Should I have walked out on the racist nail lady?

southernbelle0915 · August 2017

STARMOON44 said:

Mircakes said:

STARMOON44 said:

I'm already a rich white lady paying a non-white immigrant to perform a personal service for me at a business I surely strongly suspect isn't following the labor laws. Seems a bit pot kettle for me to call her racist in this situation.

I don't really get this comment, maybe you could explain.

I'm not getting what being a rich white woman has to do with speaking up against racism. And I personally don't believe that one needs to be perfect in order to speak out against racist ideas/behavior. Unless you, too, are a racist, it wouldn't be "the pot calling the kettle."

I mean that I'm the privileged one in the situation. I'm the one with the power. I'm the one knowingly participating in something I know isn't ideal. If you're thinking you're getting a $25 pedicure and she's being paid legally you're dreaming. Just seems a bit off to me in those circumstances to then be all high and mighty and flounce out when she isn't perfect either. There's plenty of racism to fight coming from my equally privileged white folks; I don't feel the need to be particularly on top of someone vulnerable about it. I don't think what she said was good or right I just don't think it's my place to be shocked and outraged. Obvi most of you disagree that's just where I'm coming from.

THIS.

There's a reason pedicures at places like this are cheap. There's all kinds of reporting that these places are havens for poor worker treatment, exploitation, and sometimes even human trafficking and modern slavery.

Like it's fine to basically support businesses that exploit their workers and potentially even participate in modern day slavery, but one of these workers saying "no blacks"...THAT'S the reason you walk out?

DrillSergeantCat · August 2017

STARMOON44 said:
I mean that I'm the privileged one in the situation. I'm the one with the power. I'm the one knowingly participating in something I know isn't ideal. If you're thinking you're getting a $25 pedicure and she's being paid legally you're dreaming. Just seems a bit off to me in those circumstances to then be all high and mighty and flounce out when she isn't perfect either. There's plenty of racism to fight coming from my equally privileged white folks; I don't feel the need to be particularly on top of someone vulnerable about it. I don't think what she said was good or right I just don't think it's my place to be shocked and outraged. Obvi most of you disagree that's just where I'm coming from.

Now that you explained it in more detail I get what you're saying and i agree with you.

Mircakes said:
Yeah, that's no excuse. Racism exists all around the world (especially racism against black people), and it is never ok. There is no "cultural difference" that makes it ok. Her coming from Vietnam does not explain or excuse her behavior.

But that is their culture so while it's not okay to our American/UK/Canadian/Australian cultures, it's probably new to her. These are people that are first generation immigrants who have not adapted to the cultural mores of their new country. Their children will grow up knowing that black people aren't bad and subsequent generations will become more and more Americanized.

charlotte989875 · August 2017

southernbelle0915 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Mircakes said:

STARMOON44 said:

I'm already a rich white lady paying a non-white immigrant to perform a personal service for me at a business I surely strongly suspect isn't following the labor laws. Seems a bit pot kettle for me to call her racist in this situation.

I don't really get this comment, maybe you could explain.

I'm not getting what being a rich white woman has to do with speaking up against racism. And I personally don't believe that one needs to be perfect in order to speak out against racist ideas/behavior. Unless you, too, are a racist, it wouldn't be "the pot calling the kettle."

I mean that I'm the privileged one in the situation. I'm the one with the power. I'm the one knowingly participating in something I know isn't ideal. If you're thinking you're getting a $25 pedicure and she's being paid legally you're dreaming. Just seems a bit off to me in those circumstances to then be all high and mighty and flounce out when she isn't perfect either. There's plenty of racism to fight coming from my equally privileged white folks; I don't feel the need to be particularly on top of someone vulnerable about it. I don't think what she said was good or right I just don't think it's my place to be shocked and outraged. Obvi most of you disagree that's just where I'm coming from.

THIS.

There's a reason pedicures at places like this are cheap. There's all kinds of reporting that these places are havens for poor worker treatment, exploitation, and sometimes even human trafficking and modern slavery.

Like it's fine to basically support businesses that exploit their workers and potentially even participate in modern day slavery, but one of these workers saying "no blacks"...THAT'S the reason you walk out?

