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Is a head covering necessary?

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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in Catholic Weddings
A little background information first. My fiance was a "lapsed Catholic" as he calls it, for most of his life. I was raised Muslim, but was secretly baptized by my maternal Catholic side as a baby. We are both attending RCIA with the intention of being confirmed, as the Church recognizes us as Catholics in good standing. And I have therefore successfully convinced my fiance that a Tridentine Nuptial Mass is the way to go for our ceremony.

My guests are already aware of the dress code for the ceremony, and I took the liberty of telling them that head coverings will be provided for the ladies. I want them to wear one, regardless of the fact that they don't necessarily have to. My Catholic guests will understand my reasoning, so I don't feel the need to tell my non-Catholic guests that they don't have to wear a head covering.

So here's my question. Do I need to wear a veil or head covering? Because when I originally bought my dress, in March of this year, I had buzzed all of my hair off due to a medical condition. I didn't look at veils because of that reason, and because a veil would NOT look right with my dress. The back of the dress has an attached chiffon chapel length cape, and a veil would clash with that. For such a formal and solemn occasion, would I be remiss if I don't wear one?
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    nmvaladanzouj said:
    A little background information first. My fiance was a "lapsed Catholic" as he calls it, for most of his life. I was raised Muslim, but was secretly baptized by my maternal Catholic side as a baby. We are both attending RCIA with the intention of being confirmed, as the Church recognizes us as Catholics in good standing. And I have therefore successfully convinced my fiance that a Tridentine Nuptial Mass is the way to go for our ceremony.

    My guests are already aware of the dress code for the ceremony, and I took the liberty of telling them that head coverings will be provided for the ladies. I want them to wear one, regardless of the fact that they don't necessarily have to. My Catholic guests will understand my reasoning, so I don't feel the need to tell my non-Catholic guests that they don't have to wear a head covering.

    So here's my question. Do I need to wear a veil or head covering? Because when I originally bought my dress, in March of this year, I had buzzed all of my hair off due to a medical condition. I didn't look at veils because of that reason, and because a veil would NOT look right with my dress. The back of the dress has an attached chiffon chapel length cape, and a veil would clash with that. For such a formal and solemn occasion, would I be remiss if I don't wear one?
    1) Please don't force your female guests  to wear a head covering if it's not required by the parish where you are getting married.   That walks over the line from providing something guests might like to turning guests into something you want to see.   

    As a Catholic who doesn't cover I probably wouldn't unless it was required.  

    2)Secondarily, I would wonder exactly what you were trying  do if you opted not to wear a veil at all while expecting your guests to.   If you wanted to encourage  your female guests to cover I'd expect you to wear a bridal mantilla veil as well.   If you didn't wear any veil I'd find you to be really sanctimonious.

    3) Finally, unless your parish or reception venue have dress codes, you shouldn't have them.   
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    The Church that I've chosen does have address code for Nuptial Masses, especially Tridentine. They haven't said it out right, but it was strongly encouraged that the ladies wear head coverings. And when I say encouraged, I mean that the priest was horrified at the idea of anyone uncovered. That, and I got the impression that it's pretty much required.

    My question was more of if I'm actually supposed to wear a veil, regardless of the parish rules. I never feel comfortable without one, at Mass; my pre-Vatican II grandmother helped raise me, so that's partly where that feeling originates.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    edited September 2017
    Why would it be okay for you to defy the horrified priest at your own wedding, and it is not okay for your guests? As a guest, I would be very annoyed if I agreed to wear the 'required' head covering, only to see the bride parade down the aisle uncovered.

    You should wear a mantilla, veil or hat. From your description of your dress, I'm getting a 60's vibe. For a daytime ceremony, a pillbox hat, a la Jackie K might work. Place the guests' mantillas in a basket near the entrance of the church with a sign inviting the women to participate in the tradition of covering their heads. Do not require anything that is not actually required. You could put a bible passage in your program that reflects on the reason for the head coverings.


                       
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I have always loved Tridentine Mass. I actually highly dislike the Novus Ordo. I feel absolutely nothing. No connection. Zip. But Latin Mass is where I feel at home. The Novus Ordo feels too Protestant and blasphemous to me. No offense meant to anyone. Latin Mass feels right to me. I have a meeting with the priest again tonight, and I am going to get the issue straightened out for sure. This is the dress.



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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    The Novus Ordo feels too Protestant and blasphemous to me. No offense meant to anyone. Latin Mass feels right to me.

    You can't call someone's form of worship blasphemy and then say, "no offense".  That is an incredibly offensive statement.  If Tridentine Mass is how you best worship, that's all you need to say.  Also keep in mind that just because it's Latin doesn't mean it's TLM.  If this is how you and your FI feel most comfortable, then that decision is up to you.  Keep in mind, though, that unless your guests are used to this, they may be confused and perhaps annoyed.  I encourage to put the English translation (assuming that's the primary language of your family / friends) in a worship aid.

