she had gotten drunk before the ceremony. 

OurWildKingdom

What could possibly go wrong?

greeninspring

So I guess from an etiquette standpoint--I'm curious who y'all think is more in the wrong in my example-- is it more rude of the bride to tell her friends to drink in the parking lot and get drunk herself although she was not serving alcohol at the wedding OR is it more rude to be one of the guests who was drinking in the parking lot? 

This wedding was was years ago and I was much younger then. Although I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time, I guess I could see now where others might disagree with that. 

geebee908

greeninspring said:

So I guess from an etiquette standpoint--I'm curious who y'all think is more in the wrong in my example-- is it more rude of the bride to tell her friends to drink in the parking lot and get drunk herself although she was not serving alcohol at the wedding OR is it more rude to be one of the guests who was drinking in the parking lot? 

This wedding was was years ago and I was much younger then. Although I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time, I guess I could see now where others might disagree with that. 

greeninspring said:

The bride didn't go out to the parking lot but I think she had gotten drunk before the ceremony. 

Both are rude, I think.

If the bride was drunk before the ceremony, she may not have been able to enter into a legal agreement because she was in a compromised state of mind. Could easily ruin your wedding day if you weren't married at the end of it. Our parish priest can't perform a wedding ceremony if he knows one or both of the couple was drinking or using shortly before the ceremony.

Heffalump

greeninspring said:

So I guess from an etiquette standpoint--I'm curious who y'all think is more in the wrong in my example-- is it more rude of the bride to tell her friends to drink in the parking lot and get drunk herself although she was not serving alcohol at the wedding OR is it more rude to be one of the guests who was drinking in the parking lot? 

This wedding was was years ago and I was much younger then. Although I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time, I guess I could see now where others might disagree with that. 

IMO, I think the bride is more at fault in your scenario.  If it doesn't violate your personal religious beliefs (which it obviously didn't, in her case), then serve alcohol if you and your guests want to drink.  Or if alcohol isn't in your budget, then have a dry wedding. An actual dry wedding, in which you don't serve alcohol.  Not one in which you don't serve alcohol, but then tell your guests that they can drink at their own expense while you provide (plenty of) alcohol for yourself and none for your guests.  Nope.

This is like not being vegetarian, serving a vegetarian meal, and telling your guests that they're free to stash some burgers in their car and go snack on them whenever.  To me, that is crap hosting.

As for the guests, personally, if alcohol is not served at an event, I don't drink.  It just feels weird to be a 40 year old woman trying to swig something on the sly, like I'm 15 again under the bleachers at a football game.  I enjoy a nice glass of wine, but I can live without it for a few hours.  (Especially since the reception mentioned above was only two hours.)  I just don't see myself drinking wine out of a paper bag in a parking lot at this point, and I'm not much for straight liquor.  What am I going to do, mix up a batch of margaritas and throw the Yeti in the back of the car with some glasses?  Again, nope.

SP29

greeninspring said:

So I guess from an etiquette standpoint--I'm curious who y'all think is more in the wrong in my example-- is it more rude of the bride to tell her friends to drink in the parking lot and get drunk herself although she was not serving alcohol at the wedding OR is it more rude to be one of the guests who was drinking in the parking lot? 

This wedding was was years ago and I was much younger then. Although I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time, I guess I could see now where others might disagree with that. 

I would say both are rude- but the bride is worse. A guest should graciously accept whatever is offered by their host (which means no alcohol if that is the case). But the bride told them to BYOB and also partook in something she wasn't offering to her guests.

She basically said, "Sorry guys, can't afford alcohol, but I'll be sure to get my fill before hand so that I'm buzzed without having to provide for you".

Although it's not exactly the same (because alcohol is never required), I would liken it to inviting guests over to your (royal you) house for a get together and not serving anything to eat because you just ate dinner right before the party, so if you aren't hungry, then you aren't going to put out food.

A wedding should not be treated differently than any other social event. Although BYOB is probably more common with casual events, would you invite people over to your house, tell them sorry there's no alcohol, but if you want it, you can bring your own and drink it out by your car?

As per the FB groups- I belonged to a few buy and sell but I had to leave them all- I just couldn't even with the questions asked . I would try to answer politely but within etiquette, and while a few people would agree with me, the majority replied with the, "It's YOUR day, do want you want!" "Your family and friends will understand!", etc, etc.