But there is huge variation in this. I get what you're both saying if this is a business that is exploiting works, and maybe I'm seeing this from a different lens because my salon is all american workers (and a pedi costs more than $25), but if my technician is overtly being racist I'm going to say something/leave/not just sit there. Then again, I'm not supporting a business that is exploring the workers either.

MissKittyDanger · August 2017

STARMOON44 said:
I mean that I'm the privileged one in the situation. I'm the one with the power. I'm the one knowingly participating in something I know isn't ideal. If you're thinking you're getting a $25 pedicure and she's being paid legally you're dreaming. Just seems a bit off to me in those circumstances to then be all high and mighty and flounce out when she isn't perfect either. There's plenty of racism to fight coming from my equally privileged white folks; I don't feel the need to be particularly on top of someone vulnerable about it. I don't think what she said was good or right I just don't think it's my place to be shocked and outraged. Obvi most of you disagree that's just where I'm coming from.

I get where you are coming from, but majority of nail places that AREN'T in a spa - ie; stand alone salons - are about that price near me.
I'd rather go to those places than a spa anyways, because they are more apt to treat me better than a spa and aren't snobby.
{note: bad personal experience at a spa - not all places are like that}

kimmiinthemitten · August 2017

@starmoon44 I totally get what you're saying and agree with you. It's easy to call out overt racism, and hypocritical to do so when not recognizing micro-agrressions or "diet racism" as you encounter it. I'm not saying someone is a racist if they don't call out every single overt or implied racist thing they encounter, I wish I could say I have but it's a lie. I just believe strongly that it's important to self-reflect and recognize your own subconscious thoughts, prejudices and actions in any situation. And in that note, yes, it's classist at minimum to call out overt racist behavior when taking advantage of exploited immigrants.

STARMOON44 · August 2017

MissKittyDanger said:

STARMOON44 said:
I mean that I'm the privileged one in the situation. I'm the one with the power. I'm the one knowingly participating in something I know isn't ideal. If you're thinking you're getting a $25 pedicure and she's being paid legally you're dreaming. Just seems a bit off to me in those circumstances to then be all high and mighty and flounce out when she isn't perfect either. There's plenty of racism to fight coming from my equally privileged white folks; I don't feel the need to be particularly on top of someone vulnerable about it. I don't think what she said was good or right I just don't think it's my place to be shocked and outraged. Obvi most of you disagree that's just where I'm coming from.

I get where you are coming from, but majority of nail places that AREN'T in a spa - ie; stand alone salons - are about that price near me.
I'd rather go to those places than a spa anyways, because they are more apt to treat me better than a spa and aren't snobby.
{note: bad personal experience at a spa - not all places are like that}

Oh me too! They're all about that price, they all exploit their workers, I go anyway. Nothing about it is ideal.

MissKittyDanger · August 2017

STARMOON44 said:

MissKittyDanger said:

STARMOON44 said:
I mean that I'm the privileged one in the situation. I'm the one with the power. I'm the one knowingly participating in something I know isn't ideal. If you're thinking you're getting a $25 pedicure and she's being paid legally you're dreaming. Just seems a bit off to me in those circumstances to then be all high and mighty and flounce out when she isn't perfect either. There's plenty of racism to fight coming from my equally privileged white folks; I don't feel the need to be particularly on top of someone vulnerable about it. I don't think what she said was good or right I just don't think it's my place to be shocked and outraged. Obvi most of you disagree that's just where I'm coming from.

I get where you are coming from, but majority of nail places that AREN'T in a spa - ie; stand alone salons - are about that price near me.
I'd rather go to those places than a spa anyways, because they are more apt to treat me better than a spa and aren't snobby.
{note: bad personal experience at a spa - not all places are like that}

Oh me too! They're all about that price, they all exploit their workers, I go anyway. Nothing about it is ideal.

