Again, difference between feelings and actions. People are entitled to whatever feelings they have. Many posters here are equating being annoyed about something to being unable to function in normal society or acting entitled to have no one they know schedule anything ever on that date, and I think that's a pretty big leap to make.
ETF words.
Yep, and people are also are entitled to judge other people for both their feelings and actions. Just because a person genuinely feels something doesn't mean it's going to be accepted as a valid or rational response to something in the eyes of others.
Just with opinions, you may be entitled to your feelings, but that doesn't mean others are required to accept them.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I disagree with the "how do people who get upset about this stuff function" or "how do they deal with actual disappointments" and given that a few people on here said they'd be annoyed (but not actually act on those feelings) would suggest it's not totally unheard of. The sister is entitled to feel however she wants about it. Making a big deal/talking to the FMIL/suggestion she want come/whatever is too much, but let's not judge someone's feelings.
ETA: but I do think it is a genuine question. If you work full time, you have to go to work at least 71% of the time on an anniversary or birthdays. Unless you regularly book the day off, how do people who get upset at this kind of thing deal? It just seems miserable and exhausting.
To the ETA: I was one who said I'd be annoyed if someone close to me (like my sister) planned her wedding for our anniversary. H and I live apart from all our friends and family. We have to travel to every wedding, event, party, etc. and we're not made of money. So we'd have to plan and pay for a trip on our anniversary somewhere we didn't choose. We wouldn't complain about it or do anything about it but I'd be a little annoyed. Not upset. Not very upset like the OP's FSIL, but a little annoyed. We would also get over it quickly.
Theres a a difference between being a little annoyed and being so upset and suggesting no one can ever hold an event on a day in perpetuity. I think some of the rhetoric used here is a little hyperbolic.
But if your sister threw her wedding the weekend before or after your anniversary, you would have the same issue. How much space before or after your anniversary is enough for you to not be annoyed?
It doesn't matter, though. @charlotte989875 isn't talking about when it's ok to be annoyed or not....she's specifically saying "let's NOT judge feelings (e.g. being annoyed), but rather how someone ACTS on their feelings."
Whether someone is annoyed that it's on the same day, or within a week, or the same month, whatever.... the "space before or after" isn't the point. The point is, people are allowed to feel however they feel (annoyed, hurt, whatever), but they shouldn't take it a step further and try to dictate what others are doing. I agree with her....it's fine to the judge the sister/mom on how they're handling this situation, but it's not cool to be like 'your feelings aren't what I think they should be and therefore how can you function?'
There are always going to be people more chill and less chill than you about various things. You might have negative feelings about XYZ while someone else doesn't see why you're so upset. That same person might really get annoyed with ABC (like a B&G having wedding their wedding on a family member's anniversary) and you don't see the problem.
You are allowed to feel annoyed. There aren't feelings police that are going to arrest you. But conversely, I am allowed to think that any adult that gets upset about having to 'share' a day is ridiculous, regardless of if they act on it or not. It is entitled and self-centred.
You do not own that day and you are not entitled for the world to stop to celebrate it, including close loved ones.
You are allowed to feel annoyed. There aren't feelings police that are going to arrest you. But conversely, I am allowed to think that any adult that gets upset about having to 'share' a day is ridiculous, regardless of if they act on it or not. It is entitled and self-centred.
You do not own that day and you are not entitled for the world to stop to celebrate it, including close loved ones.
Yeah it works both ways.
You're allowed to feel annoyed, and I'm allowed to feel that you feeling annoyed is silly. Then you're allowed to judge my opinion that you're being silly as mean.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
In general, my H and I are "low key" celebrators for most things. Birthdays, holidays, and our anniversary.
Ironically, because we're low key, we usually do celebrate our anniversary on the actual day. Even when it is on a weeknight. We exchange cards and then have a special meal at home or go out to a restaurant. If we go the "special dinner at home" route, we also might follow that up with going out to a restaurant on the weekend after also.
And I especially appreciate this post because, thinking about how my H and I celebrate our anniversary, made me realize...Oh! It's coming up! (Checking the calendar). Whoa, it's a week from now, lol.
A few years ago I was a BM on a milestone birthday, and I'll admit it, I was bummed. I didn't expect the couple to do anything different, my birthday was on a Saturday during wedding season and I was just a close friend of the bride! The B&G gave a little nod to my birthday at the rehearsal dinner, but it still felt kinda weird to spend my birthday dressing up in my BM dress and fawning over someone else. i wasn't mad, it didn't effect our relationship, and I didn't expect anything to be done about it. I just....felt a little internally annoyed.
Re: Our wedding date is accidentally FSIL's anniversary
Yep, and people are also are entitled to judge other people for both their feelings and actions. Just because a person genuinely feels something doesn't mean it's going to be accepted as a valid or rational response to something in the eyes of others.
Just with opinions, you may be entitled to your feelings, but that doesn't mean others are required to accept them.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
It doesn't matter, though. @charlotte989875 isn't talking about when it's ok to be annoyed or not....she's specifically saying "let's NOT judge feelings (e.g. being annoyed), but rather how someone ACTS on their feelings."
Whether someone is annoyed that it's on the same day, or within a week, or the same month, whatever.... the "space before or after" isn't the point. The point is, people are allowed to feel however they feel (annoyed, hurt, whatever), but they shouldn't take it a step further and try to dictate what others are doing. I agree with her....it's fine to the judge the sister/mom on how they're handling this situation, but it's not cool to be like 'your feelings aren't what I think they should be and therefore how can you function?'
There are always going to be people more chill and less chill than you about various things. You might have negative feelings about XYZ while someone else doesn't see why you're so upset. That same person might really get annoyed with ABC (like a B&G having wedding their wedding on a family member's anniversary) and you don't see the problem.
You do not own that day and you are not entitled for the world to stop to celebrate it, including close loved ones.
Yeah it works both ways.
You're allowed to feel annoyed, and I'm allowed to feel that you feeling annoyed is silly. Then you're allowed to judge my opinion that you're being silly as mean.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
In general, my H and I are "low key" celebrators for most things. Birthdays, holidays, and our anniversary.
Ironically, because we're low key, we usually do celebrate our anniversary on the actual day. Even when it is on a weeknight. We exchange cards and then have a special meal at home or go out to a restaurant. If we go the "special dinner at home" route, we also might follow that up with going out to a restaurant on the weekend after also.
And I especially appreciate this post because, thinking about how my H and I celebrate our anniversary, made me realize...Oh! It's coming up! (Checking the calendar). Whoa, it's a week from now, lol.