CMGragain

greeninspring said:

So I guess from an etiquette standpoint--I'm curious who y'all think is more in the wrong in my example-- is it more rude of the bride to tell her friends to drink in the parking lot and get drunk herself although she was not serving alcohol at the wedding OR is it more rude to be one of the guests who was drinking in the parking lot? 

Rude is an absolute.  There is no such thing as "more rude" or "less rude".

A bride who gets drunk before her own wedding is not rude; she is a thoughtless fool who is not considering her guests.  If she is really drunk, she may likely do something that is rude while under the influence.

A bride who tells guests to bring their own booze, regardless of where they will keep it, is rude.

A guest who does not accept the refreshments that are offered (without adding alcohol) is being rude.

JediElizabeth

greeninspring said:

I went to a friend's wedding where they didn't serve alcohol. Since they knew some of their friends liked to drink, they told us privately that it was a dry wedding but we could keep alcohol in our cars and go out to the parking lot to drink if we wanted. I didn't see anything wrong with this, nor did anyone else. We didn't bring any alcohol into the wedding or reception area. Might've been an etiquette no no, but I didn't see a problem with it since the bride said it was okay and she was also pretty drunk herself. Was a smaller wedding out on a farm and the reception was only about 2 hours or so. 

I was at a wedding like this. One of the couple's parents was a recovering alcoholic, so they didn't serve any alcohol at the reception.

Almost everyone in our generation (including the groom, but excluding the bride) went up to the groomsmen's rooms in the hotel and drank in turns. The groom got really drunk, and the bride got really upset about it. 

That was just one of quite a few issues with that one.

missJeanLouise

greeninspring said:

So I guess from an etiquette standpoint--I'm curious who y'all think is more in the wrong in my example-- is it more rude of the bride to tell her friends to drink in the parking lot and get drunk herself although she was not serving alcohol at the wedding OR is it more rude to be one of the guests who was drinking in the parking lot? 

This wedding was was years ago and I was much younger then. Although I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time, I guess I could see now where others might disagree with that. 

So for me the bride is the rude one. Imagine that you are not besties with the bride and so you didn't get the memo about the dry wedding car booze exception, you're sitting there, sober, watching other people get obviously drunk. I would be so pissed, it is so fucking rude. It is very important to host all of your (royal you) guest equally. 

banana468

I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  

ahoywedding

Ughhh I had a friend who got married a few years ago at a park in the middle of the afternoon and the invitations said to BYOB. The park was a couple hours from any decent sized city and I was out of state so I didn't go. I don't know why they didn't provide alcohol. On the flip side, FI is in AA and HE was the one who suggested we have beer & wine at our wedding. He said he knows that's the norm at events with our friends and family, and if we didn't have alcohol, everyone would think it was because he didn't want it. 

short+sassy

banana468 said:

I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  

Now I'm trying to remember if I had anything to drink before my ceremony, lol.  I don't think I did.

I see the bride as being especially rude.  Essentially, she's providing alcohol for just herself or, even worse, bumming off the people she told could keep alcohol in their cars and drink in the parking lot.  I'm with @Heffalump.  There's just something juvenile about sneaking swigs of liquor in a parking lot.*

*Exception for tailgate parties before a game.  But then, that's a totally different event.

It's no different than the bride/groom toasting with Dom, while all their guests are toasting with Andre.  Or surf and turf dinners for them, while everyone else has chicken.  Hosts, of all people, don't get "better" or "more" things than their guests do.  Period.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll admit, it was a tough pill for me to swallow in one respect.  I love champagne.  For any occasion or no occasion.  My mom planned my wedding and that was one of the few things I asked for.  Champagne.  Lots of it.  Unfortunately, I found out after the two cases had been bought, that she'd chosen some pink/sweet version of champagne.  I'm a brut girl.  I was thinking, "OMG, this cannot be happening.  I'm not that picky.  But pink?  And sweet?  (Gag!)."  I was SORELY tempted to buy a couple bruts just for me.  Not that it was better champagne, just more to my taste.  But I knew what y'all over here on TK would say and I didn't, lol. 

banana468

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  

Now I'm trying to remember if I had anything to drink before my ceremony, lol.  I don't think I did.

I see the bride as being especially rude.  Essentially, she's providing alcohol for just herself or, even worse, bumming off the people she told could keep alcohol in their cars and drink in the parking lot.  I'm with @Heffalump.  There's just something juvenile about sneaking swigs of liquor in a parking lot.*

*Exception for tailgate parties before a game.  But then, that's a totally different event.

