@kwiksilverI am doing the same thing that all the other wedding I have been to and been apart of have done.
Interpret that as you will.
Oh boy, so because every other wedding you've been to has been hosted poorly, you feel the need to follow suit? Excellent choice. No need to go out of your way to make people not want to gossip about you. Btw, what do you think people are going to do in that gap?
My fiancé gave me this advice...I knew I loved him :-)
Of course. That makes perfect sense. But that applies to things like your cake flavors, serving chicken florentine instead of chicken marsala or having salmon instead of swordfish as your fish option.
It doesn't mean that you can roll your eyes and shrug your shoulders when people see that you post you're about to do something that's patently rude. What you've proposed thus far is just not nice. It's not the worst thing in the world, but that hardly means that it's OK.
Sure. There are people who will never be happy even when you host them well, and then there's just straight up treating them poorly for selfish reasons and expecting them to be okay with it because other people have also done it. The latter is what you are doing, and it's not something either to strive for or be complacent about.
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding years ago. After the ceremony, waiter came up and asked if he could get me a drink. I said yes, and ordered. A friend next to me that was not in the wedding party asked the waiter, "Can I order a drink too?" and the waiter replied, "I'm sorry, I'm only serving the bridal party members". I was SHOCKED, as was my friend. And it was the talk of our friend group for a long time. Guests were very turned off by this, and it left an impression.
1) OP comes to a forum asking for strangers to solve their problem; 2) OP gets consistent advice from random, independent strangers; 3) advice is not what OP wanted random strangers to say 4) OP gets very defensive and says "well I can be rude because other people are too" and alludes to "at least my husband/family/friends love me" and flounces. 5) OP does whatever she wants, wasting her's and everyone else's time.
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding years ago. After the ceremony, waiter came up and asked if he could get me a drink. I said yes, and ordered. A friend next to me that was not in the wedding party asked the waiter, "Can I order a drink too?" and the waiter replied, "I'm sorry, I'm only serving the bridal party members". I was SHOCKED, as was my friend. And it was the talk of our friend group for a long time. Guests were very turned off by this, and it left an impression.
I also dealt with this firsthand when DH was in a wedding. We were new to being a couple but had been friends for the better part of a decade. I was annoyed that I was split from him for the reception while he sat at the head table (but everyone did it so it was OK, right?!?) but when the waiter CHARGED ME for a Diet Coke I was pissed. To make matters worse DH sauntered up to me later and told me that the wedding party was drinking for free. I told him that meant he was getting my next cocktail.
I can tell you that the table of our mutual friends DID find out, they didn't like it and people DID talk.
1) OP comes to a forum asking for strangers to solve their problem; 2) OP gets consistent advice from random, independent strangers; 3) advice is not what OP wanted random strangers to say 4) OP gets very defensive and says "well I can be rude because other people are too" and alludes to "at least my husband/family/friends love me" and flounces. 5) OP does whatever she wants, wasting her's and everyone else's time.
OP to answer your original question, beer/wine/champagne is fine. The whole picture-taking should take an hour max.
Agree with PP that if you're worried about your FI being peer pressured that's a separate talk with him. Also agree with PP that gaps are rude (I'm catholic and avoided one) and different treatment for WP and parents is rude.
ETA: just read the rest of the comments and as an Italian-American/avid baker/sweet lover, in Nutella's defense, Nutella's goal from the get-go is to please everyone. Not treat its tasters differently. Or hold them hostage. No need to bring Nutella into all this.
@augustgirl21, please understand that there are rules that should be followed for important events like a wedding. These rules are written down in very good etiquette guides. My favorite is Miss Manners Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding. It is a fun read, written with a sense of humor, but no nonsense. I think you should read this book immediately, and it should really help you plan a proper wedding that won't upset your guests and make you look like a rude, self centered bride. Being Catholic is no excuse. Catholic brides need to consult with their priests before planning anything about their wedding to avoid rude gaps. Just because you have seen other people do rude things at their weddings does not mean that you should do rude things at your wedding. Please read this book.
OP probably isn't coming back, but I was in a wedding like this years ago. Our pictures lasted FOREVER and there was no "party bus." We were told not to drink before the reception, but guess what? We did. The bride's parents paid for everything except alcohol, so there was no open bar or even free beer/wine BUT certain members of the WP got free drinks. The bride was one of my best friends, but I wasn't included in that group. Guess what? Someone who was ordered for me (and another friend).
