Rehearsal Declines?

k&n62517 · March 2017

This hasn't happened YET but we ended up with a somewhat large wedding party (1 BM and 1 MOH, with 5 GM and 5 BMs) which I think will increase the chances that some might decline to come to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Some of them are flaky and not because they don't want to come but usually because they neglected to arrange their schedule in a way to come to something, even if they said they could make it before. I'm not worried about the wedding, they know that's a must and important. I don't mean to make them sound incapable of getting to events.

Many of them were in a wedding I was in last year too and some did not come to her rehearsal. I will say I was not surprised when some couldn't make it because I almost couldn't either. She failed to inform anyone about the details of her rehearsal until the week before. I was very fortunate to be able to get off of work! The bride said we should have known the rehearsal would be that day since everyone has their rehearsal the day before the wedding.

I have already mentioned in casual conversation the date, time, and location of our rehearsal to ALL of them and plan to send a real invite at the appropriate time.

I have two questions. My first one is, is it reasonable to expect the wedding party to attend the rehearsal? Was that something they agreed to by accepting their role? I will understand if someone has to work and couldn't get off or they are sick or other reasonable excuses for being unable to attend. My knee-jerk reaction to someone not coming because they forgot to ask off of work or they just didn't feel like coming would be frustration and annoyance but if that is actually not reasonable to expect of them, then I want to know that so my reaction is altered. Won't be upset if I wasn't supposed to expect that of them (that's why I'm asking BEFORE this happens)!

My next question is, if someone isn't able to attend, how do I fill them in? Do they need to be filled in and practice or just trust them as an adult to figure it out?

ei34 · March 2017

k&n62517 said:

This hasn't happened YET but we ended up with a somewhat large wedding party (1 BM and 1 MOH, with 5 GM and 5 BMs) which I think will increase the chances that some might decline to come to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Some of them are flaky and not because they don't want to come but usually because they neglected to arrange their schedule in a way to come to something, even if they said they could make it before. I'm not worried about the wedding, they know that's a must and important. I don't mean to make them sound incapable of getting to events.

Many of them were in a wedding I was in last year too and some did not come to her rehearsal. I will say I was not surprised when some couldn't make it because I almost couldn't either. She failed to inform anyone about the details of her rehearsal until the week before. I was very fortunate to be able to get off of work! The bride said we should have known the rehearsal would be that day since everyone has their rehearsal the day before the wedding.

I have already mentioned in casual conversation the date, time, and location of our rehearsal to ALL of them and plan to send a real invite at the appropriate time.

I have two questions. My first one is, is it reasonable to expect the wedding party to attend the rehearsal? Was that something they agreed to by accepting their role? I will understand if someone has to work and couldn't get off or they are sick or other reasonable excuses for being unable to attend. My knee-jerk reaction to someone not coming because they forgot to ask off of work or they just didn't feel like coming would be frustration and annoyance but if that is actually not reasonable to expect of them, then I want to know that so my reaction is altered. Won't be upset if I wasn't supposed to expect that of them (that's why I'm asking BEFORE this happens)!

My next question is, if someone isn't able to attend, how do I fill them in? Do they need to be filled in and practice or just trust them as an adult to figure it out?

To your first question: If the rehearsal is local and convenient and at a time when WP members don't have to take off from work or schedule a baby-sitter or skip some other commitment then yes, I'd imagine they'd attend your rehearsal and RD. But WP members are only required to attend your actual wedding.

To your second question: if someone misses the rehearsal just fill them in (doesn't have to be you, you'll be pretty busy day of, but one of the WP members that attends can). Is your ceremony complicated? If it's a walk down the aisle/standing in a row with the other BM/GM then I think they'd just figure it out.

jacques27 · March 2017

Some people don't even have a rehearsal. Attendance isn't mandatory. Honestly, the rehearsal is more for you and your officiant to go through the order of the ceremony.

