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Wedding 'beef'

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Re: Wedding 'beef'

  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    thisismynickname2 said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    Prudie says her FI is being 'petulant', but I think it's the LW who's actually wrong here.   

    A wedding is a party.  You are inviting guests to the party.  Therefore, her FI is correct that they should take his family's preferences into consideration.  If that is too much to bear, then don't.have.the.party.  Or offer cocktails, heavy veg apps, and dessert only.  But if you're going to have a full sit-down meal, consider your guests. 

    Furthermore, I hate the whole 'beliefs' argument in this circumstance.  You believe in being a vegetarian for yourself.   If this was a small dinner party, then eggplant lasagna for all.  But with an event such as a wedding and you're entertaining several (50-500) guests, I think you have to set aside some of that and do what's in the best interest of the people you're inviting (especially in this situation, where her FI DOESN'T FOLLOW HER SAME DIET! It's HIS wedding too!).  She can eat the vegetarian option...geeze. 

    DH's cousin's wife is a super strict vegan for the most part and they had meat options at their wedding.  They only had ~25-30 people at their destination wedding (we couldn't go). 
    I agree with this. I had a serious boyfriend prior to DH and he was vegetarian, even going vegan for awhile, and I was pescatarian while with him and for awhile after the breakup. We'd been talking marriage and my sister said, "If you have a vegetarian wedding I'm not going."
    I told her I wouldn't dream of having a vegetarian wedding-- because of the guests. We avoided eating animals but weren't going to remove the right for others to eat them. Eating animals is just very ingrained in our society, so.

    That being said, if this couple decided to go heavy on the vegetarian fare, what they shouldn't do is tell everyone stuff is vegetarian. Calling things veggie or vegan is itself a turnoff no matter how awesome the food is (pumpkin ravioli, anyone?). They could serve a meat dish from a supplier with ethically-sourced meat (free range cows, for example, instead of a more common factory farm). 
    Bolded.

    BIL is pescatarian, and his gf isn't. They do attend restaurants that have more of his food choices, and since he lives at home MIL will have meatless meals at least once a week, and make extra sides - but he doesn't force his food options at other people.
    BIL has joked about having sushi as the food of choice if he gets married - with stir fry as an option for those who can't do sushi.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2017
    short+sassy said:
    VarunaTT said:
    short+sassy said:
    6fsn said:

    I agree with everything V said. 

    My neighbor is newly vegan.  When she hosted cards I fully expected the food to be vegan.  I forgot the part that she's a terrible cook. I'm not against any food except food that's prepared badly.


    You'd think there would be less to go wrong with veggies.  I take it that was not the case, lol.
    Vegan cooking can be difficult, depending on what you're doing.  Lots of binders are dairy based and have to be replaced with different methods/flavors.  And unfortunately not all meat substitutes are vegan or have a decent level of taste/texture.  I had fun with it, just b/c it was learning something new re: cooking, but I don't think I'd want to make it a lifestyle.  TBH, I'd probably decline a vegan wedding unless I knew who was cooking.  :D


    I was more joking, but that is a good point.  I could see vegetarian cooking possibly being easier than cooking with meat, but vegan cooking seems like it could be really difficult.  Though, granted, I've never tried it.

    I've only been in one vegan restaurant once.  I think they made their "cheese" out of cashews.  I was curious, but suspected I wouldn't like it.  The best sounding thing that I ordered...avocado/hummus/sprouts/lettuce/tomato sandwich...didn't have the cashew cheese anyway.

    I was hugely impressed it had sprouts.  Oddly enough, a very difficult thing to find in my area.  Even in grocery stores.  Not so impressed it was on normal-sized sandwich bread...no meat or cheese...but cost almost $10.