    I agree 100% with banana regarding the head covering.  If your priest thinks that all women need their head covered, then you should do so as well.  Unless it is an explicit requirement for your parish, though, please do not impose that on your guests.




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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    So last night when I talked to him, he said that he'd misunderstood what I'd asked him. He said that it is a requirement that women wear a head covering for Tridentine Mass/Nuptial Mass. He said that I am not required to wear a head covering as a general rule. But for that type of Mass, yes, I would need one. He said the reason he seemed horrified, was because he thought that I knew more about the parish rules than I actually did. He thought that I had been trying to find some sort of loophole out of out. Apparently he's met some brides that have tried doing that before.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    nmvaladanzouj said:
    So last night when I talked to him, he said that he'd misunderstood what I'd asked him. He said that it is a requirement that women wear a head covering for Tridentine Mass/Nuptial Mass. He said that I am not required to wear a head covering as a general rule. But for that type of Mass, yes, I would need one. He said the reason he seemed horrified, was because he thought that I knew more about the parish rules than I actually did. He thought that I had been trying to find some sort of loophole out of out. Apparently he's met some brides that have tried doing that before.
    Out of curiosity, does this parish require veils for Sunday Mass?




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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    For their Tridentine Mass, which is 2 Sundays a month, it is required. But for their Novus Ordo, it is not required.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    At least you have your answer:
    1) You need to find a veil that is appropriate for the parish rules.
    2) You will need to provide head coverings for all of the female guests that are in attendance.

    What does your parish do for guests that may not attend conservative parishes? 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    It's not my parish actually. My parish does not provide Latin Mass whatsoever, so I had to look elsewhere, which just happens to be 45 minutes from where I live. It's a relatively small church in a small town, and the parishioners are aware of the requirement. However, whenever anyone new shows up, another parishioner usually pulls them aside, after the service, and lets them know about the requirement.

    I'm thinking of including a separate card with the invitation, explaining the dress code. It's also on our wedding website. I also am wondering where the best place would be to get a bulk order of mantillas is.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    I'd use a Catholic supply store for bulk mantillas.  Here's an example - https://www.autom.com/product/black-lace-modern-chapel-veil-2-pk-B3747

    I've heard good things about this site (https://www.veilsbylily.com/bestsellers/), but it's a bit pricier.)

    Does the church website have a dress code?  I would copy that down word for word and refer people to it.




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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    edited September 2017
    I just don't get it. You are going out of your way to have your wedding in a parish that isn't even yours knowing it will be uncomfortable for your guests. I'd decline the invitation or skip the ceremony, personally. 

    And yes, this Protestant is offended you called my types of services blasphemous! 
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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    Image may contain one or more people and text

    Not accusing OP of being on this spectrum, but the post made me laugh and think of this.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    Hahaha, that's awesome, @flantastic!!!




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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    STARMOON44 said:
    I just don't get it. You are going out of your way to have your wedding in a parish that isn't even yours knowing it will be uncomfortable for your guests. I'd decline the invitation or skip the ceremony, personally. 

    And yes, this Protestant is offended you called my types of services blasphemous! 
    pssssh, this Catholic would probably also decline.  I'm not a fan of Latin Mass personally and I once attended a wedding Mass in Latin that lasted 2 hours.  We had to follow along with the translation provided.




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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Most of my guests don't even attend a church to start with, so they won't care where my ceremony is. I went out of my way because it's important to me to have this type of ceremony. I don't care if you're offended. Protestantism is heresy in the eyes of the Catholic Church, so I used the correct word.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    nmvaladanzouj said:
    Most of my guests don't even attend a church to start with, so they won't care where my ceremony is. I went out of my way because it's important to me to have this type of ceremony. I don't care if you're offended. Protestantism is heresy in the eyes of the Catholic Church, so I used the correct word.
    1) To your first sentence, you're posturing your opinion and you have no basis on which to state what your guests care.  If anything, you'll find that more people who don't attend church have MORE of an issue with a wedding in a house of worship.   It's absolutely the choice of you and your FI to have the ceremony the way you want it but I guarantee you that many people who don't practice a faith do have an opinion about weddings that aren't in their faith.

    2)I am going to be as diplomatic as possible here.   Based on your posts @nmvaladanzouj, you either enjoy stirring up drama or you have been fed a load of hogwash and your mode is to lather, rinse and repeat without bothering to think.   You called the Novus Ordo BLASPHEMOUS/Protestant and now it's Heretical?   You have just insulted a ton of Christians including Catholics.   At minimum you're in poor taste here.  

    And to echo @holyguacamole79, please cite your references.

    The good news is that if you speak in real life the way you do about this, I think you won't have to buy a ton of head coverings for your guests. 


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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    Eh, I'll go out on a limb and say she's a shit stirrer.

                       
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    MairePoppy said:
    Eh, I'll go out on a limb and say she's a shit stirrer.

