Ghost Bridesmaid..

lady_stone · May 2017

One of my bridesmaids did not return my calls or texts two weeks before my bridal shower. She lives out of state and I knee that she would not be attending but she had previously agreed to contribute to the cost with my MOH and was going to mail a check. My MOH had not heard from her in the weeks leading up to the shower and asked me to try and reach her. She did not return my calls or texts. The day after my shower she texted that she was having some medical issues and had bad service; she didn't mention the money ($140) which I ended up contributing myself. Long story short she has not contacted me since that one text but has been active daily on social media. My feelings are hurt to be honest that she isn't responding; I stated several times that I could cover costs for any of my girls but I needed a heads up. I think its absurdly rude that she is ignoring the matter and furthermore I'm not sure how to proceed... Is she going to be in the wedding? She dodged my questions about if she had ordered her dress before all of this happened so I don't even know if she has it and to be honest I don't want to hunt down a friend to make sure she isn't bailing on me.... I don't know how to proceed if she isn't answering me? my wedding is in 6 weeks.

JediElizabeth · May 2017

ecleggett said:

One of my bridesmaids did not return my calls or texts two weeks before my bridal shower. She lives out of state and I knee that she would not be attending but she had previously agreed to contribute to the cost with my MOH and was going to mail a check. My MOH had not heard from her in the weeks leading up to the shower and asked me to try and reach her. She did not return my calls or texts. The day after my shower she texted that she was having some medical issues and had bad service; she didn't mention the money ($140) which I ended up contributing myself. Long story short she has not contacted me since that one text but has been active daily on social media. My feelings are hurt to be honest that she isn't responding; I stated several times that I could cover costs for any of my girls but I needed a heads up. I think its absurdly rude that she is ignoring the matter and furthermore I'm not sure how to proceed... Is she going to be in the wedding? She dodged my questions about if she had ordered her dress before all of this happened so I don't even know if she has it and to be honest I don't want to hunt down a friend to make sure she isn't bailing on me.... I don't know how to proceed if she isn't answering me? my wedding is in 6 weeks.

Have you asked her how she's feeling (re, the medical issues), or just tried to talk to her about your wedding? I expect you've asked how she's feeling and all, but you'd be surprised about some people. If not, you know why she's not answering you.

To be honest, at this point set your expectation bar low for her. If she shows up in the right clothes (if you care about that kind of thing....I didn't), she's in the wedding. If not, she'll be a regular guest.

lady_stone · May 2017

Oh yeah of course I said that I hope everything is alright but she isn't responding.... Its really frustrating. And to be honest I feel like I will be really upset if she just reappears right before the wedding and expects that its fine that she disappeared. I have very mixed feelings.

sparklepants41 · May 2017

ecleggett said:

Oh yeah of course I said that I hope everything is alright but she isn't responding.... Its really frustrating. And to be honest I feel like I will be really upset if she just reappears right before the wedding and expects that its fine that she disappeared. I have very mixed feelings.

I'm not sure why you deleted your original post when you were quoted, but has it occurred to you that she might actually be dealing with some unexpectedly serious health problem that may require complicated/expensive treatment? And that your wedding might be the last thing on her mind right now?

Just be a friend to her. She really needs one now. And stop reaching out to her about money. It's inappropriate for you to be involved with your shower in any way - especially asking for money.

LondonLisa · May 2017

ecleggett said:

Oh yeah of course I said that I hope everything is alright but she isn't responding.... Its really frustrating. And to be honest I feel like I will be really upset if she just reappears right before the wedding and expects that its fine that she disappeared. I have very mixed feelings.

So she is having some medical issues and you are concerned about a party?

You up need to take your wedding out of this and be a friend. Stop calling her about money and start calling her about her health.

downtondiva · May 2017

Why did you get involved in a monetary issue between your bridesmaid and MOH? You should have left it to them to resolve.

Anyway, why don't you find out how your friend is doing and be supportive regarding her health issues and stop thinking about how they affect your wedding? Maybe she's not being responsive because she herself isn't sure yet whether she can continue to be involved in your wedding or not. Let her decide that and accept whatever her decision is. But you really don't need to know right this second when she probably has more urgent concerns.

southernbelle0915 · May 2017

Are you a loan shark or a friend? Decide and act accordingly.

charlotte989875 · May 2017

It sucks shes not replying but it sounds like she has some major stuff going on now. Your MOH should never have gotten you involved and you should try and take yourself out of it. Don't bring up the money again, leave it to your friend and MOH to work out, as they are both adults.

The last sat time you talked she said she had medical issues and bad cell service; those are probably the reasons she's not getting back to you, so leave it be. She knows what dress she needs, she knows when the wedding is. If she's there, that's great, if she's not that's too bad but sometimes things happen.

Also, saying you hope she's okay while still asking about money for a party thrown for you is not the same as calling/texting specifically to ask how she's doing.

DrillSergeantCat · May 2017

I can only hope this was deleted because OP realized that she sounds like a bad friend.

sparklepants41 · May 2017

Maybe I have seen too many cheesy psychological thrillers, but am I the only one who had originally hoped this thread was going to be about a bridesmaid who is actually a ghost?

DrillSergeantCat · May 2017

sparklepants41 said:

Maybe I have seen too many cheesy psychological thrillers, but am I the only one who had originally hoped this thread was going to be about a bridesmaid who is actually a ghost?

No. I was too. I was thinking she was going to ask how she could incorporate the memory of her recently deceased BM. Much disappointment.

downtondiva · May 2017

sparklepants41 said:

Maybe I have seen too many cheesy psychological thrillers, but am I the only one who had originally hoped this thread was going to be about a bridesmaid who is actually a ghost?

I knew what it would be about but deep down I was still hopeful that it was about an actual ghost until I started reading it. I'm still a little disappointed.

Ghost Bridesmaid..

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