Dear Prudence,
My father lives out of state, and while we are not close, we talk every few months. He has a “public image” side, where he is caring and amazing with his grandkids, and a private side, where he is quite tempestuous, and I spent much of my childhood trying to not raise his ire. Recently my stepmom, who is far more patient than the rest of our family, called me. Apparently, I was the only one of the four siblings to call him last year for Father’s Day. My stepmom said that his feelings were quite hurt and that it would be nice if I could remind my siblings to call our dad.
I have quite mixed feelings about this. Every Father’s Day card in stores feels like a lie, and I know my dad is not a strong father figure for any of us. I think it is important to call, simply out of politeness, but I don’t find it is my place to talk to my siblings about this, when I’d be encouraging the sham. If anything, I’d do it for his wife, who is kind and who doesn’t deserve to put up with my dad’s tantrums.