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Modern Momming

DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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in Chit Chat
The last few days I've been inundated with things moms are saying they won't do (and you (general you) shouldn't either). One of those things is kiss baby on the mouth. I'm not on board with that, but I can actually see the reasoning behind it. 

Today, an article pops up in my newsfeed "Why This Mom Always Asks Her Baby's Permission Before Picking Him Up." He's 6 months old and she has asked him since he was born if she can pick him up. I'm okay with, once their older, allowing them to say no to a hug/kiss from someone. Hell...Mouse is 16 months old and I ask him for a kiss and if he doesn't offer one, fine, he'll give me kisses when he wants to. I just think this is too far. 

Thoughts?
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Re: Modern Momming

  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    You, @southernbelle0915, stated exactly how I feel about it. Infancy is too early for a child to understand bodily autonomy and it makes no sense to try. I agree with not forcing hugs and kisses, don't tickle if they don't like it, etc but otherwise no. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    I understand the concept of kissing on the mouth, but I wouldn't stop my kid if they wanted to. Same goes with not forcing hugs, etc.
    Any time I'm with a young kid and we're leaving the place, I always ask for a hug. If they say no, that's fine. High five? Yehhh! Always get a high-five ;)

    Sometimes I can get on top of this different style of parenting - kid having a meltdown? Instead of flipping out, remove them from the scene and try to figure out what happened. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

    Flip side, sometimes you need to pick up the kid because they're having a meltdown on the floor and need to be removed from the area physically.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
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    I'm totally with you @southernbelle0915 with letting the children run the show. Sometimes kids just need to be told no - need to learn everything isn't all about them. My rant was more towards people preaching to other people how to raise their children. I might not agree with someone but I'm not in their shoes.

    A friend told me about all the flack her daughter got because she "only" nursed her twins for 3 months. I'm impressed she nursed them period. No one had the right to make her feel bad for doing something she decided to do based on her situation.
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    @ILoveBeachMusic that's terrible! I'm seriously struggling with my supply right now and I feel like I'm failing my daughter, I'd probably flip my lid if someone jumped on me about it. 
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
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    southernbelle0915 said:

    I will also say that some of this parenting that involves letting the child run the show it out of control, IMHO. Children need structure. They look to their parents to set boundaries and demonstrate how to handle certain situations. 

    My style of parenting is providing a safe, loving space where my kid knows what to expect and is free to explore and make choices (within reason), but he also knows "thems the rules" and "the menu is take it or leave it". That kind of thing. 


    Preach! 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    I did find that woman's stance a bit eye-rolling and extreme but, as long as she isn't hurting her child, that's her business.  For example, if she sees her baby heading for something dangerous, one would hope she would just swoop him up to safety.  Even if that means she can't ask his permission first.

    Here's a good example.  I'm a grown adult with the power to speak and understand.  Normally, I would never want a random stranger to touch...much less bear hug me...without my permission.  But if I was about to accidentally walk in front of a speeding car, a stranger grabbing me and pulling me back to safety would be MOST WELCOME to do that!

    Maybe it's because I'm not a mother, but I find a lot of the "do's and don'ts" arguments that I sometimes hear are just too much.  Children have been surviving and thriving for many millennia.  So put the anti-bacterial soap and organic-only foods down...and back away.  Nothing wrong with those items, but a child eating carrots with (gasp) preservative-filled ranch dressing is not a freak-out worthy event either.

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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    Something I think everyone can agree with what this mother is saying is that kids should know that saying 'no' to being touched {hugs, handshake, touch, etc} is okay. They are in control of who touches their body, like any person.
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    MissKittyDanger said:

    Something I think everyone can agree with what this mother is saying is that kids should know that saying 'no' to being touched {hugs, handshake, touch, etc} is okay. They are in control of who touches their body, like any person.


    Absolutely, but it's silly to ask an infant for permission. That little person relies on mom for everything. PG goes from 0-100 in 2.7 seconds and would be royally pissed if I took extra time to ask her for permission to pick her up to feed her. It's just a bit extreme. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    DrillSergeantCat said:



    MissKittyDanger said:


    Something I think everyone can agree with what this mother is saying is that kids should know that saying 'no' to being touched {hugs, handshake, touch, etc} is okay. They are in control of who touches their body, like any person.




    Absolutely, but it's silly to ask an infant for permission. That little person relies on mom for everything. PG goes from 0-100 in 2.7 seconds and would be royally pissed if I took extra time to ask her for permission to pick her up to feed her. It's just a bit extreme. 


