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2 Maids of Honor & Advice on Bridesmaids?

kmouchikmouchi member
First Anniversary
in Wedding Party
I want to ask both my only sister, and my best friend (friends for 22+ years) to be my maids of honor. Is this okay, tacky, etc? Opinions? Also, does anyone have any advice on what the duties are for MOH (I have no clue)? 

Also, what are any expectations or commitments that the Bridal Party should have? I keep on seeing different opinions. The only thing I've seen from forums is that the only thing required of your bridal party is to show up for the wedding, expenses for their Hair & Makeup IF they choose to get it done (I don't have any specific hairstyle or makeup style), and expense of bridesmaid dress because people are busy with their own lives and you can't expect them to go to all your events such as Bridal Shower, Engagement party, Bachelorette party, etc. 
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Re: 2 Maids of Honor & Advice on Bridesmaids?

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    It's totally fine to have two MOHs. The only time I would say it's a bad idea would be if you're only having 3-4 total, so it kind of looks like half your side didn't make the MOH cut.

    In spite of what those who stand to profit will tell you, there are no duties for any members of your WP. Asking someone to stand up for you is an opportunity to honor your relationship, not an opportunity to foist duties upon your loved ones.

    Often, BMs will choose to throw showers and b-parties. Some BMs will offer to help with wedding planning and DIY projects. Other BMs enjoy dress shopping or just chatting about the wedding plans. It's great if some or all of your BMs are in this group and offer to do some of these things. You just shouldn't expect any of it, nor should you ask (tell) your WP to do these things.

    The bottom line requirement is that they get the dress, in the agreed upon budget, and show up on the wedding day. Anything more is great, but should be volunteered.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2017
    I don't really understand why someone needs two Maids of Honor.  The MOH is supposed to stand next to you and hold your bouquet during the ring exchange.  Both ladies can't stand next to you, and I assume you will be having only one bouquet to hold?  Usually, the MOH signs your marriage license as a witness, though this is not required.  The Best Man is usually the other witness.

    I recommend that you choose your sister as your MOH.  Family will always be there.  Even long time friends can move away and have new lives that don't include you as much as before.  By all means, ask your friend to be your bridesmaid, though!

    The duties of the members of the wedding party are to show up sober, dressed in the chosen dress, walk down the aisle before you, and to stand up with you during the ceremony.  They should also smile for the pictures.  They are not required to give or attend pre-wedding parties, though they might want to do this.  It is not required.

    One warning!  Wait until about ten months from your wedding date before you choose your wedding party.  Relationships can change, and we see so much drama on these boards about this.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You can have 2 MsOH or have none. Everyone does the same thing, basically, anyway. 

    There are no "duties" for the wedding party other than showing up in the right clothes at the right time. If someone offers to throw parties or help out with anything, that's great, but you should not get into your planning expecting their help. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I had 2 MOH's. There wasn't much they specifically did, except really sign. One took it upon herself to plan bachelorette party.

    They ended up doing a joint speech at the reception and to figure out who was signing, they did rock-paper-scissors, but at the end of the day all my BMs had different things they wanted to do {ie; one did hair, other did makeup, another set up a slideshow, etc} so it doesn't matter.

    Does your sister and friend get along? That should be most important because if anything gets planned, they might want to do it together.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Asking people to stand up in your bridal party is just a way of making them guests of honor at your wedding. Designating someone (or two or three people) as MOH is just extra honor. That's all. So having two is perfectly fine. The take away is that YOU are honoring THEM.

    The only expectation you should have regarding planning is that you and your FI will plan and pay for the wedding. If anyone offers help, parties, money, etc. you are free to accept or decline as you please, but you should not expect any of those things from anyone.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2017
    LD1970 said:
    No one needs ANY maids of honor.  But if she WANTS two maids of honor, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

    And family will NOT always be there.  You don't know her family.  You don't know anyone's family other than your own.  Sometimes friends become the family you choose, and much more close and important than people who simply happen to share your DNA.
    I still don't understand how two ladies can hold her bouquet during her ring ceremony.  This is what a maid of honor does!  Wedding parties are always optional.  You do not have to be a member of the wedding party to make a speech or to sign the license.  You do not need to be a member of the wedding party to plan a shower or bachelorette party, either.

