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Wedding Woes
mrsconn23
member
Should I have walked out on the racist nail lady?
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,
Recently I was at a nail salon getting a manicure from a pleasant woman. She told me about her life, her family, and her adjustment to life here in the U.S. since she arrived from Vietnam. She told me she had recently moved from an apartment into a house with her family and how great it was there. Then she looked me dead in the eyes and mouthed “No blacks.” (I’m white.) I was shocked. There were multiple black customers around me in the store, but I don’t think any of them heard. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I didn’t in any way affirm what she said, but I also didn’t challenge her. What should I have done?
—Sorry I Tipped First
Re: Should I have walked out on the racist nail lady?
Or say something like "what do you mean?" that way she has to explain why she's racist.
I'll be honest, I wouldn't walk out with half done nails. But I would definitely say something akin to @MissKittyDanger's examples. At the same time, I would also avoid saying the specific race she was discriminating against. Not for her benefit, but I wouldn't want the customers of that race to feel bad.
Sadly, I've been in this situation quite a few times. It's definitely not the easiest thing to correct a coworker, friend, or almost total stranger. I am always polite and voice my objection in a calm tone. But I always voice my objection. Every. Single. Time. Because it surprises people and I hope makes them think more about their words and attitude. It's the one small thing I can do to help fight the racism and discrimination that pervades our society.
As an aside, the "assumption" those people are making about me is offensive. Like, psstt...now that it's just us white folks...(insert negative stereotype about another group). Because "you know what I mean". No, no. Please do not include me in your hate.
Good point! I'm the kill joy with the serious expression on my face that says, "I don't understand how the violent crime of rape is funny. Or (if a joke about physical abuse). I don't understand how brutally beating someone is funny."
On a more specific rant, it pisses me off every time I see Mike Tyson joking it up on a Comedy Central Roast and now has his own cartoon. He beat his wife throughout their marriage and went to prison for raping a teenager. Why isn't he a pariah? Who are all these people celebrating him?
Whoops, I'm sorry. I forgot we elected a President who thinks one of the "perks" of being a rich guy is sexually assaulting women.
Certainly not making excuses for the nail lady, but could her comment come from a cultural difference? If she is recently from Vietnam would that have any bearing on why she might make a statement like that?
Feel free to bash me for even asking. . . . .
I'm not walking out with half-done nails that I paid for though. Not being a confrontational person, I would have been more likely to give her a blank stare at the comment and stop responding to any of her chit chat.
And then, when I get home, either write to the company or post a Yelp review.
i may have said " i don't get it" or just ignored it, and not gone back - but i would assume there are some cultural differences at play as well.
our neighborhood is fairly diverse, so that type of attitude wouldn't work well in a small local business.
I think I would try to have a conversation with her about this. Being confrontational might scare her off and keep her rooted in her racist ideas, but having an honest talk and mentioning that good neighbours are regardless of colour might make a difference. It really depends on the person.
While I agree on not patronizing businesses that are probably not following labor laws, that has never been my impression from any nail salon I have gone to. In fact, while I don't know this for sure, I've always assumed they work similarly to a hair salon. Where a practitioner usually rents a "spot" in the salon and are essentially their own small business within a business.
As a white woman myself, I will utilize whatever legal businesses I want. Personal services or not and feel zero guilt about it. If a person makes a racial comment at any said business, even if they are a minority and/or immigrant themselves. YEAH, I'll say something. And it isn't a pot/kettle situation because there is nothing racist about purchasing services that a person or company is selling.
I have looked up labour laws - to ensure everything was okay there - and I couldn't find anything weird.
End of the day, I will continue to go to that place because of their customer service aspect.
*edit: for reference, I say "Asian" because I'm not sure where abouts they are from and don't want to assume
That is shocking and very sad...and in NYC, no less, where usually nothing is cheaper than it is where I live! So that is good evidence (to me) that nail techs there are underpaid.
The prices in my area are about the same as your bolded. A new set of normal acrylics are $25-$30 and fills are $12-$15.
I'm not getting what being a rich white woman has to do with speaking up against racism. And I personally don't believe that one needs to be perfect in order to speak out against racist ideas/behavior. Unless you, too, are a racist, it wouldn't be "the pot calling the kettle."
I consider getting my hair done a personal service as I can color it at home as well. I consider taking clothes to a dry cleaner a personal service as well. Although I do not employ one, I consider a house keeper to be the ultimate personal service. And just because I may solicit these businesses in no way implies that I am wealthy.
@mircakes If someone wants to walk out halfway through a predicure or not tip or complain to management, be my guest. Racism is messed up no matter who says it, but it is easier to feel high and mighty when you witness overt racism. I just certainly hope you're also calling out white friends for microagressions and more subtle, covert racism, which is super common.