I've read this 3 times and still don't understand exactly what the LW wants.
Dear Prudence,
I work for a very small company owned by a married couple, both in their mid-30s. The husband has a day job, and the wife works from home, so I usually only see them once a week. Two weeks ago, one of the owners informed us, happily, that they are pregnant with their second child. I was very happy to hear this news, until she dropped the bomb: She is only five weeks along. I have never had someone tell me that she was less than three months pregnant, so her news was very shocking. I did feel slightly uncomfortable about knowing about her pregnancy so early on, but I brushed it off. However, my discomfort started growing as it seems like she is having a difficult pregnancy. She takes two- to three-hour daily naps in the afternoon, will check out during meetings because she has a hard time focusing, and is constantly nauseated and has no appetite. During her seventh week of pregnancy, she texted all of us that she had “emergency health issues” and was ordered bed rest by her doctor for the rest of the week.
Now, all I can think about is the possibility that my boss has lost or will lose the baby, and I will admit (guiltily) that I do feel some resentment toward her for spilling the beans about her pregnancy so early on. I am a woman in my late 20s and have never gotten pregnant, so I can only imagine her physical and emotional pain, if something were to happen. Am I selfish to be upset that my boss, whom I have an employer-employee relationship with, told us about her pregnancy so early on? And if something does happen, what do I do? Unfortunately, I am pretty socially awkward, so acting like nothing happened will be close to impossible.
—Office Etiquette
Re: I've read this 3 times and still don't understand exactly what the LW wants.
Get a hobby.
Some women have a rough first trimester without risk.
It's sweet to be concerned, and maybe the woman mentioned it as an explanation of how she's been acting.
Also, the LW sounds like a drama queen. Really, you found it "very shocking" that she announced her pregnancy? A lot of people wait until second tri, but it's not federal law. It sounds like it was becoming an issue for her boss at work, so I can see why she would explain her sudden 3 hour naps to her employees. Also, being exhausted and nauseated isn't terribly unusual.
Anyway, are you selfish? Yes, yes you are.
LW needs to have some compassion.
I agree boss told to explain behavior. I told my boss early because to explain why I wouldn't go in a confined space.
And if something does happen, what do I do? Tell her, "I'm sorry for your loss" like a normal human being. Even a person who's socially awkward can figure that one out.
LW sounds incredibly sheltered if a pregnancy announcement has her this freaked out.
I totally agree with @Heffalump - some people are incapable of recognising that this situation is not about you. You have no role in this. That is OK. You can know information and not do anything about it, nor internalise it. You literally have to do nothing in this situation because it has nothing to do with you.
This is very much a 'I really hope everything works out for Susan. Do you have those quarter 3 reports?'
It's not about you. The boss announced early and who knows? Maybe she did so BECAUSE she has difficult pregnancies so it's good to have the explanation out in the open. It's not as if the symptoms are only present had they told the LW. They're there because she's expecting a baby FFS.
As LW enters further into adulthood it would be a good idea to read up a bit on social decorum. If something happens, you offer condolences.
Did you really need to throw in millennial-bashing? For all we know, LW could be 60.
Except she says she's in her 20's.
Missed that. Thanks.
Generation-bashing is still a pet peeve of mine, so I stand by my statement.
ETA: BTW, I'm 42 and have BTDT with Generation X-bashing, which is why it irks me so much.
I do agree that LW needs to develop some empathy. Socially awkward, my ass.
LW states she's in her late 20's. I am considered a millenial (albeit an 'old' one) and I see what @banana468 is saying. The LW has made this all about her and how she feels about what her boss is going through and is what if-ing how she'll feel if her boss loses the pregnancy. It's all very self-centered and seriously not her business.
Millenials are criticized for centering everything around themselves. While I don't think that is true for the monolith, I think this letter is prime example of this and while millenials have 'grown up' online and have had access to world in a whole new way that cannot be fathomed by the generations before them, they are not as worldly as they can present themselves to be sometimes.
Banana is right. LW needs to google a fucking pregnancy article, FFS.
Fair enough, but I made things all about me in my late 20s. It's a maturity thing, not a generational thing.
LW does sound immature, self-centered, and lacking in empathy.
I understand that it was harsh. My point isn't that all millennials are bad. However this author is someone in her late 20's and isn't just acting as someone selfish. She's acting like someone is supposed to tell her what she's supposed to because she isn't seeking the information for herself.
@OurWildKingdom, perhaps it is generational and my comment was saying that the LW is acting like the stereotypical millennial. However in no part of the writing did the LW act like she was taking charge of any portion of the situation.