It's no different than the bride/groom toasting with Dom, while all their guests are toasting with Andre.  Or surf and turf dinners for them, while everyone else has chicken.  Hosts, of all people, don't get "better" or "more" things than their guests do.  Period.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll admit, it was a tough pill for me to swallow in one respect.  I love champagne.  For any occasion or no occasion.  My mom planned my wedding and that was one of the few things I asked for.  Champagne.  Lots of it.  Unfortunately, I found out after the two cases had been bought, that she'd chosen some pink/sweet version of champagne.  I'm a brut girl.  I was thinking, "OMG, this cannot be happening.  I'm not that picky.  But pink?  And sweet?  (Gag!)."  I was SORELY tempted to buy a couple bruts just for me.  Not that it was better champagne, just more to my taste.  But I knew what y'all over here on TK would say and I didn't, lol. 

Oh I drank before I got married.   But I wasn't in a state of inebriation that's grounds for an annulment.

short+sassy

banana468 said:

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  

Now I'm trying to remember if I had anything to drink before my ceremony, lol.  I don't think I did.

I see the bride as being especially rude.  Essentially, she's providing alcohol for just herself or, even worse, bumming off the people she told could keep alcohol in their cars and drink in the parking lot.  I'm with @Heffalump.  There's just something juvenile about sneaking swigs of liquor in a parking lot.*

*Exception for tailgate parties before a game.  But then, that's a totally different event.

It's no different than the bride/groom toasting with Dom, while all their guests are toasting with Andre.  Or surf and turf dinners for them, while everyone else has chicken.  Hosts, of all people, don't get "better" or "more" things than their guests do.  Period.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll admit, it was a tough pill for me to swallow in one respect.  I love champagne.  For any occasion or no occasion.  My mom planned my wedding and that was one of the few things I asked for.  Champagne.  Lots of it.  Unfortunately, I found out after the two cases had been bought, that she'd chosen some pink/sweet version of champagne.  I'm a brut girl.  I was thinking, "OMG, this cannot be happening.  I'm not that picky.  But pink?  And sweet?  (Gag!)."  I was SORELY tempted to buy a couple bruts just for me.  Not that it was better champagne, just more to my taste.  But I knew what y'all over here on TK would say and I didn't, lol. 

Oh I drank before I got married.   But I wasn't in a state of inebriation that's grounds for an annulment.

Oh, totally!  No judgments here.  Big difference between a few drinks and noticeably intoxicated.  I remember I was planning to have a couple glasses of champagne throughout the day/getting ready.  But I was trying to remember if I actually did and I don't think so.

mandypants90

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  

Now I'm trying to remember if I had anything to drink before my ceremony, lol.  I don't think I did.

I see the bride as being especially rude.  Essentially, she's providing alcohol for just herself or, even worse, bumming off the people she told could keep alcohol in their cars and drink in the parking lot.  I'm with @Heffalump.  There's just something juvenile about sneaking swigs of liquor in a parking lot.*

*Exception for tailgate parties before a game.  But then, that's a totally different event.

It's no different than the bride/groom toasting with Dom, while all their guests are toasting with Andre.  Or surf and turf dinners for them, while everyone else has chicken.  Hosts, of all people, don't get "better" or "more" things than their guests do.  Period.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll admit, it was a tough pill for me to swallow in one respect.  I love champagne.  For any occasion or no occasion.  My mom planned my wedding and that was one of the few things I asked for.  Champagne.  Lots of it.  Unfortunately, I found out after the two cases had been bought, that she'd chosen some pink/sweet version of champagne.  I'm a brut girl.  I was thinking, "OMG, this cannot be happening.  I'm not that picky.  But pink?  And sweet?  (Gag!)."  I was SORELY tempted to buy a couple bruts just for me.  Not that it was better champagne, just more to my taste.  But I knew what y'all over here on TK would say and I didn't, lol. 

Oh I drank before I got married.   But I wasn't in a state of inebriation that's grounds for an annulment.

Oh, totally!  No judgments here.  Big difference between a few drinks and noticeably intoxicated.  I remember I was planning to have a couple glasses of champagne throughout the day/getting ready.  But I was trying to remember if I actually did and I don't think so.

Only reason I'm probably not going to have any champagne or anything while getting ready is because I'm sure I'll have to pee every 5 minutes. 