I'm not sure about all places, but the one I mentioned before {the one I always go to

} the owner works on people like the other employees. I think that place is safe to say not exploited.
Owner actually made sure she was there when we booked my bachelorette party to get our nails done because she wanted to do mine :')

Mircakes · August 2017

eileenrob said:

STARMOON44 said:

Mircakes said:

STARMOON44 said:

I'm already a rich white lady paying a non-white immigrant to perform a personal service for me at a business I surely strongly suspect isn't following the labor laws. Seems a bit pot kettle for me to call her racist in this situation.

I don't really get this comment, maybe you could explain.

I'm not getting what being a rich white woman has to do with speaking up against racism. And I personally don't believe that one needs to be perfect in order to speak out against racist ideas/behavior. Unless you, too, are a racist, it wouldn't be "the pot calling the kettle."

I mean that I'm the privileged one in the situation. I'm the one with the power. I'm the one knowingly participating in something I know isn't ideal. If you're thinking you're getting a $25 pedicure and she's being paid legally you're dreaming. Just seems a bit off to me in those circumstances to then be all high and mighty and flounce out when she isn't perfect either. There's plenty of racism to fight coming from my equally privileged white folks; I don't feel the need to be particularly on top of someone vulnerable about it. I don't think what she said was good or right I just don't think it's my place to be shocked and outraged. Obvi most of you disagree that's just where I'm coming from.

^ I knew where you were coming from @STARMOON44.
@mircakes If someone wants to walk out halfway through a predicure or not tip or complain to management, be my guest. Racism is messed up no matter who says it, but it is easier to feel high and mighty when you witness overt racism. I just certainly hope you're also calling out white friends for microagressions and more subtle, covert racism, which is super common.

As a black woman, you can bet your bottom that I do call it out. I am not saying you should storm out of the nail salon, but if you are a person who witnesses the spread of racism/prejudice and you just turn a blind eye to it, you are a part of the problem. Plain and simple.

Mircakes · August 2017

STARMOON44 said:

Mircakes said:

STARMOON44 said:

I'm already a rich white lady paying a non-white immigrant to perform a personal service for me at a business I surely strongly suspect isn't following the labor laws. Seems a bit pot kettle for me to call her racist in this situation.

I don't really get this comment, maybe you could explain.

I'm not getting what being a rich white woman has to do with speaking up against racism. And I personally don't believe that one needs to be perfect in order to speak out against racist ideas/behavior. Unless you, too, are a racist, it wouldn't be "the pot calling the kettle."

I mean that I'm the privileged one in the situation. I'm the one with the power. I'm the one knowingly participating in something I know isn't ideal. If you're thinking you're getting a $25 pedicure and she's being paid legally you're dreaming. Just seems a bit off to me in those circumstances to then be all high and mighty and flounce out when she isn't perfect either. There's plenty of racism to fight coming from my equally privileged white folks; I don't feel the need to be particularly on top of someone vulnerable about it. I don't think what she said was good or right I just don't think it's my place to be shocked and outraged. Obvi most of you disagree that's just where I'm coming from.

Being a privileged person does not mean that you cannot speak up against racism, and in fact, being a person of privilege puts you in an excellent position to serve as an ally to marginalized groups. Saying "I won't say anything because I'm a rich white woman" is a cop-out. As I said to someone else, I'm not saying you should storm out of the nail salon, but you can acknowledge that the comment was racist. And again, it isn't the pot calling the kettle black... unless you agree with what she is saying.

STARMOON44 · August 2017

Mircakes said:

STARMOON44 said:

Mircakes said:

STARMOON44 said:

I'm already a rich white lady paying a non-white immigrant to perform a personal service for me at a business I surely strongly suspect isn't following the labor laws. Seems a bit pot kettle for me to call her racist in this situation.

I don't really get this comment, maybe you could explain.

I'm not getting what being a rich white woman has to do with speaking up against racism. And I personally don't believe that one needs to be perfect in order to speak out against racist ideas/behavior. Unless you, too, are a racist, it wouldn't be "the pot calling the kettle."

