Wedding Party

Advice on final bridesmaids

Hi everyone! I'm new here so forgive me if this sounds like a question that is always asked. I've done a lot of research/reading for weeks and would now just like some insights from this group.
I'm getting married in 6+ months so I'm down to the wire with needing to ask my BMs. My fiancé has 7 GM so I know I will at least have 7, maybe 8-9. I have 6 decided including my MOH who is my sister) but I'm torn on the last ones. I've been blessed with a lot of great, wonderful friends so far in my life, which is making this even harder.

Friend 1 - My best friend since HS. We were like sister's in HS as she spent a ton of time with my family. I was in her wedding 8 years ago. We don't live in the same city and often go months without talking but we never skip a beat when we are together. She's friends with one of my other BMs from HS but doesn't really know the others besides my sister. I don't think that really matters but just something I think about.

Friend 2 - One of my best friends from college. We lived together in college and have remained great friends, often times traveling together in the past. We keep in touch over text or g-chat every few weeks, as we also live in different cities, but don't talk on a regular basis. Part of me thinks she'd probably appreciate not being asked to be in a wedding, but another part of me thinks her feelings would be hurt if she was not. Especially if I ask Friend 3.

Friend 3 - We became best friends after college, when we lived in the same city and she was going through a really hard time. We are also still close and never skip a beat but she no longer lives in the same time as me, is married and has two kids. She's not great about keeping in touch, especially when she has a lot going on, but recently she has been reaching out a lot and wanting to help with everything. My concern is that she may have too much going on with her kids (one is only 3 months old) and Friend 2 and 3 are almost like a package. They live in the same city so we always see each other together. And often times with one of my other BMs who is also best friends with them.

Friend 4 - My newest best friend (2+ years) but by far the one I am closest to out of the 4 listed here. We currently live in the same town, hang out very frequently and talk almost every day. She's just a great, easy-going best friend who I know would do anything for me and would totally be excited to be in the wedding. She's been a great sounding board for a lot of things (my fiancé and I don't live in the same town) and even though I am about to move, I know we will remain close friends. My concern is how some of my other friends will react if I ask her and not them (like friends 2 & 3).

I have another friend who I'm pretty set on reading at my wedding because we are very close and she is by far my most spiritual friend so I would really appreciate that and think she would too.

Based on the above, what are your thoughts on who I should choose if I just choose 1? What about 2?

I really hope this does not sound trivial because it certainly is not to me. I'm terrible at making decisions about anything and when it comes to such wonderful friends, this one isn't easy.



Re: Advice on final bridesmaids

  • Who on earth are your other six BM if these women are some of your closest friends??
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    charlotte989875ahoyweddingei34SP29
  • None of the above. Stick with the 6 you really want. 
    SP29
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    geebee908 said:
    If you have to ask internet strangers to help you with this decision then you shouldn't be asking any them.

    I'm sure they'll be happy be there as guests. Be sure to invite them to pre-wedding parties if people offer to host those for you.
    Yep. 

    cowgirl8238sparklepants41STARMOON44
  • I had some trouble with deciding on a couple of my bridesmaids so I can understand where you're coming from. The girls I couldn't decide on both had me in their weddings and both really really value our friendship. I was just kind of hoping to keep my bridal party smaller because that's how I always imagined it. After thinking a lot about it I decided to add the extra girls because they do mean a lot to me and want the best for mine and my FIs relationship. I also didn't want to tarnish our friendships at all by not having them as bridesmaids. I know that might not be the answer everyone else is giving you but for me the main things I tried to think about were how much these people cared about me and my fiancé and did I think I'd still be close to these friends 15 years from now. Those were both yeses so I went ahead and added them as bridesmaids. 
    charlotte989875SP29short+sassy
  • A few things to remember: Sides don't have to be even, your WP should be "people you would call at 3am to help you bury a body", and weddings aren't tit for tat.  I think you should stick with the 6 woman you already have and just invite the others as guests. I had an uneven wedding party (4 BMs and 6 GM) and it all looked and went fine. 