    I love cashew cheese.  The thing I always tell people is that you have to let each food be it's own thing.  So, nut based cheeses are really good...they are not dairy based cheeses and don't expect them to be or try to play them off as substitutes, b/c it doesn't work and just leads to disappointment.  :D

    I made an excellent almond cheese that I used as a spread and no one had any clue it wasn't a dairy b/c I just didn't tell them (I basically just eat what I want, heavy towards cutting out dairy when I can).
    �
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    southernbelle0915 said:
    The decision making here should not hinge on what the guests want. If someone's beliefs call on them not to consume/support the consumption of beef or pork or dairy or whatever, then they absolutely 100% do not have to serve it just because some guests like it. 

    The decision here hinges on what THEY want as a couple. And I don't think just because HE wants meat that they should serve it. His desire for beef doesn't trump her beliefs. If she doesn't want her money going to pay for meat, she shouldn't have to spend it that way. (And who knows how their finances are arranged in terms of groceries or going out to eat - the assumption cannot be made that she has paid for meat just because he eats it.) If they could work out a compromising financial arrangement where he pays for guest meals with meat and she only pays for the vegetarian meals, well maybe that's what they have to do. He gets his meat and she doesn't violate her morals.
    The tricky thing in all of this is picking battles and figuring out what's more important.

    Because she can say that her money isn't going towards meat and then the FI can say that his money isn't going towards her gown or the flowers she wants - YWIM?  

    This also seems to possibly lead to a larger scale issue so I hope they have a plan of attack for how to handle future occasions. 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    banana468 said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    The decision making here should not hinge on what the guests want. If someone's beliefs call on them not to consume/support the consumption of beef or pork or dairy or whatever, then they absolutely 100% do not have to serve it just because some guests like it. 

    The decision here hinges on what THEY want as a couple. And I don't think just because HE wants meat that they should serve it. His desire for beef doesn't trump her beliefs. If she doesn't want her money going to pay for meat, she shouldn't have to spend it that way. (And who knows how their finances are arranged in terms of groceries or going out to eat - the assumption cannot be made that she has paid for meat just because he eats it.) If they could work out a compromising financial arrangement where he pays for guest meals with meat and she only pays for the vegetarian meals, well maybe that's what they have to do. He gets his meat and she doesn't violate her morals.
    The tricky thing in all of this is picking battles and figuring out what's more important.

    Because she can say that her money isn't going towards meat and then the FI can say that his money isn't going towards her gown or the flowers she wants - YWIM?  

    This also seems to possibly lead to a larger scale issue so I hope they have a plan of attack for how to handle future occasions. 
    Her FI would be a total dick if he did that. She literally doesn't BELIEVE in killing/eating animals. That's different from saying "I don't like that gown" or "I think flowers are stupid". 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    southernbelle0915 said:
    banana468 said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    The decision making here should not hinge on what the guests want. If someone's beliefs call on them not to consume/support the consumption of beef or pork or dairy or whatever, then they absolutely 100% do not have to serve it just because some guests like it. 

    The decision here hinges on what THEY want as a couple. And I don't think just because HE wants meat that they should serve it. His desire for beef doesn't trump her beliefs. If she doesn't want her money going to pay for meat, she shouldn't have to spend it that way. (And who knows how their finances are arranged in terms of groceries or going out to eat - the assumption cannot be made that she has paid for meat just because he eats it.) If they could work out a compromising financial arrangement where he pays for guest meals with meat and she only pays for the vegetarian meals, well maybe that's what they have to do. He gets his meat and she doesn't violate her morals.
    The tricky thing in all of this is picking battles and figuring out what's more important.

    Because she can say that her money isn't going towards meat and then the FI can say that his money isn't going towards her gown or the flowers she wants - YWIM?  

    This also seems to possibly lead to a larger scale issue so I hope they have a plan of attack for how to handle future occasions. 
    Her FI would be a total dick if he did that. She literally doesn't BELIEVE in killing/eating animals. That's different from saying "I don't like that gown" or "I think flowers are stupid". 
    It's the compromise though.   If her beliefs about eating meat are so important that it can't be at her wedding even though HE eats it then why is the wedding the hill to die on?  