    You obviously haven't been here for very long or you would know that my own family was horrific.  I chose my sister as my MOH.  We have never been close, but neither are we estranged.  Most of the other people who were my friends back then have gone their own way, and I haven't seen or heard from them since our last class reunion in 2009.  I hear from my sister a few times each year, usually when she needs something from me.  At my wedding, I needed HER.  She helped protect me from my crazy mother on that day.

    This is very judgy of you.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2017
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Wut? It's not like when she goes to hand off her bouquet there's going to mass confusion about who's supposed to hold it. Anyone can hold it. Or she can set it on a table or something. Our best man hung onto both the rings. Sometimes the groom holds the rings. Sometimes the officiant does. 

    This is just kind of a weird reason to say you don't understand why someone might have two MOHs. They're just guests of honor. She could make all of her BMs MOHs. Or none of them. It's just a designation. Who cares who holds the bouquet and/or rings?

    I'm just being traditional.  This is the traditional role of the MOH.  If you want to call all your bridesmaids MOHs, OK, but I just don't get it.  It is an honor to be a bridesmaid.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridesmaid  I love it that they quoted Miss Manners in this!

    The OP asked about the duties of the MOH.  Holding the bouquet during the ring exchange is one of them.  It is what differs the MOH from other bridesmaids.  "Maid of Honor" is not just a designation.  This is why I am confused.

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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I had two MOHs- my two sisters, both of whom I'm equally close with.  One decided to make a toast at our reception, the other wanted to sign our marriage license as the witness during our ceremony.  They did also throw me a shower and Bach party, but the only things required of BP in general is wearing the agreed upon dress and showing up at the ceremony on time.
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  • divarhddivarhd member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I'm having 2 Matrons of Honor, my sister & my best friend.  But, I'm also not having flowers or bouquets.  I want them both to have the distinction of being very important people in my life.  It's YOUR wedding, you do what you want. 
    Met: 5/4/16
    Dating: 6/21/16
    Engaged: 3/20/17
    Wedding: 2/24/18
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2017
    OK, I want to get back to the original question. 

    What do you think a Maid of Honor actually is?

    I have looked on many sites on the internet, and every site I have found agrees with the one I posted.  Even the modern liberal Emily Post, Inc.  They all say the the Maid of Honor is the chief bridesmaid who stands next to the bride and holds her bouquet.  She also usually signs the marriage license.

    Now do any of you dispute this?  @southernbelle0915 , please check it out.  I respect your knowledge.  I cannot find any site, other than the personal opinions here, that the MOH is just a designation.

    As for the personal comments, I was hurt by LD1970's comment, and I think she was being purposefully hurtful.  Her second posting confirmed my suspicions.   Most of you would not do this.  I will not respond again.  I am sorry if some of you misinterpreted my answer to her.
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    CMGragain said:
    OK, I want to get back to the original question. 

    What do you think a Maid of Honor actually is?

    I have looked on many sites on the internet, and every site I have found agrees with the one I posted.  Even the modern liberal Emily Post, Inc.  They all say the the Maid of Honor is the chief bridesmaid who stands next to the bride and holds her bouquet.  She also usually signs the marriage license.

    Now do any of you dispute this?  @southernbelle0915 , please check it out.  I respect your knowledge.  I cannot find any site, other than the personal opinions here, that the MOH is just a designation.

    As for the personal comments, I was hurt by LD1970's comment, and I think she was being purposefully hurtful.  Her second posting confirmed my suspicions.   Most of you would not do this.  I will not respond again.  I am sorry if some of you misinterpreted my answer to her.
    You're giving someone the honor of being "chief" among the bridesmaids - i.e., designating that they are closest to you. Ancillary duties are holding the bouquet or signing the license. You can't honestly think there'd be no purpose to giving someone an additional honor even if there are no duties to it.
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  • LD1970LD1970 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2017
    I was being hurtful?  Perhaps, CMGRagain, you ought to take a step back and consider how hurtful YOUR idea that "family is always there" might have been to anyone for whom that isn't true.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    CMGragain said:
    OK, I want to get back to the original question. 

    What do you think a Maid of Honor actually is?

    I have looked on many sites on the internet, and every site I have found agrees with the one I posted.  Even the modern liberal Emily Post, Inc.  They all say the the Maid of Honor is the chief bridesmaid who stands next to the bride and holds her bouquet.  She also usually signs the marriage license.

    Now do any of you dispute this?  @southernbelle0915 , please check it out.  I respect your knowledge.  I cannot find any site, other than the personal opinions here, that the MOH is just a designation.

