I'm getting married next month and one of my BMs is getting married a few months later. For the few months that I was engaged before her, it was all about how she should've been engaged already rather than being happy for me. Then, they got engaged and everything became about her wedding and she was being really petty. Things have recently changed and gotten better between us, since we both are in each other's weddings and realized that we could go through this together.
However, her bridal shower was planned during this 'pettiness' and it was planned a week after my wedding. It felt as if it was like 'your wedding is done, onto mine.' She says she doesn't know about the date and that it's a surprise, fine. But when another bridesmaid (a family member) texted us telling us the date, not even the maid of honor knew what it was. So no one checked with the bridal party to see if the date worked. When I said 'oh, I wish I knew, I'll be on my honeymoon,' she was extremely rude and told me that I didn't understand their 'culture' and that it wasn't about me, it was about the bride. I said I do understand but that I won't be able to make it.
Moving on, bride is having a bachelorette party that requires a flight and will be about $1000 overall, requiring new shoes and a dress, $200, plus hotel, gift for shower, gift for wedding, it's going to get pricey. I understood that going into it but now the SAME bridesmaid who is planning the shower without filling in the NON-family members who are also in the wedding, texted us today to tell us that we have to each pitch in $50-70 for the decorations/games/prizes/joint gift for the bridal shower. I said that I already got her a gift because I wasn't aware of the joint gift and I was told that I could just pitch in $50 then.
My gift to her was more than the $20 that they're "taking off" and I don't think that I should be required to pitch in this money. The bridesmaid who has decided to take charge isn't even coming to the expensive bachelorette so I find it rude that she's demanding money from us. I'm happy to get some prizes for games/prepare a game since I won't be able to make it, but to demand money for decorations is a little ridiculous. Am I wrong? We're also not the ones hosting the shower for her.