Apparently I've misunderstood....

geebee908 · April 2017

I'm envisioning the strings attached to these gifts. I'd be running for the hills, not vying for the chance to be a bridesmaid in this wedding.

TrixieJess · April 2017

Oh for fuck's sake! A personal trainer abd dance lessons? Your shitting me? I was a BM in a horrifying bridezilla wedding and you are making her look like Mary Fucking Poppins!

Do all the people in your life a favour, don't have a wedding party. At least if you want to have "friends" afterwards.

CMGragain · April 2017

About your dress shopping, don't bring an entourage! If you have been watching Say Yes to the Dress, stop! That show is completely unrealistic! The more people you bring with you, the more confusing it will be. We have heard from many brides who were pressured to buy the dress that everyone else liked, rather than the dress they really wanted.
Many bridal shops will have limits on how many people you can bring. They don't have the space to accommodate all those people, and they know that brides are often confused when they bring large groups.
Bring one or two people if you must. I shopped for my dress by myself.

Gym memberships? Personal trainers? Yikes! You gotta be kidding!

ei34 · April 2017

Gym memberships and dance lessons would send me running for the hills because I'd imagine they came with strings. I think you'll save yourself a lot of money and stress and skip a bridal party. You and your FI will be just as married with or without one.

MobKaz · April 2017

NariNamekaze said:

@ahoywedding I do have some demanding visions... like round tables with ten chairs (which is apparently an impossible feat)... I have no dreams or pretenses about a bach. party, bridal shower, whatever. I've definitely kept a budget in mind (previous post: dresses I'm looking at are 30-75$), I'm paying for hair, nails, massages, over night accommodations/transportation/flights, the jewelry, dance lessons, I bought us all gym memberships and time w/personal trainers (not because I think they need to lose weight, I was going and wanted people to go with. Mind you they haven't received these yet because I haven't settled on my WP but they know they exist because of someone who has a big mouth), and am planning personalized gifts for them.

@LondonLisa Seven actually, of which only four will be in my WP

@flantastic I have no idea what to call them at this point. Perks was my for runner. Feel free to suggest better terms. I'm honestly not sure what to call anything after getting on the forums here, because ya'll have thrown me for a loop.

I am struggling to take this seriously.

@NariNameKazi, your older posts mention you had a wedding date of 2016. What happened to that date? I call BS on purchasing entire gym memberships, especially since you haven't even selected the members of your bridal party yet (@climbingwife Honestly? The people I have to chose from (haven't made any solid decisions) I kind of like. Your words.......I BOUGHT us all gym memberships.......If they all require flights and transportation, how could you ever have them make use of gym memberships, let alone work out together?

Image: http://memeshappen.com/media/created/say-what-now--meme-3397.jpg

[Deleted User] · April 2017

@scribe95 haha, no, nothing like that! Mostly the waltz. My fiance can't do a simple box step to save his life and he doesn't want to be embarrassed at the wedding, and others have expressed concerns on dancing ability as well. We're already paying for them, it wasn't much more to add the rest of the WP and our parents onto it.

@geebee908 We have a wedding planner.. who is responsible for planning the wedding, and that is what they are doing (because, yes, even the wedding planner has an assistant. But I guess that's acceptable because said person is getting paid, no?) There is quite a bit left to do, though. Is the wedding planner going to go with me to pick out a dress? No. Are they going to help coordinate (because I would like to know what they want to do, and their schedules), organize, and attend the bachelorette party? No. Are they going to go shoe shopping, to get hair and nails done, pick out lingerie? Yeah... no.

geebee908 · April 2017

NariNamekaze said:

@scribe95 haha, no, nothing like that! Mostly the waltz. My fiance can't do a simple box step to save his life and he doesn't want to be embarrassed at the wedding, and others have expressed concerns on dancing ability as well. We're already paying for them, it wasn't much more to add the rest of the WP and our parents onto it.

@geebee908 We have a wedding planner.. who is responsible for planning the wedding, and that is what they are doing (because, yes, even the wedding planner has an assistant. But I guess that's acceptable because said person is getting paid, no?) There is quite a bit left to do, though. Is the wedding planner going to go with me to pick out a dress? No. Are they going to help coordinate (because I would like to know what they want to do, and their schedules), organize, and attend the bachelorette party? No. Are they going to go shoe shopping, to get hair and nails done, pick out lingerie? Yeah... no.

