Monday

WinstonsGirl · April 2017

Ahhh!!! I just got a call and we're getting a home visit!! And they're bringing the dog, which they don't normally do, but since we've already met him and they liked our questions over the weekend at the event, they want to see how he reacts in our house. So glad I spent the morning cleaning now. We were a disaster after the past few weeks

short+sassy · April 2017

WinstonsGirl said:

Ahhh!!! I just got a call and we're getting a home visit!! And they're bringing the dog, which they don't normally do, but since we've already met him and they liked our questions over the weekend at the event, they want to see how he reacts in our house. So glad I spent the morning cleaning now. We were a disaster after the past few weeks

Good luck! Get that puppers

.

divarhd · April 2017

atomicblonde said:

@divarhd, I completely understand the impulse to "go Irish" on FMIL. I have some ILs that sorely tested that impulse, and the Irish in me finally won. The fallout is still filtering down, and right now it was worth the cost for so many reasons, but it may not always be that way. But it was years in the making, and it was a serious test of my relationship with DH.

I agree with @charlotte989875. It's one thing to set boundaries, but it's a completely different beast to seek out confrontation to achieve the same. You and your FI have to be completely prepared to burn those bridges and accept whatever fallout may come. I think all 3 of you should sit down and have a conversation together to establish, if not some form of understanding, boundaries of what is and is not acceptable.

I felt much the same way you did, but I knew that any kind of confrontation or escalation would make things exponentially worse. And it did. And honestly, nothing has changed, except those people are no longer in our lives. And that's as much a lose-situation as a win, because it should never have gotten to that point.

So if you don't think escalating things will make a difference, why go that route and risk the fallout?

Maybe flatten wasn't the right word, that's my momma talking

FI said before, when the church business came up, he is prepared to not have his mother in his life. I would rather it not come to that, but I think she needs to know how she's making us feel. He talked to her, he'll talk to her again this week because his parents are supposed to meet mine on Sunday and the time has to be worked out. So whether I think it'll help or hinder the relationship with HER, I know 100% FI has my back. Has to stand up to her in that moment when she's being mean or rude or inappropriate and not just talked to her about it after the fact. It's like if you keep picking at a scab it'll never heal, but put some Neosporin on after you pick it and maybe it'll get better? I dunno....I do know I appreciate everyone here and your advice

DrillSergeantCat · April 2017

Our internet at work has been down since Thursday so I've gotten a lot of crocheting done.

Mouse is finally feeling better. H commented this weekend that "maybe we should get a 4 bedroom house so my mom can move in and help us with the babies." I kept my mouth shut, but I'm just not sure what kind of help she's going to be. She's put our son's health at risk both times she's watched him for longer than a couple hours.

The repairs on H's house weren't done Friday like they were supposed to be because the handyman didn't do what he was supposed to do. I wanted to buy a cabinet painting kit and he said it would take too long and he wanted to just sand and paint. We agreed and then he didn't sand. He tried painting lacquer with latex and when that didn't work tried spray painting them with appliance epoxy and when that didn't work asked me to buy the stuff I wanted him to use in the first place. Work is supposed to be done today and then I'll get the realtor over.

MIL and I went to check it out Saturday and one of the neighbors came crashing over with the smell of alcohol on her breath telling me how she'd been in the house and the former tenants told her we were selling it for $70,000 but it's smaller than her house she rents and has fewer bathrooms and also how the former tenant's dogs damaged the fence so the neighbor whose fence it is is getting estimates, blah blah blah. I'm sorry, but I'm not paying to fix that fence. It's water damaged. Not my problem.

H and I went to check out the house yesterday and the handyman and his gf were there. I'm friends with her and she launched into a tirade about her job and also told me that this same neighbor had taken pictures of the former tenant allegedly cheating on his wife. The wife already knew all about it, but it just proved her point that he looks guilty as hell. I'm so mad at her for what she did to that house, that I'm not going to say anything to her about it. She keeps telling me she misses me and my babies and we need to get together soon and I just say uh huh.