MissKittyDanger

banana468 said:

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  

Now I'm trying to remember if I had anything to drink before my ceremony, lol.  I don't think I did.

I see the bride as being especially rude.  Essentially, she's providing alcohol for just herself or, even worse, bumming off the people she told could keep alcohol in their cars and drink in the parking lot.  I'm with @Heffalump.  There's just something juvenile about sneaking swigs of liquor in a parking lot.*

*Exception for tailgate parties before a game.  But then, that's a totally different event.

It's no different than the bride/groom toasting with Dom, while all their guests are toasting with Andre.  Or surf and turf dinners for them, while everyone else has chicken.  Hosts, of all people, don't get "better" or "more" things than their guests do.  Period.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll admit, it was a tough pill for me to swallow in one respect.  I love champagne.  For any occasion or no occasion.  My mom planned my wedding and that was one of the few things I asked for.  Champagne.  Lots of it.  Unfortunately, I found out after the two cases had been bought, that she'd chosen some pink/sweet version of champagne.  I'm a brut girl.  I was thinking, "OMG, this cannot be happening.  I'm not that picky.  But pink?  And sweet?  (Gag!)."  I was SORELY tempted to buy a couple bruts just for me.  Not that it was better champagne, just more to my taste.  But I knew what y'all over here on TK would say and I didn't, lol. 

Oh I drank before I got married.   But I wasn't in a state of inebriation that's grounds for an annulment.

I had some bubbly while getting ready and my husband was actually a tad hungover that day. {he swears up and down that the hang over wasn't that bad, so it was gone by the ceremony! Downside of beer pong with groomsmen and in finals with your brother I suppose! }

OurWildKingdom

mandypants90 said:

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

I'd roll my eyes at any bride or groom who couldn't manage to be sober for the vows.   

There's nothing like starting off married life questioning whether or not it was legal.  

Now I'm trying to remember if I had anything to drink before my ceremony, lol.  I don't think I did.

I see the bride as being especially rude.  Essentially, she's providing alcohol for just herself or, even worse, bumming off the people she told could keep alcohol in their cars and drink in the parking lot.  I'm with @Heffalump.  There's just something juvenile about sneaking swigs of liquor in a parking lot.*

*Exception for tailgate parties before a game.  But then, that's a totally different event.

It's no different than the bride/groom toasting with Dom, while all their guests are toasting with Andre.  Or surf and turf dinners for them, while everyone else has chicken.  Hosts, of all people, don't get "better" or "more" things than their guests do.  Period.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll admit, it was a tough pill for me to swallow in one respect.  I love champagne.  For any occasion or no occasion.  My mom planned my wedding and that was one of the few things I asked for.  Champagne.  Lots of it.  Unfortunately, I found out after the two cases had been bought, that she'd chosen some pink/sweet version of champagne.  I'm a brut girl.  I was thinking, "OMG, this cannot be happening.  I'm not that picky.  But pink?  And sweet?  (Gag!)."  I was SORELY tempted to buy a couple bruts just for me.  Not that it was better champagne, just more to my taste.  But I knew what y'all over here on TK would say and I didn't, lol. 

Oh I drank before I got married.   But I wasn't in a state of inebriation that's grounds for an annulment.

Oh, totally!  No judgments here.  Big difference between a few drinks and noticeably intoxicated.  I remember I was planning to have a couple glasses of champagne throughout the day/getting ready.  But I was trying to remember if I actually did and I don't think so.

Only reason I'm probably not going to have any champagne or anything while getting ready is because I'm sure I'll have to pee every 5 minutes. 

Yep! I can relate.

mollybarker11

greeninspring said:

So I guess from an etiquette standpoint--I'm curious who y'all think is more in the wrong in my example-- is it more rude of the bride to tell her friends to drink in the parking lot and get drunk herself although she was not serving alcohol at the wedding OR is it more rude to be one of the guests who was drinking in the parking lot? 

This wedding was was years ago and I was much younger then. Although I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time, I guess I could see now where others might disagree with that. 

- The bride was definitely rude for telling her guests to BYOB.
- I don't see an etiquette issue with the bride drinking before the event begins yet not serving alcohol at the event itself, what hosts do before I get there has no impact on me. I would side-eye a bride who got drunk and was drunk at the event without allowing guests the same opportunity.
- I guess the guests were rude for taking her up on the BYOB offer, but I think sneaking off for parking lot swigs is mostly just tacky. That's something teenagers do at a dance in the high school gym.