This doesn't mean your bridal party it going to do it either. Someone (anyone) who's invited to the wedding could offer to host a shower or bachelorette party, but no one has to and if they don't, then you don't have those. They also may not want to go shopping or get their hair and nails done. They don't have to.

The concern is that you are trying to buy these experiences with your friends and would hold the "gifts" over their heads to guilt them into doing what you want. I definitely see potential for some serious bridezilla behavior here. So, my advice to skip the "gifts" and bridesmaids still stands. The chances that you come out of wedding planning with no friends seems likely if you go with your plan.

STARMOON44 · April 2017

NariNamekaze said:

@scribe95 haha, no, nothing like that! Mostly the waltz. My fiance can't do a simple box step to save his life and he doesn't want to be embarrassed at the wedding, and others have expressed concerns on dancing ability as well. We're already paying for them, it wasn't much more to add the rest of the WP and our parents onto it.

@geebee908 We have a wedding planner.. who is responsible for planning the wedding, and that is what they are doing (because, yes, even the wedding planner has an assistant. But I guess that's acceptable because said person is getting paid, no?) There is quite a bit left to do, though. Is the wedding planner going to go with me to pick out a dress? No. Are they going to help coordinate (because I would like to know what they want to do, and their schedules), organize, and attend the bachelorette party? No. Are they going to go shoe shopping, to get hair and nails done, pick out lingerie? Yeah... no.

I'm sorry, what though? Can you not, as an adult woman, shop for lingerie yourself? Shoe shop yourself? Get salon services yourself? You don't plan the bachelorette party so problem solved.

Do do you have no friends or so many friends they are clamoring for dance lessons?

On what planet are personal trainers appropriate?

[Deleted User] · April 2017

@MobKaz Yep, we had an original date of 2016 and then my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and the FI and I cancelled the wedding to use the money to help pay for treatments. She's in remission and doing okay, thanks for asking and thanks for looking into that so I could clarify! Now the FI mom and grandfather are paying for the wedding, on the condition that they get to chose my wedding party (well, they gave me the choice of certain people to chose from to be in my wedding party), to ensure that I have "appropriate" people around me rather than the unkempt hippies and rednecks I usually associate with of which they expect me to treat with the utmost respect and show them the good time they deserve.

They require flights and transportation because the wedding is out of state where the FI grandfather lives. They will also require accommodations and transport to and from the airport, to and from the hotel to the wedding/ceremony venue, and where/whatever else they require.

As for the personal trainer(s) and dance lessons, this is something that my FI and I were already doing for ourselves and they wanted in on it. Since it wasn't much more to add them my FI and I agreed. Even with the additional amenities/perks/bribes whatever we're calling it at this point, it's still leagues cheaper then the overall wedding that FI mom and grandfather are now paying for, and well within what we had originally planned for our wedding! (We've saved some back up since my mom was diagnosed)
Is there anything else you would like to dig up from my past posts or personal life that I can answer for you?

@CMGragain Some of the shops have 5, some 3. Not everyone will be with me at everything. I've honestly watched like, 3 episodes of Say Yes in my life time and they are ridiculous, I agree. Also, thank you so kindly for giving me cordial, constructive criticism. I so very greatly appreciate it!

STARMOON44 · April 2017

NariNamekaze said:

@MobKaz Yep, we had an original date of 2016 and then my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and the FI and I cancelled the wedding to use the money to help pay for treatments. She's in remission and doing okay, thanks for asking and thanks for looking into that so I could clarify! Now the FI mom and grandfather are paying for the wedding, on the condition that they get to chose my wedding party (well, they gave me the choice of certain people to chose from to be in my wedding party), to ensure that I have "appropriate" people around me rather than the unkempt hippies and rednecks I usually associate with of which they expect me to treat with the utmost respect and show them the good time they deserve.

They require flights and transportation because the wedding is out of state where the FI grandfather lives. They will also require accommodations and transport to and from the airport, to and from the hotel to the wedding/ceremony venue, and where/whatever else they require.