    I agree that her FI would be a dick if he did it but the overall point is that if it's so important to her that meat not be at her wedding does she ever handle sitting across from the table while he eats it? 

    The fact that she mentioned that he eats it on occasion is why I wonder if this is the hill to die on.   
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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    southernbelle0915 said:
    banana468 said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    The decision making here should not hinge on what the guests want. If someone's beliefs call on them not to consume/support the consumption of beef or pork or dairy or whatever, then they absolutely 100% do not have to serve it just because some guests like it. 

    The decision here hinges on what THEY want as a couple. And I don't think just because HE wants meat that they should serve it. His desire for beef doesn't trump her beliefs. If she doesn't want her money going to pay for meat, she shouldn't have to spend it that way. (And who knows how their finances are arranged in terms of groceries or going out to eat - the assumption cannot be made that she has paid for meat just because he eats it.) If they could work out a compromising financial arrangement where he pays for guest meals with meat and she only pays for the vegetarian meals, well maybe that's what they have to do. He gets his meat and she doesn't violate her morals.
    The tricky thing in all of this is picking battles and figuring out what's more important.

    Because she can say that her money isn't going towards meat and then the FI can say that his money isn't going towards her gown or the flowers she wants - YWIM?  

    This also seems to possibly lead to a larger scale issue so I hope they have a plan of attack for how to handle future occasions. 
    Her FI would be a total dick if he did that. She literally doesn't BELIEVE in killing/eating animals. That's different from saying "I don't like that gown" or "I think flowers are stupid". 

    But the FI does believe in killing/eating animals.  What if the FI is a budget conscious person and think it is ridiculous that a person could pay a few hundred to thousands of dollar on a dress that would be worn once.  It would be FIs belief that the dress would be a waste of money. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    And if it's so important to her that she not pay for meat ever then is it ever in the house?  Clearly there isn't enough info here.  My point is that if her belief system is so important to her then marrying a meat eater seems to counter that.


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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    O.k. marriage planning 101, this is something the couple has to work out (he wants vs. she wants).  The reception is about the guests, forcing vegan on "meat and potatoes" guests is just as bad as forgetting to have a vegan option when you know you've got a sizable percentage of your guests that are vegan.  Or only offering steak at a Friday night during lent event when the majority of the guests are observant Catholics (a BELIEF)...  The LW needs to consider her guests and "Least objectionable option" to come to a compromise (organic, free-range, read up on Temple Grandin's work and places employing those techniques, farm to table, etc.)

    Cake & Punch reception...  

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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    thisismynickname2 said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    Prudie says her FI is being 'petulant', but I think it's the LW who's actually wrong here.   

    A wedding is a party.  You are inviting guests to the party.  Therefore, her FI is correct that they should take his family's preferences into consideration.  If that is too much to bear, then don't.have.the.party.  Or offer cocktails, heavy veg apps, and dessert only.  But if you're going to have a full sit-down meal, consider your guests. 

    Furthermore, I hate the whole 'beliefs' argument in this circumstance.  You believe in being a vegetarian for yourself.   If this was a small dinner party, then eggplant lasagna for all.  But with an event such as a wedding and you're entertaining several (50-500) guests, I think you have to set aside some of that and do what's in the best interest of the people you're inviting (especially in this situation, where her FI DOESN'T FOLLOW HER SAME DIET! It's HIS wedding too!).  She can eat the vegetarian option...geeze. 

    DH's cousin's wife is a super strict vegan for the most part and they had meat options at their wedding.  They only had ~25-30 people at their destination wedding (we couldn't go). 
    I agree with this. I had a serious boyfriend prior to DH and he was vegetarian, even going vegan for awhile, and I was pescatarian while with him and for awhile after the breakup. We'd been talking marriage and my sister said, "If you have a vegetarian wedding I'm not going."
    I told her I wouldn't dream of having a vegetarian wedding-- because of the guests. We avoided eating animals but weren't going to remove the right for others to eat them. Eating animals is just very ingrained in our society, so.