Unless you have a very complicated ceremony that requires them to do something (say a religious ceremony where your party is unfamiliar with the religion), it's not that hard to figure out how to walk in a straight line and stand up at the end of an aisle. Otherwise, it'll take you all of five minutes to let them know what's up. "Joe, you're walking down with Jane right after Mark and Mindy." If you have a coordinator at your venue who is going to cue people as to when to walk, then make sure they meet the coordinator and know to walk when that person says so. You can even do a quick 5 minute run-through the morning of if you're that concerned about getting everyone to understand their cue and where to stand.

k&n62517 · March 2017

Thank you both! It's on a Saturday morning, but some members of the wedding party have jobs that occasionally require weekend work.

The thing I was most concerned about was timing. A few rehearsals I've been to took several rounds of practice before people got the pace of their walk right with the music. I do have a coordinator for the day of, so I'll just make sure she will cue people down the aisle and fill in our friends who missed the rehearsal.

charlotte989875 · March 2017

k&n62517 said:

Thank you both! It's on a Saturday morning, but some members of the wedding party have jobs that occasionally require weekend work.

The thing I was most concerned about was timing. A few rehearsals I've been to took several rounds of practice before people got the pace of their walk right with the music. I do have a coordinator for the day of, so I'll just make sure she will cue people down the aisle and fill in our friends who missed the rehearsal.

People are going to walk they speed they walk regardless of how much practice there is. Just have the DoC explain when they're supposed to walk, where they stand, and anything else they need. If they can make the rehearsal that's great, but if they can't they should have no problem getting what they need before the ceremony.

lnixon8 · March 2017

k&n62517 said:

Thank you both! It's on a Saturday morning, but some members of the wedding party have jobs that occasionally require weekend work.

The thing I was most concerned about was timing. A few rehearsals I've been to took several rounds of practice before people got the pace of their walk right with the music. I do have a coordinator for the day of, so I'll just make sure she will cue people down the aisle and fill in our friends who missed the rehearsal.

If this is common in your crowd I understand why people blow off rehearsals.

kaos16 · March 2017

Assuming everyone in your wedding party has walked before, I'm confident they can figure it out day of. Not to mention, nobody will care if a bridesmaid is walking a touch faster than the tempo of the music. I feel like this is a nonissue!

ILoveBeachMusic · March 2017

I understand that people know how to walk in a straight line and that it isn't a big deal. However, I have never been in a wedding where everyone wasn't there for the rehearsal. When children are involved as FG and RB I think it is always good that they are there. If your friends can't make it though it won't be the end of the world.

MandyMost · March 2017

k&n62517 said:

Thank you both! It's on a Saturday morning, but some members of the wedding party have jobs that occasionally require weekend work.

The thing I was most concerned about was timing. A few rehearsals I've been to took several rounds of practice before people got the pace of their walk right with the music. I do have a coordinator for the day of, so I'll just make sure she will cue people down the aisle and fill in our friends who missed the rehearsal.

The rehearsal is on a Saturday morning? When is the wedding, Sunday? I assume you're then having a "rehearsal lunch" instead of a rehearsal dinner? How long do you expect this rehearsal to last?

I do think it's a pretty big ask to get your bridal party to give up their Saturday to go to a rehearsal and then lunch, before they can go about their day, and then get up for the wedding the next day. It's asking the whole weekend of them, instead of one day. And there's really nothing fun about a rehearsal. It's a chore for your bridal party. Especially if you're going to care about how fast they walk down the aisle. If you're having a basic ceremony that people are familiar with, I'd skip the rehearsal all together. Just let people know the order they'll be walking in.

However, I do think you can ask your bridal party to RSVP appropriately so you know who will and won't be there.

aurianna · March 2017

Taking off work can be a big deal. It generally results in one of the following: lost vacation time, lost wages, or having to make up time at inconvenience.

The rehearsal is optional and you shouldn't feel bad or upset if anyone chooses not to come. And definitely don't give another thought to someone that misses it because of work.

When it comes time to rehearse, just make sure everyone knows who's supposed to be in front of them, behind them, and next to them (if walking in pairs). They can then pass that info along for the wedding.

Rehearsal Declines?

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