    Also, I was asked to stand in a former friends wedding party because she had wanted even sides.  The Groom ended up not asking his one friend to stand and another one cancelled, so the sides ended up uneven anyway.  The Bride told her MOH/Sister (the morning of her wedding) that my friend and I were only there to make the sides even and if she had known 'Groom' would have only had one person she would have only had her stand up...in front of us...we are no longer friends because her "vision" trumped our supposed friendship.  We went from "close like sisters" to "not speaking" within about 2 months.  So please don't be that bride! (As a side note my other friend that was the other BM and I are still close, and she still brings up how rude the Bride was from time to time)

    MesmrEweshort+sassyTrixieJess
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ask whomever you are closest to. Sides don't have to be even, and the only "responsibilities" of your WP are to show up sober, on time, and in the correct (with their agreed upon budget) attire. 


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    SP29
  • OP - PPs have it covered pretty well - sides do not need to be even. Just because your FI will have 7 on his side does not mean you need 7 or more. You can have 1 or 3 or 17. Just make sure you pick who you are closest to. A weird analogy we tend to use here is if you had to hide a body in the middle of the night, who would you call on to help you? These are the people you should pick for your bridal party. 
  • Ask who you want. If you want a large party with 10 women because you are really close to them all and want to honor them and your relationship on your wedding day, great! If you don't then you absolutely still invite them and have a great time. Sides don't need to be even, and weddings aren't tit for tat. If you want them up there with you, ask them, if you just want them to be guests, that's fine, too. 
    ei34
  • Ask who you want. If you're thinking this hard about it, you obviously shouldn't ask any of those people above. Your WP should be the automatic choices.
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    cbs246 said:


    Friend 3 - We became best friends after college, when we lived in the same city and she was going through a really hard time. We are also still close and never skip a beat but she no longer lives in the same time as me, is married and has two kids. She's not great about keeping in touch, especially when she has a lot going on, but recently she has been reaching out a lot and wanting to help with everything. My concern is that she may have too much going on with her kids (one is only 3 months old) and Friend 2 and 3 are almost like a package. They live in the same city so we always see each other together. And often times with one of my other BMs who is also best friends with them.



    I pretty much agree with the previous posters about how people should be chosen. 

    That said, PLEASE don't base your decision on whether someone should or shouldn't be in your wedding party on whether or not they have kids. I'm six months pregnant, and I would be extremely offended if someone decided for me now or in the future after the baby is born that I had "too much going on." If she has too much going on, she can decline. My mom was a BM twice with two young children (I was less than six months old at the first one). It is certainly not impossible or even overly difficult for many people. 

    MesmrEweInLoveInQueensthisismynickname2
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Something to also keep in mind is your budget.  If you ask any of these 4 women to join your bridal party, you'll need to factor in that you'll need that many more bouquets and bridal party gifts.  
    ernursejILoveBeachMusicSP29InLoveInQueens
  • You should only ask #1.... BFF status and even sides FTW. *sarcasm*

    But really, I don't think it'll help you to ask strangers who don't you, don't know these people and don't know the dynamics of your relationships. 

    The most helpful information I can give you is that 1) sides don't need to be even 2) have zero expectations of help/parties 3) ask only those who you cannot imagine getting married without 4) keep in mind what you can afford - you'll be buying these people gifts, flowers and (probably) hosting a rehearsal dinner to which you'll have to invite their SO as well. 
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    charlotte989875geebee908MyNameIsNotInLoveInQueens
  • Who on earth are your other six BM if these women are some of your closest friends??
    This.  Also, how many people do you call "best friend?!"
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • Be aware that some may turn you down just because of their own personal reasons.  The PP have covered it in that the sides truly do not need to be even.  Yes, the analogy "Who would you call at 3AM to hide the body" isn't being harsh either because it helps take the potential for drama down.  Choose only those you're tight and closest and go from there!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    geebee908 said:
    If you have to ask internet strangers to help you with this decision then you shouldn't be asking any them.

    I'm sure they'll be happy be there as guests. Be sure to invite them to pre-wedding parties if people offer to host those for you.
    This was exactly what I thought as soon as I started reading. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    InLoveInQueens
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @KnotRiley vendor alert


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