As for the personal trainer(s) and dance lessons, this is something that my FI and I were already doing for ourselves and they wanted in on it. Since it wasn't much more to add them my FI and I agreed. Even with the additional amenities/perks/bribes whatever we're calling it at this point, it's still leagues cheaper then the overall wedding that FI mom and grandfather are now paying for, and well within what we had originally planned for our wedding! (We've saved some back up since my mom was diagnosed)
Is there anything else you would like to dig up from my past posts or personal life that I can answer for you?

@CMGragain Some of the shops have 5, some 3. Not everyone will be with me at everything. I've honestly watched like, 3 episodes of Say Yes in my life time and they are ridiculous, I agree. Also, thank you so kindly for giving me cordial, constructive criticism. I so very greatly appreciate it!

Oh stop it. You're just lying. All this fuss about who to choose and now all of a sudden your in-laws have given you an approved list? Lies. All lies.

How did "they" want in on a personal trainer when you don't even know who "they" are yet?

geebee908 · April 2017

I'm calling MUD now.

[Deleted User] · April 2017

MobKaz · April 2017

NariNamekaze said:

@MobKaz Yep, we had an original date of 2016 and then my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and the FI and I cancelled the wedding to use the money to help pay for treatments. She's in remission and doing okay, thanks for asking and thanks for looking into that so I could clarify! Now the FI mom and grandfather are paying for the wedding, on the condition that they get to chose my wedding party (well, they gave me the choice of certain people to chose from to be in my wedding party), to ensure that I have "appropriate" people around me rather than the unkempt hippies and rednecks I usually associate with of which they expect me to treat with the utmost respect and show them the good time they deserve.

They require flights and transportation because the wedding is out of state where the FI grandfather lives. They will also require accommodations and transport to and from the airport, to and from the hotel to the wedding/ceremony venue, and where/whatever else they require.

As for the personal trainer(s) and dance lessons, this is something that my FI and I were already doing for ourselves and they wanted in on it. Since it wasn't much more to add them my FI and I agreed. Even with the additional amenities/perks/bribes whatever we're calling it at this point, it's still leagues cheaper then the overall wedding that FI mom and grandfather are now paying for, and well within what we had originally planned for our wedding! (We've saved some back up since my mom was diagnosed)
Is there anything else you would like to dig up from my past posts or personal life that I can answer for you?

@CMGragain Some of the shops have 5, some 3. Not everyone will be with me at everything. I've honestly watched like, 3 episodes of Say Yes in my life time and they are ridiculous, I agree. Also, thank you so kindly for giving me cordial, constructive criticism. I so very greatly appreciate it!

Why yes, there is something else you can answer for me. How kind of you to ask. How much did you get for your soul when you sold it to the devil? I'm guessing you did not make out on that deal, either. Your bargaining skills are amateurish at best.

drunkenwitch · April 2017

Ragrets unite!

TrixieJess · April 2017

Oh dear, if you are not some really bad troll, elope. Your pre wedding is more elaborate than your wedding should be.

ILoveBeachMusic · April 2017

I call MUD too!

climbingsingle · April 2017

@NariNamekaze - the people in your wedding party are supposed to be your closest, best friends. People that you love and cherish. If you don't feel that way about THESE PEOPLE, then don't ask them to be in your wedding party. You're making this WAY more complicated than it needs to be. Do you have a best friend? Two? Have those people stand up in your wedding, and that's it. Your sides don't need to be even. Your FI can have as many people as he'd like, and same goes for you.

Also, I don't really understand why you're spending all of this money. Gym memberships and personal trainers? Really? Come on. Just go by yourself. I worked out with a trainer before my wedding too, and I did this alone. You don't need to buy gym memberships for multiple people and then expect them to come to the gym with you. Honestly, this is one of the silliest things I've ever heard.

This sounds like a circus, and it doesn't need to be.

Hire a wedding planner. That would be a better use of all your money.