Looking back, a lot of things about that wedding were rude, but we were like 22 and I didn't know better at the time. There was nothing hosted for the guests while we were taking pictures, and the wedding was in the middle of nowhere so guests were kind of stuck at the reception venue. It was like 10 years ago and the couple has since divorced. We're still friends, but I still use it as an example of one of the least-etiquette weddings I've been to. Just think about that.
As much as the whole world seems to love Nutella, it is one of my all-time least favorite foods. It does not "quite" reach the level of "gag" gross, but it comes pretty close. It is just so disgustingly sweet, I cannot stand it.
The chocolate part of it also just tastes "off". I normally like the taste of hazelnuts, so I don't think it's that.
But hey, me and @kaos16 are just that inevitable "exception to the rule", lol. And further proof that...no, you can't make everyone happy. Even with a Nutella jar, lol.
My fiancé gave me this advice...I knew I loved him :-)
So your solution is to be a complete asshole to everyone?
If you can't see any reason to treat your guests with some common decency and good manners, you are far too selfish and immature to be getting married. Inviting guests to your wedding is not meant to be a punishment.
As much as the whole world seems to love Nutella, it is one of my all-time least favorite foods. It does not "quite" reach the level of "gag" gross, but it comes pretty close. It is just so disgustingly sweet, I cannot stand it.
The chocolate part of it also just tastes "off". I normally like the taste of hazelnuts, so I don't think it's that.
But hey, me and @kaos16 are just that inevitable "exception to the rule", lol. And further proof that...no, you can't make everyone happy. Even with a Nutella jar, lol.
SITB
No offense taken my H doesn't like Nutella either! Not for everyone...
I would be so pissed if I went to a wedding and saw someone holding a Schlafly Pale Ale and I went to order one and was told, "Sorry. That's for the bridal party only. You get bud light." Gee - thanks.
This issue came up with OP on a local board. If I remember correctly, the justification is that people love gaps because out of towners can go back to their hotel and relax and locals can go let their dogs out.
I would be so pissed if I went to a wedding and saw someone holding a Schlafly Pale Ale and I went to order one and was told, "Sorry. That's for the bridal party only. You get bud light." Gee - thanks.
This issue came up with OP on a local board. If I remember correctly, the justification is that people love gaps because out of towners can go back to their hotel and relax and locals can go let their dogs out.
You have GOT to be kidding me! Gaps are rude. I have been to several Catholic weddings with no gaps. It is all about proper planning.
If you're going to do this in spite of our strongly urging you not to, don't be surprised if the party bus arrives at the reception venue to find a much smaller number of guests, perhaps none at all, awaiting you at the reception, than if you'd not gone off on a party bus at all.
I would be so pissed if I went to a wedding and saw someone holding a Schlafly Pale Ale and I went to order one and was told, "Sorry. That's for the bridal party only. You get bud light." Gee - thanks.
This issue came up with OP on a local board. If I remember correctly, the justification is that people love gaps because out of towners can go back to their hotel and relax and locals can go let their dogs out.
SITB
I don't get this at all. If there is no gap, then there is no need for anyone to let their dog out (in between), or for the OOT guests to relax at their hotel (relax from what? what is so taxing about a ceremony?). Guests are free to leave in the evening whenever they wish.
@kwiksilverI am doing the same thing that all the other wedding I have been to and been apart of have done.
Interpret that as you will.
You're obviously doing exactly as you have been advised not to.
Since you're going to do what you want, extend the same courtesy to them. Let them drink as much as they want on the bus, because it's the least you could do for being ridiculous and dragging them hither and yon just because you've only been to rude-ass weddings.
Once the ceremony is over, why do you care what anyone in your WP does? Their roles have been fulfilled, they should now be free to enjoy the day like any other guest.
If you're insisting on making them bus all over the world to watch you take hipster photojournalistic photos, for the love of God PLEASE make sure there is food on the bus! After going through the getting ready together hoopla, and the ceremony, I guarantee they are going to be hungry. And nothing gets ppl shitfaced faster than drinking on an empty stomach.
Think about it- your Aunt is feeding your guests a lunch during your gap- that means you are planning on a substantial gap, otherwise why wouldn't everyone just go straight to cocktail hour to eat? So your Aunt is going to spend several hours feeding your guests. . . you need to make sure you have substantial food on your party bus for your WP- a sandwich ring, cheese and crackers, options that are more substantial than chips and pretzels.
