Hey all, just trying to check myself. So, a good friend of mine has taken on the monumental task of planning her wedding in about four months (!). She started off being so chill, and basically asked the eight or nine of us in the bridal party to just get a not-floor-length navy dress. Cool! Done.
The thing is, there is this online message I'm in with all of the bridal party, including a few people out of state. One girl keeps asking questions that prompt the bride to make more and more specific choices, which are becoming kind of limiting, in my opinion.
The most recent of these is shoe height. I don't mind being dictated a color of shoe, but all of a sudden I'm reading that we're apparently supposed to wear flats? Although that's super comfy, I like to wear at least a short heel, and it's sounding like she will be displeased if that's what I show up in. Apparently she is looking for "as much uniformity as possible" while giving us at least some choice. But "light grey flats" doesn't feel like a lot of choice, especially since now there are all these other details we are supposed to pay attention to.
TL;DR - Is it shitty of me to be annoyed at the dictation of shoe height? Slash, would it be terrible to just kind of ignore this little instruction? I just want a liiiiiiiittle heel.
Re: Am I being unreasonable about shoes?
I would not bother to inform the bride of your choice. I cannot imagine the bride will turn you away the day of the wedding if you show up in the right colored shoe with the wrong heel height. I would almost dare her to notice.
The next time this "renegade" BM asks a question, offer to help her before the bride can intercede and make another change.
Anyway, I would mention to her that you'd be really uncomfortable conforming to flats, and that it seemed like she wasn't really that concerned with a WP uniform, and ask if she'd be ok with you just choosing shoes that you're comfortable with. Hopefully it will open her eyes. I'm sure you're not the only one getting annoyed with one BM trying to create a uniform.
Lol, renegade bridesmaid is gonna be a problem. She asked what color jewelry we should wear! I was like, "Really? NO ONE is going to be looking that close." Put a sock in it, girl!
"light grey flats" = you need to buy something. That's the difference.
It doesn't sound like she ever consulted anyone's budget ahead of time or said "sounds like budget for attire is $100 - pick any dress you want, but leave enough room for grey flats if you don't already have them". That never happened. So yea, the request boarders on out of line.
This is a pick your battles situation. If you truly can't afford the shoes (or simply don't want to), let her (not the group text) know you'll just be wearing "flats". If you can afford the shoes and don't want this battle, just buy the shoes, grumble a bit and get over it.
I'm trying to picture a situation where I would actually be saying, "OMG, all the BMs are wearing grey flats, but that ONE right there is wearing grey flats with a kitten heel (pearl clutching)." Yeah, there isn't one, lol.
@nightnerd, I doubt the bride will saying anything if you show up wearing a short heel. At least I'd hope not. But, if she does, I'd probably just pass it off with a, "Oh, huh, I thought these were short enough." You really don't even have to explain but, on someone's wedding day, I'd try to just keep a mellow, it's NBD attitude.
Also, light gray is kind of a hard color to match. If she wants uniformity, she'd be better off choosing a color vs. heel height.
I like the suggestion of gently asking her if she would lose her crap over a tiny heel, as that would make you more comfortable. And then ignore anything else this renegade BM brings up!!
IDK, man. I have pewter-ish flats that I might have gotten away with if she hadn't specified "light" grey. I don't wear a ton of flats, so I'm gonna have to buy new shoes regardless; I'd just like to be able to get something I might actually wear again. But I think she'll get over a one- or two-inch heel if it's the right color; and if not, that's a darn shame.
I think as plenty of PPs said, pick your battles. Just say, "Hey if you need us in flats these are the ones I have."
Honestly, I would do something along the lines of @banana468's suggestion. In a private text, I would say, "Here is a picture of the flats I have. Hope this works!" and let it go. No two short navy dresses will be an identical shade, and no two light grey shoes will, either. Simply by having one wear patent leather and another leather will make them different. Thankfully, that has yet to be specified.
Don't ask the bride if you can wear a kitten heel, don't tell her you're going to wear a kitten heel- that opens the door into giving her control over things that she doesn't need control over. Just pick the shoes you want to wear and show up wearing them.
If you don't know the renegade well enough to tell her to just STFU already, just ignore her questions and then whatever follows if the Bride starts to micromanage everything on your body because of this particular BM.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Also, some people struggle with closed-toe shoes. I have a coworker who can only wear tennies or boots for closed-toe shoes; anything else causes her a lot of pain. IDK if it's the way her toes or her feet are shaped or what, but as long as there's not snow, she's wearing some sort of dressy strappy sandal to work. Closed-toe dressy shoes are often uncomfortable.
Your friend sounds like she has a strong personality, and I can understand why you are sick of hearing every opinion. Hopefully she will chill out, but in the meantime, I don't know if it's worth it to insist upon closed-toe shoes. She can freeze her toes off, and you won't even notice because you'll be too busy getting married!
I have incredibly hard to fit skis for feet, shoes are one area I firmly say "just dictate the color if you're going to dictate anything on the shoes!"..
NO ONE IS GOING TO SEE THEIR SHOES. Can you honestly tell me that you can remember what shoes the BMs wore at any past wedding you've attended? I don't even remember what color/type of shoe my MOH wore.
Practicality? So what? If she wants to have cold feet, that's her problem. Let it go, dude.
Funny I was just talking about this to one of my friends. I told the girls "black shoes. Idc if it's heels, flats, wedges, etc as long as you're comfortable. Don't worry about buying new shoes if you have a pair."
My friend opted to buy new shoes {any excuse for new shoes
We laughed because it's been 2 years and that's first time it was noticed!!
Yes, so the point that no one remembers what shoes the BMs wear still stands. Even if they're visible, no one cares. I'm sure I've been to some weddings where the BM shoes were all black. Wait, no, I'm not sure. I have no idea what shoes the BMs wore, ever.
So it's still a silly thing to stress over or have any conflict whatsoever with your family or friends.
If you're telling the truth that you want closed toe because of the weather, and she decides to go with open toe, she'll just have cold feet. 100% not your problem. Do you call her every morning in April to remind her to take an umbrella to work in case it rains? She can dress herself for the weather or deal with the consequences. There's no need to micromanage this!