    That being said, if this couple decided to go heavy on the vegetarian fare, what they shouldn't do is tell everyone stuff is vegetarian. Calling things veggie or vegan is itself a turnoff no matter how awesome the food is (pumpkin ravioli, anyone?). They could serve a meat dish from a supplier with ethically-sourced meat (free range cows, for example, instead of a more common factory farm). 
    Wow. Your sister would refuse to attend a vegetarian wedding? That’s ridiculous. 
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2017
    As a hardcore meat eater 2-3 meals a day who harvests and butchers her own meat, a vegetarian meal at a wedding is no big deal. It might not be my favorite, so what? There are plenty of things including meat I may not like that could be served at a wedding. 

    The issue here is he wants meat and she doesn't. In this case, I think they need to compromise. She doesn't have to eat meat at her wedding, but if he wants it, I don't think she should say to not have it altogether. 

    ETA: My H drinks coffee, and I hate the stuff. I would have preferred no coffee at our wedding. But he wanted it, so we had it, and I just didn't drink any. Oh, and my parents actually bought the coffee even though neither of them drink it and they both strongly dislike it!
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    VarunaTT said:
    short+sassy said:
    6fsn said:

    I agree with everything V said. 

    My neighbor is newly vegan.  When she hosted cards I fully expected the food to be vegan.  I forgot the part that she's a terrible cook. I'm not against any food except food that's prepared badly.


    You'd think there would be less to go wrong with veggies.  I take it that was not the case, lol.
    Vegan cooking can be difficult, depending on what you're doing.  Lots of binders are dairy based and have to be replaced with different methods/flavors.  And unfortunately not all meat substitutes are vegan or have a decent level of taste/texture.  I had fun with it, just b/c it was learning something new re: cooking, but I don't think I'd want to make it a lifestyle.  TBH, I'd probably decline a vegan wedding unless I knew who was cooking.  :D


    Vegan potato salad.  She used tofu blended with something to sub for the mayo.  I have plenty of vegan potato salad recipes that are good.  That was not one.  The pumpkin pie would have been excellent, but the crust was just too thick.  It wasn't a recipe problem it was an execution problem.

    I can eat most things, but I get irrationally annoyed with "replace spaghetti squash for spaghetti" type stuff.  I like spaghetti squash for what it is I don't want to pretend it's something else. 

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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    6fsn said:
    VarunaTT said:
    Vegan cooking can be difficult, depending on what you're doing.  Lots of binders are dairy based and have to be replaced with different methods/flavors.  And unfortunately not all meat substitutes are vegan or have a decent level of taste/texture.  I had fun with it, just b/c it was learning something new re: cooking, but I don't think I'd want to make it a lifestyle.  TBH, I'd probably decline a vegan wedding unless I knew who was cooking.  :D


    Vegan potato salad.  She used tofu blended with something to sub for the mayo.  I have plenty of vegan potato salad recipes that are good.  That was not one.  The pumpkin pie would have been excellent, but the crust was just too thick.  It wasn't a recipe problem it was an execution problem.

    I can eat most things, but I get irrationally annoyed with "replace spaghetti squash for spaghetti" type stuff.  I like spaghetti squash for what it is I don't want to pretend it's something else. 

    Idk why it came up, but recently we were talking about vegans and vegetarians with our group. None of us are, but a couple of us have had tofu and one of our friends changes a lot of things to make healthier alternatives {ie; quinoa brownies} and quite often they're vegan/vegetarian style.

    @VarunaTT is right, it's hard to cook things like tofu. I've had it maybe once or twice cooked properly and it tasted great!

    @6fsn I like Spaghetti squash too, but I don't wanna pretend it's spaghetti either ;)
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    STARMOON44 said:
    thisismynickname2 said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    Prudie says her FI is being 'petulant', but I think it's the LW who's actually wrong here.   

