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Please, just hire someone!

ahoyweddingahoywedding member
First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
in Budget Weddings Forum
You guys, our siblings are racking up wedding no-no's this summer. My BIL and his wife got married out of the country a couple months ago and had a reception this past weekend.

The reception was a couple hours away from where H & I live. We planned to go down Saturday afternoon since we couldn't check in to the hotel early and we brought our dog, so we couldn't really go anywhere in the meantime. The reception was scheduled to start at 6, but we did plan to get there a little early anyway. Around 4:30, we got a call from MIL, completely flustered. Apparently SIL had asked a friend to help her set up the decorations and pick up the cake, but her friend completely didn't show up. She lives in town and had seen SIL that morning for pedicures sooo IDK what happened. H & I rushed to get ready & headed over to the reception. As soon as we got in, SIL was asking us to do a billion different things, then getting upset if it wasn't exactly like she was thinking in her head. (Like, no one would have noticed if one table only had three candlesticks instead of two...) MIL was arranging the flowers (that she picked up the day before) and left when H & I showed up so she could get dressed. SIL was in her party dress, ordering everyone around. We got everything set up before the other guests arrived, and the venue somehow found a cake, and the night ended up going smoothly. At the end of the evening, SIL did NOT help clean anything up. H & I, BIL and one of BIL's friends carried everything out to the cars & boxed up the decorations. SIL carried out her extra clothes from earlier in the day.

This is why it's not great to depend on friends to do things for you. Had SIL hired a vendor to set up & asked the bakery to deliver the cake, she would have had some recourse. Instead, she risks damaging a friendship, and left her new husband's family feeling kind of salty about the whole thing.
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Re: Please, just hire someone!

  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    My brother and wife got married 20 years ago.  I'm still salty that they ordered us (the WP) to set up the reception.  Mind you they never once asked before the wedding.

    Nope, there was a 3 hour gap.  After the photos we were ordered/summoned by the MIL to start setting up the reception.  In our wedding attire.  


    Most annoying this is my parents have money.  Offered to contribute.  They were turned down because "it's the bride's family's responsibility".  Or so the MOB decided.     Well, they did allow my parents to pay for the bar.  

    So as a result there was a 3 hour gap because we needed to setup the reception after the ceremony.   Mind you they had the venue for the entire day.   My parents were so pissed.  They would have happily hired people to setup the reception so (1) we/they didn't have to and (2) there wouldn't have been a gap. 

    They did hire a bartender (my parents lived overseas and asked them to find someone for them).    Sadly they had him arrive at the same time as the guests. So my dad had to setup the bar.    He was busy giving the WP drinks while we moved tables in velvet dresses.  In AZ, in April.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I'm lucky that we've never been in that position.    I think the only "work the wedding" situation that I requested was that I asked my brother to drop off the flowers at our church for DH and his family and it was a half a mile drive.   Not a huge deal.   

    Now that I've been married a while I've seen some events executed better than others.  And generally, the ones that go better are the ones that appear to have better planning. 
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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2017
    lyndausvi said:
    My brother and wife got married 20 years ago.  I'm still salty that they ordered us (the WP) to set up the reception.  Mind you they never once asked before the wedding.

    Nope, there was a 3 hour gap.  After the photos we were ordered/summoned by the MIL to start setting up the reception.  In our wedding attire.  


    Most annoying this is my parents have money.  Offered to contribute.  They were turned down because "it's the bride's family's responsibility".  Or so the MOB decided.     Well, they did allow my parents to pay for the bar.  

    So as a result there was a 3 hour gap because we needed to setup the reception after the ceremony.   Mind you they had the venue for the entire day.   My parents were so pissed.  They would have happily hired people to setup the reception so (1) we/they didn't have to and (2) there wouldn't have been a gap. 

    They did hire a bartender (my parents lived overseas and asked them to find someone for them).    Sadly they had him arrive at the same time as the guests. So my dad had to setup the bar.    He was busy giving the WP drinks while we moved tables in velvet dresses.  In AZ, in April.   
    OMG, that's awful! Having a gap for scheduling purposes is bad enough, but creating one just to set up decorations is a whole different pile of nope.

    Given that it was 20 years ago, I'd give them a pass on the velvet dress but definitely not in AZ in April!

    ETA: I wouldn't have minded helping, *if* we had been told ahead of time! Generally, my family doesn't leave anywhere without at least offering to help. (BIL & SIL did, however, hightail out of our wedding without even saying good bye, much less offering)
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    My cousin failed to hire anyone to clean up after her wedding, which was held in one of the social rooms in my parents' condo building. Guess who got shanghaied into it.
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    yup.  I hear you.  We were told to be at my friend's venue 2 hours early to help set up.  And then expected to break down too.  I honestly wouldn't even think of using friends and family.  If someone offered, I think I'd tell them "we got it".  We being the staff I hired.  

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