I mean that I'm the privileged one in the situation. I'm the one with the power. I'm the one knowingly participating in something I know isn't ideal. If you're thinking you're getting a $25 pedicure and she's being paid legally you're dreaming. Just seems a bit off to me in those circumstances to then be all high and mighty and flounce out when she isn't perfect either. There's plenty of racism to fight coming from my equally privileged white folks; I don't feel the need to be particularly on top of someone vulnerable about it. I don't think what she said was good or right I just don't think it's my place to be shocked and outraged. Obvi most of you disagree that's just where I'm coming from.

Being a privileged person does not mean that you cannot speak up against racism, and in fact, being a person of privilege puts you in an excellent position to serve as an ally to marginalized groups. Saying "I won't say anything because I'm a rich white woman" is a cop-out. As I said to someone else, I'm not saying you should storm out of the nail salon, but you can acknowledge that the comment was racist. And again, it isn't the pot calling the kettle black... unless you agree with what she is saying.

That's not at all what I'm saying.

kimmiinthemitten · August 2017

STARMOON44 said:

Mircakes said:

STARMOON44 said:

Mircakes said:

STARMOON44 said:

I'm already a rich white lady paying a non-white immigrant to perform a personal service for me at a business I surely strongly suspect isn't following the labor laws. Seems a bit pot kettle for me to call her racist in this situation.

I don't really get this comment, maybe you could explain.

I'm not getting what being a rich white woman has to do with speaking up against racism. And I personally don't believe that one needs to be perfect in order to speak out against racist ideas/behavior. Unless you, too, are a racist, it wouldn't be "the pot calling the kettle."

I mean that I'm the privileged one in the situation. I'm the one with the power. I'm the one knowingly participating in something I know isn't ideal. If you're thinking you're getting a $25 pedicure and she's being paid legally you're dreaming. Just seems a bit off to me in those circumstances to then be all high and mighty and flounce out when she isn't perfect either. There's plenty of racism to fight coming from my equally privileged white folks; I don't feel the need to be particularly on top of someone vulnerable about it. I don't think what she said was good or right I just don't think it's my place to be shocked and outraged. Obvi most of you disagree that's just where I'm coming from.

Being a privileged person does not mean that you cannot speak up against racism, and in fact, being a person of privilege puts you in an excellent position to serve as an ally to marginalized groups. Saying "I won't say anything because I'm a rich white woman" is a cop-out. As I said to someone else, I'm not saying you should storm out of the nail salon, but you can acknowledge that the comment was racist. And again, it isn't the pot calling the kettle black... unless you agree with what she is saying.

That's not at all what I'm saying.

It's pot calling the kettle black because you're calling a person out on their overtly racist comment while benefiting from a less obvious racist situation. I mean it's not anglo-immigrants we're paying $25 to touch our feet. I agree that with privilege comes a responsibility and as much as I try I am not always 100% on checking people, especially when it's less obvious, and it's something I commit to working on daily. And I appreciate your input @mircakes, we (as in all humans) don't have this conversation enough in a way where we can openly disagree and learn.

MobKaz · August 2017

I'm curious about reactions regarding this alleged situation. An opportunity to say something directly, which she has had no issue doing in the past, but chose to take another route......Do as I say, not as I do?

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/lena-dunham-american-airlines-flight-attendants-transphobic-1026410

southernbelle0915 · August 2017

MobKaz said:

I'm curious about reactions regarding this alleged situation. An opportunity to say something directly, which she has had no issue doing in the past, but chose to take another route......Do as I say, not as I do?

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/lena-dunham-american-airlines-flight-attendants-transphobic-1026410

I'm going to get some shit for this....I've heard her name before but I don't really know who Lena Dunham is other than what Wikipedia tells me, which doesn't ring any bells. I don't really watch TV or read star magazines.

I'm also interested if people here would speak up or not. In different situations on these boards where someone may be being hurt (like cheating or controlling), the general advice is "it's not your business, stay out of it". So I'm wondering if that same mentality applies here.

If someone says or does something blatantly discriminatory to me, I will usually say something like "yikes, that's pretty racist/sexist/ableist/whatever" and move on. But for the most part, I speak with my voting, my free time (volunteering, activism, etc.), and my dollars (who to support, what charities/organizations to give to, etc.).

Should I have walked out on the racist nail lady?

Re: Should I have walked out on the racist nail lady?

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