    As for the personal comments, I was hurt by LD1970's comment, and I think she was being purposefully hurtful.  Her second posting confirmed my suspicions.   Most of you would not do this.  I will not respond again.  I am sorry if some of you misinterpreted my answer to her.
    With all due respect, I think you're dancing around the issue a little.

    You said you don't understand why someone would want two MOHs because all the MOH goes is hold the bouquet. That position is pretty easily unfeathered if you consider what if a bride doesn't have a bouquet? No one can be MOH? What if she doesn't have any BMs at all? The bride can't have a bouquet? What if the MOH has an accidnet or a physical disability and can't hold the bouquet? Demoted?

    Once you recognize that MOH is more than just a bouquet stand, then you understand that person is given the "chief BM" designation because she's extra special to the bride. If a bride has two people who are equally extra special to her, then there's not much to understand about wanting two MOHs. 
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  • redoryxredoryx member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    CMGragain said:
    OK, I want to get back to the original question. 

    What do you think a Maid of Honor actually is?

    I have looked on many sites on the internet, and every site I have found agrees with the one I posted.  Even the modern liberal Emily Post, Inc.  They all say the the Maid of Honor is the chief bridesmaid who stands next to the bride and holds her bouquet.  She also usually signs the marriage license.

    Now do any of you dispute this?  @southernbelle0915 , please check it out.  I respect your knowledge.  I cannot find any site, other than the personal opinions here, that the MOH is just a designation.

    As for the personal comments, I was hurt by LD1970's comment, and I think she was being purposefully hurtful.  Her second posting confirmed my suspicions.   Most of you would not do this.  I will not respond again.  I am sorry if some of you misinterpreted my answer to her.
    We always say that their are no duties for the wedding party. That all they have to do is show up the day of in the dress, relatively sober. We also always say that naming someone your MOH is your way of designating the most important person among your most important people. Basically the VIP of your VIPs. 

    Your insistence that the MOH's job is to hold the bouquet is a red herring because never has this come up before until right now, when someone decides they can't choose between two people to name MOH. I know I couldn't choose between my sister and my BFF although if I had to, despite your "family will always be there" bullshit, I would choose my best friend. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    redoryx said:
    CMGragain said:
    OK, I want to get back to the original question. 

    What do you think a Maid of Honor actually is?

    I have looked on many sites on the internet, and every site I have found agrees with the one I posted.  Even the modern liberal Emily Post, Inc.  They all say the the Maid of Honor is the chief bridesmaid who stands next to the bride and holds her bouquet.  She also usually signs the marriage license.

    Now do any of you dispute this?  @southernbelle0915 , please check it out.  I respect your knowledge.  I cannot find any site, other than the personal opinions here, that the MOH is just a designation.

    As for the personal comments, I was hurt by LD1970's comment, and I think she was being purposefully hurtful.  Her second posting confirmed my suspicions.   Most of you would not do this.  I will not respond again.  I am sorry if some of you misinterpreted my answer to her.
    We always say that their are no duties for the wedding party. That all they have to do is show up the day of in the dress, relatively sober. We also always say that naming someone your MOH is your way of designating the most important person among your most important people. Basically the VIP of your VIPs. 

    Your insistence that the MOH's job is to hold the bouquet is a red herring because never has this come up before until right now, when someone decides they can't choose between two people to name MOH. I know I couldn't choose between my sister and my BFF although if I had to, despite your "family will always be there" bullshit, I would choose my best friend. 


    To an extent, I agree with @CMGragain.  The MOH usually has the extra "duties" of holding the bride's bouquet and signing as a witness.  But does he/she "have" to do that?  No.  Should having a MOH at all or having two, make any difference with "who holds the bouquet (if there is one)/signs"?  No.

    However, I don't think there is anything wrong with having two MOH's or none.  Or choosing a friend as one's MOH over a sister/family member.

    My own sister and I are not that close, though there is no bad blood.  She only had one attendant, her BFF.  I was not in nor asked to be in her WP (totally fine).  My sister and I will stay in touch with each other our whole lives.  Can the same be said for her and her MOH?  Maybe, maybe not.  But it really doesn't matter.  That was who she was closest to and wanted standing up with her on her wedding day.  Which is exactly how it should be.  

