Moms and Maids

What should I do? Re: MOH +1

A little background information: our wedding is destination for my side. My BMs and MOH are all single; I offered them all +1 and only my MOH took me up on it. She's bringing a friend who is insistent on coming (I haven't met her, but I do know that she's nice). 

My BMs and I, for years, have been fawning over afternoon tea. We started talking about how we should plan to go to this restaurant that offers afternoon tea the day before the wedding.

I then told my MOH about how we might have afternoon tea: just all us girls. She loved the idea and wants to bring her +1. This is gonna make me sound like a jackknob, but I don't want that. I kind of changed the subject and said that everything is still up in the air :T

I started to not want to have afternoon tea to avoid hurt feelings. My FI was not happy about that and made the reservations and told me not to invite her, you've been talking about tea with the girls for years, etc etc.

I sound so petty, but I really don't want her there, but I also don't want my MOH to miss it. I mean, I'd totally understand if she did want to miss it to be with her friend, but I don't know... MOH did mention she'd feel bad making her stay in the hotel room while we had tea :T and I'd feel bad, too, but I don't know! Please help! Should I suck it up and invite her or should I just cancel the tea? 

Re: What should I do? Re: MOH +1

  • Not to your question, OP, but what does "fawning" over afternoon tea mean?

  • edited June 2017

    geebee908 said:

    Suck it up and invite her. You don't know her, but consider it an opportunity to make a new friend. If she's a friend of your MOH how much of a risk could it be?

    You raise a good point :T I don't like that you raise a good point, lol

    MobKaz said:

    Honestly, the wedding invitation for MOH's guest is for the wedding.  I'm not sure that you have to invite her +1 to an event for your wedding party, particularly if this tea is, in part, to thank your wedding party.

    This is for an hour or two.  I am not sure why +1 can't read a book, sit by a pool, or watch a movie during that time.  Honestly, it was rude of your MOH to assume her friend could join in this tea.  I would not cancel the event.  Your MOH can decide which is more important.

    Yeah, like I definitely would not consider this afternoon tea to be a bridal shower or bachelorette or whatever them kids be saying now. This would be my treat, though, as a heyyy thank you for flying out for thisss you guys are awesomeeee ~ and yay we're finally having the tea party we've been talking for half a decade about ~

    **Edit: I just remembered, this would not be my treat LOL FI's card is on the reservations! 

    I don't think my MOH is rude. Kinda! I think... she... is kinda try to accommodate her friend more as her guest? ...I think? I still am swaying back and forth, I just am trying so hard not to step on anyone's toes and GAH. Thank you for your input <3

    CMGragain said:

    Not to your question, OP, but what does "fawning" over afternoon tea mean?

    LOL I'VE BEEN USING THIS WORD WRONG FOR A DECADE. Excuse me as I dig a hole and make myself comfortable for forever ~
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think it's totally fine to not include the +1 friend in the tea. It's an event just for your bridal party. She can hang out in the hotel room by herself for a little while. I mean, what is she going to do with herself while your MOH is getting ready for the wedding? 
    OP, I'm like you in that this would make me uncomfortable. Call is social anxiety or whatever. But a new person/stranger at a small event with just close friends like this, I would not be comfortable. I get it. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited June 2017
    Certainly you can invite the +1 to the tea, but I don't think it's required that you do so. I think it's fair to have some "bridal party only" events and this tea, based on what you've posted about it, would be one of them.

    Edited to add: If you invite only this +1, are other bridal party members going to get their noses out of joint if they can't bring their SOs or +1s to the tea?

  • Jen4948 said:
    Edited to add: If you invite only this +1, are other bridal party members going to get their noses out of joint if they can't bring their SOs or +1s to the tea?

    See, okay, I didn't think about this. That... would be quite awkward. When things get awkward, I get awkward. When I get awkward, no one wants to hang out with me, lol.

    Team Don't Invite The Plus One

    Plus ones aren't invited to lots of bridal party only things - bachelorettes, getting ready, the salon, showers, bridal teas...... The only reason this is a question is because this plus one is female. 

    "Hi MOH - I'd really like this tea to be just us bridesmaids. I hope you understand. Here are some things your friend can do while we're at bridal tea......." That way, you're clear that this chick isn't invited and you've given her ideas on what to do. 

    My H has been in a million weddings. I NEVER expect to be invited to the stuff that's for the groomsmen. Dates of wedding party members should expect to fend for themselves a bit - just goes with the territory.

    Yes! That and she'd be staying with the MOH and 2 BMs (3/4 of my bridal party!) and I don't want things to get awkward. I do feel better knowing that I'm not being rude in not wanting her there :T. And yeah, 1-2 hours shouldn't be too big of a deal, right? Y'all ladies now got me swaying this way... lol.

    I actually hadn't really thought about what she'd do day of the wedding. We're doing bridal party pictures during cocktail hour and I asked the girls if they wanted hair and make up with me and MOH was the only one thinking about it. I would really not extend that to +1 so she'd be left by herself too... unless she wanted to tag along to that, too? But I'm hoping hair and make up doesn't take too long... Hrm. I have lots more to think about, eep!
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm on don't her invite her side. DD didn't include any of her bridesmaids SO in pre-wedding activities. DD attended a wedding where everyone from her friend group but her was in the wedding party. She hung out at the pool during activities where she wasn't included. NBD 
  • edited June 2017

    Who cares? I mean, I don't mean to sound cold, but this girl is not part of your wedding party. You didn't ask her to be in the wedding. She is not invited to bridal tea and she's not invited to getting ready. Period.

    Your MOH is bringing a friend. That friend understands (or should) that she's tagging along to a wedding where the MOH is going to have bridal party obligations. 

    If you have the extra cash and you're worried about the hotel thing being awkward, why don't you pay for two hotel rooms - one for your MOH (and her friend can stay in it) and one for the two other BMs who were planning to share a bed. That way, it's just the MOH saying "bye bye" to her tagalong friend and not the whole wedding party. You by no means have to do this, but you sound like you're looking for ways to address this without directly addressing this.

    Edit: Something happened with the boxes ah

    No no no you're right. I think I'm going to call her soon and go over short+sassy's points and hopefully don't have to go to the last point of her post. FI was rolling my eyes at me, too, when I started worrying about her being left alone during the wedding, lol.
  • You do not have to invite her, and honestly, I don't think you should. This is something you were planning for your bridal party, which she isn't part of. It's completely reasonable to want to do something special like this just with your nearest and dearest right before your wedding. 

    Your MOH was rude to decide on her own that her +1 should come to this tea. I don't think you to call her out on that (really, what's the point?) but you also don't have to cave to what she wants. 

  • @cheesypoof, as an aside, I keep cracking up at your username!  Love it.  I'm definitely a South Park fan.


    Have you seen the trailer for the mobile game?! I cannot wait! 

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