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She told you. Believe her. Don't hope she'll change her mind.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I recently asked a friend out after she’d broken up with her boyfriend. It was a hard pass on her part: no gray areas, definitely not going to happen. I’m not going to lie, that was not the best five minutes I’ve ever had. We’re still friends with no hard feelings, except … I still like her. If she ever said, “Hey! I was wrong about you being completely sexually unattractive to me! Let’s go dance and make out like bunnies,” I would be there. If she never feels that way, that’s grand too. She’s fun to be around. She didn’t say I was completely sexually unattractive to her, but that was the gist I got, just phrased nicely. So while hope springs eternal, it’s a very small spring of “maybe my pheromones will just change one day and my musk will draw her to me.”

Is that creepy? Am I Nice Guy–ing her? I just don’t want to be that sad weirdo who’s waiting for someone else to drop their standards.

—Not-a-Creeper Primer

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Re: She told you. Believe her. Don't hope she'll change her mind.

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yes it's creepy. She was clear that anything more wasn't on the table, so respect that. 

    I feel like this "well maybe she'll change her mind", "maybe she'll come around" is just another way to devalue what she's saying, which is she's just not that into you. 
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    charlotte989875 said:
    Yes it's creepy. She was clear that anything more wasn't on the table, so respect that. 

    I feel like this "well maybe she'll change her mind", "maybe she'll come around" is just another way to devalue what she's saying, which is she's just not that into you. 
    Completely agree. It’s fine to still be friends, and find her attractive, but you have to know that she will never want more. Because if you don’t listen when she talks you are a bad friend. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    Then don't be a sad weirdo.  Believe exactly what she told you.  Why is that hard for some people, lol?

    Nothing wrong with LW staying friends with the woman, as long as he can totally put out of his mind that they will ever be an "item".

    But he should fade away the friendship if either he can't do that or is only friends with her in the "hopes" it will turn into more.  Because it won't.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    LW, no means no.  A useful tidbit for many areas in life, particularly with women you’re interested in.
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    No means no. Don't wait for her to come around and decide she likes you that way, and don't feel sorry for yourself when she doesn't.

    There are plenty of other people who may find you attractive and interesting. Try giving them a chance.
    image
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    The end of the letter was creepy zone.  While LW should just listen and take everything the girl said as truth, he also didn't seem to give the girl any sort of down time after her relationship ended.  He may have had a different answer if he had just slowed his roll.  But since he did what he did already, he should just work on himself to get over his crush on this girl.  They can certainly remain friends, but LW should make sure he stays in the friend zone and doesn't turn into creepy guy zone.
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    this is like that episode of HIMYM that Ted kept waiting for the single "window" to open for some girl he had liked for years - and every time she was single, it was for a shorter window of time, and he had paid off her neighbor to let him know when she and her b/f broke up. 

    pathetic and creepy. 
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    *Barbie* said:
    this is like that episode of HIMYM that Ted kept waiting for the single "window" to open for some girl he had liked for years - and every time she was single, it was for a shorter window of time, and he had paid off her neighbor to let him know when she and her b/f broke up. 

    pathetic and creepy. 
    God, Ted was the fucking WORST. 


    image
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