    A wedding is a party.  You are inviting guests to the party.  Therefore, her FI is correct that they should take his family's preferences into consideration.  If that is too much to bear, then don't.have.the.party.  Or offer cocktails, heavy veg apps, and dessert only.  But if you're going to have a full sit-down meal, consider your guests. 

    Furthermore, I hate the whole 'beliefs' argument in this circumstance.  You believe in being a vegetarian for yourself.   If this was a small dinner party, then eggplant lasagna for all.  But with an event such as a wedding and you're entertaining several (50-500) guests, I think you have to set aside some of that and do what's in the best interest of the people you're inviting (especially in this situation, where her FI DOESN'T FOLLOW HER SAME DIET! It's HIS wedding too!).  She can eat the vegetarian option...geeze. 

    DH's cousin's wife is a super strict vegan for the most part and they had meat options at their wedding.  They only had ~25-30 people at their destination wedding (we couldn't go). 
    I agree with this. I had a serious boyfriend prior to DH and he was vegetarian, even going vegan for awhile, and I was pescatarian while with him and for awhile after the breakup. We'd been talking marriage and my sister said, "If you have a vegetarian wedding I'm not going."
    I told her I wouldn't dream of having a vegetarian wedding-- because of the guests. We avoided eating animals but weren't going to remove the right for others to eat them. Eating animals is just very ingrained in our society, so.

    That being said, if this couple decided to go heavy on the vegetarian fare, what they shouldn't do is tell everyone stuff is vegetarian. Calling things veggie or vegan is itself a turnoff no matter how awesome the food is (pumpkin ravioli, anyone?). They could serve a meat dish from a supplier with ethically-sourced meat (free range cows, for example, instead of a more common factory farm). 
    Wow. Your sister would refuse to attend a vegetarian wedding? That’s ridiculous. 
    Yeah, actually she's special like that. My family reacted worse to me giving up meat than if I had, say, given up my religion. People are weird about food choices. 
    ________________________________


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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
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    6fsn said:

    I can eat most things, but I get irrationally annoyed with "replace spaghetti squash for spaghetti" type stuff.  I like spaghetti squash for what it is I don't want to pretend it's something else. 

    Honestly, this annoys me too when it comes to vegan food. We have a friend who has recently gone vegan for "health" reasons - i guess he figured that it would be easier to maintain a drastically different lifestyle than just make some modifications to what he was eating. I will give him credit - he's lost a lot of weight, and he's been sticking to the diet, making food from scratch, and trying to keep it balanced. 

    I do give him crap about his food descriptions - "vegan hamburgers where the meat is made from nuts, vegetables, [various additives], etc." I'm like, "dude, no. meat is made from dead animals, you're eating a nut burger. just call it what it is."  same thing with "vegan cheese." it's not cheese - it's a nut or veggie spread. cheese is a dairy product.
    e.g. this is essentially condensed vegetable/potato soup.

    VEGAN CHEESE

    Vegan Cheese - This vegan cheese tastes like real cheese Its also gluten-free inexpensive and the ingredients are easy to get Its a healthy alternative to cheese

    ★★★★★

    4.7 from 47 reviews

    This vegan cheese tastes like real cheese. It’s also gluten-free, inexpensive and the ingredients are easy to get. It’s a healthy alternative to cheese.

    • Prep Time: 5 mins
    • Cook Time: 25 mins
    • Total Time: 30 minutes
    • Yield: 6

    INGREDIENTS

    • 2 cups peeled potatoes (360 g)
    • 1 cup peeled carrots (135 g)
    • 1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil (70 g)
    • 1/2 cup water (125 ml)
    • 1 tsp salt
    • 1 tbsp lemon juice
    • 1/2 cup nutritional yeast
    • 1/2 tsp garlic powder
    • 1/2 tsp onion powder
    • Dash of cayenne powder (optional)
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