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Wedding Party
Laurashley08
member
MOH Dropped Out, expected to be paid back for shower
I am a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. We are 5 months out from the wedding, and 1 month out from the Bride's shower. Her MOH has dropped out and is expecting the remaining bridesmaids to pay her back for what she had previously spent on the shower. Should we pay her back? What's the best way to deal with this?
Re: MOH Dropped Out, expected to be paid back for shower
If the shower is not happening without the MOH, then you can decide if you want to offer the bride another shower, planned and financed by you. If you decide to do this and include the other BMs, you'll ask if they want to co-host and what their budget is ahead of time. As co-hosts, you'll agree on shower plans.
Has the shower already happened? If not, would you be able to plan another one? If your friend (bride) was counting on a shower, I would probably suck it up and cover the MOH's share, and look at it like a service to the bride instead of the MOH.
Our agreement was that she paid the deposit required for the venue and the rest of the bridesmaids would split the remainder (and we are also financing the rest of the shower needs: decorations, dessert, games, prizes, favors, etc). We are still having the shower (which hasn't happened yet) as planned and scheduled.
Is she vindictive enough to say the contract/deposit is in her name so if she doesn't get paid back, she's having her own event there?
Without knowing more about this I think this is tricky.
I think in a lot of situations it would be "we all contribute $x to the shower" and then when she left she'd take her contribution with her and the rest of the bridesmaids could decide if they wanted to contribute more or cut back the plans. But since she had to pay the deposit first it kind of screwed her.
If you think she would be vindictive enough to keep the event space for herself (and you can't secure another one), or if you guys liked her / think the situation wasn't her fault, I'd consider paying her back and perhaps cutting the budget on some of the other things (decorations, prizes, favors, etc).
But choosing to pay her back is a really personal decision so you'd run the risk of alienating other bridesmaids who don't want to do it. So it's not ideal.
If she's a bitch and/or the deposit was just too much for you guys to cover... oh well. The risk of a deposit is that it can be lost if you back out and that's a lesson she'll learn.
But it is really unfortunate that the falling out is with her sister-in-law (her brother's wife or her FI's sister?). They're essentially family and something happened that made MOH quit / bride kick her out? Ruh roh.
If it's not affordable, tell the MOH you will not be having the shower at that venue and she should request her refund from banquet manager, not you. You could move the shower to one of the BMs homes. If that's not feasible, as the MOB, or other family member, if you can host at her home.