I have watched the posts for a while, but this is first time asking a question myself. Apologies in advance for its length.
Situation:
Our wedding is Jan 2018. Both our families are large and close-knit. We agreed that in order to share this experience with all our loved ones, we will more than likely be having what you would classify as a "big wedding" (200-250ish). That being said, we still have a budget and appropriate size limit on our venue that we have to consider.
At first we thought about having a "no children" wedding. We were defining children as anyone under the age of 18.
After some discussions with my future mother-in-law and fiance we agreed that my fiance's nieces and nephews will be in the wedding and therefore invited to the reception. Also his 1st cousins (same ages as his nieces and nephews), whom all call him uncle, will also be invited. (his aunt and uncle had children later in life so its not a traditional cousin-cousin relationship). That gives us a total of 10 kids on his side (ages 14-4).
I have no nieces and nephews on my side of the family. I'm the "baby" of the 1st cousins, therefore the next set of kids are actually my 2nd cousins. Although I love them and enjoy seeing them at family events, I do not have the same type of relationship with my cousins' children as my fiance has with his cousins. There are a total of 6 kids on my side (all under the age of 7).
None of our friends' children will be invited.
We want to make a clear "rule" to be fair to everyone. I preface this next statement that I do not mean to sound harsh, however I'm also concerned about the number of kids (16 or 2 tables-worth ) that will make up our total number and essentially "shift" some of our close friends and other family from the guest list. We're past the point of going back to the "no kids rule".
Question: Is it appropriate to have the children on my fiance's side of the family invited (nieces, nephews and first cousins), but not my side (2nd cousins)? Should I just deal with it and focus on other important matters?
I understand this is a touchy subject for a lot of people. Thank you in advanced for your advice.