LondonLisa · April 2017

Image: http://img.pandawhale.com/73369-I-dont-believe-you-gif-HD-Imgu-qUVu.gif

Ro041 · April 2017

NariNamekaze said:

@MobKaz Yep, we had an original date of 2016 and then my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and the FI and I cancelled the wedding to use the money to help pay for treatments. She's in remission and doing okay, thanks for asking and thanks for looking into that so I could clarify! Now the FI mom and grandfather are paying for the wedding, on the condition that they get to chose my wedding party (well, they gave me the choice of certain people to chose from to be in my wedding party), to ensure that I have "appropriate" people around me rather than the unkempt hippies and rednecks I usually associate with of which they expect me to treat with the utmost respect and show them the good time they deserve.

They require flights and transportation because the wedding is out of state where the FI grandfather lives. They will also require accommodations and transport to and from the airport, to and from the hotel to the wedding/ceremony venue, and where/whatever else they require.

As for the personal trainer(s) and dance lessons, this is something that my FI and I were already doing for ourselves and they wanted in on it. Since it wasn't much more to add them my FI and I agreed. Even with the additional amenities/perks/bribes whatever we're calling it at this point, it's still leagues cheaper then the overall wedding that FI mom and grandfather are now paying for, and well within what we had originally planned for our wedding! (We've saved some back up since my mom was diagnosed)
Is there anything else you would like to dig up from my past posts or personal life that I can answer for you?

@CMGragain Some of the shops have 5, some 3. Not everyone will be with me at everything. I've honestly watched like, 3 episodes of Say Yes in my life time and they are ridiculous, I agree. Also, thank you so kindly for giving me cordial, constructive criticism. I so very greatly appreciate it!

Your grandfather has already chosen them....but you don't know who they are yet because they all just want your super awesome free stuff (sign me up for a personal trainer that is probably not in my neighborhood and no where near convenient for me. Yay!).

You are talking in circles. Either you know who they are or you don't. If you haven't picked them, you don't know what they want.

And PS - if anyone ever suggested that I go to a personal trainer or for dance lessons because of their wedding, I would flip my shit. Your wedding is not that important to me.

Ro041 · April 2017

NariNamekaze said:

@climbingwife Honestly? The people I have to chose from (haven't made any solid decisions) I kind of like... I like them a lot more then the people I had originally wanted in my wedding party (I had a falling out with two of them, non wedding related, and I'm glad I have removed them from my life and subsequently wedding), but I don't feel particularly close to them, and I'm fairly certain we're using each other to meet our means. (Wedding planning support on my end, their greedy and want the perks I'm offering. If i wasn't, not a single person I want to ask would say yes. *please don't equate this to my bad attitude. This has evolved over the past two months or so. My Fiance isn't having this problem it seems).

My Fiance has been the biggest help so far, as he always is. He's super involved and wants to help with every facet of the wedding (he even came up with the plans for the center pieces and they're gorgeous). While I would LOVE for someone besides my fiance and I to do some of the work, no, I'm not expecting it to happen but at the same time I am expecting you to offer. I don't have a better explanation of what I mean.

The dresses I'm looking at range from $30 to $75 for bridesmaids. I absolutely do not want these people my WP to pay an arm and a leg for a dress they will wear once, maybe twice, although I'm shooting to find dresses that they can use outside of weddings.

According to your later posts, you DO have someone doing the planning besides you and your fiance - you have hired someone to do it all. What a blessing. With that being said, you should NEVER expect anyone around you to offer to do anything that is only your responsibility.

I am getting married and guess who is planning it - me and my FI. Guess who has done everything. Me and my FI. Guess who hasn't offered to help me plan my wedding but I still love very much. You guessed it! My friends and family.

Ro041 · April 2017

scribe95 said:

Guess she just deleted.

knottiej · April 2017

scribe95 said:

Guess she just deleted.

Oh come on now!!

InLoveInQueens · April 2017

scribe95 said:

Guess she just deleted.

And right after she promised to stick around, too.

She shouldn't just have hired a wedding planner, she should have hired a professional bridesmaid.

geebee908 · April 2017

A paid actor would be a more reliable way to get the experiences she was wanting. The FMIL and GFIL could have a say in the casting decision to make sure that the actor had the correct look for the wedding.

MobKaz · April 2017

scribe95 said:

Guess she just deleted.

Apparently I've misunderstood....

Re: Apparently I've misunderstood....

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