Regardless of age, the LW needs to research what happens in pregnancy, and do some research on office etiquette to boot.
In previous generations, kids grew up faster, started families earlier, and had to enter the 'real world' sooner than people of the millennial generation. Their 20s were centered around building a life for themselves and starting a family. With the millennial generation, a lot of that has been pushed to their 30s and beyond.
And, because of the recession (and maybe cultural reasons too), a lot of millennials have delayed leaving the nest and have been dependent on their parents much longer than previous generations.
Child rearing practices were also different from previous generations. Many people attribute the insurgence of participation trophies, helicopter parenting, allowing kids to dictate the household, etc... with producing a generation of "special snowflakes".
Right or wrong, there ARE generational differences. I get what you're saying about the stereotyping and "bashing" being annoying, but there is a bit of truth to it....IMO anyway.
When I was in my early 20s, my boss announced an early pregnancy. Congrats went around. She then ended up with an ectopic pregnancy (I think) and she lost the baby. I felt like an awkward ass around her because I didn't really know what to say. But I told her and her husband (they also co-owned the business) that I was sorry for their loss. Then we worked like normal.
Why is the LW making this all about her? She should focus her worry and turn it into good thoughts and vibes for boss.
Ummm, LW...would it have been better for the owner to have not shared the pregnancy information...and then have everyone wondering/gossiping why she was taking 2-3 hour naps and not focused in meetings? Super glad you're not my coworker or employee, since you apparently completely missed the "Obvious Train".
This a reminds me a bit of a crazy occurrence at a previous job. There were two women who were pretty good friends outside of work. At the end of one of our weekly meetings, the first woman tells us that she had miscarried (she had informed us of her pregnancy a few weeks earlier). Then, the second woman tells us that she is expecting. At least, they each knew the other would be making their announcement. But everyone had to pick their mouths off the floor from the shock of two big announcements, one happy and one sad, all at once.*
*Not saying either woman did anything wrong, just that both of those pieces of news were very surprising and doubly so to get them at once.
And I get the impression she thinks it's "wrong" or bad etiquette or something to tell about a pregnancy earlier than 12 weeks. No. While it may be common practice, it's not wrong to do otherwise. And I know plenty of people who tell early because they want the pregnancy and baby acknowledged, that he/she did exist, even if the pregnancy is lost.
I'm not saying it's a generational thing - I just think that the LW sounds like she is beyond socially awkward and completely misinformed about pregnancy - maybe to the point of an Asperger's/autism diagnosis in terms of social experience. (I'm not a doctor).
FWIW, I would probably be classified as an "early" millennial, and I think the entire thing is bullshit. You can't lump people born in the early 80s with people born in the late 90s. There's way too much difference.
I agree. It's also funny that there really isn't a "consensus" on which birth years belong to which "type".
My H is on the cusp between Baby Boomer and Gen. X. Depending on what article one is reading, he sometimes falls in one and sometimes in the other. He is 10 years older than me, I'm right in the middle of Gen. X, but even we grew up in very different times.
We sometimes laugh about that he was in high school during the '70s "everybody smokes pot". While I grew up under Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" campaign.
Heck, with that kind of range you mentioned, there could conceivably be both a parent and their child in the same "type".
As an aside, to me, the letter "X" has a negative connotation. So I've always been a bit offended that my age group is termed Generation X.
And is it just me? Or does it seem like the Baby Boomer generation is the only one that has positive connotations associated with it? They are the "loyal and hard working generation". Gen-Xers are slackers. Millenials are self-entitled. "Gag me with a spoon" on that, lol.
Exactly. There's no magic rule about telling about pregnancy and someone certainly isn't BAD for saying that her pregnancy exists.
Nope, the Greatest Generation (i.e., younger members' grandparents/older members' parents) could do no wrong.
I took care of seniors for two years. I met some very lovely people, some who were just human, and some really nasty people. Not all of the Greatest Generation were/are saints.
Great, now we're neurodiverse-bashing. I have two good friends whose husbands have Asperger's and another friend who is autistic (she identifies that way and hates person-first language), and they know what to do in situations like that. When we postponed the wedding, our autistic friend was actually one of the kindest, most empathetic people, wanting to know if we were OK.
Go ahead and tell me that I'm being overly sensitive. I'm just over bashing in general. I'm very aware of my internal prejudices, and I do my utmost not to speak or act on them.
I needed that laugh! Thanks!