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Fiance's Family Member Causing Trouble

Knottie6c28020f4eef25e0Knottie6c28020f4eef25e0 member
Second Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Woes

My fiancé’s cousin is marrying my co-worker, though we were engaged first and booked the venue before they got engaged they decided to get married three months after us at the same location (a location that another family member has previously used. This does not bother my fiancé or me at all. We understand that it is a wedding venue and we would never be the only couple using it. However, it seems to bother my co-worker. She has turned the wedding planning process into a competition and has gotten angry with me over booking a DJ they had talked about (which I had no idea) or wanting similar things for décor or invitations.

I have tried to talk to her and tell her that if there is anything she has her heart set on to let me know and I won’t do it for our wedding. But she is refusing to communicate with me. She is keeping all of their wedding plans a secret and causing tension in the office. Things are especially tense over her soon to be SIL who also works with us. Her FSIL wants to be an event planner and tries to contribute to both our weddings and another (non-related) co-worker with ideas, suggestions and vendors. I am close with her FSIL but they do not get along and she is getting mad that she would contribute to our wedding, but it does not bother her when her FSIL helps with the non-related co-worker.

I am not sure what more I can do to play nice and keep things civil, which I desperately want to do because not only do we work together but we are going to be family. Her fiance is even one of my fiance's groomsman. Any ideas on how I can smooth this over so that we can both enjoy this time would be greatly appreciated!

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Re: Fiance's Family Member Causing Trouble

  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Keep wedding talk out of the office, as much as possible.  Especially keep wedding talk with her to a minimum.  If someone asks you a question, use a short, polite answer and bean dip (change subject).  Like, "Thanks for asking, but we haven't decided on X yet.  Did you know they moved this week's TPS report's due date, up by one day?"

    If the FSIL wants to help you with your wedding and you want her help, schedule planning sessions outside the office.

    You have already opened the door that, if there is something she specifically wants for just her wedding, to let you know.  Of course, you didn't even need to do that.  But at least now you have an "easy out".  If she throws a fit because you're using HER florist (or whatever), you can reply back with, "Oh!  I'm so sorry (not) my bouquet is Stargazer Lilies also, you should have said something if you didn't want me to use Florist A and have Lilies as one of my flowers."

    She sounds like she will be a big PITA, no matter what you do.  Because how dare you get married in her wedding year, lol.  Rise above it.  Especially in the work place.  Keep the polite and professional face on, even when she is causing tension.  She's the one who will look petty.

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  • Knottie6c28020f4eef25e0Knottie6c28020f4eef25e0 member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    Thank you for the suggestions. I will give it a try, maybe she will turn around. I guess if she doesn't there really isn't anything I can do. At least I can say I tried.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    southernbelle0915 said:
    If I were the owner of this company or managing this office, I would be really pissed that my employees were spending company time talking about and planning their weddings. And royally pissed that the FSIL employee is using my employees (and my company time/dollars) to drum up business for her event planning side gig. 

    Everyone: Knock it off. Get back to work.

    So cousin wants to keep all her stuff private? Great! That means you don't have to talk to her about the wedding at all. Do not ask about her wedding. Do not talk to her about yours. Keep conversation to the weather, work related stuff (when at work) and other things you have in common. 
    All of this.   Leave wedding planning outside the work place.
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If talking wedding at work is causing problems, stop talking wedding at work. Yes, it's not you causing the tension, but the result is the same. And sure it seems silly she wants to keep everything private and is worried about things that don't matter (I.e. Not wanting the same DJ) but that's what it is. It's a bummer you can't both enjoy this time together, bounce ideas, share tips, but she's not into that so I think it's best to leave it be. 
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