In a bind

Re: In a bind

• banana468 member

  

  July 2017

  This isn't a wedding party situation.   It's a family situation.
  
  Your FI can handle his sisters and he needs to speak up to say that what thay said was rude and uncalled for.
  
  Leave the wedding out of this and handle the situation for what it is:   His sisters insulted you to him and he should defend his future wife.
  
  Beyond that, make no wedding party changes, do not adjust anything and just talk to your FI about thanking him for his support.   The only thing your FI needs to do is nicely tell his sisters that their behavior is unacceptable. 
  
  No one with half a brain is going to put a vacation as a priority over taking care of a parent. 

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• shoogaroo member

  

  July 2017 edited July 2017

  Thank you for your response, He had said this to her but she just continues with the hurtful words. I will talk to my FI again and hope that it gets settled  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  July 2017

  
  

  Knottie1474162374 said:

  
  

  Hi All!
  I am in need of unbiased opinion.
  Recently, my mother had a serious surgery the same week my fiance and I were supposed to go down for the very end of a small vacation with his mom, her boyfriend, and his sisters. But it didn't turn out as planned. His one sister was leaving before we would have been down there due to work, and the other decided she wasn't going because she didn't want to make a 6 hour drive. 
  So 2 days before we were supposed to leave, my sister who was supposed to care for my mom that weekend had an emergency with her children and the other who had given birth a week before to her 4th child, was having heart complications due to a rough childbirth. My Father had to work those days, and take care of his dying twin and so he wouldn't be there. So obviously, I had to stay home and care for my mom (cook, clean, help her bathe, etc.). My Fiance decided he wanted to stay to help me because we have two cats which I still had to get home to fed, my mom has a dying dog who is incontinent and we are always having to clean up after him, and he just wanted to stay and help with anything I couldn't get to. I told him to just go ahead down and I would be fine. He decided to ignore that and stay home anyway. So the next day he gets a long text from his sister telling him he needs to get his priorities straight because my mother is not his mom and this vacation is more important than anything (mind you she didn't want to make the drive, and I found out the other left early to join her on a little vacation where she lives). Then he explained to her he decided to stay to help me and his Mother in law to be, and she started cursing him out , long story short she said to him Im a Selfish B, she wants nothing to do with me, and she can't wait for our divorce...
  Her and I never had problems, we were friends, and she is a Bridesmaid. It is 1 week in a half later, and she has yet to apologize. I know I did nothing wrong, My mom needed my care and I told my fiance to go. But now there is a lot of tension. I even apologized to her for not going and explained what happened and asked her to convince her brother to go, but she has not responded for a week. Now his other sister and I are fine (that left early), but there is tension between us all and since the sister that cursed him out is hoping for us to be divorced I feel uncomfortable with her being in my Wedding party. 
  What do I do? both of his sisters are in the wedding party but the one said some awful things because I had to take care of my Mother..and won't even talk to me. I am lost. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Knottie1474162374 said:

  
  

  Thank you for your response, He had said this to her but she just continues with the hurtful words. I will talk to my FI again and hope that it gets settled  

  
  

  
  Let him handle her. If she keeps saying things, let him respond and deal with it. You have enough going on to deal with her dramatics. Don't wait for a response, don't kick her out or anything else, just let him handle it. 
  
  Also, hope your Mom is all right!

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• shoogaroo member

  

  July 2017

  Thank you, I needed the unbiased opinion   She is doing a little better! 

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• CMGragain member

  

  July 2017 edited July 2017

  
  

  Knottie1474162374 said:

  
  

  Hi All!
  I am in need of unbiased opinion.
  Recently, my mother had a serious surgery the same week my fiance and I were supposed to go down for the very end of a small vacation with his mom, her boyfriend, and his sisters. But it didn't turn out as planned. His one sister was leaving before we would have been down there due to work, and the other decided she wasn't going because she didn't want to make a 6 hour drive. 
  So 2 days before we were supposed to leave, my sister who was supposed to care for my mom that weekend had an emergency with her children and the other who had given birth a week before to her 4th child, was having heart complications due to a rough childbirth. My Father had to work those days, and take care of his dying twin and so he wouldn't be there. So obviously, I had to stay home and care for my mom (cook, clean, help her bathe, etc.). My Fiance decided he wanted to stay to help me because we have two cats which I still had to get home to fed, my mom has a dying dog who is incontinent and we are always having to clean up after him, and he just wanted to stay and help with anything I couldn't get to. I told him to just go ahead down and I would be fine. He decided to ignore that and stay home anyway. So the next day he gets a long text from his sister telling him he needs to get his priorities straight because my mother is not his mom and this vacation is more important than anything (mind you she didn't want to make the drive, and I found out the other left early to join her on a little vacation where she lives). Then he explained to her he decided to stay to help me and his Mother in law to be, and she started cursing him out , long story short she said to him Im a Selfish B, she wants nothing to do with me, and she can't wait for our divorce...
  Her and I never had problems, we were friends, and she is a Bridesmaid. It is 1 week in a half later, and she has yet to apologize. I know I did nothing wrong, My mom needed my care and I told my fiance to go. But now there is a lot of tension. I even apologized to her for not going and explained what happened and asked her to convince her brother to go, but she has not responded for a week. Now his other sister and I are fine (that left early), but there is tension between us all and since the sister that cursed him out is hoping for us to be divorced I feel uncomfortable with her being in my Wedding party. 
  What do I do? both of his sisters are in the wedding party but the one said some awful things because I had to take care of my Mother..and won't even talk to me. I am lost. 

  
  

  
  
  She doesn't owe you an apology.  She said nasty things to your FI, not to you.  She owes HIM an apology.  Why did he repeat them to you?  That wasn't very considerate of him, was it?
  
  You should not have spoken to his sister about this.  Their family - their problem.  You probably have made it worse by thrusting yourself into it.  Stay out of it!
  
  Be careful about getting involved in in-laws' squabbles.  There is an old saying, "Never wrestle with a pig.  You'll get dirty, and the pig likes it!"
  

  

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• SP29 member

  

  July 2017

  FSIL is being ridiculous. Obviously not cool to bail out on previously made plans, but in your case an emergency, and I don't think you need to explain why you choose to stay and help our your Mom. Your FI also doesn't need to explain why he chose to stay either- your Mom is going to be HIS family too. And you needed help- enough said, not his sister's business.
  
  I agree you should stay out of it- let FI deal with it. Don't send anymore texts, don't offer any more explanations (because you don't need to!). Be polite and carry on.
  
  Don't kick FSIL out of the wedding- it only makes you look like the bad guy. If she chooses to step down because she's so pissed, then that's her decision and she'll look bad, not you.
  
  If she says any of this to your face, for sure, be direct and tell her how that it is not appropriate talk and it's rude and hurtful, but unless she does, don't engage her.
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  July 2017

  @Knottie1474162374 , it is considered quite rude to delete your original post, and it is pointless since you were quoted.  Everyone can easily see what you originally asked.  If you ask any question on The Knot, it is polite to leave it up so that if other brides have a similar issue, they can read it.
  

  

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• shoogaroo member

  

  July 2017 edited July 2017

  CMGragain I wasn't meaning to be rude, or trying to delete the forum. I knew I was quoted underneath so  I just wanted to update it as not needing anymore advice on the situation because I felt like everyone clarified it for me. I didn't see any other way to do that and didn't feel a comment would suffice. Next time I know the etiquette for the forums.  
  
  **I added it back up there now. 
  Thank you! 
  
  
  

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• shoogaroo member

  

  July 2017

  Also , the situation seems to be cooling down quite a bit, but just kind of overlooked and avoided now by his sister.

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