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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    eileenrob said:
    I had two MOHs- my two sisters, both of whom I'm equally close with.  One decided to make a toast at our reception, the other wanted to sign our marriage license as the witness during our ceremony.  They did also throw me a shower and Bach party, but the only things required of BP in general is wearing the agreed upon dress and showing up at the ceremony on time.
    Me too! But we also didn't do programs, and our WP walked in one by one so really....no one probably knew who was what!
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  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    southernbelle0915 said:


    CMGragain said:


    southernbelle0915 said:


    Wut? It's not like when she goes to hand off her bouquet there's going to mass confusion about who's supposed to hold it. Anyone can hold it. Or she can set it on a table or something. Our best man hung onto both the rings. Sometimes the groom holds the rings. Sometimes the officiant does. 

    This is just kind of a weird reason to say you don't understand why someone might have two MOHs. They're just guests of honor. She could make all of her BMs MOHs. Or none of them. It's just a designation. Who cares who holds the bouquet and/or rings?



    I'm just being traditional.  This is the traditional role of the MOH.  If you want to call all your bridesmaids MOHs, OK, but I just don't get it.  It is an honor to be a bridesmaid.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridesmaid  I love it that they quoted Miss Manners in this!

    The OP asked about the duties of the MOH.  Holding the bouquet during the ring exchange is one of them.  It is what differs the MOH from other bridesmaids.  "Maid of Honor" is not just a designation.  This is why I am confused.


    Maid of Honor IS just a designation though. MOH is a way to especially honor your closest friend(s). If you have two friends/family you're equally close to and want to be co-MOHs, why not? Not much to understand or be confused about.

    If OP said "I'm not carrying flowers" would you say "oh, well then in that case, you shouldn't have an MOH at all." If she said "I'm double fisting bouquets" would you say "oh ok then, I totally understand why you need two MOHs."

    Just laughed my ass off at this comment. Be careful or the wedding industry is going to start telling brides they *need* 2 bouquets.

    Totally fine to have 2 MOHs. Role of honour. One can hold the bouquet (if there is one), the other can sign the marriage license.

    Family is not always there.
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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    ahoywedding said:


    eileenrob said:

    I had two MOHs- my two sisters, both of whom I'm equally close with.  One decided to make a toast at our reception, the other wanted to sign our marriage license as the witness during our ceremony.  They did also throw me a shower and Bach party, but the only things required of BP in general is wearing the agreed upon dress and showing up at the ceremony on time.


    Me too! But we also didn't do programs, and our WP walked in one by one so really....no one probably knew who was what!


    We didn't do programs and did do the walking in one at a time too!! Wedding twins lol  B)B)
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    CMGragain said:


    southernbelle0915 said:


    Wut? It's not like when she goes to hand off her bouquet there's going to mass confusion about who's supposed to hold it. Anyone can hold it. Or she can set it on a table or something. Our best man hung onto both the rings. Sometimes the groom holds the rings. Sometimes the officiant does. 

    This is just kind of a weird reason to say you don't understand why someone might have two MOHs. They're just guests of honor. She could make all of her BMs MOHs. Or none of them. It's just a designation. Who cares who holds the bouquet and/or rings?



    I'm just being traditional.  This is the traditional role of the MOH.  If you want to call all your bridesmaids MOHs, OK, but I just don't get it.  It is an honor to be a bridesmaid.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridesmaid  I love it that they quoted Miss Manners in this!

    The OP asked about the duties of the MOH.  Holding the bouquet during the ring exchange is one of them.  It is what differs the MOH from other bridesmaids.  "Maid of Honor" is not just a designation.  This is why I am confused.



    So what if there are two MOHs? So what if it is or isn't "traditional" ? So what if the MOH/s do or don't hold bouquets?

    You are equating "traditional" with "etiquette-required" which is a fallacy.

    And no, families are not always there. Some people have no families, or they had bad family situations (and that includes you), so a "family trumps all" attitude is not apropos of everyone's situation. 

    And no one was "judgy" to you. They pointed out all of this out. You did all of the judging.
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    eileenrob said:



    ahoywedding said:




    eileenrob said:


    I had two MOHs- my two sisters, both of whom I'm equally close with.  One decided to make a toast at our reception, the other wanted to sign our marriage license as the witness during our ceremony.  They did also throw me a shower and Bach party, but the only things required of BP in general is wearing the agreed upon dress and showing up at the ceremony on time.




    Me too! But we also didn't do programs, and our WP walked in one by one so really....no one probably knew who was what!




    We didn't do programs and did do the walking in one at a time too!! Wedding twins lol  B)B)


    my WP walked in together then parted off to either side and we didn't do programs either ;) triplets!
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