    I'd love to know what she plans to do for the other two Sundays a month.    Does she go and attend the (GASP) Blasphemous Mass?  Does she just not attend it because of what it is?  If it's Blasphemous in her eyes does she feel the need to go to Confession or does she find that she knows more about the type of Mass so she's not going to go Confess that she didn't attend the Mass that's "not really correct" anyway?? 


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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    edited October 2017
    banana468 said:
    MairePoppy said:
    Eh, I'll go out on a limb and say she's a shit stirrer.

    I'd love to know what she plans to do for the other two Sundays a month.    Does she go and attend the (GASP) Blasphemous Mass?  Does she just not attend it because of what it is?  If it's Blasphemous in her eyes does she feel the need to go to Confession or does she find that she knows more about the type of Mass so she's not going to go Confess that she didn't attend the Mass that's "not really correct" anyway?? 


    I wondered the same. If the Latin Mass is so important to her, why doesn't she belong to the parish where she will be married, rather than attend Masses that mean nothing to her. A forty-five minute drive shouldn't get in the way of practicing her faith in a way that she considers meaningful. I would think a priest who is offering Latin Mass every other Sunday would carefully screen couples that don't belong to the parish and are requesting a Tridentine Nuptial Mass. I smell bs.

    She reminds me of a former troll. Lots of drama.

    edited - to make sense
                       
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    edited October 2017
    MairePoppy said:
    banana468 said:
    MairePoppy said:
    Eh, I'll go out on a limb and say she's a shit stirrer.

    I'd love to know what she plans to do for the other two Sundays a month.    Does she go and attend the (GASP) Blasphemous Mass?  Does she just not attend it because of what it is?  If it's Blasphemous in her eyes does she feel the need to go to Confession or does she find that she knows more about the type of Mass so she's not going to go Confess that she didn't attend the Mass that's "not really correct" anyway?? 


    I wondered the same. If the Latin Mass is so important to her, why doesn't she belong to the parish where she will be married, rather than attend Masses that mean nothing to her. A forty-five minute drive shouldn't get in the way of practicing her faith in a way that she doesn't considers meaningful. I would think a priest who is offering Latin Mass every other Sunday would carefully screen couples that don't belong to the parish and are requesting a Tridentine Nuptial Mass. I smell bs.

    She reminds me of a former troll. Lots of drama.
    That, and if the veil / mantilla is so important and sacred to her, why would she even consider not wearing one to her own wedding.

    I am curious for her to come back, though, so I can hear how she justifies her statements.






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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    She hasn't signed in since she took a shot at Protestants and Catholics who attend regular Mass. That doesn't mean she isn't reading her threads. 

                       
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    MairePoppy said:
    banana468 said:
    MairePoppy said:
    Eh, I'll go out on a limb and say she's a shit stirrer.

    I'd love to know what she plans to do for the other two Sundays a month.    Does she go and attend the (GASP) Blasphemous Mass?  Does she just not attend it because of what it is?  If it's Blasphemous in her eyes does she feel the need to go to Confession or does she find that she knows more about the type of Mass so she's not going to go Confess that she didn't attend the Mass that's "not really correct" anyway?? 


    I wondered the same. If the Latin Mass is so important to her, why doesn't she belong to the parish where she will be married, rather than attend Masses that mean nothing to her. A forty-five minute drive shouldn't get in the way of practicing her faith in a way that she considers meaningful. I would think a priest who is offering Latin Mass every other Sunday would carefully screen couples that don't belong to the parish and are requesting a Tridentine Nuptial Mass. I smell bs.

    She reminds me of a former troll. Lots of drama.

    edited - to make sense
    And if the Novus Ordo is Blasphemous then how does she feel about her Tridentine Nuptial Mass being said by someone who is blasphemous and says Novus Ordo?  

    I just hope she's wearing tap shoes under that dress.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    banana468 said:
    MairePoppy said:
    banana468 said:
    MairePoppy said:
    Eh, I'll go out on a limb and say she's a shit stirrer.

    I'd love to know what she plans to do for the other two Sundays a month.    Does she go and attend the (GASP) Blasphemous Mass?  Does she just not attend it because of what it is?  If it's Blasphemous in her eyes does she feel the need to go to Confession or does she find that she knows more about the type of Mass so she's not going to go Confess that she didn't attend the Mass that's "not really correct" anyway?? 


    I wondered the same. If the Latin Mass is so important to her, why doesn't she belong to the parish where she will be married, rather than attend Masses that mean nothing to her. A forty-five minute drive shouldn't get in the way of practicing her faith in a way that she considers meaningful. I would think a priest who is offering Latin Mass every other Sunday would carefully screen couples that don't belong to the parish and are requesting a Tridentine Nuptial Mass. I smell bs.

    She reminds me of a former troll. Lots of drama.

    edited - to make sense
    And if the Novus Ordo is Blasphemous then how does she feel about her Tridentine Nuptial Mass being said by someone who is blasphemous and says Novus Ordo?  

    I just hope she's wearing tap shoes under that dress.
    or learns how to ride a bike backwards .....




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