    Oh for sure! When they're unable to communicate their needs - like PG - then it's different. I was thinking more like Mouse's age
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    edited June 2017


    MissKittyDanger said:



    Oh for sure! When they're unable to communicate their needs - like PG - then it's different. I was thinking more like Mouse's age




    Mouse often refuses kisses and H will tell him, "Give mommy kisses." I tell him he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to. It's perfectly fine to teach bodily autonomy and polite ways to say no, but she started this the second that baby was born!
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    DrillSergeantCat said:

    MissKittyDanger said:

    Oh for sure! When they're unable to communicate their needs - like PG - then it's different. I was thinking more like Mouse's age

    Mouse often refuses kisses and H will tell him, "Give mommy kisses." I tell him he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to. It's perfectly fine to teach bodily autonomy and polite ways to say no, but she started this the second that baby was born!


    Yeh that's way too soon. Mind you, I've seen posts about teaching potty training from when the baby can hold their head up. Somethings just seem too soon!
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    MissKittyDanger said:



    DrillSergeantCat said:


    MissKittyDanger said:


    Oh for sure! When they're unable to communicate their needs - like PG - then it's different. I was thinking more like Mouse's age


    Mouse often refuses kisses and H will tell him, "Give mommy kisses." I tell him he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to. It's perfectly fine to teach bodily autonomy and polite ways to say no, but she started this the second that baby was born!




    Yeh that's way too soon. Mind you, I've seen posts about teaching potty training from when the baby can hold their head up. Somethings just seem too soon!


    I've seen that, too. It's more about mom learning baby's potty habits than it is baby learning to potty. I've also seen that that method can delay actual potty training.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
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    eileenrob said:

    I'm already worn out by all of the judgement and unsolicited advice and my oldest only recently turned three.  I'm a proud member of team "if your kids are healthy/fed/groomed/happy, do whatever works for you".  


    Exactly!
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
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    DrillSergeantCat said:



    MissKittyDanger said:





    DrillSergeantCat said:



    MissKittyDanger said:



    Oh for sure! When they're unable to communicate their needs - like PG - then it's different. I was thinking more like Mouse's age



    Mouse often refuses kisses and H will tell him, "Give mommy kisses." I tell him he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to. It's perfectly fine to teach bodily autonomy and polite ways to say no, but she started this the second that baby was born!






    Yeh that's way too soon. Mind you, I've seen posts about teaching potty training from when the baby can hold their head up. Somethings just seem too soon!




    I've seen that, too. It's more about mom learning baby's potty habits than it is baby learning to potty. I've also seen that that method can delay actual potty training.


    It's called elimination communication, and I've only seen success with it. My sister's daughter has been out of diapers since before he was 2. 
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    lovesclimbing said:


    It's called elimination communication, and I've only seen success with it. My sister's daughter has been out of diapers since before he was 2. 


    I'll admit that my experience with it is from baby boards so I am wrong here. 
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
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    DrillSergeantCat said:



    lovesclimbing said:



    It's called elimination communication, and I've only seen success with it. My sister's daughter has been out of diapers since before he was 2. 




    I'll admit that my experience with it is from baby boards so I am wrong here. 


    I'm sure there are people who don't do it well. And if you're not consistent, it probably won't work. My sister first heard about it from my cousin who was fairly serious in the beginning but became pretty laissez-faire about it and mostly quit once she got pregnant and had another baby. And then she didn't potty train until late because it was just easier to have him in diapers. 
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    CMGragain said:

    I must be the most horrible mother in the world.  I made rules for my children and enforced them.  I did not consult them when I made these rules.  Somebody call social services! :*


    What's scary is that these days someone just might!  There have been calls to CPS for letting kids walk 12 blocks to school by themselves, kids calling the cops on their parents for having their phones taken away...it's getting really crazy. 
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  • kaos16kaos16 member
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    edited June 2017

    BTW, my son has been in his crib in his room from the day he came home from the hospital. . . . . . . . judge away!

    We used the Owlet monitor with him.  Anyone familiar with that?  We LOVED it, so much so that we upgraded to the new version in case we have another child, we'd like to try soon.

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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
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    I can't do the mom groups. Nobody seems to understand that there's more than one way to parent. Cloth is fine, but not for everybody. Disposables are fine, but not for everybody. Breast milk is fine, formula is fine. Etc, ad nauseam. I'm a working mom who only co-sleeps when baby needs it, made Mouse CIO (took 3 days and about 30 minutes of crying total), his dinner often consists of chicken nuggets,  string cheese, and sweet pickles (kid's crazy for sweet pickles), he's had a few sips of pop, but loves powerade (anything I'm drinking really), he's always buckled in properly, and at 16 months old just now is getting a blanket in his crib. 
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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
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    edited June 2017
    Honestly, I'm over both the "you must be perfect all the time" mentality and the "I'm not even going to try to be a decent person" mentality. Not just about parenting, in general on the Internet and social media in particular.

     I periodically think about getting rid of my social media for that very reason. I'm tired of being called an SJW if I post something even remotely political and told I'm part of the problem if I stick to bad jokes and cute animal pictures.

    ETA: Hell, I'm tired of those mentalities in general. FFS, my employer has rules in the dress code about men's facial hair. Goddess forbid a man should grow a mustache for Movember.
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