I've been in a WP a ton of times now, in a few instances we did this party bus thing and it was great- why? 1. It was only about an hour, 2. there was actual food involved, and 3. the couple didn't care if we were drinking or not. . . in fact the point of the bus was for us to have a mobile cocktail hour while we were all traveling between the ceremony site and reception venue and taking pics.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
As much as the whole world seems to love Nutella, it is one of my all-time least favorite foods. It does not "quite" reach the level of "gag" gross, but it comes pretty close. It is just so disgustingly sweet, I cannot stand it.
The chocolate part of it also just tastes "off". I normally like the taste of hazelnuts, so I don't think it's that.
But hey, me and @kaos16 are just that inevitable "exception to the rule", lol. And further proof that...no, you can't make everyone happy. Even with a Nutella jar, lol.
I can't stand Nutella, either. It's the hazelnuts I don't care for.
I also hate almond flavored anything and in my area where a particular Burnt Almond Torte is a big then, I'm considered a freak.
Bleh!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Re: Party Bus/Limo no alcohol
2) OP gets consistent advice from random, independent strangers;
3) advice is not what OP wanted random strangers to say
4) OP gets very defensive and says "well I can be rude because other people are too" and alludes to "at least my husband/family/friends love me" and flounces.
5) OP does whatever she wants, wasting her's and everyone else's time.
Am I missing anything?
I can tell you that the table of our mutual friends DID find out, they didn't like it and people DID talk.
Agree with PP that if you're worried about your FI being peer pressured that's a separate talk with him.
Also agree with PP that gaps are rude (I'm catholic and avoided one) and different treatment for WP and parents is rude.
ETA: just read the rest of the comments and as an Italian-American/avid baker/sweet lover, in Nutella's defense, Nutella's goal from the get-go is to please everyone. Not treat its tasters differently. Or hold them hostage. No need to bring Nutella into all this.
Being Catholic is no excuse. Catholic brides need to consult with their priests before planning anything about their wedding to avoid rude gaps.
Just because you have seen other people do rude things at their weddings does not mean that you should do rude things at your wedding. Please read this book.
Looking back, a lot of things about that wedding were rude, but we were like 22 and I didn't know better at the time. There was nothing hosted for the guests while we were taking pictures, and the wedding was in the middle of nowhere so guests were kind of stuck at the reception venue. It was like 10 years ago and the couple has since divorced. We're still friends, but I still use it as an example of one of the least-etiquette weddings I've been to. Just think about that.
Sorry to @augustgirl21, her FI, and @eileenrob.
As much as the whole world seems to love Nutella, it is one of my all-time least favorite foods. It does not "quite" reach the level of "gag" gross, but it comes pretty close. It is just so disgustingly sweet, I cannot stand it.
The chocolate part of it also just tastes "off". I normally like the taste of hazelnuts, so I don't think it's that.
But hey, me and @kaos16 are just that inevitable "exception to the rule", lol. And further proof that...no, you can't make everyone happy. Even with a Nutella jar, lol.
If you can't see any reason to treat your guests with some common decency and good manners, you are far too selfish and immature to be getting married. Inviting guests to your wedding is not meant to be a punishment.
This issue came up with OP on a local board. If I remember correctly, the justification is that people love gaps because out of towners can go back to their hotel and relax and locals can go let their dogs out.
If you're insisting on making them bus all over the world to watch you take hipster photojournalistic photos, for the love of God PLEASE make sure there is food on the bus! After going through the getting ready together hoopla, and the ceremony, I guarantee they are going to be hungry. And nothing gets ppl shitfaced faster than drinking on an empty stomach.
Think about it- your Aunt is feeding your guests a lunch during your gap- that means you are planning on a substantial gap, otherwise why wouldn't everyone just go straight to cocktail hour to eat? So your Aunt is going to spend several hours feeding your guests. . . you need to make sure you have substantial food on your party bus for your WP- a sandwich ring, cheese and crackers, options that are more substantial than chips and pretzels.
I've been in a WP a ton of times now, in a few instances we did this party bus thing and it was great- why? 1. It was only about an hour, 2. there was actual food involved, and 3. the couple didn't care if we were drinking or not. . . in fact the point of the bus was for us to have a mobile cocktail hour while we were all traveling between the ceremony site and reception venue and taking pics.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I also hate almond flavored anything and in my area where a particular Burnt Almond Torte is a big then, I'm considered a freak.
Bleh!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."