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Wedding Woes
mrsconn23
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In what world should LW be responsible for comforting this girl?
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,
I live in a close-knit neighborhood. In October, my neighbor’s 16-year-old daughter ran over my family’s beloved cat. She was driving irresponsibly and texting, and she was horrified by what she’d done. I have tried not hating her, and I’ve tried telling myself that there’s always a risk that a cat allowed outdoors will be hit by a car. But I’m angry, and the best thing for me now is to keep my distance from the girl and her family. The parents won’t back off, though. Their daughter is traumatized, and they want me to comfort her. I don’t have that in me. I think this girl is lucky she didn’t strike and kill a person. Is it awful of me to not want to alleviate her emotional turmoil by speaking kindly to her?
—Cat Killer
Re: In what world should LW be responsible for comforting this girl?
Which LW has every reason to be upset.
Let this bitch face the music. If I were her parents, I'd be taking away her phone AND her car and hammering it into her head that she's lucky it was a cat and not a kid chasing their ball. JFC.
And her being 'traumatized' is a *good* thing in this instance. It will help her to remember not to make the same mistake again. If it were me I'd be there for my kid, but lovingly help them understand that they made a mistake that had a grave result. They can get past it, but they also need to learn from it.
They are teaching her nothing by expecting her pain to be alleviated by the person she caused pain.
I would be doing that. Heartfelt apology and maybe something else - like baked goods - to show you are actually sorry.
The girl's parents are outrageous, especially in adding to the LW's grief.
But, at the same time, I need to play a little devil's advocate. How does the LW know the accident was caused solely because the teen was driving irresponsibly? Is that what the girl said? Did they witness the accident?
If neither of those things happened, my money would be on the cat being a cat. And running out into the middle of the road, where even a careful driver might not have been able to avoid hitting the cat.
That's one of the reasons pet cats should be indoor cats, especially in an urban environment. That's why an indoor pet cat vs. an outdoor pet cat has double the life expectancy.
That's my suspicion, as well. But it was not actually said in the letter.
And, even then, the cat's family was still partially at fault. Because, had the cat not been where it shouldn't have been, the accident wouldn't have happened. A driver is doing nothing wrong, just driving down the road. That's what the road is for. However, a driver does have the responsibility to be undistracted and aware of their surroundings. Because pets/kids/pedestrians/bicyclists/other cars, also make mistakes and do dumb stuff ALL the time.
My aunt's cat is an outdoor one, and he got hit by a car and survived. It was a rough hit, but the vet figures the car swerved and cat got hit by the actual car and not tire.
IMO, there are true, unavoidable accidents and then there are avoidable accidents that are a result of reckless or risky behavior. Like texting while driving.
And maybe it's just my area, but there is advertising about keeping your eyes on the road, going slow in certain areas, etc that could prevent that.
You also owned up to the mistake and didn't expect the dog owner to comfort you.
I had incident where a child walked right in front of my car. I had absolutely no time to react at all, even to start putting the brake on. But his dad was able to grab his arm and yank him back to the sidewalk. I still shudder at the thought of what could have happened. I would have hit that child square on going 35 MPH and probably would have killed him.
I also want to add that, this is a curving intersection with a thin median. And there is a stupid, giant 10' high bush right where they were standing on the median. There is no way I could have seen them ahead of time.
I just wanted to give you a head's up that the original post is a copy of a letter from Dear Prudence, ie an advice columnist. It's not a problem that @mrsconn23 herself has. You are definitely not the first to misunderstand
Dear Prudie letters are a regular Thursday thing on this board. So come back tomorrow and join in on the fun!
"My fraternal twin and I (both men) are in our late 30s. We were always extremely close and shared a bedroom growing up. When we were 12 we gradually started experimenting sexually with each other. After a couple of years, we realized we had fallen in love. Of course we felt guilty and ashamed, and we didn't dare tell anyone what we were doing. We hoped it was "just a phase" that we’d grow out of, but we wound up sleeping together until we left for college. We knew this could ruin our lives, so we made a pact to end it. We attended schools far apart and limited our contact to family holidays. But we never fell out of love with each other, so after graduation we moved in together and have been living very discreetly as a monogamous couple ever since. I'm not writing to you to pass moral judgment on our relationship—we're at peace and very happy. Our dilemma is how to deal with our increasingly nosy family and friends. They know we’re gay, and we live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal, so we’re getting pressure to settle down. I feel we should continue being discreet for the rest of our lives and blow off their questions. It's nobody's business, and I fear they would find our relationship shocking and disgusting. My brother, though, is exhausted with this charade. He thinks that if we get the family together with a therapist to talk through the issues, they'll eventually accept it. I think he's out of his mind, but I also want to make him happy. Is this one of those times when honesty is not the best policy? If so, how do we get everyone to stop worrying we will die alone? I'm also concerned about the legal implications of this—would the therapist be required to report us to the authorities? Could we go to prison?"