Neighbor at my house put in a stockade fence. It looks great except for the fact that it's 6" away from the existing fence so I'm left wondering who's responsible for trimming the grass between the fences and how it's going to be done.

Easter was fun. Mouse hunted eggs in my mom's backyard.

MissKittyDanger · April 2017

@DrillSergeantCat I like my MIL but I wouldn't want her to live with us. Same deal goes for my mum, unless we had a place that was essentially their own "apartment" kinda deal.

Cutie babies!

short+sassy · April 2017

MissKittyDanger said:

@DrillSergeantCat I like my MIL but I wouldn't want her to live with us. Same deal goes for my mum, unless we had a place that was essentially their own "apartment" kinda deal.

Cutie babies!

This x1000. I had an ex whose parents separated while we were dating. His mother started worrying about what would happen in the future. Would they have to sell the house and split it, etc. The ex had starting thinking about buying his first place and was very seriously considering getting something big enough where, if his mom needed somewhere to move, she could move in with him.

It was really awkward for me because, we'd been dating a long time and I thought wedding bells were a potential for the future...but I wasn't his fiancée yet. I would NEVER live in the same house with his mom. At least not for any long term amount of time. But we weren't living together and I didn't think it was my place to tell him that was a dealbreaker for me. I just pointed out that he should consider "once she moves in, she'll probably never leave, and you're still a young man, do you really want to spend your whole adult life living with your mom?"

At any rate, we broke up and it was no longer my concern. Though a few more years went by after that conversation and he never did buy his own place.

My mom is a really sweet and respectful person. But I wouldn't want to live with her again either, unless it was a short-term kind of emergency.

@DrillSergeantCat, oh, the babies! They are just darling.

I don't know what your handyman was thinking. "We'll just sand and repaint the cabinets"...in one day...nbd (smh). It takes an insane amount of time. My H has done that for two houses. And the cabinets usually have to be painted twice. So it is a couple days between each of those coats.

What a wacky neighbor. To put it nicely. What does the house she's renting...doesn't even own...have to do with your house and it's selling price? I would have joked, "Yes, that's interesting. But what do you think about the tea futures in China?"

OurWildKingdom · April 2017

I've come to the conclusion that I could not live with my Mom. We're too much alike. I could live with my Dad, except for the part about him complaining about all the animals.

Busy day today. Playing catch-up from Friday and getting interrupted every five minutes. Story of my life.

I'm dreading trying to park for our Monday meeting. It's Dyngus Day (a HUGE deal in Cleveland), and the height of the celebration is in the neighborhood where our meeting is.

Right now I'm going through my planner and waiting for 5:00 so I can call a restaurant we're interested in for the reception.

ETA: In case anyone is curious about Dyngus Day, it's kind of a Polish Mardi Gras.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Śmigus-dyngus

sparklepants41 · April 2017

MissKittyDanger said:

@WinstonsGirl it has it's moments

@short+sassy Boston! So random
{to those in Boston, I'm counting you as Canadians now ! welcome!}

Thank you! For those of us in Boston who are human beings, being part of the US is getting scarier and scarier. I'm so proud to be an honorary Canadian!!

kvruns · April 2017

Re: living with mom/parents. The older I get and especially now with a baby I would love to have them nearby. Maybe not living in the same house unless it was like in law quarters or a duplex - would need separate quarters I think but I'd be ok with close by

DrillSergeantCat · April 2017

@short+sassy There's no way I'd want to live with his mother. Literally all she does is watch the Hallmark channel or CBS. She has zero hobbies other than gambling. We're planning on moving to be closer to my mom, though, because she's actually helpful.

Re: handyman - the cabinets didn't need much sanding really, just enough to scuff the surface. I'm still not sure why he didn't do that. At any rate, they got the job finished last night and it looks so much brighter and cleaner in there.

Re: the neighbor - I think she's figured out that owning is cheaper than renting sometimes and was thinking about trying to buy the house at $70,000. It just pissed me off that the tenants told her that price since that was a special deal we gave THEM since they were friends. It was basically us selling the house to them for $85,000 but considering all the rent they'd paid as a down payment.

Re: babies - thank you!

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